Guide on How to Fail at Online Dating

Edited by Divetus

Xiang Huaizhi had played the game for so many years, but before meeting Jing Huan, he had never killed anyone in NCH.

After all, no one dared to provoke him and he wasn't the sort of person to cause trouble on his own. The former sworn brother of his who had cheated him out of his money had then sold his account and run away. At the time, Xiang Huaizhi had been busy with exams and didn't pay much attention to that matter.

But now, he found that killing people could also be a solution, one that seemed more effective than just typing some words.

The assassin that he called upon was too powerful, only having one team of assassin accounts on hand. However, being able to be added to Xiang Huaizhi's friend's list was completely due to his skills.

This assassin was the one that had dug up all the information on his account's former booster for him.

[Friend] Freezing Assassin: Okay great God, but this information isn't easy to find, it'll take time. When the account is found, did you want me to take care of it for you?

[Friend] Yearning For: No need, just give me the ID.

[Friend] Freezing Assassin: OK.

Hearing the keyboard's typing sound, Jing Huan changed his sleeping posture. "That person didn't change to another side account and secretly approached you again ba?"

"No," Xiang Huaizhi said.

Jing Huan used his wrist to pillow his cheek. "That's good, I actually suspected that he was trying to promote the XX software at first…"

Xiang Huaizhi raised his eyebrows. "What's that?"

"An app," Jing Huan paused. "I looked it up, it's a dating app."

The keyboard's clacking sound stopped.

A few seconds later, Xiang Huaizhi moved his mouse to turn off NCH. After that, he turned off the computer and picked up his cellphone.

Jing Huan yawned, "En? Are you going to sleep?"

"No," As he laid on the bed, Xiang Huaizhi raised his eyes. "Where did you go to buy the New Year's items today?"

Jing Huan reported the supermarket's address. "It's very close to your place, but sadly you weren't at home today, or I would've gone to secretly find you."

Jing Huan really wanted to.

In fact, they weren't that far away from each other. It was a three to four hour round trip drive between them, so they could see each other at any time. But this period of time just happened to be the New Year, and both of them were busy. Ever since he had left Xiang Huaizhi's house, they had only seen each other through video calls.

Repeatedly coming and going at different times, they were back to the state of online dating from a few months ago.

After chatting for a while, Jing Huan couldn't help yawning again. His mother had been in very high spirits today. She woke him up early in the morning to post up the New Year banners. In the afternoon, she dragged him and his father to the supermarket for more than three hours, and he spent nearly an hour in line. He was really tired.

"Gege." Jing Huan lazily asked, "Then, when can we see each other ah."

"When do you want to?" Xiang Huaizhi asked.

"If you ask me that…" Jing Huan paused and said, "Then I want to meet now."

Only after hanging up the video call did Jing Huan reflect on how nauseating his words were.

In fact, he had heard these kinds of words many times before. When Gao Zixiang called his girlfriend, he often said this kind of thing, and Lu Wenhao also called his online girlfriend "baby" and "wife". Jing Huan used to think it was all very nauseating and would typically mock them with a few words.

There will always be retribution from the heavens, and now, all those taunts had fallen onto his own head.

Jing Huan castigated himself internally while sending Xiang Huaizhi ten different cute good night stickers.

-

On New Year's Eve, Mama Jing cooked and made a table full of dishes.

The family of three had a happy New Year's Eve meal. After they had enough to eat, Jing Huan and his father went to the sofa and propped their legs on the tea table.

"Look at you two, what kind of appearance are you guys showing?" Mama Jing laughed and scolded them. Just as she wanted to say something else, her cellphone rang.

She picked it up and her face immediately shifted into a polite smile. She moved upstairs as she talked. "President Li, happy New Year… Yes, it's convenient. Just a moment, I'll get the papers."

Airing on TV was the Spring Festival Gala, and the volume wasn't low. Jing Huan thought that the Spring Festival Gala's director was pretty awesome; he just listened to the host's voice and already felt very happy.

Jing Huan was playing on his cellphone and when he saw a new message, he turned around to say, "Dad, I'm sitting right beside you. Can you stop adding me in those mass New Year's blessing messages?"

Baba Jing said, “Really, I didn’t notice.”

“&#k2026;”

Jing Huan looked at the New Year’s blessing template and thought about it, then pressed down to forward it.

Happiness Every Day: A new year has begun, happily welcoming this festive day and wishing you all the best in the new year. Separated by thousands of miles, I often miss and worry about the distance between our hearts. I wish you a happy life, that everything goes smoothly, and for you to be able to joyfully and freely celebrate the New Year! Happy New Year! May our friendship last forever!

A few seconds later, Xiang Huaizhi replied with a voice message.

Jing Huan immediately put on his earphones.

The Spring Festival Gala voices could also be heard from Xiang Huaizhi’s end. “Who are you asking to have friendship forever with?”

Jing Huan laughed out loud.

[Happiness Every Day has withdrawn a message]

Happiness Every Day: Happy New Year, love forever.

Wanting Happiness Every Day: Staying up to see in the New Year?

Happiness Every Day: Nope. I just finished my New Year's Eve dinner and am watching the Spring Festival Gala with my dad in the living room. My family doesn't have the habit of staying up all night for New Years. What about you?

Wanting Happiness Every Day: We do, but I don't do it. My mom just stays up since she's playing mahjong, and we set off some firecrackers.

Only after privately chatting for a while did Jing Huan exit to read his unread messages.

Lu Hang sent out red envelopes to the group chat. It was split between five people, but he didn't finish sending it yet.

Lu Ge: @Happiness Every Day @Wanting Happiness Every Day, come out and get the red envelope ah. Don't you guys want money?

Lu Ge: … Crap, when did you guys change your WeChat names?

Lu Wenhao: [vomiting] [rolls eyes]

Happiness Every Day: ?

[Lu Wenhao has withdrawn a message]

Lu Wenhao: [rose] such an artistic couple name.

Jing Huan softly snorted and cautiously asked in the chat.

Happiness Every Day: It's not red envelope solitaire, right? If it is, I'm not clicking on it.

Lu Ge: Of course not, Ge is giving you guys red envelopes for the New Year.

Everyone was just trying to be lucky but wasn't expecting to actually earn red envelope money. After receiving Lu Hang's red envelope, Lu Wenhao and Gao Zixiang also sent out red envelopes.

Since it was a new year, Jing Huan's WeChat limit had finally been reset.

He opened the red envelope interface, thought about it for a bit before sending anything, and changed the red envelope's message.

Happiness Every Day: [Gege and I wish everyone a happy New Year]

Lu Ge: ?

Gao Zixiang: [ confused but not saying anything.JPG ]

Lu Wenhao: What's the meaning of this, a joint red envelope?

Happiness Every Day: Husband and wife are one, they only send out one red envelope, don't you know?

Wanting Happiness Every Day: En.

A bunch of "?" popped up in the group chat. When they appeared, Jing Huan laughed until his shoulders shook.

After Jing Huan chatted for half an hour in the group chat, Baba Jing got up and said, "I'll go see what your mother is doing. You go to bed early."

Jing Huan said okay and simply laid on the sofa.

Lu Ge: How much lucky money did you guys get for New Year's?

Lu Wenhao: 500.

Happiness Every Day: 8888 .

Lu Wenhao: ?

Gao Zixiang: -1514.

Happiness Every Day: ?

Lu Ge: ?

Gao Zixiang: I received 5000 yuan from my red envelopes and then sent my girlfriend a 5200 yuan envelope and a 1314 yuan envelope.

Lu Wenhao: Suddenly, I think that it's good that I'm not in an online relationship.

Lu Ge: @Happiness Every Day how many red envelopes did your boyfriend send you for the new year? Quickly, show us.

Happiness Every Day: No show, faster death that way.

Lu Wenhao: If that was true, the love between the two of you would've been dead a long time ago.

Jing Huan angrily laughed and complained again, that he had no rights to kick others out of the chat.

After chatting for a while, Lu Wenhao asked him to do NCH's Spring Festival instance with him.

For the sake of the PvE players' game experience, the festival instance's difficulty wasn't high, but it was necessary to have cooperation between players.

This year's Spring Festival instance was a big 20 person instance. The instance was simple but tedious, the story line was lively, the difficulty was low, and the reward was generous. All the other players had said one after another that the game planned to have limited revives in there.

Anyway, he was idle anyway, so Jing Huan agreed to let Lu Wenhao save him a place.

Happiness Every Day: Ge, come online to do the Spring Festival Instance, Lu Wenhao will be our carry [ Ge You slouch ]

Wanting Happiness Every Day: I have something to do right now, can't get on.

Wanting Happiness Every Day: Help me log into my account?

Jing Huan obediently logged into Xiang Huaizhi's account. After entering the instance, he opened the member list to have a look——

Happiness Every Day: Fuck! Lu Wenhao wants me to die!!!

Happiness Every Day: This instance is full of Promise Guild members!!!

Happiness Every Day: I'm not about to be assasin*ted ba? [smile]

Xiang Huaizhi only replied halfway through the instance.

He replied with a voice message. "No, they wouldn't dare to. Did you complete it?"

Jing Huan pressed the voice key. "No ah, it's only half done. Are you still busy? Why's it so quiet over there?"

Xiang Huaizhi replied, "Almost done, still about 20 minutes more."

Jing Huan thought this sounded strange, but even after thinking for a bit, he still couldn't pinpoint exactly why it was strange. Lu Wenhao's voice came out of the speaker and interrupted his thoughts.

"Huanhuan, hurry, take the team leadership, I have diarrhea…"

Jing Huan reluctantly took over the team leader position. "You should hurry."

When the instance was finished, Jing Huan happily added 14 new friends.

Speaking of this, since he had lost a wave of people because of the livestream, like Xiang Huaizhi, he could now receive many friend requests each day.

But…

Other people added Xiang Huaizhi to worship their great God, trying to get close to their idol.

When they added him, it turned into——

[Stranger] Products Don't Have Love: Xiao Tianjing~ I want to see pictures of you and God Xiang~ [crying]

[Stranger] Love and Sincerity: Hello, may I write a doujinshi about you and God Xiang?

[Stranger] You're the Most Precious: Can you hurry up and do some marketing? If you keep dragging it out, the food will get cold! Hurry up and write the story to lure my money away!

Jing Huan: "…"

It was just baffling.

Of course, there were also people who wanted to learn how to play the Fairy Fox Cave like him, but there weren't many. After all, there weren't many Fairy Fox Cave players to begin with.

Jing Huan closed the chat box—he really didn't understand.

A few years ago, he was considered a great God player in other peoples' eyes, but now he's an advertisement for fujoshis. This was fucking…

Jing Huan was thinking about whether or not to make a comeback with another DPS account and compete with his boyfriend over rankings when his cellphone rang.

Wanting Happiness Every Day: Sleeping?

Happiness Every Day: Not yet ah.

Happiness Every Day: Just finished the Spring Festival instance. In this 20 person instance, everyone else got something, except me, with two accounts open. [roll eyes]

Happiness Every Day: I suspect that the GMs know that I've cursed them out behind their back, and are deliberately messing with me… Have you finished your matters?

Jing Huan's keyboard clacked as he typed while venting, striking out a line in a few seconds. Before he could send it though, Xiang Huaizhi had replied.

Wanting Happiness Every Day: Come out.

Jing Huan was suddenly dumbfounded.

Happiness Every Day: Ah?

Standing by the car, Xiang Huaizhi breathed out a white mist.

He looked at the close by villa and suddenly felt like he was ridiculous.

Leaving his home on New Year's Eve, driving more than an hour by car, just to catch a glimpse of the person he liked.

A few months ago, if someone brought this kind of sappy story to him and told him that he would do this without any other details, he would've ridiculed it.

He took a deep breath and typed.

Wanting Happiness Every Day: I'm downstairs from your house, where you got off last time.

Wanting Happiness Every Day: Come out and meet me, pure male college student.

In less than half a minute, the person he liked appeared.

Jing Huan had casually put on his coat, but hadn't even zipped it closed. When he ran towards him, the open collar shook in the wind, making the zipper jingle.

Jing Huan bumped him back a step and before Xiang Huaizhi could embrace him, he was pushed against the car door with a kiss. The boy's nice smelling scent poured into his senses.

"Ge," Jing Huan said in his ear, gasping and his eyes bright, "Happy new year, big fortune, and great profit."

Worth it, Xiang Huaizhi thought.

—

Juurensha: Haha both of them being like omg how did I become this sappy….but doing it anyway!

Divi: aljskdhkljashd they're so sappy, I love how they think about how cringe they're acting but do it anyways. It be like that sometimes, when you're single it's cringe but you end up doing it anyways as a couple…

Thank you so much for the ko-fis guys!

Chibi fanart of XTJ by whiteflare:

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