How to Raise Your Regressor

⟦⟦Your hunting dogs are here.⟧⟧

[…You fucking dare-]

⟦⟦Alright, geez, stop, calm down. I misspoke, I misspoke.⟧⟧

[Oh yeah?]

⟦⟦Yup, sorry for that, okay?⟧⟧

[Speak out of line again and I'll shove the Holy Sword of the End in a place where the sun doesn't shine, if you know what I mean.]

⟦⟦Yes, yes, I understand. I'm truly sorry, Mr. Origin. Please don't come out to hunt me.⟧⟧

[That will depend on you.]

Stupid fucking piece of shit.

⟦⟦Anyway, please allow me to correct my statement,⟧⟧ he cleared his throat. ⟦⟦Your children are here.⟧⟧

[Well, what do you expect? You messed with reality without getting permission from the acting rulers. Of course, they'd come out to hunt you.]

That's standard protocol.

⟦⟦Right, right,⟧⟧ he nodded. ⟦⟦Would you mind if I kill them?⟧⟧

[Oh, please, do your best.]

⟦⟦No, no, seriously. You know, what if that 1 in a trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion miracles does happen, am I allowed to kill them?⟧⟧

[Hold on, where is my Holy Sword?]

⟦⟦Noted.⟧⟧

[Perfect.]

⟦⟦Well, since I'm not allowed to kill anyone, I guess I'll just run off.⟧⟧

[Let them arrest you. You've been working a lot; it'll be a nice vacation for you.]

⟦⟦Getting tortured, melted and having my existence erased isn't exactly what I'd call a vacation.⟧⟧

[Alright, I get it, you have poor taste.]

⟦⟦Wow,⟧⟧ he exhaled deeply. ⟦⟦Anyway, I have work to do, so I'll be sending your children back. Would like me to pass any message to them?⟧⟧

[No thanks.]

We're way past the stage to send messages to each other.

I mean, messages are just so old fashioned now; technology has advanced a lot. Telepathic communication is the future.

⟦⟦Technically speaking, every conversation is just an exchange of messages.⟧⟧

[*hits blunt*]

⟦⟦Speaking of vacations, it seems your situational awareness has taken one.⟧⟧

Hmm?

Oh, fuck.

When I focused on what was happening around me, I was met with a pleasant surprise.

And by a pleasant surprise, I mean something I never want to see ever again.

"C-c-c-c-c-calm down, Samur," Arteria sputtered. "Noelle is just unconscious. She'll wake up soon."

Yes, I know, I'm the one who finessed her.

But I don't think I can tell her that, because that would lead to them asking questions like 'Why did you do it?' and 'Why are you going towards that window?' and 'Wait, don't jump.'

Oh wait, that last one wasn't a question.

Also, there are no windows in this room.

Disgusting.

I'd rather die a horrible death than recuperate in this depressing room. Jesus.

⟦⟦I'm afraid not many would agree with you.⟧⟧

[Well, I don't think I can do anything about inferior lifeforms.]

Anyway.

"Yes, I know, you don't have to worry," I gave them a smile.

Seeing my smile, the sweaty wankers in this room heaved sighs of relief.

And I mean that literally; not the wanker part, obviously (only a sick psycho would wank beside an unconscious woman… hmmm….), but the sweaty part.

[Was that another one of your traps?]

⟦⟦Well, who knows?⟧⟧

Everyone in this room was drenched in cold sweat.

For you see, I had accidentally leaked out some of my true bloodlust when this piece of shit motherfucker called my children hunting dogs.

The sheer dread they felt from that killing intent made them sweat bullets.

[Don't worry, though, I'm a very mature person who knows people can make mistakes.]

⟦⟦Thank you for your magnanimity.⟧⟧

[So I'll just send out the true hunting dogs after you.]

⟦⟦…Fuck.⟧⟧

Now, let's handle these fuckers. What story should I use?

"I wasn't worried about that. I was just scaring away a rat."

"A rat?" Voloha's eyes widened- wait, when did she arrive? "In the Royal Castle?"

"Not exactly. It's difficult to explain. Don't worry, the security of this State has not been compromised."

Because there was no rat.

Well, there actually is a rat, but I doubt he's interested in infiltrating a mere castle.

⟦⟦You know me quite well. Does that mean we're getting closer?⟧⟧

[I didn't know you were proficient in dreaming while awake.]

Quite the talent to have. Wow.

"Well that… that sure was some impressive bloodlust," Jennifer patted my shoulder.

"Oh, that wasn't real."

"Right," she rolled her eyes.

"No, seriously."

"Then what was it?"

"An illusion magic spell. I can teach it to you, if you want."

"You will?" Her eyes widened.

"Yup. And because you're Azell's friend, I'll give you a 99% discount."

"I wouldn't exactly call us friends…"

"Oh, I guess no discount for you, then."

"What is the discounted price, by the way?"

"100 Gold Coins."

That's a fair price, if I do say so myself.

"Discounted?" She raised her eyebrows.

"Yes."

"…"

"…"

"Ah, I was just joking earlier," she giggled as she waved her hand. "I and Azell are best friends, are we not?" She replied while patting Azell's back.

"Y-yes…" he nodded while looking at me with confused eyes.

"Are you going to charge the best friend of your Guild Master?"

"I charge the Guild Master, what are you talking about?"

"…"

"As they say, if you are good at something, never do it for free."

"…Are you sure you are the Guild Master?" She raised her eyebrow at Azell.

"I'd like to think so, yes," he exhaled softly.

"Anyway, right now is probably not the best time to teach a magic spell, I'm afraid," I said as I looked at the unconscious Noelle.

Imagine being a member of a guild and passing out after seeing something so horrific that it's far beyond anything you could have ever imagined, then waking up to find that your friends are learning a fucking magic spell instead of treating you.

I'd just jump out the window if that happened to me- oh wait, there are no windows here.

Fuck.

"Right," she nodded.

"Come find me when you're free. I'll impart the spell to you then. Along with the payment, of course."

"Don't you think that 100 Gold Coins is a bit too much for a magic spell."

"I wasn't aware that the Guild Master of the strongest guild was a cheapskate."

"I'm not. But having a lot of money doesn't mean that I'll spend it on things that are not worth that money."

"Fair enough," I couldn't help but nod. "I like financially competent people. Anyway, if you feel that the magic spell wasn't worth your money, I'll refund you."

"Deal?"

"Deal," we shook hands. "By the way, how is Ms. Noelle?" I asked Neia.

"Nothing, she's just unconscious. I couldn't find any signs of outside interference."

"Outside interference?"

"There was a possibility that someone knocked her out using magic or poison, but I haven't found any traces of them."

Well, obviously. I'm just that awesome.

That's why I had used the mana in the air instead of using my own processed mana. It was to make sure that no one would notice that magic had been used.

Neia should have found some traces of natural mana in Noelle's body, but everyone has that, so she might have written it off.

"I see," Azell nodded, heaving a sigh of relief.

"She was likely just exhausted," Neia concluded.

"Exhausted? Why?"

"…Some asshole pulled a little prank on her," she glared at me.

"Oh my, how horrible," I gasped. "Have you caught that motherfucker yet?"

"Language," Jennifer warned.

"Don't worry," Neia smiled, but that smile didn't reach her eyes. "We soon will. And we will make him pay."

Yikes.

"Well, all the best."

"Let me know when you do find him," Jennifer asked. "I want to see who he actually is."

What the fuck do you plan to do when you find out his real identity aka moi?

"Hmm? Does that mean you don't know who he is?" I asked.

It's important to play my part.

I'm still not finished with my epic prank, after all.

"Nah, he was wearing a mask," Jennifer replied. "He was also using some high-grade camouflage magic."

"Oh. Then how are you going to find him, Ms. Neia?"

"Don't worry," Vafferan replied in Neia's stead, her smile just as cold as the latter's. "Noelle is an expert at tracking people. She will find him very soon."

"Ahh, nice," I flashed a thumbs up with a smile.

With cold as fuck smiles, all of them (except Jennifer) nodded.

Seems like they didn't appreciate the prank I pulled on her.

Like what, is this the first time one of your comrades has been emotionally scarred by a 12-year-old child?

I mean, come on, I just baited her into sacrificing her body for me, reversed our roles and instead sacrificed mine for hers. It was just a fucking joke. Grow up, mate.

These guys seriously need a workshop on culminating a good sense of humour.

⟦⟦Fucking assholes.⟧⟧

[Indeed. Also, why haven't you returned? Haven't I already answered your question?]

⟦⟦You didn't. You just agreed to a story I made up.⟧⟧

[What do you mean? I forcibly distance others from me because I don't want to feel the pain of losing others. You were absolutely right.]

⟦⟦Pfft! You've been immune to that pain since your 105th life. At this point, you don't need to increase your distance from others or shit. After all, you have long been incapable of forming a meaningful relationship with others. You don't need to make them stay away from you, because at this point, no matter what others do, you will never see them as anything more than 'People I know'.⟧⟧

[Oh my, I didn't know you were an expert on me. Hold on, lemme note that down.]

⟦⟦You've already used this one.⟧⟧

[Well, overused jokes are all you are worth.]

⟦⟦Well, you are right about one thing. I AM an expert on you.⟧⟧

[Alright, Mr. Origin Expert.]

If that's what you say.