How to Raise Your Regressor

"Meow," Mr. Cat mewed.

"So you're back, huh?"

The sheer audacity of this cat is just astounding. The moment shit hit the fan, it quickly fled and left me alone to deal with it.

And now that the matter is resolved, it's back.

Wow.

"Now, was that it, or do you have something else you want to discuss with me? Maybe another one of you wants to apologise for something I hardly remember?"

I mean, it's all well and good that Arteria is feeling sorry for what she did last night, but like I said, it doesn't really matter to me.

After all, I specifically guided her to say those things to make her feel guilty and make her clean my room.

And I must say that she did a spectacular job.

I checked the room when I came back, and there was not a single drop of blood tarnishing my room.

The room had been aired out properly as well, so not even the faintest whiff of blood remained.

Her work truly was commendable. She's talented.

If she ever loses her job at the New Dawn Guild, she can still work as a maid at a noble household to pay for her meals.

Since she's such a spectacular maid, she'll probably become the head maid in a few years and start her life of luxury.

Damn, I'm jealous of her.

"No, not at the moment," Vafferan replied.

What the fuck does she mean by 'not at the moment'?

Don't tell me these fuckers plan to do something which they will apologise for later.

Like seriously, what is this behaviour? They continue to do stupid shit then just apologise for it later.

It's like they're treating an apology as a free pass to do anything, because according to them, they will feel sorry for it later and will apologise.

Which is just fucking stupid, but it sure is an alpha power play.

Imagine being the second coming of Mr. Moustache and committing mass genocide on an unprecedented scale, then just saying, 'Yeah, sorry about that, mate' when caught.

You know what? Next time, I'll commit war crimes of my own and then apologise for them while shedding a tear or two.

I'm sure it'll be tons of fun.

"I hope your 'at the moment' means 'for the rest of your life'."

"It's impossible to say anything about what I will do in the future."

"Maybe, but it's possible to direct what the future you will do. Remember, a small change in the present can turn the world upside down in the future."

People always fear messing up the future by going back into the past and changing things, but they fail to realise that changing even a bit of the present can transform the future into something completely different.

In other words, officer, I killed that child because he was going to be a serial killer 20 years later. I saved several lives by getting my hands dirty.

"That… oddly makes sense," Vafferan's eyes widened.

Oddly? How incredibly rude.

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to sleep."

Well, I doubt I'll be able to sleep right away, thanks to these motherfuckers.

I'll have to sleep in late today.

I still have to make those Elixirs and prepare for my epic prank that I'll pull at the Seminar.

All in all, why the fuck did I show that heart to Arteria? It wasted a lot of my time without providing me any tangible benefits.

Gotta make more tactical decisions in the future.

"Alright," Neia nodded. "We won't disturb you any further."

"Thank you."

She has no idea how thankful I'm for that, and that's because I'm not at all thankful.

After all, they're the ones who trespassed into my room without permission. They should be thankful to me that I didn't call the cops (or whatever law enforces of this world are called) on them.

"See you later," Vafferan waved me goodbye.

"I'll fix that door in a few hours," Arteria reassured me.

And so, they turned around to leave while I got back on the bed to sleep.

Then suddenly, Neia stopped in her tracks.

And she did so covertly; Arteria and Vafferan didn't even notice it and left the room.

What the fuck is the Dragon up to now?

She approached my bed and asked, "I've been meaning to ask this, but isn't that blood all over you?"

"Were you perhaps waiting for them to leave so that you could ask this question in private."

"Uh, yes?" She furrowed her brows.

Oh. My. Fucking. God.

Neia, the Dragon who once beat up a crippled child and who is the member of the New Dawn Guild, actually showed tact and waited for everyone to leave before asking me about something sensitive.

"…Who are you, and what have you done to our Neia?"

Impossible.

Like, pfft! Neia and tact?

That's like associating Hitler with philanthropy.

This woman must be an imposter. Or maybe she's the real Neia, but she's being mind-controlled.

Whatever be the case, I need to get to the bottom of this and get the real Neia back.

Because if I don't, and we lose Neia, who will I hire as my minimum wage chef?

"…" Neia's eyes narrowed as she sighed. "We don't have much time. Just tell me; whose blood is this."

"Mine."

"No, it's not. This is not the smell of your blood."

"You have memorised what my blood smells like? Bruh, you should keep such hobbies secret."

I might be a bit chill about it, but I don't think others will appreciate a pervert who goes out of her way to remember the scent of their blood.

Contrary to popular belief, many worlds consider this a form of sexual assault.

"Stop joking. Whose blood is this?" She scowled.

Jesus, she can't even take a joke.

"Well, let's just say, people who will not be missed."

"You killed the homeless?"

Wut?

"No. Just seedy people snooping around our guild."

"What? And you killed them just because they were 'snooping around'?"

"Obviously not. What kind of brute do you take me for? I tried to resolve the situation verbally, but they attacked me out of nowhere. I was left with no choice but to retaliate."

Like I said, I'm a sophisticated gentleman. So the moment I saw them, I tried some good ol' 'verbal conflict resolution'.

However, because those guys were unsophisticated wankers, they immediately resorted to violence so I was left with no choice but to put them down.

"Do you have any idea who they were?"

"Nope," I lied as naturally as the wind blew.

I mean, I obviously had interrogated those motherfuckers before sending them to their next life.

It would be quite idiotic of me to not do so.

"I see. I'll inform Azell about this."

"Alright."

"He might call you for questioning. Rest until then."

"Thank you for your magnanimity."

Neia wordlessly scoffed and left the room. She's quite chill about this.

Perhaps nothing about me surprises her anymore.

Nice.

Now, back to sleep.