MMORPG: Rise of the Peerless Pumpkinmancer

Location: Boss Room Chicken Palace Trial of the Damned

Current Status: Madly cackling while handling a ballista.

Background: Shitload of FML and undead chickens.

Current Objective: Slay the Titan!

Jack carefully raised the giant crossbow, slowly pointing it toward the colossus's chest— or he tried anyway. This damn thing couldn't move that high!

"Whatever, we'll destroy the legs first then!" Jack heroically shouted as he pulled the trigger.

— TWANG!!! —

The gigantic bolt powerfully flew toward the enemy. The recoil instantly sent him flying backward. What was up with that thing's stability?! Wait….it was off target!

It all happened in slow-motion. The two of them gazed at the projectile as it made its way…straight at the thing's crotch! It made everything explode, EVERYTHING!

At this single instant, the two of them winced in pain. This was such a perverse attack!

"Woo?!" (Shocked!)

Moon Moon even yelped in fear, gulping loudly. It glanced at its master, completely shocked. This last attack had been so cruel, even against an undead!

"T-that…. it's important not to show any mercy," Jack uttered as if that hadn't been a complete mistake.

Luckily, the awkward atmosphere was shattered by the giant crumbling to its knees. The Necromancer's bone cocoon was right in front of them. Without waiting, they charged!

So what if there were undead chickens in the way? Screw them! (Not literally)

The two happily hacked, slashed, and bit at the thing. This reminded them of their fight with the fiery chicken heart!

"Woo!" (Take this!)

"Woo!" (This one is for the bad music!)

"Woo!" (Here's another swing of my mighty paw!)

Moon Moon was really going at it! It showed it who was boss! Even then, they were barely doing any damage to it. This thing was so damn hard, as hard as wood on a morning!

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But even that pitiful damage was enough to make the Farming Lich inside panic.

"GeT AwAy fOuL BeAsT! lEaVe mY BoNeS AlOnE! sHoO— gO PlAy sOmEwHeRe eLsE" The creature's voice was almost begging, then turned to anger. "ArRgG! sCrEw yOu! ScReW YoU AlL!"

Along with that powerful cry, plenty of skeletal chickens rushed forward, throwing themselves against the thing. Their bodies fused with it, and a second later, the golem was back in full shape!

"Woo?!" (What?!)

"We just need to keep attacking it. There are still claw marks at the core!" Jack pointed out.

"Woo!" (Relieved and resolute!)

"But be careful. There is no way that it will remain that easy. Stay sharp and moving!" Jack reminded. Good thing he had.

Before, they only had to avoid the creature while it tried stomping them. But now, everything was different. The Necromancer's shouts filled the room as the monster used magic!

The golem's frame trembled as if a bell, filling the entire palace with a resounding echo. Then there was some movement near the outer walls.

"Fucking bitches!"

"Woo?!"

Jack and Moon Moon's faces fell as they noticed the flying bones heading their way. But they weren't alone as there were plenty of FML. They couldn't see them, but they could hear them for sure! Their perverse song filled the room.

They came under incredible assault:

1. Dodge a giant bony foot

2. Avoid an enormous fist

3. Resist the endless sea of chickens

4. Sidestep getting impaled by a flying bone

5. Endure the unbearable background noise

6. Rinse and motherfucking repeat cause why not?!

This felt like unending torture! Heck, even slaves needed a few breaks at times, much less them!

"Woo?!" (Complaining!)

"Tch— I'm aware. We'll have to improvise." Jack grumbled.

They began to repeat steps one to six over and over. They were obviously in way over their heads!— or so it seemed.

But, they weren't just desperately running for their lives (just 99%). They were also getting used to the Titan's movement patterns!

"Woo!!" (Careful!)

"Dodge! Good wolf!"

The two encouraged one another. They appeared to be at the end of their rope, but finally, they managed to get the timing right!

….A second later, a huge bony limb was crushing Jack.

— CRUNCH! —

At least that's what it looked like. Actually, he had barely avoided it. His cloak was under the thing, but he was perfectly fine! That had been freaking close!

As for the shattering sound? It was a liberating sound! The flying bones that had been right on his tail hadn't made it! They were now on the ground in pieces so small they were invisible.

Friendly fucking fire! Jack was laughing to himself, and even Moon Moon was sneering on the side. From this point onward, they would…aggressively flee!! (Yes, that was a thing!)

For a second, even the FML shut up. The creatures were probably thinking something along the lines of: "Fuck my life! Did that guy just do that?!" Of course, the chickens were still clucking. (They never stopped!)

"Just gotta repeat this a few dozen times. Are you ready?"

"Woo!" (Hell yeah!)

The few dozen times part would have been demoralizing to any regular player, but luckily Moon Moon didn't know how to count! XD

"Come and catch me, you bony sons of bitches!" Jack eagerly screamed.

Then after way too many laps around the throne room, he finally had a second of respite. He hurriedly used it to load another bolt in one of the ballistae. Then they were ready to go.

"Fire in the freaking hole!" Jack screamed as he just happened to shoot the thing's inexistent dick?!…. It really wasn't intentional!

"Woo?!" (Scared!)

As the thing fell on its knees again, they went to beat it up some more.

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Now that they knew how to proceed, everything would be easy, right? Apparently not...

As soon as the round of beatings was over, the Necromancer went back to shouting spells. If only they had a way to mute it right now! But this time, it wasn't just the Necromancer that was screaming, far from it!

The Titan suddenly began to change. Before, it had vaguely resembled a humanoid, but it then got itself a brand new mouth! It was so well detailed down to the very teeth, all 64 of them! Wait….64?!

That's when it opened wide and….screeched!!

— SCREECH!!! —

The two instantly covered their ears in an attempt to stop the damn ringing. Jack sighed in relief when the sound was over, but Moon Moon couldn't!

The poor wolf was frozen in fear! Wait, no, it was frozen in magic!

"Woooooooooo….." (Whaaaaaaaatttt!)

Oh, fuck! The flying bones were back and were already targeting the poor wolf's vitals!

"Moon Moon!" Jack cried out, rushing to save his pet.

He grabbed his furry friend, slowing down in the process. A few sharp bones lodged themselves deeply in his back, scratched his arms, and even skewered his damn ass!

The demonic energy penetrated him deeply and brought a torrent of pain! It was even worse than stubbing his little toe on a corner! No, it was even freaking worse! Maybe only replacing toe by PP could describe the pain!

But he kept running amidst the suffering. He even sighed in relief as he lowered his eyes. Moon Moon was safe!

"Don't worry, buddy. I got you!" He softly whispered.

"Wooooooo…."