Rebirth in the Apocalypse: Third Time's a Charm



Pulling my hand out of my nice, warm mitten, I melted the tear on my eyelash and then quickly put my hand back into its nice, warm space.  Did I mention that my hand was nice and warm? I chuckled to myself as thoughts of me diving into a nest of blankets on the floor of my bedroom the same way my hand dived back into the mitten circled through my mind.

But from warm, fluffy thoughts straight to reality, I needed to plan my next step.  In my head, I knew what I should be doing, and I knew what I would need to do next. But at what cost?

I slowly started shutting myself down, just like one of my foster mothers showed me how to do. I stretched my neck, hearing the clicking of my bones coming into (or out of) alignment. I pulled every thought in my head deep down inside of me, so deep that even I couldn't hear the running monologue that arguably kept me sane most of my lives.

If I had pulled that stunt in my past life, I would have been thrown to the horde out front faster than I could yell 'fuck'.

I knew that arguing with the head of a safety zone was a stupid decision to make, and yet… I did it.

And I probably pissed off the boyos just as much as I pissed off the Rear Admiral… whatever his face is. I let my mind go completely blank and simply started counting.

1…2…3…4…5…

50…

And that's when I saw them. I—it is hard for me to describe what had appeared in front of my eyes. I was no longer in front of the Navy Base of City J, there was no longer a horde of zombies in front of me fighting the humans that lived there. There was simply darkness.

And flames. Hundreds upon hundreds of flames.

Four flames stood out, completely separate from everything else, even though they were surrounded by other flames. These four flames were each a different color, but I instinctively knew who they were.

The first flame was pristine white and flickered with a life that would not be put out. It was Liu Yu Zeng. I sighed, seeing how strong the flame was, happy that he was not hurt.

The second flame was red. But not the bright red of a normal flame, nor the dull red of a fine wine. This red was twinged with dark purple… a crimson flame, almost like the color of blood. This one was Wang Chao and his flame shone the brightest of all, even if I knew he was not the first. But he was safe and healthy and his flame called to me just as strongly as the white flame.

A bit further away was a third flame, almost as black as the darkness that surrounded it, but I could still see the flickering, the movement of the flame against the stillness of the background. Chen Zi Han, my monster in the darkness in the best of ways. I wanted to reach my hand out to touch the fire, but I held back, looking for the fourth and final flame.

And there it was, almost beside me, a pale flame, more silver and gold than any other color, but as the flame flickered it became a metallic grey color. I stared at the flame completely entranced as it flickered within reach, begging me to touch it. Liu Wei, I breathed as the flame flickered again as it engulfed the fires around it.

My joker, my savior, my solemn knight, my salvation. I could see everything that they were in those flames as if they would always be my beacon in the darkness, my way home when I got lost.

And I guess I was a bit lost right now.

I stared at the flames around my four knights trying to see if I could sense anything about them. Anything at all that might let me know who or what they were. But there was nothing. They all looked and felt the same. Should I take the risk and consume all of them?

There was a part inside of me that screamed for it, that demanded that they sacrifice their flames for me. But the more rational part of me knew that I couldn't, that some of those flames were important to my men and as such, I couldn't touch them. But oh… how I wanted to.

Shaking that thought from my head, I brought myself back into the present and the ongoing battle. I could tell that the humans were starting to tire out. No matter how much training they did before, it is a lot different to physically fight something and try to take their heads than it was to simply point and shoot a gun.

Do not get me wrong, I have the utmost respect for *most* of the men and women that have put their lives on the line to protect others. And I am happy that technology advanced enough that wars were no longer fought and won on giant battlefields using swords, spears, bows, and shields.

But at the same time, war got easier when it was just a press of a button. Now, however, it was back to being bloody, where you had to look the person in the eye as you took their head.

I shook my head as visions of old Greek battles of the ancient era filled my mind with men riding horses and chariots into battle instead of tanks. I was becoming too sentimental, I guess. I would need to change that fast.

"Let's wrap this up boys," I shouted into the chaos. There were more than a few grumbles at my glib remark, but the four that I was intending to get the message simply laughed.

"Yes, My Queen," said Liu Wei as he gripped the necks of the two zombies in front of them. My vision flashed back into the darkness as the flames were extinguished. I was finding it easier and easier to switch back and forth and wondered if maybe I had gotten a spirit power as well. I would have to ask Wang Chao about it later.

Wang Chao no longer really bothered killing on a one-on-one basis. Instead of clenching his fist, he simply waved his arm and several zombies fell at the same time. "Showoff," grumbled Liu Yu Zeng as he let his mist engulf several other zombies, killing them instantly.  It looked like everyone was becoming more powerful the longer they fought.

And that idea made me smile.

These four men in front of me were impossibly strong in a way that no one in my past life had ever been. Even Wang Zo Mo couldn't manipulate his poison with such accuracy. He killed everyone and everything with it while Liu Yu Zeng wielded it with deadly precision, not allowing it to infect the humans even if they were touching the zombie at the time.

I felt my body relax as I understood that I no longer had to worry about how they would survive in the coming years. Now I just had to figure out if I was going to survive alongside them.

I was still desperate for home, for the one that I built with my own hands and supplies, the one that was never supposed to be tainted with the outside world.

But the boys were different. I couldn't see them happy at the ranch, planting fields of wheat and rice and hay. They had a much different calling, one that might just end up saving the world one day if I didn't hold them back.

Listen to me, so sentimental. I lowered my head and chuckled, pushing all the thoughts out of my head so that when I saw Wang Chao again he didn't know the darkness of my mind.  I would stand by my men as needed and I would stand in front of them too. But for now, let's see where Rear Admiral Zhou Gang Jia's head was at.

Because if he, for one second, thought it would be okay to attack MY men, then I would take his head down to Hell with me, the consequences be damned.

I quickly shook myself free from those thoughts, fighting the darkness that threatened to rise up and engulf me. I was not that type of person, I know I wasn't. I was good, I was kind, and…..

'A sucker… willing to put up with anything and anyone in the hopes that someone would love you,'  hissed a voice from the darkness. I cracked my neck as I watched the boys come closer to me, almost all of the zombies dead and ashes thanks to them.

I might be a sucker, but at least I knew who I was. Refusing to push down the darkness for a third time, I simply embraced it. I was not a saint, and I was not a sinner, but I could and would be whatever the Hell I wanted to be. That was the lesson I learned in my previous life…

Living only half a life was not living at all. Embrace the light, embrace the dark, and find…

I shook my head. Stupid sentimental thoughts.

"Hey boys," I shouted as they approached me. "Did you have fun?"