My Pick Up Artist System

Ben set his hands on the typewriter, preparing to write the message he believed to be a lie, and then…nothing happened…

His fingers were on the keys, but he couldn't write... It was like he forgot what he wanted to say! Like his brain was in a fog! Like he had writer's block!

Yet, as soon as his hands left the keys, he remembered. 'That b*tch ain't a good wife!'

…

'She'd been married three times by 34! She married Kris Humphries for only 72 days!' Then, Ben looked at the typewriter... "This guy knows what I'm talking about."

…

Ben had no problem going on about this topic, so there was no way that earlier writer's block was normal. He believed it had to be an effect of the wholesome honesty policy of the typewriter.

Now, seeing how it worked, he decided to test the restriction further.

After a while of typing or failing to type various things…Ben understood the general principles.

At first, he hoped the device would work like a divine lie detector, distinguishing truth from falsehood about all existence, but it wasn't so incredible. It only gave him writer's block if he knew or believed what he was typing was a lie.

After checking its lie-stopping on a variety of issues, Ben realized it was attuned to his personal thoughts, not objective reality. Still, he had to admit, this typewriter was amazing…because when he did type something that wasn't a lie, his writing ability skyrocketed!

When he wrote with the machine, he sensed the flow of his words improving; His tempo, word selection, everything became much clearer than any time he'd written in his entire life. Thinking about it though, it made sense; it was an effect of the stat change.

The typewriter increased his communication stat from a 5 to a 7. What was the significance of a 7? It was already at a professional level! Then, with the multiplier of his new 8 in charisma, the level was even more pronounced! In other words, when using this machine, Ben reached the level of an experienced professional author!

How incredible was that?!? He was only 18 years old!

When thinking about the stat increase, Ben remembered that he also possessed another item for communication: the Mini-Kubing necklace that gave a +1. However, there were two issues with that item. First, it only worked when speaking with women. Second, after testing it, he figured out it didn't work when writing! Still, it wasn't necessary. With a 7 in communication and an 8 in charisma to amplify that, Ben's writing ability exploded!

Soon, he began re-writing the paragraphs Owen asked him to submit to Male's Health for his feature. Knowing it wouldn't get uploaded till that night, he decided to upgrade the quality.

Some minutes later…

Ben finished submitting his content to the editor at Male's Health, having forgotten there were still system rewards to go over.

"Phew. That was intense." Writing like that really put him in the flow. It was like he sank into the words and everything around him disappeared. When he regained awareness though, he recalled there was one last thing on the agenda before he could call it quits. "I still have to spin Willy."

Ben's feelings about the living wheel were mixed, like someone might have for a hot bipolar girlfriend; On the one hand, she provided some wondrous benefits. On the other, sometimes, the b*tch was runnin' wild.

...

Still, he thought the overall the positives outweighed the negatives with Willy, at least so far…

With that in mind, Ben opened his flags screen, looked at the glowing English flag, and summoned Willy!

*Fwoosh*

In the middle of his room, from the depths of Asmodeus' unholy r.a.p.e-pit, or perhaps Amazon's unholy storage room…a loose anal bead emerged.

...

Ben stared hard at that black ball as it expanded, making sure that at any moment, he was ready to dodge, duck, dip, dive, and dodge…

Yet, as Willy continued to expand, nothing happened…

'Maybe it'll be fine this time…'

As Willy was almost at his full size, at that time…still nothing happened…

Ben started to sweat earlier when he realized he laid down a flag, but relaxed soon after when he remembered a flag wasn't indicative of anything. 'Even the moon still has a flag…It's been there ever since the astronauts first landed there, in the endless space…of Stanley Kubrick's studio...'

'Even if there is a flag on the moon, it's on the side opposite the alien base…' Ben knew flags weren't reliable...

With the flag flagged, he observed as the ball morphed into a wheel. When it finished forming, knowing Willy wasn't interested in small talk, Ben approached the wheel to spin for his item, and pulled the lever…

A short while later…Willy's arrow stopped…on a picture…of an orange medicine bottle…

Next, that pill bottle emerged on the floor, and Willy began to shrink, soon vanishing from the room. 'Another pill…' Ben's drug dealers had the worst personalities…

He knew he couldn't expect better though, since from what he'd seen so far, there was a high chance Willy came from a long line of d*ckheads…

Approaching the pill bottle, Ben picked it up, and opened the system info on it.

[Antibiod.i.c.k(Item, Rare) x1 - A medicinal cultivation pill to gain permanent immunity to infections, harmful energies, curses, and all other types of detrimental effects, but only if they enter through the p.e.n.i.s… Made by the Perverted Divine Alchemist]

…

Seeing this item, Ben grinned as he understood the implication. "This is a permanent STI-blocker!"

With this, he could have all the s.e.x he wanted without worrying about s.e.x.u.a.lly transmitted diseases! Up to this point, they'd been blocked by his plot p.e.n.i.s…but he had no idea how long that would continue for. Yet, reading the item's description over again, Ben realized there were other crucial factors to consider.

'If I sell this to the government, I'll become rich…and maybe even end up in the history books as a major contributor to humanity... In contrast, if I eat it, I could raw dog girls as much as I want.'

*Hahm* He ate it!