How to Raise Your Regressor

"Good morning, sleeping princess." I greeted Lecia as she opened her eyes.

Well, technically speaking she's not the sleeping princess as she was out for just an hour and 20 minutes, but who the fuck would think so deeply about a mere greeting?

Except me, that is.

"…" The little malaka stared at me for some moments, then tried to get up.

And as I had expected, she achieved that feat flawlessly.

"It… it doesn't hurt." She examined her body with widened eyes.

"I used some healing magic to patch you up. Without hurting myself, of course."

Like every normal person, I'm not into masochism.

"What?" Her head jerked towards me.

Well, actually, going by the statistics of this Universe, 1 out of every 5 people like some form of abuse or pain. The same goes for other kinds of fetishes, but with varying statistics.

So technically speaking, on a universal scale there is no normal person, because there is no 'normal'.

"Do you feel any sort of pain, or any irregularity in your body?"

"N-no."

"Good."

My first-aid treatment (given to her using fantasy means) actually worked. Looks like the injuries she sustained from using that skill weren't that serious.

"Also, Vafferan visited earlier. I assumed you didn't want them to know about your wish to kill your father, so I told her that you cried yourself to sleep as you just saw him die."

"Thank you…" She continued staring at me.

"You're welcome."

Of course, she doesn't want them to know, as she fears that knowing that will make Azell hate her.

He probably won't (most people won't, actually).

In fact, it's possible that he knew about her secret desire to kill her father; he might have learned about it in his previous turn.

"I also told Vafferan that you went to meet your father because you wanted to plead with him to leave us alone. I figured that'd go well with the image you were going for in this Guild."

Well, the real reason that I didn't reveal the truth to Vafferan was that it would have been more trouble that it was worth.

It wouldn't really matter to anyone, because Lecia's desire to kill her father is perfectly rational.

In fact, anyone with an imagination more vivid than an infant's could've arrived at that conclusion.

"…" She pursed her lips and her head drooped.

Hmm, I'm getting a bad feeling about it. Time to get the fuck outta hea.

"You should probably rest a bit more. Dinner's at seven. See you then." I got up and headed towards the door.

"Are you not angry?" She asked from behind.

Yup, the awkward conversation I'd been trying to avoid.

"About what?"

Let's play the fool.

"About what?" She frowned. "I almost killed you."

I didn't expect her to be so vocal about her actions. Her tendency to admit and rectify her mistakes is admirable.

"Oh, right. Well, there's not much to be angry about."

She just strangled me to death, nothing more. I can't keep being such a baby about it.

I mean, just like the partner who screams in ecstasy and claims that the sex was good to avoid hurting their partner's ego, I was faking it all along.

Her choking hands were nothing more than a feather tickling my throat, except that I didn't laugh as they weren't actually tickling as that was just a metaphor.

…Gosh, I need to stop this.

Whatever.

"Not much to be angry about?" I could see her jaw falling to the ground. "I almost killed you!" She exclaimed.

"Well, let's just say that I'm not really attached to my life." I shrugged.

Life and death are part of one's existence; there's no use dwelling on them.

And I can't tell her that all of her efforts were in vain (because I was trying to plan an epic prank on her) so yea, enjoy the trauma, Lecia.

Hmm, now that I think about it, Lecia is a name of English origin and means 'happiness'. Why is she named such?

Maybe there's a good story behind it that I need to find out later.

"Huh?" She stupidly eked out.

"Well, if we were to look at it objectively, one could argue that I was also at fault for provoking you. And I would have apologised about that, but, you know, you almost killed me in return so let's consider all of that water under the bridge."

I mean, as much as I hate to admit it, this wasn't the first time I was strangled by an angsty teenager in a non-kinky way.

I could have used her attempt at my life as blackmail material, but there's nothing that Lecia can provide me which I cannot get by myself.

I also thought about punishing her, but my behaviour is a punishment in itself. The very fact that I shrugged off today's event by claiming that my life holds no value would keep her up for nights to come.

That's why it's better to just move on.

"…" She gawked at me like I was some sort of exotic animal.

Like what, is this the first time someone has forgiven you for choking them to death?

I would actually be surprised if it wasn't her first time.

"If that is all, I'll take my leave."

I have some important things to do, and no, it's not sleeping (surprisingly).

"Is that it?" She furrowed her brows.

"Hmm?"

"Are you going to forgive me? Just like that?"

Bruh, what's her problem?

"Well, if you want, I can do it the normal way and take revenge. However, my way of doing it would be to reveal your actions to everyone."

"That's…"

"See? Neither of us want that. So just move on or something."

As they say, there's no need to dig up rotting corpses.

"D-do you… do you plan to extort me?"

Wut? How did she even reach that conclusion?

"Your delusions are mildly amusing, but there's absolutely nothing you can provide to me."

A mere teenager thinks she's useful to the man who created this Universe. The audacity of this little girl is astounding.

"You could want my skill…"

"Why the fuck would I want something that useless?"

I could just create some elixirs. They'd do a wonderful job of healing someone, and they won't hurt the user either.

"U-useless?"

"What would I even use your skill for? It's not like I'm going to hurt myself every day. Even if I did, I have Neia who'll honestly do a much better job of treating me than your shitty skill, without hurting herself. So yes, I do not want it."

She's a Dragon, for fuck's sake.

Huh, now that I think about it, I wonder how Lecia will react when she learns that Neia is a fucking Dragon. It's going to be amusing.

Hopefully.

"Then what are your plans?" She scowled at me.

Oh my gosh.

"I have honestly no plans for you."

So just leave me the fuck alone.

"D-do you want my body?" She clutched her side, as if trying to hide her body from me.

Seriously though, what the fuck is wrong with her? Why would I want to sleep with a teenager, and that too through blackmail?

"I have absolutely zero interest in her body." I involuntarily spat.

"Are you gay?" She pinched her chin.

What the fuck?

"I'm not, but honestly speaking, sleeping with you and sleeping with a man would almost be the same."