Pet King

Translator: Nyoi-Bo Studio  Editor: Nyoi-Bo Studio

Zoom.

Engines hummed outside the pet shop, followed by vibrations of wheels running over the sidewalk.

Sihwa opened the curtain and saw the Wuling Hong Guang, which was always parked at the entrance, heading east.

She knew it had to be Zhang Zian driving. He always drove to the beach at that hour of the day to collect the harvest––rare fish, shrimp, and so on––from the fishermen.

The pet shop was close to the beach, yet his round trip would take at least half an hour if he returned empty-handed. If the harvest was plentiful, it might take more than an hour.

The pet shop had just opened. The young boys and girls were doing their routine cleaning on the first floor, making noises while they moved chairs and vacuumed the floor.

Nobody would come upstairs at that hour. Sihwa picked up her phone happily and activated the live broadcast app.

“Hahaha! Hello, everyone! I’m here for the broadcast!” She paused. “What? Why there are so few people?”

Sihwa glanced at the number of subscriptions of the live broadcast room. There were about 3,177 people. The number had stopped growing a few days ago, and then continued to drop.

It was too early. There were only two or three people online. They were all regulars, and they didn’t seem to have anything to do all day long.

[Watermelon] entered the live broadcast room.

[Mr. Grape]: Welcome.

[Watermelon]: Hello.

[Little Confused] entered the live broadcast room.

[Mr. Grape]: Welcome.

[F*ck The Wildest Dog]: Hostess, you started your shift early.

[killme]: She starts at this time every day, when most of the other hosts are still sleeping.

[Watermelon]: I’m new here. I heard the hostess is gorgeous. She is, indeed, but not enough to get ten points.

“What? What ten points?” she asked immediately with an angry face. Sihwa was conceited about her own beauty, and could not withstand any questions about it.

[Watermelon]: Lady Perfect should be a female, alive, rich, pretty, with fair skin, a sweet voice, a smart brain, big boobs, a small waistline, and long legs. If all ten of these pieces of criteria are met, then she gets ten points. As long as she’s a woman, she gets one. If a woman is alive, she gets two. So two points is basically the bottom line.

“So… How many points do I get?” Sihwa asked, pointing at her own nose.

As it was morning, there were barely any bullet screen comments in the room. [Watermelon] could send as many comments as he needed and say whatever was on his mind without worrying about being interrupted by other comments.

[Watermelon]: Well… I’ll tell you the truth. Please don’t get mad at me… You get top score for being a female, alive, having fair skin, a sweet voice, big boobs, and a small waistline. You can get at least seven. As for your legs… I can’t see them, but I suppose they are quite long. I think I can give you eight.

“What! Only eight? I think you need to see an optometrist!” Sihwa turned so mad. In her eyes, if she didn’t get twelve, then [Watermelon] definitely had something wrong with his eyes.

[killme]: Hostess, don’t get mad… Although, you are still gorgeous when you are mad.

[F*ck The Wildest Dog]: Grant me administrator privilege. Let me kick this guy out for you.

[Little Confused]: I have a stupid question. Is this criteria treating women as objects?

[Watermelon]: Haha, according to this standard, Lin Chi-ling only gets seven. Hostess, eight is a very high score… Someone just said this criteria treats women as objects. Indeed. But our society these days not only treats women as objects, but it treats men as objects, too. They get judged by height, job, income, face, background, character… These are women’s criteria to evaluate men, so it works both ways. Let’s laugh about it and don’t be too serious.

“Tell me then… Where exactly did I lose the two points?” Sihwa asked in discontent. She didn’t care about being treated as an object at all. She didn’t know who Lin Chi-ling was, but was slightly relieved after hearing that she had scored above her.

[Watermelon]: First of all, you don’t meet the criteria of being “rich.”

Sihwa turned her head and glanced around the shabby bathroom decoration. She blushed and argued, “I… Money is a bit tight right now, but it’s only temporary. I’ll be rich very soon! Very, very rich! I’ll make one million a day like the other hosts! By that time, I’ll stuff the entire bathroom and the bathtub with cash! I’ll swim in dollar bills!”

[Watermelon]: Hostess, you misunderstood me. The criterion of being “rich” doesn’t only include material wealth, but also your spiritual wealth. Even if you can swim in cash, you only get half a point.

“Spiritual wealth?” It was the first time Sihwa had ever heard that word.

[Watermelon]: Yes. What kind of positive hobbies do you have? How many books have you read? How many movies have you seen? What insightful comments can you make on the books you’ve read and the movies you’ve seen? What’s your point of view on the economic trend in China today? What do you think about the current international situation? What’s your education level? What jobs have you done? What do you have to say about life?

His questions made Sihwa completely lost and speechless.

Her hobbies included playing with the phone and sleeping. She had never read any books… or watched any movies. Economic trend? International situation? What were those? Were they food? Education? Jobs? Ahh…

After a long pause, Sihwa’s confidence was half gone. “I… I’ve watched Korean dramas…”

[Watermelon]: Korean dramas… They will do. I don’t discriminate against Korean dramas. But what are your insights after watching them?

“Insights… Insights… Insights…” Sihwa thought very hard. “Emm… Long-legged Oppa was very handsome and very rich. Do they count as insights?”

[Watermelon]: …

[killme]: …

[Mr. Grape]: …

[F*ck The Wildest Dog]: Oh crap! Mr. Grapes, you are not a robot?

[Watermelon]: Insights are comments you make about movies, novels, or dramas that make people think, or at least broaden their perspectives… As for how handsome and rich the hero is, these are part of the character’s set up, not insights.

Sihwa wracked her brain, but could not bring out any insights worth mentioning.

“Well… Let’s put this insight thing aside for now. Where else did I lose my point?” She changed the subject.

[Watermelon]: Intelligence.

[killme]: I’m a die-hard fan of this hostess, but I can’t accept this “intelligence” thing. Hostesses are labeled as dumb and cute. If they are not dumb, they are no longer cute.

Sihwa said, “…You are calling me dumb?”

[F*ck The Wildest Dog]: Haha, the hostess thinks she’s very smart?

[killme]: It seems the hostess’ dumbness is widely recognized.

Losing one point on “richness” was forgivable. Sihwa had not been in that world for a long time, and had never read books, watched movies, been educated, or worked any jobs. All of that was understandable. Being poor was not her fault, but Zhang Zian’s!

But being called “dumb” was absolutely unacceptable to her.

“Why exactly am I dumb?” she asked loudly.

[Little Confused]: The hostess’ reaction to the word “rich” seems dumb to me.

Sihwa said, “…Do you know everything? Do you know the economic trend, international situation, and such?”

[Little Confused]: I don’t know, either. But I’d humbly admit that I don’t know.

[Watermelon]: The hostess misunderstood us again. “Intelligence” doesn’t only include IQ; it also includes emotional intelligence, or EQ.

“Emotional intelligence?” Sihwa had encountered another new word.

[Watermelon]: IQ is something you are born with, and nobody can change it. But EQ can be improved. EQ is your attitude towards the world and the other people. An approachable, gentle, and graceful lady wins everybody’s respect, even if her IQ is below average.

Sihwa interrupted right away. “I am an approachable, gentle, and graceful lady!”

[Watermelon]: Would an approachable, gentle, and graceful lady ask someone to see an optometrist for giving her eight points?

Sihwa was speechless.

[F*ck The Wildest Dog]: Don’t be mad, hostess. Just stay dumb and cute.

[killme]: Right. There’s nothing bad about being dumb and cute!

Crap! Instead of getting any more fans, she only got a stomach full of anger!

Sihwa’s chest swelled with anger. It was such a bad luck day. These guys were so despicable––they were even worse than Zhang Zian!

Wait!

She suddenly noticed something. The fan number was 3,177 when the broadcast started, and now it was still 3,177.

That meant the two newcomers, [Watermelon] and [Little Confused], didn’t subscribe to her channel!

“Hey, two newcomers––why not subscribe to my channel? You should subscribe out of courtesy alone!” she said with self-righteousness.

[Little Confused]: …Sorry. I’m just looking around. Sorry to interrupt.

[Little Confused] exited the live broadcast room.

Sihwa grew even more furious. How could it be? Leaving after a glance, without subscribing or tipping… Was this free prostitution?

[Watermelon]: Hostess, you are very pretty, but you are not my type. I’m leaving too.

Sihwa said angrily, “Why did you stay?”

[Watermelon]: After interacting with you so long, I felt that I should give you some suggestions as a hostess. Otherwise, this would be free prostitution!

Sihwa said, “I suggest you skip this. Go straight to the tipping!”

[Watermelon]: If you’ll listen to my advice, more and more people will be tipping you.

Sihwa was mad, but still curious. “Tell me your advice.”

[Watermelon]: Hostess, do you want more subscriptions to your channel? Many people come and go without clicking “subscribe.”

The guy made an excellent point.

Indeed, just as he said, Sihwa’s broadcast room was busy. Many people came after hearing her name, but few people stayed. There were only a number of regulars, and the number of subscriptions rose and fell like a roller coaster, making her anxious and angry. She thought they were all blind.

[Watermelon]: You really are gorgeous, but that’s all. People come in to take a look out of curiosity. But then it becomes boring.

[F*ck The Wildest Dog]: With a wave of violent tremble, everything turns dull.

Sihwa said, “…Why don’t I understand you?”

[Watermelon]: My suggestion is this: you can attract audience with your beauty. But to keep the audience around, and to turn them into your fans, you should make an effort on “richness” and “intelligence.” Okay. I hope next time I visit, you’ll make me willing to click on “subscribe.”

[Watermelon] exited the live broadcast room.

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