How to Raise Your Regressor

*Knock* *Knock*

"Who's there?"

"Ligma."

"…"

Hmm? Let's try it again.

"Ligma."

"…"

"Not falling for it, eh?"

This is sed, Alexa play Despacito.

Despondent over the failure of my joke, I opened the door and stepped inside.

"Well I don't know that word means, but I know that I would fall into your trap by asking you what it means," Azell replied as he saw me.

Huh, so I was defeated by Azell's smart decision-making skills? Wow.

"Anyway, do you need me for something?" He asked.

"Yup."

"Okay," he put his pen down (just what the fuck is he doing that he's always holding a pen and going through documents whenever I come in here). "How may I help you?"

"Well, to be more precise, it wasn't me who needed you."

"Then?"

"They called."

Needless to say, the reason I said something like this out aloud right in the middle of Azell's office is that Noelle is not here.

The last thing I want to do is to deal with Noelle's overly curious nature and answer all her stupid questions like 'What are you talking about' or 'Who are they?' and et cetera, et cetera.

It's not that I don't want Noelle to know about the Secret Organisation and all that bullshit. It's just that the time is not right yet. Letting her know about it so prematurely would ruin my Epic Orank.

If Noelle had been here, I would have either returned or given my message to Azell telepathically.

"Alright," Azell nodded. "Take a seat. Would you like something?"

Hmmm?

Why do I feel like Azell is treating me like a guest?

My oh fucking my, don't tell me it's 'that'.

"No need. The message I was tasked to give you is short."

Heh, I'm delivering my own message to him. Wow.

"What is it?"

"The Secret Organisation wants you to hold an exchange program."

"An exchange what?"

"An exchange program. You know those student exchange programs, where students of a particular university go to a foreign country for some time to study in a partner institution of their parent university? It's something similar to that."

"Please elaborate."

What? He couldn't understand even though I gave such a simple explanation?

And to think that my joke was rendered useless by his decision-making skills.

Perhaps it was just a fluke.

"It's simple. In this exchange program, Guilds will exchange members for some time; 2 weeks, to be more precise. During that time, the members chosen for this program will act as if they are a part of the Guild they've been sent to, and all the Guilds will treat the members of the other Guild like comrades."

"No, I understood that. I'm just asking why?"

He understood that? Then shouldn't he have worded his questions better? Does he have any idea how much time and effort I wasted by coming up with that explanation?

Azell, you fucking asshole.

"You can think of it as a team building exercise."

"What?"

"Whether you like it or not, you are going to work more closely with the other Guilds than you ever have before. However, as I'm sure you know, most of the Guild are kind of closed off. They don't really interact with each other unless it's for cooperating on a raid or to trade."

"Mmm."

"This exchange program will help break the ice between the Guilds. It'll break- or at least thin- the walls that there are between the Guilds. This will allow the Guilds to cooperate better and smoother in the face of an emergency."

"Ahhh, I see," he nodded.

Looks like he understood it this time. As usual, my teaching skills are simply exemplary.

"And I assume that my Guild has been chosen for this exchange program?" He asked.

Quick to the uptake, as usual.

"To be more precise, your Guild has been chosen for the test run of this exchange program."

I made sure to naturally stress the word 'your', and as expected, his brows furrowed a bit.

"Test run?"

"Well, we can't just implement this program, or any program for that fact, on a large scale without testing it first. That's why you and the Old Blood Guild have been chosen for the first trial run."

"Why us?"

"Well, for starters, the two Guilds seem to have a relationship beyond non-antagonistic. In fact, you and Jennifer seem to be on friendly terms."

"I… wouldn't call us friendly," he grimaced.

"Even if we put that aside, the New Dawn and the Old Blood Guilds are the most influential Guilds right now. Testing will give us extensive and reliable data which we can use to further improve the program and implement it on a broader scale."

"I see," he nodded with understanding. "Is this an order by the… Secret Organisation? …I've been meaning to ask this, but is the name of the organisation really 'Secret Organisation'?"

What, is he dissatisfied by my choice of name?

Well, I can't really blame him even if he does. That name does sound weird, after all.

Though in my defence, thinking up of a cool name for an Organisation working in the shadows is more effort than it's worth- no, wait.

Did I just show maturity by understanding the reason behind Azell's confusion and even tried to make excuses to defend myself?

Oh my fucking God.

What have I become? God-fucking-damnit.

Alright, let's do that again.

Okay, he said, 'is the name of the organisation really 'Secret Organisation'?'

Hmm, he dares question my choice? This stupid fucking piece of shit.

Fuck you, Azell! Fuck you! It's my organisation, and I can name it whatever I want.

And I won't sit back and listen to bullshit about how I should name something which is mine.

I swear to fucking God if he pulls this shit again, I'll break his kneecaps and drop him into a pit of ultra-horny gay goblins.

"Actually, no. They do have a proper name."

Saying that to his face wouldn't be the most tactical decision on my part, however, so let's do what I do best and finesses this wanker.

"And what is that name?"

"I have no idea," I shrugged.

"…"

"Don't look at me like that. I seriously have no idea."

One could say that 'Secret Organisation' is the codename for my fake shadow organisation. The only problem is that it does not have a real name.

"How is that even possible? Haven't you been a part of this Organisation for some time already?"

"They haven't told me its name yet."

"They really don't trust you very much, do they?" His eyes narrowed.

"Oh, no, it's not about trust. After all, I know things that are far more important than the name of the organisation."

Like the fact that the organisation is a fake created by me just to pull off an epic prank.

"Then?"

"It started when I first joined the Organisation. I asked what its name was and my Master jokingly called it the 'Secret Organisation'. Long story short, everyone thought that it was really funny and decided to withheld the true name of the organisation from me for as long as possible."

"…"

"They even went as far to blot out the name of the Organisation on official documents just to continue this elaborate prank. And so, to get back at them, I just tell everyone that they are the 'Secret Organisation'."

Hot damn, that lie sure was elaborate.

Samur Professional Bullshiter Eckart, at your service.

"Now I know where you got your sense of humour from," he sighed.

"My final goal is get good enough to become the leader of this organisation, officially name it 'Secret Organisation' and then resign."

"Why would even resign?" He raised his eyebrow.

"Imagine meeting some very important people who you want to discuss the future of this world with, but when they ask who are you, you have to say, 'I am the leader of the 'Secret Organisation'."

Damn, just thinking about it sends shivers down my spine. Yikes.

"…Fair enough," he replied. "But if you step down immediately after changing the name, wouldn't they change it back to its original name?"

"Obviously, but it would still go down in the organisation's official history; the seventeenth leader of the organisation changed its name to 'Secret Organisation'. And mark my words, I will do it, no matter what."

"Well, uh, all the best. I'm sure you will become the… seventeenth leader."

He caught onto that, eh? And I'm sure that he'll take it very seriously.

Looks like I'll have to think about this organisation's lore as well. Sed.

"Oops, you weren't supposed to know that. Let's get back on track. What were you asking about again?"

"Ah, right," he replied as if he had just realised that we had digressed. "I was asking if this was an order or not."

"It's not an order. You are free to refuse if you don't want to be a part of the trial run. But this system WILL be implemented later on, so I suggest getting used to it now."

"Okay… and how many members will be a part of this trial run?"

"We'll start by exchanging only one member. And for the first trial run, I will be going to the Old Blood Guild."

Now, some might wonder, 'Why me?' To them, I say, 'Why the fuck not?'

Also, needless to say, all this exchange program was complete bullshit which I thought about in my dreams.

Remember how upon meeting Jennifer during the party, I had wondered how life would have been like in her Guild?

Well, it's one of my principles to satisfy any curiosity I have.

And that's why I'm trying out this exchange run.

Ez.