How to Raise Your Regressor

"You're coming to that party."

"You definitely are."

Bruh.

"So you're saying that you'll drag me to that party?"

I'd like to see them try.

And even if they do try, I'll just press that kill switch of my heart I mean jump out the window I mean resist with all my might because I stand by my decision like any normal person would.

"Oh, we won't do anything," Arteria smirked.

"We absolutely won't."

Seriously? Are they backing out? Just like that?

Or is this a scam?

"Then what will you do?"

I can't imagine them leaving me alone because making my life harder seems to give them orgasms.

Which means they are up to something.

"Oh, nothing much, we'll just inform Noelle that you don't plan to attend the party tonight."

See? I told ya.

It's almost like Noelle is their secret, ultimate weapon for dealing with me in case I ever go out of hand.

Like I always say, these guys are fucking assholes, but damn, they're good.

Also, I probably need to do something about Noelle sometime soon.

She seriously has become more trouble than she's worth.

Saving myself back in that dungeon after being swayed by their annoying cries really was not the most tactical decision on my part.

"Do you really think that I'm so afraid of having to deal with Noelle that you can just threaten me with her name?"

"Oh?" Arteria furrowed her brows.

"If you do, then you're absolutely right," I shrugged.

There is a limit, however.

At any given time, I'll choose the least annoying option, so if they ever ask me to do something that's more troublesome than handling Noelle, then I will, without a doubt, choose the latter.

"…"

"…"

"…"

For the nth time today, silence once again descended upon the room following my words.

I seem to have a talent for shutting everyone up.

Nice.

"I'm not sure how to feel about this," Neia sighed.

"Right?" And so did Arteria.

Clementine continued to silently stare at me.

"Anyway, just let me know when you're finished with the preparations for the party. I'll see you then."

"Alright."

"Also, can you ask them to include some drinks? A nice chilled beverage is what I need after a long, exhausting day."

"You're a minor, so no drinks for you."

What the fuck?

"What has that got to do with it?"

Since when did the New Dawn guild start imposing restrictions on what their members like to eat or drink?

This wasn't in the contract! I call bullshit.

"What? You're still a child, so of course we cannot let you drink alcohol."

Wut?

"I don't remember talking about alcohol."

Alcohol and drink don't even sound remotely similar.

Sure, it might be a socially acceptable reference, but I refuse to confine myself to societal restrictions.

"What?"

"Alcohol is for pussies; real men drink chocolate shakes."

Because that shit claps hard, mate. Anyone who disagrees is free to go fuck themselves because I don't give a shit about the opinions of random strangers.

I like what I like, and no one will convince me otherwise.

After all, it's important to love yourself and believe in your choices.

"Language."

"You're the last person I want to hear that from, Neia."

Shall I remind her of the various profanities she blurted out during our date at the dungeon?

"So the drink you were talking about was… Chocolate Shake?" Arteria frowned.

"Of course. Just know that I will immediately leave the party if there are no chocolate shakes."

"Seriously?"

"In fact, I want there to be a tank filled to the brim with chocolate shake, so that after having the shake to my fill, I can drown myself in it."

"Huh?"

"I mean so that I, and everyone else at the party, can drink to their fill and appreciate the culinary masterpiece that a Chocolate Shake is."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Until next time. Ah, Clementine I have something to give you, so please stay."

"Ah, whatever," Arteria rolled her eyes and made her way out of the room.

It was almost as if she didn't want to deal with me anymore.

Nice.

"I'll come get you tonight," Neia said as she followed the vampire.

And so, Clementine and I were the only ones left in the room.

"Well then, my dear little sister, it's time for your secret."

"Nice."

"That's because I'm going to give you something, and I need you to keep it a secret."

"Okay," she nodded excitedly.

"I'm going to give you a simple chant for a magical spell."

"A chant?"

"Yup. That chant must be protected at all costs as it's something that can save your life."

"Seriously?"

"Uh-huh."

After all, when all is said and done, Clementine is still the Shadowlord, the liege of her people. And she's living with the humans, who are the enemies of her people.

No matter how hard we try, problems are bound to crop up in the future because that's the basic law of nature.

It's possible that in the future, Clementine will find herself in a desperate situation she can find no way out of.

And that's why I'm teaching her this chant; it's a cheat code that'll help her out.

"The chant is simple; Jaich geto aufcedo."

"Jaich-"

"Uh-uh-uh, don't repeat it. Just keep it in your heart."

"Okay," she nodded.

"And remember. If a time ever comes where you're so deep into a problem than you have no idea how to solve it, when running away is simply not an option, and when you have no one to help you even though you are desperately in need of it, use the spell I just taught you."

"Oh… and what will it do?"

"Something truly amazing."

Or shall I say, something truly amusing?

Well, I dunno about her, but it sure will be amusing for me.

"Okay."

"Just make sure you never forget it. Tattoo it on your arm if that's what it takes."

"Don't worry, I won't forget it," she giggled. "After all, this is a spell my brother gave me to protect me."

"What?"

"You're finally accepting your role as my big brother, huh?" She squinted in what seemed to be happiness.

"Like I have any other choice."

"You always have a choice."

"Well, technically, everyone has a choice. The question is; are they allowed to make that choice?"

Imagine a man who's in deep shit with the underworld is fighting to protect his family. He goes on a killing spree and ends the life of everyone who came after his family.

Technically, he does have a choice of abandoning his family and leaving for some far away countryside.

But is he capable of making that choice? Can he abandon everything and everyone he loves just to save his own life or avoid killing anyone?

He cannot, and so, he fights and kills.

"Anyway, I have some work to do so get out."

"Alright, see you tonight," unfazed by my rude remark, Clementine left.

Now, back to the hustle. Let's make some Elixirs.