Guide on How to Fail at Online Dating

Edited by Divetus

Xiang Huaizhi already had the impulse to do this yesterday.

But they had just confessed, and strictly speaking, it could be considered that they had just started dating. He had never dated anyone before and told himself that he should take it step by step.

However, after having a few drinks and getting blown about in the wind, he had thought it through again.

He liked Jing Huan, and Jing Huan also liked him.

They were a couple.

There wasn't a progress bar between couples.

Jing Huan's lips were very soft, and they still had a slight minty flavor from the mints at the barbeque shop. Xiang Huaizhi first kissed him, lifted his head, thought a bit, and then bowed his head to kiss him again.

A small satisfying sample of a kiss.

Xiang Huaizhi stood up straight, and he reached out his hand and tousled Jing Huan's hair. His Adam's apple rolled gently, and he let out a chuckle, "Your face is very red."

Jing Huan: "…"

I'm already about to spontaenously combust, how could I not be fucking red???

Jing Huan stood rooted in that spot, his entire person was extremely stiff.

He suspected that he was drunk, and not just drunk, but drunk enough that he needed to be rushed to the hospital, in order to have such a dream that wouldn't happen even if it was the end of the world.

Seeing his silence, Xiang Huaizhi paused a bit. "Angry?"

Jing Huan felt that his throat was blocked by something; it was very difficult to speak. He said in a hoarse voice, "No."

"En, head up ba," Xiang Huaizhi said, withdrawing his hand and dropping the umbrella a bit. "Thank you for the rose."

Jing Huan said goodbye to Xiang Huaizhi like a robot and turned to enter the elevator.

The security uncle of the apartment was sitting in front of the monitor. He was performing his duties very responsibly, keeping watch over the apartment while eating his take-out.

Finally, there was a figure in the surveillance screen, and the uncle looked at it intently. It was the male university student who had just moved in this semester. He had been very impressed by this male student. First, he was polite to him, and every time he passed by the security booth with some fruit, he would spare him some. Second, he was very handsome and looked very spirited.

He smiled, intending to see the child enter his apartment before continuing to eat.

However, after he saw the boy enter the elevator, he stood still for a few minutes, not even pressing the button for his floor. The monitor's picture seemed frozen, and if it wasn't for the timestamp at the top right running, he would've thought that the monitor was broken.

The security uncle put down his chopsticks, frowned, and scooted a bit forward.

The narrow office was weakly illuminated by a single white lamp. The light bulb hadn't been changed in a long time, so the light that emanated from it was very dim. A burst of cold wind blew in through the window, making a whining noise and the uncle couldn't help but shudder.

Why did he feel like… the boy wasn't only standing completely still but also looked like he wasn't breathing???

Scary, scary, so scary! The uncle's heart was pounding, and he murmured out in fragments, "Prosperity, democracy…. Then what, freedom, rule of law, and what else… "

As soon as he made this random chant, the person in the elevator moved.

The boy suddenly turned around and banged his head against the elevator.

Uncle: "…"

Jing Huan didn't show mercy to himself, he kept cruelly banging his head against the wall.

But no matter how many times he banged his head, he was still in the elevator.

Fuck.

This dream was too fucking scary, his heart still hadn't stopped pounding. Other people said heart-pounding scenes felt like fawns bumping against the walls of their heart, but when it came to him, even if an octopus carrying countless small hammers hit him into a daze, he still couldn't figure out what was going on.

His cellphone suddenly rang and it gave him a jump scare. He took out his cellphone and fled to this escape route by picking up the call.

"Shit, Huanhuan, you actually snuck out on us to selfishly eat all the good things by yourself!" Lu Wenhao said angrily.

Jing Huan questioned, "What good things did I selfishly eat by myself?"

"You actually went out with Senior Xiang and them for barbecue!!"

Jing Huan took a breath and managed to squeeze out his voice from his throat, "Laozi didn't eat it."

"Bullshit, Lu Ge already posted pictures in his friend circle! You were sitting right next to Xiang Ge, and the two of you were even whispering to each other!"

Jing Huan was lost.

His heart beat faster and faster. He called out, "Lu Wenhao."

Lu Wenhao asked, "What?"

Jing Huan said, "Turn into a pig."

Lu Wenhao: “&#k2026;”

Lu Wenhao angrily asked, “Who are you trying to humiliate here!!?”

It’s over.

Jing Huan ignored Lu Wenhao’s roar and hung up the call.

It’s over. Lu Wenhao didn’t change into a pig, and his reaction was very normal.

Jing Huan carried with him some of the chill from outside. Without his scarf, his neck was empty. His mind was completely empty, there was a dull pain on his forehead, and he still remembered the touch of Xiang Huaizhi’s lips.

It wasn't like a dream.

He blankly looked up and saw the floor displayed by the elevator. The small flames of burning hope swelled up in his eyes—the elevator hadn't moved!!!

Not moving!!!

It's fake!!!

Clack.

There was a noise from the elevator's intercom and the person on the opposite side asked.

"So… Young man, did you forget to press the button for your floor? I'm just reminding you. If that's not it…. I'm sorry for disturbing you…"

Jing Huan: "…"

The joy faded from his face, and he pressed the button for his floor.

The elevator rose slowly.

Exiting the elevator, Jing Huan expressionlessly walked to his door. He activated the password keypad and inputted the password incorrectly three times, so then the security system made a dididididi noise.

For a journey that usually took less than two minutes, today, Jing Huan had been struggling through it for nearly 20 minutes.

After entering the apartment, Jing Huan closed the door and didn't even turn on the lights before plopping down onto the landing, burying his arms in his head like an ostrich.

No

Wait a minute…

He and Xiang Huaizhi had kissed???????

As soon as the idea appeared, heat began to rise up to his head again, steaming him all over and making him feel hot.

Jing Huan's mind was muddled, and he didn't know how long he had just sat there before he was pulled back to reality by a WeChat notification.

The bright light of his cellphone was particularly blinding in the dark. He looked down stiffly, saw the word "Xiang" in the preview, and his heart suddenly shook. He subconsciously raised his hand to cover the rest of the words.

After a moment, he got up from the ground, turned on the light, and hurried to the bathroom.

He splashed cold water on his face, but the hot feeling on his face increased instead of decreased. Jing Huan looked up and startled himself.

Jing Huan felt that, even after running the 1500m, his face hadn't been this red. Not only his face, but his neck and ears were all also red. He felt like he looked like an ugly tomato.

Had he also looked like this in front of Xiang Huaizhi?

With just this idea, his thoughts floated back to the apartment complex's entryway, but he shook his head and quickly refocused his train of thought..

Xiang Huaizhi should've been drunk. The class monitor had plied him with so much alcohol, that anyone would get drunk… It was just a kiss, it wasn't a big deal.

Now that he was in the bathroom, Jing Huan decided to take a shower, just enough to sober himself up.

He took off his clothes, threw them all into the dirty clothes basket, and walked barefoot into the shower.

The water gushed out of the showerhead, and because the temperature hadn't been adjusted well, it was a little cold.

As cold as Xiang Huaizhi's lips.

Jing Huan turned to pick up the shower gel. The bottle was black, the same color as the umbrella they had borrowed from the barbecue shop.

After finishing his shower, Jing Huan took up a towel and saw the big red towel that his mother had specially bought for him, and thought of the red rose in Xiang Huaizhi's pocket.

"…………"

Fuck!!!

Jing Huan broke down.

After drying up, Jing Huan rallied and picked up his cellphone from the entrance.

It was fine, it wasn't like he was a girl, getting kissed once wasn't a big deal. As bros, they had to show tolerance to one another.

Xiang: I'm at the dorm.

Obviously, he was the one who had asked Xiang Huaizhi to send him a message once he had arrived at the dorms, but why did this message feel a bit abnormal to him now?

It seemed like… what… Reporting his situation back to his girlfriend… Kind of.

Jing Huan knocked himself on the head, warning himself not to think nonsense.

He typed: I just took a bath la, so I just saw this message QA

He hadn't finished typing the QAQ when suddenly, he was given a start and decided to delete all the words as soon as possible!

Xiao Jing ya: I just took a bath, so I just saw this message.

Xiang: En.

See.

See, see!

One look and you could tell this was a conversation between bros!

Jing Huan's heart settled down and he internally thought, okay, as long as you don't mention it, we'll just pretend the thing just now never happened. I'll forget it completely at dawn.

Xiang: Can you call?

No.

Why make a phone call for something that could be solved through texting?

And right now I can't see people nor listen to their voices.

Jing Huan typed with trembling and tottering hands. As soon as he managed to type out "No" the WeChat phone call popped up.

Fuck!

Fuck fuck fuck!

Jing Huan almost jumped out of bed.

What to do! What to do! How is Laozi supposed to refuse!!

Jing Huan cradled his cellphone with both hands, thinking that he should first hang up, fuck, and then think of something else.

Then, he pressed the Accept Call button.

Jing Huan: "…"

There was some noise from Xiang Huaizhi's side. Jing Huan sat cross-legged on his bed, his toes curled up in embarrassment.

"What were you doing just now?" Xiang Huaizhi asked.

With one sentence, the octopus that Jing Huan had just washed away with cold water had returned, and its small hammers were making his eardrums clang.

"I… taking a shower." Jing Huan hurriedly said, "You drank so much today, you should rest earlier ba."

Xiang Huaizhi looked at the rose in his hand, and he said, "I didn't drink that much."

People who were drunk never admitted that they were drunk.

Jing Huan unconsciously picked up his pillow and carelessly humored him, "En, how could you get drunk with such a high tolerance… It's past ten o'clock now, Lu Ge should be back now ba? Then, I'll hang up first and not disturb you."

"No, he's not here." Xiang Huaizhi set the flower down and said, "You should drink more water."

His tone was so calm that Jing Huan was unprepared. "Ah, why?"

"Your lips are a little dry," Xiang Huaizhi said.

Jing Huan: "…"

Jing Huan slowly raised his hand and touched his lips.

He heard himself say, "The wind was too strong when we were heading back, it's because of that. It's usually not like that."

Xiang Huaizhi paused, and after a long time only asked, "Is that so?"

Yeah.

Yeah, my ass!!!

Jing Huan was freaking out. Fuck, what am I saying, am I sleepwalking, why did I say something like that…

"Do you have class tomorrow afternoon?" Xiang Huaizhi asked.

"No."

As soon as Jing Huan said that, he regretted it. Xiang Huaizhi couldn't be trying to arrange a meeting with him to play basketball or something ba?

He felt that there was no way he could see Xiang Huaizhi for the next three days, so he quickly added, "No class, but I have something else!"

"What is it?" Xiang Huaizhi asked

"I……" Jing Huan made up a random excuse. "Need to go back to the dormitory, Lu Wenhao and them want me to come to do hot pot."

Xiang Huaizhi let out an "en" sound, "Then that's just perfect."

?

Perfect how?

Xiang Huaizhi paused and finished his sentence, "When you're done with hot pot, come up to see me?"

Jing Huan: "…"

He had forgotten, Xiang Huaizhi lived right on top of Lu Wenhao and them.

Just a few stairs away.

I'm. Going. To. Kill. Myself.

He had already said this much, and if he tried to come up with any more excuses, it was going to be obvious that he was faking it.

Jing Huan stroked his hair and said, "Okay."

Xiang Huaizhi was satisfied, the corner of his mouth curling up, and he turned on his computer. "Sleepy?"

Jing Huan responded, "Not sleepy."

He could now kill a cow with one punch of his fist.

"Then, log into the game to do the couple's dailies?"

"…"

Why do we still have to do the couple's dailies?

Logically speaking, shouldn't Xiang Huaizhi immediately divorce him?

Even if they didn't get divorced because of the child, there was no need to continue doing any of these couple's dailies ba.

Jing Huan finally couldn't endure it anymore.

In fact, he didn't have a bashful personality, but for some unknown reason, as soon as he appeared in front of Xiang Huaizhi, all he could do was scratch his cheek in embarrassment and spend the entire time holding everything back.

He clenched his teeth, braced himself, and asked, "Gege, I want to ask you something."

Xiang Huaizhi opened up NCH. "En."

"We…" Jing Huan thought hard and found a suitable way to ask, "What exactly are we right now?"

There were a few seconds of silence in the call.

Then came the sound of a mouse button clicking.

Xiang Huaizhi controlled the characters to walk to the sect and replied, "Dating?"

Jing Huan's heart was about to stop from fright.

Xiang Huaizhi continued, "Or…"

Fuck.

Jing Huan finally learned to breathe again.

It's okay, it's okay, there's still an or.

Jing Huan even suspected whether or not Xiang Huaizhi was drunk and was deliberately teasing him.

"Or," Xiang Huaizhi threw out the sentence, directly grabbing Jing Huan's fate by its throat, "Dating online?"

—

Juurensha: Huanhuan, it's not a dream, and bros don't just kiss each other unless they're something more hahaha

Divi: Just bros that kiss and date right?

Huanhuan: You mean bros don't kiss?

Hao'er: Have you ever kissed me?!!?

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