My Servant System

Pushing the weight up again, I took a deep breath before lowering it, allowing the bar to rest just above my chest before I pushed it up once more, enjoying the way my shoulders and pecs burned as I continued my mindless workout, going for endurance and not strength with the relatively 'light' set of weights.

It felt great to just have the cool metal in my hands and use it to push my muscles to do better whenever I could, and it helped to clear my mind and give me the time I needed to just think and not worry.

There was nothing better than being alone with some weights and your own thoughts, working through whatever problem you had and hoping to reach the conclusion of it, or at the very least understand some more about what might help you solve it.

Currently, I was able to identify some of the things that I had been avoiding for a little bit now; I still held feelings for the Lioness, I wanted to make it work and wanted to have her back, but I didn't know if I wanted to endure the pain that would come from either being rejected or from the constant arguments that had soured our relationship last time.

There were many things that could do me harm, and yet when I had broken bones, been cut, had my abdomen almost sliced open, been bit by monsters, stabbed, shot with arrows, burned... none of that seemed to compare to the pain that came from those last few weeks of our relationship; I could take the physical pain, take the aches and mind numbing stabbing sensations of any of those wounds and fight through it, but this... mental and emotional pain was something different for me.

I didn't know how to heal it, to get rid of it; I could suppress it, I could soothe it, but I couldn't heal it, not now, and certainly not then.

So what should I do?

I so very badly want to get back with her, to hear her laugh and see her smile, and yet the thought of being back with her just to have those laughs and smiles turn to shouts and sneers...

Should I take that risk and hope it's different this time, or should I just continue to repress those feelings and instead focus on the things I know I can do, the things that I know won't bring me that sort of pain?

I could always dive headfirst into the training of being a Knight, I could always accept the missions that I was given and live out the rest of my life that way, and hope that maybe one day I forget her and move on.

Would that be considered running away from my problems?

I... guess it would.

Is that a bad thing..?

I... don't know.

This entire thing was conflicting for me, and I had no idea on what I should do or how I should act...

What I did know was that this current weight wasn't enough, so I hung the bar up and sat up, wiping the thin sheen of sweat off my brow and moving to grab some heavier plates, adding them onto the bar and doing some swift calculations in my head on the amount that I could bench easily, making sure I wasn't hitting the realm where I would need someone to aid me.

Getting back on the bench, I began to bench the weights I had put on the bar and allowed the heavy metal to begin straining my muscles as I resumed my workout, only to stop as a shadow was cast over me.

Hanging the bar up again, I lifted my head and looked towards the person casting the shadow, only to let out a pent up breath and look away as I saw those narrowed golden eyes that I had been trying to escape these last few days.

"Nirinia... we need to talk."

"Do we?"

I almost flinched at how heavy my voice felt when I said that, and I peeked back at her before looking back down at the sand, not wanting to betray any of my emotions and give her some sort of leverage against me.

"Yes, we do. If we don't speak soon, I doubt that we ever will again, and... Anyways, Nirinia, I don't want to lose that chance. I want to see what we can do; we're both adults, after all."

I remained quiet, nodding briefly before glancing back at her, finding those golden eyes instantly and trying my damndest to not lose myself in them.

"So... Katherine made a good point. I... I made mistakes in how I treated you towards the end. I forced expectations that I knew you wouldn't conform to upon you, and became angry when you didn't try to conform to them. I got angry when I felt that you were going to try and force me into something that I didn't want, something that I didn't believe in... I got scared that I would break my own values and beliefs just to keep you, that I would lose myself so that I had you still."

She spoke quickly, and I dragged my gaze off of the sand once more to look at her, before I looked around the training grounds and sighed, standing up and looking down at her for a moment, studying her surprised expression and finding it rather cute.

Pushing that aside, I turned away and grabbed my gear before putting the weights away, creating a silence between us that was almost palpable with how desperately she was staring at me, only to flinch as I grabbed her wrist and began to lead her away, muttering "Let's talk somewhere a bit more private, hmm?"

Unexpectedly, the Lioness just nodded like a demure kitten as she allowed me to lead her out of the training grounds and out into the Palace, where I began to walk towards my room so that we could discuss this in more depth and without worry of eavesdroppers.