I'm Actually a Cultivation Bigshot

Boop!

Blackie’s butt appeared out of the void along with the distortion of space. It was as if there were two spaces folded together that were then separated by Blackie’s butt. He started to wiggle his butt and little by little, the pressure began to make the hole bigger until it became large enough for everyone else to tumble out of it.

The space they arrived in looked ordinary compared to the previous two spaces. It was practically indistinguishable from a mountain village. Green trees, green grass, a few winding dirt paths, and right in the middle was a simple thatched house. Its roof was made of hay and its walls were made from mud. There was nothing else in the space.

The Spiritual Qi here was nothing out of the ordinary as well. There were little animals—not demons—rustling between the bushes. They were frolicking around in harmony and without a care in the world. It was truly no different than a human village.

Suddenly, a group of children ran out from the thatched house, trying to catch the little animals in the woods. Their laughter floated continuously up the air, giving off a sense of ordinary happiness.

Qin Zhongshan’s eyes were filled with nostalgia, not willing to disturb the peace. “This must be the owner’s deepest desire,” he said softly.

Elder Yun let out a long sigh and said with mixed feelings, “An ordinary birth breeds an ordinary life.”

They were all touched, including Blackie. A monk’s training was full of danger, so they had to be careful at every step. Even if one managed to reach the status of being an Immortal, they knew they had to do it all over again when they were reborn into the world.

Once one had reached the peak and looked back, the softest memories would be the beginning of the journey.

Blackie thought back to the time when he was just an ordinary puppy. He followed his master everywhere, his tail wagging. He felt truly blissful and treasured these early memories. He probably would have done the same thing as the owner of the secret border by building a space like this if he was at the end of his life. After all, home was where the heart was.

“Lord Dog, look at the tree next to the thatched house!” cried the Food God with his wide eyes and an excited expression on his face.

The tree was a lot taller than the thatched house. Its green leaves were long as they hung low, as shiny as a jade. At a glance, one could feel the Wisdom’s great current imbued with a great aura.

“The aura comes from Chaos!” cried Elder Yun with a gasp. He was stunned and his expressions kept changing. “It’s a Chaos Spiritual Root! There’s no doubt about it!”

He danced with joy as if he had suddenly seen a beautiful woman after not having seen one for many decades. His smile was one of no care in the world.

Suddenly, he felt something off in the air.

‘Huh? Why am I the only one dancing?’ he thought. He felt embarrassed about this foolish behavior.

After all, he had the highest spiritual cultivation after Blackie. His behavior was not acceptable for a person with a standing such as his.

He calmed down and asked, “Bai Chen, why aren’t you dancing?”

“Why should I be dancing?” asked Bai Chen quizzically.

“This is Chaos Spiritual Root with the ability to create Dao in the body and bring us closer to enlightenment. It also means it can nurture our juniors so they can enjoy an infinitely bright future. How could you not be excited? How could you not be happy? Have you seen one before?” asked Elder Yun incessantly for he was too excited.

“I’ve seen it many times and have eaten some, too,” said Bai Chen calmly. “The expert treats the root as fruits. I’ve even eaten a dumpling filled with Taotie meat and Chaos Spiritual Root, too.”

In other words, this was nothing but child’s play to him and Elder Yun was the one who was overreacting.

“Elder Yun, it’s not my intention to show off by telling the truth. I know you’re excited, so please, continue with your dance. No one here will laugh at you,” said Bai Chen to the dazed Elder Yun.

‘As if I’d continue after what you said! I shouldn’t have come,’ thought Elder Yun tiredly. He felt like a clown.

“Judging by the shape of the fruit, this is definitely the cocoa bean described by Master!” said Blackie with a smile on his face. He was happy to be of use to Li Nianfan.

There were many gray pine nut-like fruits on the tree. The fruits were not large and the quantity not many. It looked like there were only about 10 or so fruits on the tree.

It was a Chaos Spiritual Root after all so it was only natural for the fruits to be of little quantity for one fruit would take 10,000 years or so to grow.

Blackie had no interest in the Chaos Spiritual Root. He was more interested in the cocoa bean.

“You all can divide the fruits amongst yourself. I only want the tree as I plan to present it to the Master,” said Blackie.

“Thank you, Lord Dog.” The group started to pick the fruits from the tree.

Blackie did not take the tree even after the fruits had all been picked for he suddenly thought of a good idea.

“Hey, do the fruits here look similar to those things over there?” he asked the group.

The group looked in the direction Blackie was pointing at. Their expressions suddenly changed and their hearts were beating wildly.

It was happening again. Blackie was going to do something evil again.

Over where Blackie was pointing was a group of grazing white sheep. Underneath their feet were piles of black droppings.

“Lord Dog, this…this..” Qin Zhongshan compared the poo to the cocoa bean he was holding. “This looks exactly like it!” he exclaimed.

“I’m going to make it worthwhile for the Ministry to come here by preparing some gifts for them,” said Blackie with a smile.

Another gift! The rest of the group’s scalps tingled with glee. It was better not to accept Blackie’s ‘gifts’.

The group walked over to the flock of sheep and were greeted with a foul smell, causing them to retch in disgust. Their stomachs turned when they thought about Blackie’s plan.

“Wow, it has a strong sheep smell! It’s so smelly!”

“I cannot hold it in…” Puke!

“Won’t one die from eating this?”

“This is too much! Too much!”

Their entire bodies went cold with fear and swore to themselves never to cross the Lord Dog for they could not even imagine how they would be punished.

“Lord Dog, I don’t think the Ministry would eat these,” said Bai Chen.

“Well, that depends on you,” said Blackie, directing his words at Food God. “Didn’t the master teach you that anything could be turned into gourmet cuisine? It’s up to you to step up now. Try putting lots of cumin on it to get rid of the smell.”

The Food God felt fearful about having to make a gourmet dish out of the smelly ingredient for the consumption of the high-level member of the Heavenly Realm. “I’ll do my best,” he said determinedly.

One hour later.

“Just a little bit more, people! The third Treasure Vault’s right in front!”

“I bet the third Treasure Vault contains a very valuable treasure. A hundred times more valuable than the Pond of Spirits!”

“That goes without saying! I can’t wait!”

“Haha, we’re almost there! I can smell the fragrance of the treasure!”

The Ministry people were high on the thought of the treasure and cheered each other on. Their numbers were further decreased and there were only less than 100 men at that point. Although it was a high price to pay, they felt it was worth it.

The West Shadow Guard sliced the entrance space of the third Treasure Vault and the entire group rushed inside. Finally, they had arrived!

Their eyes were full of excitement and anticipation as if they had already gotten the treasures they had all been dreaming about.

However, their excitement turned into shock when they noticed the other group of people. The Left Messenger’s eyes became as wide as saucers. She wished her eyes were lying to her, that it was only a hallucination.

‘Why are they here? Why’s that dog here? This is too scary! Way too scary!’ she thought. She made herself as small as possible and retreated to the end of the troop without hesitation. She wished she could be invisible at that very moment.

“How did you get in?” shouted the West Shadow Guard in disbelief.

Blackie and the Food God were standing underneath the cocoa tree, mixing something. There were many round gray-black beans ‘growing’ on the trees, emitting a special fragrance.

“Oh my god! This tree’ actually a Chaos Spiritual Root!”

“That means it bears Chaos Spiritual Fruit! We’ve struck gold!”

“Take your paws away from the fruits, you bald dog! Don’t dirty the Chaos Spiritual Root!”

“Leave if you don’t want to die. The tree belongs to us!”

The Ministry group’s eyes were full of fire as they rushed up to the tree.

Qin Zhongshan and the rest of the group glanced at each other, their faces contorted weirdly as they silently left.

“Everyone, calm down!” cried someone in the Ministry group. “Chaos Spiritual Root is hard to come by. Under such special circumstances, we should let Lord West Shadow Guard have the first taste!”

“You’re right. After you, Lord West Shadow Guard.”

The West Shadow Guard smiled and walked to the front of the group. “This Chaos Spiritual Root is truly extraordinary and must’ve been one of very old age. If not, how could one explain the many Chaos Spiritual Fruits on the tree? But this is a good sign! As you all wish, I’m going to dig in now!”

He raised his hand and a few Chaos Spiritual Fruit flew into his wide opened mouth. He started to savor it slowly.

“It’s truly a Chaos Spiritual Fruit. It contains the aura of Wisdom and the taste is great. The texture’s soft, but I don’t like how it sticks to my teeth,” said the West Shadow Guard while eating. Then, he waved his hand and said, “Everyone, have a taste.”

The group pounced on the Chaos Spiritual Fruits.

“Wow, this tastes great! It tastes like beef!”

“Mine tastes like chicken.”

“Mine’s a little spicy. It’s amazing how all the Chaos Spiritual Fruit tastes different.”

“Mine tastes a little weird and it smells. Maybe it’s a bit rotten.”

“Even so, don’t waste it. This is good stuff. I feel like I’m leveling up!”

“You don’t need to remind me.”

Qin Zhongshan and the rest of the group observed the scene in front of them. The Ministry group pounced on the fruits, happily eating them and singing their glowing evaluations.

They felt their stomachs turn and a shred of pity grew in their hearts. How could one still deem something delicious when it was poo they were eating? Are there any people who were more pitiful than them?

However, the Ministry group mistook their expressions for another meaning. They started to gloat.

“Hahaha, look at you all! It’s a pity you can only watch us eat.”

“It’s a good thing we’ve arrived in time. If not, they would’ve eaten it all.”

Suddenly, someone cried out, “Hey look! Look at the ground over there. Why are there Chaos Spiritual Fruits on the ground?”

“You fool! Those are sheep droppings.”

As soon as the words were out, the Ministry group stopped chewing at the same time. Their brain buzzed loudly while they stared at the sheep poo.

“How could it look so similar?”

“Because the main ingredient’s sheep poo,” answered Blackie.

“Impossible! You’re lying! We would’ve known if it was sheep poo. The fact that it tastes like it contains spiritual Qi is the best proof that this is Chaos Spiritual Fruit!”

“Yes! Don’t think you can pull a fast one over us!”

“He must be jealous of us!”

Blackie kept quiet while signaling the Food God with his eyes.

Getting his message, Food God took out a pile of sheep poo, fried it in the wok, and dipped it in a sauce before sprinkling some cumin over it. All this happened in front of the Ministry group’s eyes.

“Anyone want the beef flavored ‘fruit’? It’s freshly made. You can choose the flavor you like. We have many flavors to choose from,” said the Food God.

Gasp!

“I’m eating sh*t?”

“No!”

The Ministry’s group face became green and their expressions became bitter. They started to lose control of their body as if they were about to go berserk any moment.

Blackie was obviously not done with them. He gestured with his paw and a scene appeared before them. It was the scene of Qin Zhongshan and the rest of the group peeing in the Pond of Spirits.

“Ah! Ah! Ah!”

“This must be fake! There’s no way it can be true!”

“I drank dog pee and ate sheep poo!”

“Oh, God, how could you be so cruel!”

“I can’t take it anymore. I can feel my body rotting!”

Puke!

The Ministry group started puking. They vehemently wished they could empty out all the contents in their stomachs. All their focus was on puking out everything. Even the grim reaper could not distract them.

Most of the faces became red, having puked out bile. Even the female monks were not spared. They, who used to be graceful and feminine, were trembling, pale, and wished they were able to take their own life.

Their Dao Heart had been utterly destroyed, shattering into a million pieces, never to be put back together.

The always-smiling West Shadow Guard finally stopped smiling. His fat body heaved with the effort of puking out everything—even water and oil. He felt like he had been tarnished.

His face was distorted and he squeezed out a raspy voice from his throat. “Too cruel! You’re too cruel!”

The Left Messenger watched all this unfold before her from her hiding place not far away. She was trembling, her face drained of color, and her heart felt as if it was being squeezed.

The horror! She was thankful she was spared from all these due to her knowledge of Blackie’s treachery and her caution. She could not imagine how she would react if the same thing were to happen to her. She would definitely go mad. Thinking of that made her hair stand up.