My Servant Is An Elf Knight From Another World

Mom and Sammy left not long after our chat. 

Apparently, I was just one check mark out of a couple dozen other things on their to-do list. 

My birthday made it the perfect time and chance to go on a week-long vacation away from the quaint, silent countryside… and city life was just ripe with endless opportunities to fill in that long, empty week to the brim.

While they were on their way out, traversing past the doorway, giving the standard hugs and kisses goodbye, Mr. Black poked his nose out of his hiding spot, curious of the commotion as all felines do, and took one whiff, one look at Mom and suddenly I was seeing squiggly lines of light as some feral demon began ripping and tearing its way out of my eardrums. 

I felt the bristles of porcupine dash between both my legs, and I swerved behind me just in time to catch a spiky blur of black fur clambering up the stairs and out of sight. 

"Yeah, he did the first time he saw Mom too," Sammy said, unfazed, and eyes still glued to her phone screen. "I'm starting to think he doesn't really like her or something." 

Mom was even less perturbed, pecking me once more on the cheek as she said goodbye again for the fourth time and counting, "Text once you find an ideal time for the get-together, alright? Your father's very eager to meet the rest of the competition." 

The word eager doesn't really carry much weight knowing the way Dad operates. He could be just as eager finding a coin off the street as he would be striking big in the lottery. Chances are he simply intends to introduce himself personally to Amanda and Irene as any ordinary, run-of-the-mill Dad would have done in his position.

Then again, the last meet-and-greet he was a part of had Ash nearly taking his head off and ending in a literal icebreaker in the middle of our field—so really, what the hell would I know about ordinary intentions of ordinary fathers? 

"We'll be meeting him later for dinner," Mom said, stepping at the faint sound of a distant rumble's approach. "I'll tell him you'll call soon, okay?" 

A car slowly wheeled into view, that rumble stagnant by my driveway now. The driver inside searched his surroundings, on the prowl for his missing passengers, which Sammy helped in tipping him off with a wave of her arm. 

"You're booking rides," I said, catching a glimpse of the skyrocket charges Rudy was talking about back at the shop in big, bold numbers at the bottom of Sammy's phone. "I'm wondering… but do you really need to book at all in the first place?" 

"Hey! That's what I said!" Sammy exclaimed dryly, with those soulless, mocking eyes of teenage cynicism. "And, Mom, what did you say again?" 

"Restraint, I think was what I told you," speaking, replying in total inverse to Sammy. "You learned to control your abilities, and I'm very proud of you. Now it'd be nice if you learned to control yourself too." 

"And there you have it, Big Bro," Sammy said, rolling her eyes and also her arm with a flourish. "Restraint. Because magic's apparently dangerous in excess, or whatever the hell Dad was saying before—I dunno anymore." 

Promptly soon after, both daughter and mother walked like normal, clambered into the car like normal, and departed on their journey like normal, everyday people do. 

I closed the door, whirling myself around toward an emptier, quieter abode. Ash was in the midst of clearing up the dining table, my mountaintop of brownies reduced to nothing more than small scattered specks swiveling across a tray. 

Quickly, I hurried over to help her in picking up after my slop, passing by a slumbering Adalia who I assumed had slipped into a sort of food coma after helping herself to a lot more than I was expecting her to. 

Five pieces in under a minute. Girl must have discovered herself a delectable new favorite. For better or for worse.

I took Ash by surprise the moment she walked into the kitchen and found me already commandeering the sink. It's like I broke an unwritten rule of the place—cleaning up my own mess in my own home. Heresy, apparently. Am I gonna get fined now?

"Master," she started up again, the same song and tune we waltz to so many times over. "You are aware that the more you do, the more you rob me of the significance of the oath I pledged to you." 

"Birthday boy does what he wants when he wants to," I said, taking a plate from the pile she placed to the side. "It's his birthday, after all." 

Ash, in an even more surprising display of boldness, swiped the plate from my slippery hands, and inch by inch, nudge by nudge, gently pushed me off my station. She then glanced at me, those bright, dazzling green eyes shimmering apologetically. 

"Not for another few days, I don't think," she said, promptly picking up where I left off. "And as I recall, you are already predisposed to tend to another matter entirely, is that not so?" 

"Yeah, I know," I said, an antsy sensation building as I heaved in a breath. "And then there's you too—the first Tuesday where you got me, and you don't even get that. Bike's gone, family's here, and the day's nearly over already. Maybe you should've renegotiated with Amanda and taken Wednesday instead or something." 

"Thursday inspires confidence," Ash said, the hopeful smile on her face unthreatened. "Instead, I feel a deeper concern for what awaits both Lady Amanda and Irene. Your father… in my experience, well… provides quite the interesting experience if nothing else." 

There's that same antsy feeling again, hitting every nook and cranny on its way out of my lungs. 

"Best you be on your way, Master," Ash said. "Go tend to it, to them." 

After a quick shower and change of attire, there I was, hanging my feet an inch off the ground, lazing on my bed. I thought about flipping a coin to decide who to break the news to first. But then, I figured I should probably start with the steepest hill to get over first.

And that's how I wound up dialing Amanda. 

"Figured you call," she answered, her voice quickly replacing the dial tone partway through the first beep. "My sweet, kindly little darling—always there looking out for me." 

That was not the hello I was expecting to get.

"What?" I asked, stunned. 

"Your family? In town for a visit? Sammy texted me all about it earlier. And so that means I'd be hearing about it from you too, right? That's why you called?" 

"Uh… pretty much, yeah." 

"See?" I could hear her smile. "That's you for you. Always ready to give me a heads-up on everything. If only your timing was a little bit better—earlier, even. Maybe then I wouldn't be tearing my hair out over here as to what the heck I'm supposed to get you on your stupid birthday!" 

Still fuming and simmering about Sunday, I see. Thought that might have shriveled down by now. Oh well.

"So Sammy's told you everything already?" 

"Everything there is to know about everything, yeah," Amanda affirmed, still sounding a little bitter. "Don't worry, I ain't worried. I've been expecting this at some point. I mean, we're couples, it's mandatory." 

"Good to know," I said, starting to relax a little. "I honestly thought you'd be more, uh… energetic. My Dad wanting to meet you personally and all." 

"No, what? Why would I be energetic for? Wait, hold on, did you say…? You're Dad wants to—WHAT?!" 

Ah, yes, there's that energy I was expecting. 

"I take it Sammy didn't mention that part," I said, hovering the incoherent noises of hysteria blaring out my speakers a safe distance away from my ear. "But it's like you said—it's mandatory, right?" 

"No, meeting naturally is mandatory!" Amanda yelled, vibrating violently in my palm. "Your father wants to meet personally, artificially, at his request! Do you get that?!" 

"The difference being?" I asked. "Your parents requested to meet me too, didn't they?" 

"Oh, yeah, okay! A sergeant and a broker compared to a literal hero of legend! A monolith among humanity! A man beyond men!" Amanda said derisively. "No difference at all, I'd say! Absolutely none at all!" 

"You're allowed to refuse, Amanda. I'm not gonna make anyone force you," I told her simply. "Well, what's it gonna be?

For a long, long while there the croaking sound of her indecision filled the silence, her voice fluctuating between pitches before suddenly peaking high into glass-shattering levels. 

"Tomorrow…" Amanda muttered. "After tomorrow's shoot… tell him I'd love to go for dinner. I'll get ready." 

"You'll be fine, Amanda," I assured her. "I love you." 

"Love, yeah," she exhaled audibly, a bit of calm returning. "I love you too." 

"Oh, and another thing," I chimed in quickly before she could hang up. "My bike died on me today, needed to bring it to the shop." 

"Mmm," she responded feebly. "I liked that bike."

"So, no bike, yeah. Which means—you wouldn't mind fetching me for tomorrow's shoot too, right?" 

There was a moment of silence again, shorter this time, and with a much more pleasant sound filling in the brief intermission. I really do love her laugh. 

"Some consolation, after all," she said, her mood brightening. "Okay, I'll pick you up before twelve. We can do some rehearsals along the way. See what lines work and what doesn't."

"For the movie, right?" 

"Oh, of course," Amanda chuckled again. "Yes, the movie." 

She hung up. And honestly, that went a lot better than I expected. At the very least, my hearing is still intact. So that's a plus. 

"Amanda's excited to meet you… tomorrow after our movie shoot… dinner's good… just say when and where…" 

I read out each sentence as I wrote them, and sent them out one by one until they were stacked as a single pile of unread messages for Dad to sift through at his leisure. 

Which apparently was a second after.

A minute later, I saw three bubbly dots pop up right next to my messages, and I could only wonder what he needed a full minute to think about and say. 

Then they arrived. In the same concise format of single messages. 

<Your movie shoot tomorrow.>>

<<Sammy and your mother are interested.>>

<<We want to see it.>>

<<Is that alright with Amanda?>>

<Let me know. Thanks.>>

I read and reread. That faint antsy feeling from before turning to raw, unbridled dread. 

Is that alright with Amanda, he asks… oh, of course, he's asking… 

Well, why don't I just go find out for myself? 

So much for keeping my hearing intact…