MMORPG: Rise of the Peerless Pumpkinmancer

In Sprigfield town, the air was filled with joy as NPC and players alike stared at the newcomers now parading in the plaza. 

"The Holy Church is finally here!"

"We're saved! Praise be the Light Goddess!" 

"Hehe, the stinky undead will all be smitten!" 

The twelve stern paladins inquisitively glanced at the populace. Everyone had come out to receive them, the militia standing at attention. 

The paladins' strength was evident thanks to their awe-inspiring heavy plate armors inscribed with white glowing protection glyphs, 

Their leader was especially striking. His face was riddled with scars. His head was the color of snow, yet he barely seemed in his thirties, still full of vitality. 

"Fear not, we have come to crush evil! We will start our investigation right this instant." The man heroically declared, radiating pride. 

Then came the cheers, cheers so loud it drowned all apprehensions. It mixed with the sound of the holy chimes, an instrument specific to the Church. 

A man suddenly pushed his way through the crowd in the joyous atmosphere. He wasn't just "glad" they were here. He was ecstatic!— or appeared to be anyway. 

"Lord Inquisitors, welcome! May your presence shine the holy light on this town! Ah right, Commander, I came to deliver important news!" Jack solemnly announced. 

His body was riddled with injuries, his face so bloody he was barely recognizable, and his militia emblem was visible for all to see. He had obviously braved death for this news! 

Oh, he also had a crude Holy Light cross around his neck. It was customary for him to wait to be called upon, but hopefully, his appearance would draw the paladins' interest! 

"Now is not the—" The Commander awkwardly spoke. 

"No, do speak, young one. The Light Goddess listens to all its children." Their leader gently ushered. 

"Thank you, Lord Inquisitor! I think I've found the source of evil in these lands. Sadly I am far too weak to challenge it!" Jack deplored, his face showing extreme regret. 

"?!?" 

Chatter instantly erupted. In the back, a few players recognized him. Source of evil? Wasn't that him! Every time something bad happened, he was at the root of the rumors! 

Jack's plea would have fallen on deaf ears in normal circumstances, but the man gestured him to follow him. He would be allowed a meeting! Success! 

Inquisitors were akin to bloodhounds, insatiable in their quest for justice. They would punish the enemies of the Light Goddess wherever they were. 

Behind Jack's smile hid great unease. He wanted to avoid them targeting him at all cost! After all, each paladin was almost as strong as the entire militia. 

They met in the most sumptuous room the Weary Traveler had.

"Dark Elves, they have to be the ones using vile necromancy!" Jack spat out with hate plastered on his face. 

Dark Elves —> Best Scapegoats 

"You've seen dark elves?!" The paladin instantly bit the bait. There was no way he could ignore this. 

It was Jack's time to shine. He used all his previous life's knowledge to describe the dark elves' dark skin, silvery hair, purple glowing sadistic eyes, everything. 

He made sure that his testimony was as "accurate" as possible, clashing with what was known of them in legends at times. 

He had just finished that the man suddenly erupted in a holy aura, one so powerful even the people waiting by the door felt its oppressiveness! 

"How did you survive?" The paladin slowly enunciated, his tone as heavy as the world. 

Confess? —> Painful Death 

Make an excuse? —> Painful Death 

Tell the "truth"? —> Only Path to Survival 

Jack had to be convincing enough without speaking an ounce of the actual truth. 

"They wanted me to deliver a message: the Fate Spinner will conquer all. They also said something in their language. It sounded a bit like this…." Jack proceeded to BS like a Boss. 

Since he totally didn't know the Elven language, he simply relayed the sounds they had made to the best of his capabilities— or so the story went.

The leader jerked in shock. He had heard an Elven story once, and it sounded slightly similar! Could it be true? 

"Alright, we'll do a simple test. I believe you know what this is, right?" The paladin took out a clear marble the size of a tomato as he showed a grin. 

This crystal had been the demise of so many sinners! It was a freaking lie detector! The paladin happily ushered the Commander and Derek in to act as witnesses. 

The three stared at him with expectations.

The Commander showed confidence, the paladin suspicion, and Derek looked as tranquil as water but was internally freaking out. They were so fucking screwed! 

But, Jack had no way out of this…. 

He touched the ball in the heavy silence as he slowly repeated his testimony. How he had seen the elves and how he had heard them. 

Truth —> Soft warm light 

Lie —> Intense red glow 

At this decisive moment, Derek suddenly had to reconsider his life. Follow his master and become a heretic hunted by the Church? Abandon him and avoid trouble? 

He could only sigh as he prepared to fight his way out. His hand was already hovering near his sword hilt. As soon as the light turned red, he would— 

The room was bathed in soft white light. 

"?!?" White?! Derek couldn't believe his eyes. 

"It seems you've spoken the truth. I, Gerald Hope, hereby swear that I will bring these dark elves to justice! Now leave me, for I have work!" The paladin sternly declared. 

Victory! Derek was left stupefied in wonder. 

"Of course, Lord Gerald!" Jack gently whispered as he left.

They had barely taken a few steps away from the door when they heard a commotion. 

"Let me through! I need to meet with the Holy Church. I have information!" A man bellowed as he tried bypassing the paladins guarding the corridor. 

It was woodcutter Joe, and he wasn't alone. By his side was a player: this instantly gave him a bad feeling. Did he have a quest to expose him?! 

The Brave wore a long gray mage robe and a stone tear-shaped necklace glowing with a soothing power. He looked like a cleric but didn't seem holy nor unholy… 

As woodcutter Joe noticed Jack, he shouted. There was restlessness, anger, despair, sorrow, and confusion in the man's eyes. As for the mage (?) by his side, he was grinning. 

"Joe, right? Let's talk somewhere private." Jack proposed. 

"Alright, let's —" Joe was about to agree. 

"Speaking here will do. The paladins are righteous men, are they not? So what if they hear our discussion. Do you perhaps disagree?" The gray-robed asshole smirked. 

"Why are you butting in? I don't recall ever speaking to you. Are you so lonely that you forcefully hijack conversations?" Jack gave a disdainful glance. 

"That's—" Joe uttered. 

"Hijack conversation? It's better than to hijack ongoing investigations, isn't it? Then again, that's not all you did, is it?" The mage accused. 

"Oh, I do plenty of things. Sometimes I help people, sometimes I fight monsters, and sometimes I eat waffles." Jack treated the man like a clown. "Anyway, Joe, what's up?"

"He's dead, he's gone, and he won't ever come back! Tell me he's wrong! Tell me you aren't responsible for it!" Joe's first complete sentence was a heartfelt cry from the heart. 

Jack wonderfully played dumb as the man recounted through angry wails how his friend had disappeared soon after receiving his letter. 

No one had seen the man leave. 

No one had seen what had happened to him. 

Perhaps it was all a coincidence, but what if it weren't? 

Joe was now entertaining the possibility that Jack may be behind it. The player by his side was oddly persuasive and had managed to get through his innocent mind. 

He said Jack was the Necromancer, that he had killed the only witness and that he had fooled Joe like he had done the militia. 

After listening to all that, even the easygoing Jack suddenly showed traces of anger, his tone becoming more stern with every sentence he uttered. 

"I see, so he talks a lot of shit? So, you listened to a buffoon, and now you're here…why exactly? 

"Because I kept the investigation low-key like I said I would?" 

"Because a man disappeared while I was busy?" 

"Because I didn't tell you about my progress?" 

"Or could it be that you're simply looking for someone to blame in order to deal with your loss? Which one is it?" 

Jack hammered every sentence rhythmically until it had Joe cowering in shame. How could he have blamed such a kind soul for all this?! But the gray man interjected again. 

"Don't let him fool you! There's no way he'll simply speak the truth and admit his guilt! Get a hold of yourself!" 

His tone was belligerent as if he was convinced of Jack's culpability. The paladins glanced at the two carefully, gripping their hammers tighter. One of them then suggested: 

"How about testing the veracity of his words in the eyes of the Light Goddess? If he is indeed a criminal, he will be arrested. Otherwise, you will be for slander." 

"YES! That's perfect!" The gray-robed mage instantly jumped on the opportunity. "Or are you perhaps afraid?" He taunted his "prey". 

Jack was now in a position where he couldn't refuse….but why would he?! As he agreed, the player showed a victorious smile. Thus started another round of questioning. 

Investigated the Necromancer —> True 

Not allied with said evil —> True 

Found a Possible Lead —> True 

Did not kill the man —> True 

It was white flash after white flash! During the questioning, Jack appeared extremely relaxed. He was a man who clearly didn't have anything to hide. 

Joe showed incredible relief as he stared dagger at the player, Derek observed everything with rapt attention, and the mage was going insane. 

"IMPOSSIBLE! I'm sure he did it! I'm 100% sure of it! That's the only explanation. You cheated. I'm sure you cheated!!" He screamed. 

In fact, he kept screaming even as the inquisition dragged him away. The paladins gave him the assurance that they would promptly punish this despicable character. 

Jack happily waved them goodbye, Joe apologizing profusely for doubting him. Thus ended the interrogation part. 

But there remained one thing unanswered. As soon as they were alone, Derek couldn't help but ask tentatively… 

"Master…" 

"You want to know how I fooled the tool?"

"Yes!!" 

"I told the truth. Words can mean oh so many things, you know." Jack grinned. 

"I did truly see and hear the elves…in my mind anyway. Same for the investigation and all. As for that one witness, I did not kill him, emphasis on I." Jack explained. 

Wait, this was possible?! Derek couldn't believe his ears. What kind of crazy loophole was this?! But he didn't have much time to ponder over it. 

A mime, or rather a ghoul, was approaching them….