How to Raise Your Regressor

Like bruh, maybe I really should rip that heart out.

"You didn't tell me anything about this."

"I told you, Arteria, just get the fuck out. Please."

As if performing a motherfucking heart transplant surgery (where I actually had to keep the patient awake as well as alive) wasn't tiring in itself, I'm now being criticised for just doing my job.

Not to mention that I have to thoroughly clean the room because I don't want someone to smell the scent of blood and barge into my room to check if I'm alright or some shit.

Seriously though, what's her problem?

Was she so proud of being a pure-blooded Vampire? Does she believe that by modifying her body, I have violated its sanctity and turned her into a monster?

Mortals and their puny pride, I tell you.

"The changes that my body is experiencing…" her voice slightly trembled, and she took a deep breath to calm herself. "Are they similar to Vafferan?"

"What?"

Is that a joke?

Ah, right, wasn't Vafferan supposed to be the Ultimate Weapon that was created in a laboratory? Is Arteria seeing Vafferan in herself?

Jesus, don't tell me that this blame game really is related to her.

"Are you trying to turn me into a weapon?"

Boy. Oh. Fucking. Boy. This really is related to Vafferan. Goddamnit.

Like, what the actual fuck, Arteria- oh, wait.

Let's do THAT.

"I'm sorry, do you have any idea how rude that was?"

"…" Arteria's eyes widened, probably because my voice was a lot colder than earlier.

It was as if I had snapped (from her perspective, that is).

As annoying as acting like an offended third-rate scientist is, it is necessary.

Because sometimes, to get through to someone, you have to shut them up and then cram your words into their brain so that they understand what you're actually trying to say.

Of course, what she thinks of me truly does not matter to me. But letting this problem fester will only create troubles that will simply not be worth the effort.

So, time for some acting.

"Did a dick get stuck in your throat or what? Tell me, do you have any idea how rude that was?"

"S-Samur?"

"You actually dare compare me to incompetent pieces of shit who just did a bit of body modification on Vafferan and then had the audacity to call her the 'Ultimate Weapon'?"

Like seriously, I could create actual weapons much stronger than her in my sleep.

"…What is that supposed to mean?" As Arteria's eyes narrowed, a coldness suddenly permeated the air.

Hmm, have I stepped on a landmine?

Nice.

Time to get my legs blown off and die a horrible death aka let's continue on this path. I'm sure there will be more landmines for me to step on.

After all, the best way to keep people from caring about me is to ruin my relationships with them beyond repair.

Ez peezy lemon squeezy.

"I mean what the words say," I also narrowed my eyes to show that I was also angry (I deserve an Oscar). "I always mean what the words say."

The metaphorical coldness in the air went up by a notch.

"Take that back?"

"Take what back?"

Oh my. She's angrier than I expected.

"Vafferan has suffered a lot, a lot more than what a mere child like you could possibly imagine. You have no right to write off her experience just like that."

Wow.

"Right, because that's the most logical conclusion one can draw from my words."

I don't remember implying anything about how I view Vafferan's suffering. I simply insulted the guys who put her through her hell.

"Isn't that basically the same thing? You dismissed everything she went through as a 'bit of body modification'. Do you have any idea of the hell she lived in?"

Oh, but I actually do, Arteria.

And that's because I've been turned into the 'Ultimate Weapon' more times than I'd like to admit.

Like bruh, what's with mortals and their obsession with weaponizing lifeforms? They need to eat a protein bar laced with cyanide and chill the fuck out.

"Alright, why don't we discuss this like civilised men?" I proposed.

"Oh, so you're backing out now."

Good grief, seems like this woman was really offended by my words.

"No, I'm telling you to interpret my words in a slightly different way."

"Oh yeah?" She crossed her arms as she continued glaring at me. "Please, go ahead."

I swear to God this woman is so mentally unstable that she makes serial killers seem like normal functioning members of the society.

Oh wait, serial killers are basically that.

"My statement does not dismiss Vafferan's experiences. It merely states that out of everything that has happened to her, only a small part of it was actual body modification. Someone more competent could have given her similar powers with only a fraction of the pain."

"So what you're basically saying is that everything that Vafferan went through was meaningless," her eyes narrowed even further.

Well, that conclusion is a bit extreme, I'd say, but it IS technically correct.

However, if I said that she would again take it the wrong way and blame me even further.

I mean, sure I do want to ruin my friendly relationship with her, but I don't want her to outright hate me.

In other words, this argument has become more troublesome than it's worth.

Arteria is being driven by her emotions right now. It doesn't matter how logical my points are, she'll just dismiss them based solely on her feelings.

Trying to make her understand my point would be more futile than using a condom with 67 holes in it, because it will result in a 'mistake' that will haunt me for life.

"You know what? Fuck this shit, I'm out."

In other words, let's just bail.

"You-"

"No, no, no. Fuck this shit, I'm out," I opened the window and got on the ledge. "See you tomorrow."

"You can't run away. Not forever."

"I'm fast."

"We'll see about that," she said as she started walking towards me, perhaps with the intention to catch or pursue me (or intimidate me).

"Believe me, Arteria, out of all things I'm running away from, you're the last I have to worry about. Besides, I always have an easy way out," I said as I swiped my thumb across my neck.

Unexpectedly, the vampire stopped in her tracks.

"Oh, also, a bit of advice. Don't assume things about people you have only known for mere weeks. You don't know shit about me, and you never will. You have no idea what I can and cannot understand."

"…" She silently stared at me as her eyes widened.

"Anyway, if anyone asks, just tell them you have no idea where I am. Also, clean up the room, especially the blood. Unless, of course, you want to deal with Neia and Noelle again."

I really hope she doesn't.

Arteria silently looked around the room, but she didn't seem opposed to the idea of cleaning up after the operation.

Nice.

Hmm, now that I think about it, this might make it seem like this entire argument was just a way for me to make Arteria clean up because I was too lazy to do so.

And that's because that's exactly what this was about.

Why clean up myself when I make a dodgy wanker do it for me?

Sure, I might have wrecked our relationship beyond repair, but that's a small price to pay.

I mean, words of the likes of Arteria truly do not matter to me. I have heard them millions of times; at this point, they're nothing more than a soothing lullaby.

"Where are you going?"

"Running away. Until next time," I winked.

Now, time to find a nice place to sleep.