Harem In The Intergalactic Apocalypse

"Anyways, what are the other things in here? There is this big flat disk, and then this wheeless motorcycle. Tell me more about this stuff," I said and then turned to Jack and Binder. "Jack, go look inside the tank, but do not turn it on, or I promise that you will get a trip into space, understand? Binder, do the same, please, but watch that overgrown child."

"Hey! I take offense to that!" Jack declared, and I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms.

"Not as much as the other slew of names I can think of right now. I am serious. Keep your meat hooks off the buttons!" I growled, and Jack put up his hands as Binder shook his head.

"I will keep my hands to myself! Scouts honor! Marines too!" Jack said as he snapped to attention, making both Riley and I let out sighs.

Somehow, I just knew this was the wrong decision. Still, I figured that if the people here couldn't make the thing work, Jack should be fine. There was that childish look he had in his eyes, though, that worried me.

"Well, we should move inside of one of these chambers if they are going to be messing around with that thing. Pray that he doesn't actually figure out how to start-"

*Hueeem!*

Sherman's words cut off as the strange noise of the now glowing Gravitank made us all turn. This was exactly what I said not to do. How does a person fuck up so fast?!

"I didn't touch a thing, but you better get out of the way! This thing is targeting you!" Jack called from inside the machine.

Suddenly, both men were thrown from the tank, and it started to transform into a robot.

Didn't see this coming.

"Everyone out of the room!" I roared as silver vines burst from my back.

Sherman screamed, pissed himself, and then passed out. I have never been more disappointed in another human being.

Still, the tank turning into a giant robot with a particle beam cannon on one made me kind of wonder. Was I moving towards changing the earth into a Cybertron-type world, just a bit greener?

"Daniel! Can you do something about this?!" Jack called as the robot raised its arm at me, but my roots were already surging forward.

My metallic roots splashed over the robot and started blocking all paths that looked like they were transferring energy. The robot slowed to a stop, and I started to scan it. Even if there were another or even five, I didn't want to lose any of them.

[Scan completed!]

[Target: Cleaner Recon Unit Weapon]

[Reworking AI to reply in English]

[Rework completed!]

"Release me, lower lifeforms, so I can remove you from this planet. Permanently," A robotic voice said in a monotone, and I laughed out loud.

"Wow, you really are a people person," I laughed.

"I do not need to converse with lower lifeforms. My task is to clean as many of you from the planet. You are impeding my task," The robot replied, and I shook my head.

"Is there any way that we could maybe work something out where you don't kill me?" I asked, and the robot paused very briefly.

"You could kill yourself. That would mean that I don't have to do it myself. This would be of great service to me. You should do it," The robot replied, and everyone that hadn't pissed themselves and passed out, I am looking at you; Sherman started to laugh.

"Well, I happened to not like dying. Tried it once and found out that it really wasn't for me. So, if you don't mind, I will continue living. I am also removing all nuclear weapons from the planet as soon as I can. Then you will have no reason to attack us, right?" I asked.

"This information is irrelevant. You have the capacity to create such weapons, so it is only a matter of time before you infringe again. I can also detect that you have systeminium infused with your body. This means you are of the pretend Star Goddess, Tiamat, and other races we are in the process of cleaning," The robot replied.

"How is that going?" I asked. "I am not on her good side, so I wouldn't say we are really together."

"Terrible, the creatures reproduce too fast with their birthing chambers and can restock as fast as us. This has posed a problem, but like all things, it is only a matter of time. Your fate will be much quicker when the fleet arrives in twelve months, sixteen days, ten hours, twenty-three minutes, and thirty-two seconds. Then your fate will be sealed," The robot explained, and I nodded.

"Thank you. I was wondering how long you guys were going to be. So, I guess I can't hope that you will be taking out Tiamat any time soon, then?" I asked.

"Negative. The estimated time to fully clean the entire Drakar race is over three billion years. There can be expected to be a two hundred to three hundred million year fluctuation, depending on the level of our technological growth compared to theirs," the robot explained.

"You know, for someone that is bound and determined to kill us, you sure are helpful," I said.

"We have nothing to hide from a race that will not exist in two years. None of this information can help you in the fit against us. We will remove you from the universe. Permanently."

Well, looks like I wasn't going to get much more out of this guy, but I wanted to make sure and bring him back for Aiko to play with. I am sure this was something that she and Sofia might even be able to work on together on. Maybe.

"Well, it has been really talking with you, but now I am going to shut you off and wipe you from here. Is there anything you would like to say?" I asked the robot.

"If you think this is killing me, then you are sadly mistaken. I am the Cleaner, and all are me. This will not be the last time that we speak. The next time will be me telling you I told you so, as I kill you," The robot replied, and I shut it down, making the robot slump forward and hit the ground in front of me.

Sherman was just out of the way, but the robot's face was facing him, so I just left him there and turned to Jack.

"I swear to god I didn't touch anything!" Jack pleaded.

"He is telling the truth. For some reason, as soon as we walked in, the whole thing turned on. Then we were pushed out, and this happened," Binder explained, and I nodded.

"I am curious as to what set it off. Possibly entering it when I was in the vicinity woke it up and gave it a target, but that seems too easy. I will have to get Sofia to tear it apart when we get back. I bet this thing has all sorts of hidden secrets for us... Do you hear beeping?" I asked as I started to hear a beeping noise coming from the robot. "EVERYONE OUT OF THE ROOM!"

My roots shot out and grabbed the four people while ripping me out of the room. The beeping was getting louder and faster, and that was never a good sign.

I made it a little way down the hallway when it happened. The explosion rocked the bunker, blowing sections of the wall off and sending all of us tumbling in the air. My roots shot out like webs to catch us all in the air, and no one was seriously hurt from what I could tell.

The room we had been in, well, I didn't need to look to see what the results were in there. I just had to hope that the people on this floor and the ones above and below are fine.

I didn't see that coming, and it proved that the Cleaners were just as bad as I thought. It, since they were all the same AI, proved that it had no concern for itself. This meant that they would be a ruthless enemy in the future to deal with.

"Is everyone okay?" I asked as we all hung from the webbing with dust and smoke all around us.

"I mean, we could be spread all over the inside of that room rather than hanging out like spidermen," Jack chuckled and then coughed.

I slowly let everyone down, but Sherman was completely out of it and looked like he was going to need some heavy counseling. I suppose most normal people would react the same after this, but Binder, Riley, and Jack all looked shocked, but still with all their facilities intact. That just meant they were battle-hardened weirdos just like me.

"Papi! What are you doing down here?! Are you trying to bring the whole place down?!" Sofia called from behind me.

"I was trying to have a friendly conversation with one of the Cleaners, but it ended in a bang!" I called back.