MMORPG: Rise of the Peerless Pumpkinmancer

A Demon King, a pink-haired girl, and many wolves (fake) were solemnly preparing for war in the New Leaf forest.

Jack glanced at their resolute eyes, nodding approvingly:

"The Fox Progenitor is nothing like the Chicken Overlord. It will be incredibly tough to kill. There are two main points to be wary of. First, its over-the-top speed. This thing will make even Bubblegum look like a snail."

"A pretty snail, I'd hope." She uttered playfully.

"Sure, sure. Anyway, the second danger is its bite attack. Ending up in its maw is pretty much a death sentence. You can ask Bubblegum if you want more info on what it feels like to get eaten."

"Because of her nickname, right?" CPR dude chuckled.

"Nope, it's because he heartlessly used me as live bait the last time we came here." She said with mock sorrow.

"Oh…I see."

Jack showed no sign of shame at all, even giving her a large thumb up: "You were an amazing bait, be proud."

"If you keep complimenting me, I'm gonna blush." She playfully added.

The Mighty Wolves were at a loss. Complimenting?! He had just called her a snail and cannon fodder! Seriously, what kind of relationship did they have?

"Ahem, so how do we deal with it?" CPR dude returned to the topic at hand.

"It's both simple and incredibly tedious…you guys need to Git Gud." Jack "revealed".

"-_-"

"Let me ask you this. How proficient are you guys at using your sticks?"

"Very good, we can fight for a long time and even do feints. For example, you fake putting it in front and then — Bam!—, you stick it in their ass!" One bragged excitedly.

"Alright, let's friendly duel for a bit then." Jack offered amiably.

"Sure thing!"

As a PVP enthusiast, the man instantly agreed. Not only would it be fun, good practice, but he was curious to see for how long he could resist the Demon King.

"Alright, let's get a nice referee, and let's get this started."

A few seconds later, they were ready, facing one another. Jack was unarmed while the man was diligently gripping his stick with his large hands. Then came the signal to begin:

"Woo!" (Excited)

The man stepped forward and swung his stick in an arc. He used his footing to increase the power and speed of the strike and then….Jack easily avoided it, before bitch slapping him in the face!

— Slap! —

The man turned red as he instantly went for a counterattack as he successfully slammed his stick heavily…in the ground.

— Slap! —

Finally recognizing that he was no match, he adopted a defensive posture. He evaded slap after slap, feeling prouder of him until Jack clicked his tongue:

"So, you just gave up attacking altogether? Gratz, you can't win now. You just lost the tempo, and you can only react to my moves."

"Ah!" The man hung his head low in shame.

"All of you are dodging with such ample movements. Are you all fighting or dancing? Who are you putting on a show for? Your enemy?!" They all appeared extremely awkward.

"This is especially important when against a faster enemy. Either you barely dodge at the right timing, or you're fucking dead. There are no second chances. If you go for a leisure walk after every dodge, you won't ever get to attack!"

They all nodded, understanding the logic. It was faster to move a centimeter than it was to move a meter, aka a leisure walk.

"Alright, in teams of 2 start practicing bare-handed using non-lethal damage. If your partner dodges with more than 1 centimeter, smack his ass in retribution! Don't stop until you guys stop sucking." Jack instructed.

They diligently and enthusiastically got to work. Before, they had been proud of their meager achievements, but now they realized just how weak they were.

"Let's do this!"

"Let's train until we're the strongest!"

"He's right. We're currently so weak. I refuse to remain trash!"

Bubblegum on the side couldn't help but chuckle.

"You're pretty harsh on them, you know."

"Of course, but if I'm not, how will they improve?" Jack shrugged.

"You have a point. So, what should I do if I've already mastered all this stuff."

"Show me," Jack instructed.

Then they started their own duel, amidst the groans of pain, of shame, of excitement (?!) and the howling of a hyperactive wolf. Except— they were using weapons!

She took out her twin daggers, ones that looked so damn shabby compared to his equipment, as she dashed his way. She seemed to disappear instantly like a magician— a movement trick!

Jack couldn't help but chuckle as he slightly moved his shield — Clang!— Her strike landed precisely in the middle of it as if she had aimed there all along. But, she wasn't done yet as her other hand was already bypassing the shield to target his arm.

"Take this!" She roared.

He rotated his Aegis a tiny bit, sending her first dagger flying and blocking the second one. This was all thanks to that small crease he had requested for. She hurriedly ran to pick up her item.

"I suggest you hold your weapon when fighting." Jack winked at her.

She sneered, then instantly resumed her assault, raining a flurry of attacks on him. But no matter what she did, she couldn't damage him one bit.

— Clang! Clang! Clang! —

"How?!" She uttered softly.

"You're too predictable, and shields are very handy early game," Jack explained.

Well, to be fair, he did make blocking look far easier than it actually was. It required perfect timing to negate most of the damage.

She couldn't help but twitch. Was she predictable?! She would show him predictable! She began to slowly adopt a very constant attack rhythm that both could sustain very comfortably.

But as he blinked, she made her move! She activated her trump card: an Agility technique called Fleet Footstep. For two mana, it would increase her movement speed by 30% for 1 second.

This was all she needed! It would allow her to be a small distance away, just enough for him to misjudge where she would attack.

She mercilessly plunged both her daggers straight toward his neck and….missed! What the hell?! He had dodged with his eyes closed AND even after her surprise skill?! How?!

That's when she felt a boot land on her ass. Jack's kick made her lose her balance and fall to the ground with a small — Thud! —. He had obviously won, very effortlessly at that.

"Woo!" (Victorious!)

The little wolf shook its ass happily as it circled her, playfully taunting her. But she wasn't bothered one bit by it.

She was too busy pondering how strange life could be at times. She had retired as a Pro-Player to peacefully play in Infinite, a game that still had many skeptics. Yet she had ended up meeting that guy! Where the hell had he come from?!

CPR dude thought he was a unique NPC with player knowledge, but he was probably just a hidden-Ranker with access to privileged information, right? Either way, at this moment, she didn't care.

She promptly rose, grinned at him, and shouted: "Again!"

What happened next was as expected: a complete and utter beat down! Jack was trashing her so violently that the Mighty Wolves all began to stare slack-jawed.

"She's getting crushed."

"Yeah, but look at her skills. She's OP!"

"Should I call her Queen Bubblegum from now on?"

"Wait, isn't he the only one allowed to use that nickname?"

"I don't fucking know. Still, her attacks are so damn quick!"

"Yet, he makes it seem as if she's a complete beginner. It's insane!"

Where was Jack's limit? They felt like cavemen trying to speculate how deadly an atomic bomb was by looking at it. Aka, they had no damn freaking clue!

They couldn't help but exclaim: "Oh!", "Ah!", "Wow!" "Amazing!" like a proper audience. But they soon didn't know how to feel when Jack began humming:

"Dum-Dum-Dum, Another Gum bites the dust…." Not only would he time it perfectly with her falls, but he kept going over and over with a shit-eating grin on his face.

Yet, she didn't seem to take offense as she kept shouting: "Again!" over and over.

Then there was the trash-talk (?) between the two of them. They used to appear calm and collected, but they suddenly seemed to reveal their true natures the more heated the fight became.

"Hey, you know you can try and hit somewhere else than the shield?" He asked with obnoxiously fake concern.

"I'm good. Just wait until I shatter it completely! The shield and all your armor!"

"What, why?! What kind of pervert would try to undress a peaceful, law-abiding citizen like me?!"

"Pervert? Who's the one that's been literally kicking my ass all this time! Plus, what the fuck do you mean law-abiding? Everyone calls you Demon King!"

"It's not my fault if you're always bending in front of me! Also, this whole Demon King is pure slander!"

"Says the guy who literally butchered humans!"

"It's called not being wasteful! #All Meat Matters!"

"See, you're 100% evil! Everyone agrees"

"Whatever, this evil lord is gonna keep kicking your ass!"

The spectators could only stare in complete shock. What the fuck were they doing?! But suddenly, Jack turned toward the Mighty Wolves, frowning in displeasure.

"What are you all looking at? Go fucking train, you lazy bones!" He bellowed in a voice that made them shake instinctively.

"Y-yes, Boss!"

"Right away, Sir!"

As they obeyed as quickly as humanly possible, they didn't know what they found more impressive:

1. The fact that they felt obligated to listen to him?

2. The fact that even now, he was still fighting while chastising them? He was beating her without even looking...WTF?!

But, they focused on the task at hand.. They didn't want the Fox raid to fail because of them. Who knew what fate would await them then…