My Father in Law is Lu Bu

“It’s over! It’s over!” Liu Bei was desolate at the city gate tower. Although he was saved by his subordinates, his heart had already died.

“Milord! Don’t scare us!” The Gate Captain was terrified. Although the city gate tower had collapsed, he managed to survive and save Liu Bei. If something happened to Liu Bei, he would also die. So he was afraid that Liu Bei had an unexpected misfortune.

When Liu Bei had woken up from his stupor he immediately started ranting madly.

“This Liu Bei tried to save the Han but the traitorous Cao took the Emperor captive. I went to Xuzhou to recuperate but that bandit Lu Bu took Xuzhou. After chasing Lu Bu away, Cao Cao took Xuzhou. Initially I thought Yuzhou’s Liu Pi and Wancheng’s Zhang Xiu would help me with my great cause but then there is the traitorous Liu Mang Liu Hanyang! Does the Heavens really want me to die?” Liu Bei ranted through snot and tears.

It was not surprising since Liu Bei who used to sell straw sandals finally managed to become a Lord only to be taken down quickly by Lu Bu. He was offered a post by Cao Cao but then he refused. It was like becoming a CEO of a company then suddenly being demoted into a mere employee. How could he stand for it? He wanted to be a boss so he had a falling out with Cao Cao. He killed Liu Pi and Zhang Xiu to make his comeback. Yet once again he was thrown into the abyss before he could enjoy the extravagance of a boss. Was Liu Bei fated to go back to selling straw sandals?

“Brother!” Guan Yu shouted for his brother when he finally arrived at the city gate tower. He then asked the Gate Captain loudly. “Where is my brother?”

“Second General. The Lord is over there.” The Gate Captain had simply left Liu Bei at a safe place because he needed to organize the troops and he did not dare to interrupt Liu Bei’s wailing.

“Brother! Are you alright?” Guan Yu asked as he held Liu Bei but Liu Bei was seemingly mad.

“All is lost! We have lost!”

“Brother!” Guan Yu felt as though his brother had changed. He shook Liu Bei in hopes that he could wake Liu Bei up.

Liu Bei looked at Guan Yu and gave a foolish smile. “Second Brother. We have lost. You are going back to sell dates while I am going back to sell straw sandals.”

“Ah.” Guan Yu was dumbstruck. Has Liu Bei really gone mad?

Seeing his brother this way, he resolute himself and slapped Liu Bei with a resounding thwack. Liu Bei’s face turned swollen and a large handprint could be seen on it. Despite that, it was no use. Liu Bei continued to mutter and laugh hopelessly.

Without any choice left, Guan Yu decided to lie to Liu Bei. “Brother! The Lu Bu’s Army have withdrawn! We managed to defend Runan!”

“They withdrew?” Liu Bei’s expression returned slightly. “Second Brother. They have withdrawn?”

“Yes! Yes!” Guan Yu nodded. His brother had returned to being himself. However, Guan Yu was also worried. He only managed to bring Liu Bei back with this lie. What would happen when Liu Bei finds out the truth? Would he go back to his earlier state?

“Really?” Liu Bei asked in disbelief. Fortunately, Guan Yu did not usually tell lies so Liu Bei believed in him. Although Guan Yu blushed from telling lies, his face was usually red so Liu Bei did not notice that either. “You did not lie to me?”

“I…” Guan Yu could not endure it and was about to tell the truth when the people outside shouted. “They have retreated!” This caused Liu Bei to believe in Guan Yu.

Guan Yu sighed with relief. “Brother. Stay here for a while. I will go out and help you see the situation.” Guan Yu cupped his fist at Liu Bei. He wanted to see the condition of the city. If the city could no longer be held, then he intended to escape with his brother.

“Second Brother. Tell me the truth. I can take it.” Liu Bei said as he rubbed his own head.

“Brother…” Liu Bei was now able to tell that Guan Yu had been lying and gave a bitter laugh.

“Report! Second General. The enemy has withdrawn!” The Gate Captain came back and reported.

“There is no need to pretend anymore. Brother has found out!” Guan Yu felt grateful to the Gate Captain but the act was no longer necessary.

“Pretend?” The Gate Captain was confused and repeated himself. “Milord. The enemy has retreated. We have defended the city.”

“Are you still lying to me at this point in time?” Liu Bei started to become angry. “Second Brother lying to me is one thing but a Gate Captain like you dare to lie to me? Do you think I am a joke?”

“This one does not dare! If Milord does not believe me, Milord can go out and see for yourself!” The Gate Captain was also a bit angry now. He did so much work and purposefully came to deliver the report yet he was being treated unjustly.

“Hm?” Liu Bei furrowed his brows. The Gate Captain did not seem to be lying. Guan Yu was more straightforward. He immediately went out and took a look. His eyes grew wide.

Liu Bei followed after Guan Yu and looked down. He saw the dense enemy army already going further away. The catapults that threatened him were burned down.

“What’s going on?” Liu Bei asked in disbelief. Why did the Lu Bu’s Army withdraw at this point in time?

“I don’t know.” Guan Yu also shook his head.

“Could it be a trap?” Liu Bei asked. He did not believe that Lu Bu would be kind hearted enough to spare him. “Is he trying to catch us off guard?”

However, bystanders like the Gate Captain could see things clearer from a different point of view. “Milord. Runan is already in this condition. Do they need to set traps now?”

“That’s right! They no longer need to set traps!” Liu Bei said as he looked at Runan’s walls. The firm walls was now full of potholes. They would not be able to defend it if the enemy decides to scale the walls now. At that time, Liu Bei would need to retreat to the inner castle where he can hold out for another ten days at best. At this point, there really is no need for Lu Bu to set traps for him.

“Then why did they withdraw?” Liu Bei frowned.

“Brother. There is no need to think anymore. Wait for me to go out and catch a few soldiers to interrogate!” Guan Yu said.

***

Lu Bu rode his horse lazily. Although the Arabian horse was good, it was not as good as his Red Hare.

He looked back at Runan feeling very unsatisfied. Just as they were about to kill his mortal enemy, he now had to retreat.

“Milord. Are we really going to withdraw now?” Cheng Yu was also unhappy with this decision. Both Liu Bei and Cao Cao were his enemies. He hated Cao Cao because Cao Cao caused Xuzhou to fall into the chaos of war. It is because of this war that his mother had died. However, he hated Liu Bei more because Liu Bei’s superficial attitude forces people to massacre cities.

“What other choice do we have?” Lu Bu shook his head and then cursed. “That bastard can’t stay out of trouble for three days!”

Lu Bu’s face was full of shame and anger which made Cheng Yu feel awkward. This is because Cheng Yu knew that Lu Bu was talking about Liu Mang. Lu Bu had withdrawn the army because of Liu Mang. Earlier, Lu Bu had received two letters. One was from Lujiang saying that they had defeated the Jingzhou Navy. At first, Lu Bu thought it was Sun Ce looking for trouble and wondered if Chen Gong had written wrongly. However, after reading for a while, he realized that Chen Gong did not make any mistakes.

Lu Bu was confused. How did Jingzhou attack Lujiang when they were separated by Jiangxia? After all, Jiangxia is controlled by Sun Ce, a sworn enemy of Jingzhou. On top of that, Jingzhou were supposed to be allies. Liu Mang was still at Jingzhou. Was this how Liu Biao treated his guests?

As a matter of fact, Chen Gong had asked Lu Bu if they should declare war against Jingzhou as they had already sent sank a few of Jingzhou’s ships. The hatred between armies already exist.

When Lu Bu read the second letter, he finally understood everything. This was information sent by Shouchun. It is said that Liu Mang had gone missing. It is also said that Liu Mang had slept with Liu Biao’s wife and got her pregnant.

Lu Bu’s face had turned ashen. Initially, he married his daughter to Liu Mang and had hoped that Liu Mang would stay faithful. After that, he married Yuan Shu’s daughter for the Imperial Seal and then Qiao Yu appeared. As Qiao Yu was just a concubine and both Liu Mang and his daughter had pleaded for leniency, Lu Bu did not say much.

Yet now Liu Mang had taken Liu Biao’s wife. When Cao Cao tried taking people’s wife, he lost a son and his general. Liu Mang was about to lose his life. On top of that, Liu Mang even had a child with someone else that isn’t his daughter. Any father would be displease with this. Lu Bu even started to feel like killing Liu Mang.

That anger turned to worry when Jia Xu’s subordinates brought a girl named Xiao Cui. This Xiao Cui told Xu Shu that when they left, Liu Mang was captured by Liu Biao.

Xu Shu and Yang Hong also confirmed that Liu Mang had gone missing and that Jingzhou’s mountain had burned down.

Lu Bu was worried for Liu Mang’s safety. Things will not end well if Liu Biao captured Liu Mang as Liu Biao is sure to vent his anger on Liu Mang. Besides that, Lu Bu was now worried because Liu Biao had taken the initiative to ally with Jiangdong in fear of Yangzhou’s retaliation.

Lu Bu withdrew even though he may only need a few more days to capture Runan because he had no time. Chen Gong’s letter indicated that Liu Biao may strike again soon. Lu Bu had to withdraw to protect Yangzhou from Liu Biao and Sun Ce.

“We will come back for Runan. Liu Bei gets to keep his head for now!” Lu Bu shouted. Even if he had to withdraw, he would not do it quietly.

“We will return!” The men shouted.

Lu Bu’s Army then left with the infantries leading the way while Zhang Liao and the Xiliang Cavalry covered the rear. Meanwhile, Lu Su sighed bitterly. Having earned a lot of merits from Yuzhou, they no longer hid information from him. That was why he knew what happened to Liu Mang. They would now be withdrawing to fight against Jingzhou and his previous faction Jiangdong.

He no longer had the choice but to fight against Jiangdong as he was already considered one of Yangzhou’s men since the battle at Yuzhou.

“Liu Bei is really lucky.” Lu Su commented. Liu Bei managed to survive at a critical juncture many times. The Yellow Turbans could not kill him. Cao Cao could not kill him. Not even Lu Bu could kill him. However, the troublemaker no longer have any power. Yuzhou was beaten up badly and it would be hard for Liu Bei to make a comeback.

****

Liu Bei was watching the Yangzhou Army withdraw with suspicion. He could only shake his head when he saw that they were moving very orderly. At this point, Guan Yu returned. “Brother. I have returned.”

“How is it? Did you find out anything?” Liu Bei asked. He was desperate to learn why Lu Bu had let him go especially when Lu Bu hated him.

Lu Bu had taken his foundation and he had almost killed Lu Bu. The two could no longer reconcile.

“Nothing. Their mouths are tight.” Guan Yu shook his head. He was skilled in martial arts so he managed to capture a few soldiers that were slow in retreating. However, Guan Yu was not able to get these soldiers to speak. Even if they spoke, their reply was that they don’t know. Eventually, Guan Yu killed all the ones that spoke and released the ones that did not speak.

“Nothing?” Liu Bei furrowed his brows. Men were curious creatures. If they don’t know an answer, they would have an interest in knowing.

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“Milord! Milord!” Someone suddenly shouted and came over. Liu Bei turned to see Sun Qian Sun Gongyou.

“Gongyou. Why are you here? Didn’t you go to make preparations?” Liu Bei asked with his hands behind his back. Liu Bei already knew that Runan would not hold so he had Sun Qian leave first to find an escape route.

“Milord. Me and my men have already made the preparations. This time, I am here to bring you good news.” Sun Qian laughed.

“Good news?”

“Of course it is good news! Milord. Who is the person you hate the most right now?” Sun Qian asked.

Liu Bei’s first thoughts went to Cao Cao. However, he quickly realized that his feelings towards Cao Cao was not one of hatred but one of envy. He believed that he could handle things much better than Cao Cao if he had Cao Cao’s background. This was why Liu Bei refused to become Cao Cao’s subordinate.

He then thought of the Ten Eunuchs and Dong Zhuo who looked down on him. However, they were dead so there was not much left to hate.

Eventually Liu Bei’s thoughts went to Liu Mang and he started cursing. “That’s right! That shameless traitor! That despicable person!” Liu Bei did not mention Liu Mang’s name but Liu Mang had already foiled his plans so many times and made him lose everything. That was why Liu Bei hated Liu Mang the most. He desperately wanted Liu Mang to die.

“Haha!” Sun Qian laughed awkwardly. He never expected Liu Bei to hate that person so much that he started cursing in public. His other officers were shocked from Liu Bei’s conduct because they believed him to be a person of compassion and integrity. They could not believe this man to be their Lord, Liu Bei.

“Milord! Milord!” Sun Qian called out trying to stop Liu Bei from continuing. If this were to go on, Liu Bei’s image would crumble. “Milord. I have good news. The person you hate the most, Liu Mang Liu Hanyang, may be dead.”

“What?” Liu Bei’s eyes grew wide. “Say that again!”

“Milord. I am saying that the King of Shu has gone missing. We do not know if he is alive or not.” Sun Qian said excitedly. Even though he had cooperated with Liu Mang to chase away the Mi Family and bring down Jian Yong’s credibility, they were still enemies. They were simply making use of each other. In fact, Sun Qian would be happy if Liu Mang was dead since then no one would be able to find out that Sun Qian had cooperated with Liu Mang. Wei Yan was only an enemy general and was of no cause of concern.

“He may be dead?” Liu Bei looked at Sun Qian skeptically. Sun Qian then explained what happened. As Liu Bei had lost trust in Jian Yong, Sun Qian was now in charge of gathering information. The news he had obtained was already public knowledge as it was such big news in Xiangyang. Liu Biao had also already became a joke.

Liu Biao got NTR’ed and the culprit escaped. Naturally, he would become a laughingstock.

“Are you saying that Yangzhou and Jingzhou have a falling out?” Liu Bei asked.

“Milord. If Liu Biao does not care about his worldly reputation then no.” Sun Qian said and laughed. Basically, he was saying that if Liu Biao endured this slight he would no longer be called a man.

“Haha! Good!” It was because Yangzhou and Jingzhou were allies that Yangzhou did not have shortage in provisions. The already powerful Yangzhou Army would have had a powerful ally but now the alliance had broken apart. “What I cannot obtain, you also cannot obtain!” Liu Bei said happily.

“Milord. Liu Biao have also dispatched people to Sun Ce. He wants to join forces with Jiangdong to deal with Yangzhou!” Sun Qian said, making Liu Bei very happy.

Liu Biao had to place his own manhood ahead of age old hatred which is why he did this. On the other hand, both Jingzhou and Yangzhou were Sun Ce’s enemies which was why Sun Ce agreed.

“No wonder.” Liu Bei muttered to himself as he finally understood why Lu Bu had let him off. It was not a trap. Lu Bu simply had no other choice. Although Runan was smashed to pieces, Liu Bei could still hold out for several days by fighting desperately. It was enough time for Jingzhou and Jiangdong to go ashore and advance onto Lujiang.

“Jingzhou and Jiangdong are attacking Yangzhou together?” Liu Bei thought to himself and wondered if he could join in on the attack and obtain Liu Biao’s ‘support’.

“Gongyou. Send an envoy to Jingzhou. See if Liu Biao wants our help. If he agrees, tell him that we can dispatch a hundred thousand men.” Liu Bei said to Sun Qian.

“A hundred thousand men? Milord. We don’t have a hundred thousand men!” Sun Qian was dumbstruck. Liu Bei only had thirty thousand men at most. If they had a hundred thousand men, Yangzhou would not have trampled them to easily.

“It is not complicated. Yuzhou has a few hundred thousand citizens. We can just use them to form a fake army.”

“Milord! What about the provisions and equipment?” Sun Qian asked. Without any equipment or provisions, these people will just get slaughtered.

“Haha. With Jingzhou’s support, would we need to worry about equipment or provisions?” Liu Bei laughed. He wanted Liu Biao to give him free stuff to equip his new recruits.

“Isn’t it too militaristic?” Guan Yu asked. There weren’t many citizens left especially after so many casualties. If they all became soldiers, what would they do with the farmland?

“Haha. So what when the other option is to be killed by others?” Liu Bei sneered. He now wanted to become like Zhang Xiu. Zhang Xiu could not govern which is why his subordinates were all soldiers. Liu Bei was now desperate since he was going to die either way. Rather than a swift death from defeat, he chose to be militaristic and die a slow death

“I understand.” Guan Yu nodded, understanding that Liu Bei could only act desperately.

“Second Brother. I will leave training the recruits to you.” Liu Bei said to Guan Yu. Guan Yu was someone good is training the troops. Most of the troops in Runan were trained by him.

“Brother. I will need several months to train them properly.” Guan Yu explained. Soldiers weren’t so easily trained. Assuming they even trained enough for their skills to make a difference, most of them will run after seeing blood. Would he even be able to train them in time to attack Yangzhou?

“Who said I am going to attack Yangzhou? We can just go and watch the show.” Liu Bei replied. He was not willing to actually fight against Yangzhou. He just wanted to leech off others and steal opportunities once Jingzhou and Jiangdong fought to the death.

“Alright. I will go and train the soldiers now.” Guan Yu nodded. He was alright with anything as long as the soldiers don’t have to immediately go onto the battlefield.

“There is no hurry. You can even wait until we repacify Runan and Gongyou’s envoy returns with Liu Biao’s reply.” Liu Bei said calmly. His greatest enemy was now being controlled by Liu Biao and Sun Ce. It would be best if all three of them kill each other and then he can take all their stuff.

“Even the Heavens is helping me!” Liu Bei laughed towards the sky. At this moment, a scout went to Liu Bei.

“Milord! Yangzhou has…”

“What about Yangzhou?” Liu Bei immediately became flustered when he heard about Yangzhou. He was already traumatized at this point, afraid that Yangzhou would turn around and attack him again. “Is Yangzhou going to resume attacking us?” Liu Bei asked, making the other officers and soldiers anxious.

“No. No Milord.” The scout shook his head. “Yangzhou has taken all of the citizens with them as they withdrew.” He saw the Yangzhou Army take record of the citizens from the places they captured and then have these people leave Yuzhou, giving them provisions from the granary to eat along the way back. The citizens were initially unwilling. However, Yuzhou falling into the chaos of war again along with the provisions and the fact that taxes in Yangzhou was low, made them agree to follow the Yangzhou Army.

“What?” Liu Bei was no longer calm. Yangzhou was taking the people away. Without the people, how was Liu Bei going to recruit more soldiers? Runan barely had ten thousand soldiers left and Yangzhou was taking away the rest of his population. Isn’t this bullying people too much?

“Are they not afraid they would not reach Yangzhou in time?” Liu Bei asked. With Jiangdong and Jingzhou attacking, the Yangzhou Army should be retreating at full speed. Not dally at Yuzhou.

If Liu Bei had sent troops to impede them, the Yangzhou Army may really not make it back in time.

“Brother. Let me take the Xiliang Cavalry out to pursue them.” Guan Yu said gloomily. The people were a natural resource that is more important than provisions and Lu Bu was plundering this resource without fear.

Liu Bei was about to agree to Guan Yu’s proposal when the scout continued to speak.

“There is more!” The scout said carefully as he glanced at Liu Bei.

“What else?” Liu Bei frowned.

“This… This subordinate does not dare speak.” 1 The scout lowered his head.

“Why do you not dare speak?”

“This subordinate is afraid it might offend Milord.”2 The scout trembled with fear.

“Speak. You will be innocent.”

With Liu Bei’s consent, the scout finally spoke. “Milord. Lu Bu had people send a message.”

“What did he say?”

“He said that if Milord dares to dispatch the Xiliang Cavalry, he would dare come back for Runan City. This time, Milord is spared because of dumb luck. Next time, he will have Milord’s head.” The scout spoke. He felt very relieved after he finished speaking.

“Slave of Three Surnames! How dare you humiliate my brother!” Guan Yu shouted angrily. His killing intent exploded as he grabbed his Green Dragon Crescent Blade. “Brother! Let me go! I will definitely bring you the head of that Slave of Three Surnames!” Humiliating Liu Bei was like humiliating Guan Yu.

Liu Bei simply stood there without saying anything. It was as though the air had solidified. This is because no matter what, Liu Bei was the Imperial Uncle. Yet he was being threatened like this.

After a long time, Liu Bei spoke. “Pass down my orders. Open the city gate. We will leave Runan.”

“Brother?” Guan Yu could not understand. Shouldn’t they be bringing the fight to Lu Bu after being humiliated like this?

“Second Brother. No need to say too much. I have my own plans.” Liu Bei left gloomily. He also wanted to kill Lu Bu but he knew Lu Bu’s temperament. Lu Bu was a rash person that would kill you if you irritated him. He did not care about common sense at all. That was why both Liu Bei and Cao Cao were afraid of Lu Bu. Lu Bu was lunatic famous for not caring about the consequences of his actions.

___