Heart of Darkness

Angelica wasn't sure why she was crying. It had been a long day and the night before had been even longer. A part of her was worried. Worried about her home and her things getting thrown or destroyed. All the things from her childhood but most importantly, the memories from her mother. It was the only thing she had left of her. Another part of her was worried about the man holding her in his arms. Every time he moved or when he told her he had to leave and also while he was gone, she was afraid that he wouldn't come back. She was afraid of being left alone.

Last night when he told her about his sister she had refused to believe at first. Then when she let his words sink in and realized that he had no reason to lie she had been scared, pained, and disgusted. She had suddenly felt like washing herself, washing away his touches and kisses. She couldn't understand how someone could be so cruel to his own flesh and blood but most of all she couldn't understand that cruel person was the man she had married.

It wasn't.

Lord Rayven was mean, rude and many other things but he wasn't cruel. The Lord Rayven she knew had allowed her into his home, given her clothes and food, saved her from the men who wanted to take her back to the brothel, comforted her, and married her and despite the benefits, he spoke about it couldn't be more than the loss. He was not that man. Her gut feeling told her he wasn't and she was always right whenever she followed her gut feeling.

And then she saw the horrifying scene of him standing on the balcony rim. She couldn't remember the last time she had been so terrified. Maybe because she knew and had seen it in his eyes. The pain, the guilt, the agony, and death. She understood why he behaved the way he did. The isolation and not wanting to be touched. The rudeness and anger. It was toward himself.

Suddenly she found herself in a moment of life and death and what she said could change the fate of both.

After dealing with all of that she was now exhausted. He wanted to tell her something but she really didn't want to hear anything else for now.

As if knowing how she felt, Lord Rayven remained quiet and held her gently until she fell asleep.

Angelica woke up with a headache in the morning. Her head was resting on Lord Rayven's bare shoulder. She lifted her head and her eyes fell on his exposed chest and stomach before letting her fall back again.

Her brain stopped functioning for a while before it got flooded with images of his wet and naked body from yesterday. Angelica felt heat rise to her face. How could he do that to her? She wasn't ready. She had almost fainted where she sat, if her eyes only agreed to close. But they were glued to certain places, especially his back while he was turned away.

Angelica sat up to breathe and shake the images out of her head but it was only followed by more images that left her flustered. Like when he sucked her finger and when he kissed her again.

'You can touch me as much as you like. My body is yours', she remembered his words.

Really?

From no touching to his body was hers? She was surprised she didn't panic last night when he decided to sleep next to her with only a sheet covering his lower body. Maybe he liked to sleep naked.

Angelica crawled out of bed. She wanted to personally make him breakfast before he woke up. She washed up and changed and then went to the kitchen. Soup would be refreshing to have in the morning after a tough day, she thought and went ahead to make vegetable soup. Then she told Simu and Sarah to open all the curtains in their home and make the place was as light as possible.

Simu had been working hard in the backyard building a small house and a fence for the chickens that she asked him to buy. Lord Rayven had given her too much money to spend and she still had a lot left. Their backyard was slowly coming alive and she knew soon the plants they had planted would grow and shine.

"Ah, it feels so different with light shining through," Sarah said.

Angelica agreed. It felt more alive and more like home. "It will feel even more different with time," Angelica said. "Let's set the table."

While setting the table, Lord Rayven arrived. Angelica thought of waking him up when everything was ready but he was already awake and nicely dressed. He descended the stairs looking relaxed and with his hands in his pockets. He wore a gentle smile as elegantly as he wore his clothes.

His body looked as perfect with clothes on as without. His shirt sat loosely on his torso. He left the top buttons open revealing a bit of his chest and his long legs were encased in grey pants and high leather boots. His dark hair was combed and hung around his face without looking messy and the scars on his face seemed less severe.

His dark eyes found hers as he stepped down and the smile on his face widened. Angelica just stared not knowing who this man was. That smile was not something she had seen before.

"Good morning," he greeted in his dark husky voice that made her stomach flutter.

"Good morning," she replied trying to keep her mouth from falling open and her heart began to beat fast for some unknown reason.

Lord Rayven looked around as he neared the table. He was probably looking at the changed atmosphere and she wondered what he thought about it.

"I made a few changes. I hope you like it." She said.

"I like it very much," his gaze was like an intimate caress as it traveled down and up her body. She wasn't sure anymore what it was he liked.

Casually he pulled the chair and sat down.

"Would you like tea or coffee?" She asked him when he was seated.

"Anything you offer." He replied.

It was strange that he was so cooperative.

Angelica poured him some tea that she had made with cinnamon. "Would you like honey with it?" she asked.

He nodded. She put some honey in his tea before mixing it. He watched her the whole time making her nervous.

Suddenly he grabbed her wrist and her heart almost jumped out of her chest. He looked at her with a frown.

"At this point, you can't be afraid of me." He said.

"I am not."

His eyes searched hers and he tugged at her arm gently to make her sit down but didn't release her. "I don't want to hurt you in any way." He told her. It sounded like a confession. As if he didn't want to hurt her but he might do it.

"Just don't hurt yourself and you won't hurt me." She told him.

He was clearly unable to promise her that so he released her without saying anything. He picked up his cup and sipped his tea.

He nodded in approval.

"You like to drink your tea like this." He said.

How did he know?

"It tastes like your lips."

Angelica felt her face burn as he put his cup down and looked at her. "I wouldn't mind drinking this every morning." He told her. "But the taste of your lips will keep me alive until next morning."

Angelica's heart beat wildly in her chest and she looked down to hide her face behind her hair.

Lord Rayven reached for her face and made her look at him. "Don't hide. I plan to see all of you if you accept me."

Accept him?

His cold fingers caressed her burning skin and he leaned in. He kissed her shortly but sweetly. As if only having a taste. He tasted like the tea he had, cinnamon and honey and oh so sweet.

When he pulled away he smiled at her. "You taste sweeter each time."

"Uh, My Lord…" She couldn't handle it anymore and he chuckled.

He leaned back in his chair with a sigh. "Eat so we can go and get back your home." He told her.

"Now?"

"Yes."

Angelica was still burning but now she was also excited and nervous to see her home. What if everything was destroyed or taken? What if all the precious memories of her mother were gone? Just thinking of it made her sick.

It is going to be alright, she told herself.

If everything was as before she would collect all of her things and bring them here. To her new home. She would make new memories here and one day she would look back and all the hardships she went through would be worth it. At least so she hoped.

One day this day would also be a memory.. Hopefully, not a painful one.