Reverend Ecstasy

Pre-chapter note: I fully expect people to know this, but for those that don't know, wearing a Green Hat is a Chinese saying for getting cucked. It was made popular by CN web novels. With that out of the way, enjoy!

—

'Was Qiu Meng a cuck?' The question had barely popped up in Xinzi's mind that it begged a prompt answer. Who was Qiu Meng? The number one expert in the history of the Celestial Hall. The man whose name inspired such awe and adoration that the eunuch part of his title led countless besotted youths to lop off their manhoods in hopes of becoming the next Eunuch Immortal.

Said bluntly, Qiu Meng single-handedly turned eunuchs into the cult idols of an era. Could such a magnetic character have suffered the domination of the green hat? Xinzi couldn't believe it—yet had to admit that, unless Xue Lin somehow circumvented her cultivation method's requirements, Qiu Meng wore the green.

While the historian in Xinzi craved the truth, the pragmatic punk side had higher priorities and wouldn't allow pesky details to derail him from a god-given opportunity. Ignoring Qiu Meng's struggles, Xinzi joined his hands in a prayer sign.

"Alas! Alas! What an odious turn of events!" Xinzi said, let out a long sigh, and shook his head in a glaring show of disappointment. The words and deeds took both Chun Xu and Dong Ling aback.

'Odious? Am I not the one supposed to complain? Not only is he not thanking Heaven, Earth and his Good Fortune for being the only suitable choice within 10,000 feet, he even dares say that this…is odious?' Though Dong Ling could feel that Xinzi likely played tricks, that reaction of his trampled her heartstrings—preventing a rational reaction.

"After years of suffering the matriarch's critics, years of seeing the gap between a certain vixen and you widen, you finally have a chance to cultivate a peerless technique—a chance to make up for all the years lost…but you can't seize it. If this isn't an odious turn of events, what is?"

"You!" In one breath, Xinzi struck all of Dong Ling's weak spots and she balled up her fists.

"Me what? Don't look at me with those starving eyes. I know what you're thinking, and the answer is no. As frivolous as I might be, I am still an ordained monk—an Enlightened Monk at that! Did you expect me to let you ruin my good name and drag the Clear Heart monastery's teachings into the mud?"

"So you'd rather have me return to the sect and peddle myself to the highest bidder?!"

Here Xinzi staggered, and his eyes shifted left and right—faking an inner dilemma. As all scoundrels worth the name, the monk knew that, in the game of reverse psychology, going too far would lead to adverse effects.

After planting the seeds of corruption and pushing her buttons, he had to let Dong Ling draw all the conclusions he desired. Perplexed by Xinzi's grimaces, Dong Ling wondered if, perhaps, she'd misjudged the monk. At the end of the day, bawdy jokes and Chun Xu's slander aside, what was there to criticize?

Comforted in that thought, Dong Ling relaxed, flashed Xinzi a puppy pout, and hugged his left arm. "Xinzi, helping those in need is also part of a monk's duty. How could you just watch me miss the opportunity of a lifetime?" She said, using the dreadful combination of sparkling doe eyes, pout and a bouncy chest to lure our monk away from his vows.

"A'Ling wake up! He's just trying to use your envy of me to get under your skirt! How could you let this audacious scumbag fool you so splendidly? At least pretend to not fall for his act!" Unable to restrain herself any further, Chun Xu grabbed Dong Ling's shoulder and yanked her off Xinzi's arm. For reasons she couldn't label, the thought of Dong Ling and Xinzi romping the night away as they reinforced one another's cultivation base sent jolts of anxiety and confusion to Chun Xu's brain. Through reason or arson, she wouldn't let them pair!

'Foolish. The more you push her, the less you will receive. The less you ask for, the more willing she becomes—assuming that you occupy the right place in her heart, of course.' Xinzi inwardly praised Chun Xu for making his life easier. And just as he expected, Chun Xu's words only stroked Dong Ling's ire.

"What? So with you he's genuine, and with me it's all an act? Or do you think he's like you and plays us all with the same deceptive tune?"

"Yes!" Inflamed by the situation, Chun Xu blurted the word, and by the time she'd realized her mistake—it was too late. Dong Ling sneered at Chun Xu, then no longer paid her sister-rival attention. For the first time since she'd picked up the sword, the Sword Fairy could feel waves of insecurity make a mess of her heart. Her limbs trembled, ignoring all her attempts to maintain a composed front.

"So what if he is, what if he is not? The Harmonious Duality physique might grant us perfect Yin and Yang Qi, but Xinzi doesn't cultivate Blood Energy. Can a Qi Refinement cultivator such as him survive the pressure of a sage-grade yang-harvesting method? You will suck him dry and leave a corpse behind!" Chun Xu stressed her words with a cold snort, resisting the urge to wrench her good sister's neck.

"Arrant slut, how dare you? Who are you? What are you? Since when do you have the power to meddle in my business?!" Dong Ling clenched tighter on Xinzi's arm and faced Chun Xu with murderous eyes. "You got a soul cultivation method, I got a qi cultivation method, then doesn't this mean that Xinzi got a blood cultivation method? You're just trying to break us up because your goon Xia Hu no longer walks straight!"

*Bang*

Reminded that Xia Hu had been reduced into a schlong sheath for a rank four Blood Yang Gorilla, Chun Xu staggered. The words struck hard, so hard that the sword fairy clutched at her chest, restraining a blood spurt. Impressed, Xinzi nodded in approval.

"The Golden Lotus be praised. My humble self did get a blood cultivation method. Since the Sword Fairy believes that I only act in self-service, then today I must devote myself to the growth of the White Immortal sect."

"Xinzi, I didn't mean that…" Aware that she'd ruined her already fragile image, Chun Xu stretched out her hands at Xinzi, as if by doing so, he'd instantly reach out and throw all bad blood out of the way—he ignored the gesture.

"Xin…" As she leaned on his shoulder, Dong Ling mewled the first half of Xinzi's name—and stopped right there. In eastern characters' Xinzi's monastic name literally meant "Heart Child," and was given to him by his master, Abbot Qingxin, so that he wouldn't let down those that offered him a genuine heart. Dong Ling remembered that story very well and emphasized the "Heart" part to remind Xinzi that only she stood on his side. Never in her life had Dong Ling used such underhanded tactics, and even she couldn't tell if this move foreshadowed deeper changes.

"Sword Fairy, I'm sure you must explore the complexities of your new method. Feel free to spend the remainder of the month cultivating your soul. Heaven knows you need it." Xinzi's gaze hardened, and before Chun Xu could plead her case, the lotus monk sent her flying out of the crypt with a casual wave of his right hand—the entrance closed afterward.

Half a step from full-blown madness, Chun Xu banged her fists against the stone door. Not so long ago she didn't doubt that with a single word, she could trade a Xia Hu for a Xinzi, or play both if she so wished. Why was it that since they met in the Ice-Fire cave, Xinzi seemed to only have eyes for Dong Ling? Could it be that all along, Dong Ling had been playing the sheep to eat her wolf? The thought made Chun Xu ill, and she tapped her storage ring.

"Weapons…artifacts, pills, talismans, spirit stones! Where…where is all my stuff?!" Only now did Chun Xu realize that her storage ring had been looted to the last speck of dust.

"Dong Ling, you hateful whoremistress! I won't let you off!" Chun Xu's eyes went bloodshot, and she spat all her venom at Dong Ling—ignoring Xinzi, who likely shared half the blame or more.

"Senior sister, don't forget the pledge we made to the Armored Lion senior. I will always love you!" Dong Ling broke into a triumphant laughter and nestled in Xinzi's arms.

'Ah. The things I do for my harem dreams.' Xinzi heaved a helpless sigh and shifted his eyes toward Dong Ling, who stared at his all along.

"Burly boy, today I must make you renounce your vows, snatch your innocence, and have you worship me. Are you willing?" Dong Ling asked, but with each word her tone grew smaller and her tongue less confident.

"Trading a lotus lord for a goddess in the flesh, why would I not be willing?" Xinzi's lips curled into a wolfish grin, and he lifted Dong Ling's chin—bringing her full red lips dangerously close to his.

…

Meanwhile, in a burial ground located in the western reaches of the Dongli state, Xia Hu followed the guidance of the old expert trapped in his soul to harvest an ancient inheritance. The Blood Yang Gorilla General led the charge, enduring grievous wound upon grievous wound so that Xia Hu had nothing to worry about.

"Is this the place?" Xia Hu asked his master after stumbling on a white stone stele at the bottom of which lay three items: a robe, belt and hat all sewed in the same green and glossy hue.

"Indeed. Once we combine the Green Hat Immortal's dreadful inheritance with my teachings, to say nothing of that Xinzi, even the God-Children of the Taiyang and Hengye clans will one day kneel before your might!"