Guide on How to Fail at Online Dating

Edited by Divetus

No matter if it was scum or slag man, it was already done. Now, the only thing that Jing Huan was thankful for was that he hadn't asked Yearning For to marry him into an Eternal Love marriage.

Otherwise, even if he had ten lifetimes, he would have no way to pay him back.

Just thinking about it scared him!

He was brought back again to the scene that he had first seen when he had come online.

He hadn't looked carefully before since he was in a hurry, but now when he entered the house, he noticed that all the furniture inside was gone.

In fact, it was completely unreasonable to make Yearning For live in this small shabby house with him. As everyone knew, NCH wouldn't let go of any chance to make players toss money at them, so even the players' houses had corresponding attributes.

For example, with Yearning For's big mansion, his feng shui was rated as The Purple Cloud that Comes From the East. The experience gained from sitting at home was 30% higher than that of sitting in other feng shui houses. It was rumored that some player once triggered a happy encounter at home and dug up a rare soul beast egg. In short, the benefits were countless, and occasionally surprises would pop up.

While at his own small dilapidated house, his feng shui was also rated—"Windy and Fierce."

Just hearing the name, you could tell it was unlucky.

However, the experience gained from sitting at home wasn't that much to begin with. The 30% bonus wasn't that attractive, and Jing Huan also didn't like to play with NCH's residential system so he was too lazy to change it after buying the account. The only use that the dilapidated house served him was as a warehouse that could provide him with some sundries.

Yearning For had actually been to his house, and had still agreed to move in with him.

Jing Huan's mind suddenly came up with the sentence— "marry a chicken and follow the chicken."

He had just wanted to speak up and say, "Why don't we not move ba," when he saw the man in black robes suddenly stoop and place a big cloth bag on his shoulders.

This was NCH's action of moving houses.

Xiang Huaizhi opened up the dialogue box of the carriage driver and asked him, "What's the address number of our house?"

Although he had been there before, it had been a long time ago, and whatever impression he had of it was long gone.

Jing Huan replied, "…..1219. "

The scene switched, and the two of them came to that small dilapidated house.

Wooden house, broken fence, weeds mixed with small white wildflowers grew rampant in front of the front door, and the petals fluttered in the wind alone.

If there wasn't anything to compare to, there would be no harm.

It wasn't the first time Jing Huan had met people in this shabby house, but now Jing Huan felt very embarrassed.

He coughed softly. "In fact, the feng shui and size of the house are not so important. As long as it's livable it's good, la…"

[Misfortune! You've just opened your door to be ambushed by a long-time mountain bandit leader! The house has lost seven liangs of silver, a spring outing picture, and a wooden stool.]

Xiang Huaizhi: "…"

Jing Huan: "…"

Shit.

A mountain bandit leader even steals wooden stools?

Does your mountain hideout not have any stools???

Mountain bandits all over the world would be ashamed of what you have done!!

Jing Huan quickly closed the system prompt. "This is the first time I've seen this kind of thing, there's never been anything like that before… Really."

"En," Xiang Huaizhi stifled a laugh. "It's okay, I'm used to it."

Jing Huan: "…"

They went back into the shabby house, and Xiang Huaizhi opened up his luggage and pulled out the furniture one by one.

This small house had a small capacity and couldn't hold so many things, so he had only brought a few pieces of furniture, stuffing the rest into a warehouse.

Jing Huan watched his wooden bed and raggedy curtain be demolished by Yearning For, and they were replaced by a mahogany square table, a red apricot spring curtain, a rosewood imperial concubine chaise lounge chair… The last was a wide marriage bed covered with a big red bed curtain.

Jing Huan thought about it for a long time, but he couldn't recall Yearning For having this bed in his house.

In his impressions, it should be a bed with red sandalwood carvings.

Xiang Huaizhi clarified. "I just bought the bed."

"Wow, it's so pretty," Jing Huan immediately praised.

Xiang Huaizhi continued, "It's a marriage bed."

Jing Huan: "?"

I was just bullshitting!

Xiang Huaizhi said, “Yesterday, when we were getting married, someone asked me if I wanted one. They said that this bed could be used as the nuptial chamber.”

Jing Huan: “&#k2026;”

Honorable seller, do you have a problem with me?

When he said that, Jing Huan also remembered, he really had heard of this bed before.

This bed was called a Joyful Mandarin Ducks bed bed. When he had first heard the name, he already felt that it wasn't very respectable.

It was said that this bed could not only be used as the nuptial chamber, but also had a more crucial function— creating children.

In NCH, if you wanted to give birth to a baby, you only needed to go and worship at Guanyin's feet. However, the probability wasn't high. Some players had worshipped for a whole year without succeeding at it.

With this bed though, you wouldn't even need to go find Guanyin.

Jing Huan asked, "How much was this bed?"

Xiang Huaizhi reported a number.

The sentence, "Let's forget about the nuptial chamber ba" was completely swallowed down by Jing Huan.

God!

Was this bed made of gold?

It was actually a hundred times more expensive than his little dilapidated house!!

"Do you want to try it out?" Xiang Huaizhi asked.

"Yes!!!"

The money was already spent, people who didn't go ahead and enjoy it were stupid!

[Your husband Yearning For would like to invite you to the nuptial chamber. ]

Jing Huan clicked agree, then pulled up his chair and leaned in front of the computer.

He would like to see how this earth-shattering, amazing nuptial chamber was worth so much money!

The interface suddenly changed. Jing Huan's whole game screen turned into a platform similar to the one used for shadow puppet shows, surrounded by red paper-cut artand a big 囍 character.

Different from a shadow play however, their characters weren't displayed on the screen.

He only saw two silhouettes.

From the outline, he could vaguely recognize that one was him, and the other was Yearning For.

He could only watch as the two people looked at each other affectionately behind the white cloth for a few seconds, and then Yearning For slowly drew the little fox fairy into his arms for an embrace.

Jing Huan's face was all scrunched up, and his expression was complicated.

How boring!

Then suddenly, the man bowed his head and kissed the little fox fairy.

Jing Huan subconsciously bit his thumb.

No way, how can they actually kiss?!

Finally, the man held the little fox fairy's face and pressed the little fox fairy onto the bed.

The red curtain slowly fell down, and immediately afterwards the marriage bed started to shake.

…

Started, to, shake?!!!

Jing Huan's eyes widened, but before he could recover from the shock, a few little inexplicable hearts appeared on the screen.

Jing Huan was stunned.

Fuck!

I want to report this!!

This pornographic game!! Why has it not been banned!!!

"A little crude." Xiang Huaizhi finished watching the animation and gave an evaluation.

It took Jing Huan a long time to recover his voice. "En… Didn't you check the special effects before you bought it?"

Although this thing was rare, with a Baidu search, there must be renderings or videos of it. Most players, before buying things, would usually run a search first to avoid wasting money.

Xiang Huaizhi was quiet for a while. "No, I thought you would like it."

Jing Huan: "…"

He raised his hand and covered his face. When Yearning For finished speaking, he was so ashamed that his whole face was red.

Jing Huan, you're really inhumane!

And also… If it wasn't for the fact that the voice hadn't changed, he would have suspected that the person playing Yearning For's account wasn't him again.

This person was usually so cold and indifferent, how come after getting married, it was like he was a completely different person?!

Actually, it wasn't like he was a different person, it was just that he was being too good to him.

But, when he thought about it carefully, it seemed that Yearning For hadn't treated him too badly before either.

Jing Huan's head was a complete mess, and his original intention to be honest was once again retracted.

Having not received a response, Xiang Huaizhi asked, "You don't like it?"

Jing Huan rushed to say, "I like it! It's just too expensive."

"Not expensive." Xiang Huaizhi put all the furniture in place and suddenly said, "I haven't been married before."

Jing Huan paused. "I know."

"I didn't know what you would like," Xiang Huaizhi said naturally. "But everything everyone else has, I will give it to you."

Jing Huan took a deep breath.

Fuck.

I'm dead.

You have this ability, whoever you wanted to pursue, you could capture ah, why did you marry me, this loli sounding, sickly sweet girl ah!!!

I don't deserve it!!!

Jing Huan had completely forgotten about his confession draft that he had just finished typing out.

His mind was now full of Lu Wenhao's words.

He even had a bold idea——

What if he just continued this act?

As Lu Wenhao said, whenever Yearning For didn't have any warm feelings towards him, then they could cleanly break up and happily walk their separate ways….

No, Jing Huan thought, expressionlessly. I'm not worthy of any happiness, just letting Yearning For be happy was enough.

And in doing so, he not only had enough time to return the money Yearning For had spent on him but also wouldn't destroy Yearning For's young and fragile heart.

… Shit, it's perfect.

After they finished moving into the new house, they took their team of five to do instances. Recently, the main forces of the Promise guild seemed to be tired. Their combat effectiveness had declined a lot, and their assassin teams had also withdrawn more than half of their members. The stronger teams in Idle Pavilion could grind their experience at will without worrying about being attacked by several teams in rotation.

Kiss Kiss Fish Fish had been busy these past two days with an exam. As soon as she came online, she discovered that her teammate had become her sister-in-law, and that she had also failed to participate in the expensive wedding ceremony. So now, the team channel was full of her insults and wailing.

Lu Hang chatted for a bit and found that something wasn't right. After turning off the mic, he asked the person behind him, "Hey, did you notice, it seems like Xiao Jingjing isn't in the mood to talk today?"

Xiang Huaizhi's head still didn't turn. "She's married now. If she's a little bit reserved, is there a problem?"

Lu Hang's seldom seen perceptiveness was just more vigorous than others; with a passing sentence he could discover things.

"How would I dare have any problems…" Lu Hang muttered and asked, "Right, what day is the sports festival?"

"Next Monday."

Lu Hang immediately clenched his fist excitedly. "Yes! Another three day weekend! Should we go have fun in the city?"

"Not going," Xiang Huaizhi said concisely. "I signed up for the festival."

"Why are you suddenly not as open…"

"Not just me."

"?"

Xiang Huaizhi finally looked back and informed him. "You have a basketball match next Monday, and you will take part in the men's high jump next Tuesday morning."

Lu Hang: "???"

Lu Hang exclaimed, "I usually can't even jump over a short block, and you're making me compete???"

Xiang Huaizhi replied, "Classes take turns. If you didn't take part in the first two years, you have to make up for it this year."

Lu Hang thought about it carefully. It seemed that the damn counselor had really said something like that.

University was no better than high school, and the class's sense of honor was very low, or at least, their class was like that. Normally when going to class, it wasn't even necessary to see any people, let alone talk about becoming close classmates. Moreover, people had to pay for tickets to the school's sports festival. Their class was just going to show its face, so the counselor thought of such a way.

Lu Hang struggled. "Can I change the event? You didn't take part in the first two years, so you should also have to take part this year ba, shall we switch? "

"Sure." Xiang Huaizhi said, "I'm running the men's 1500m."

"I think the high jump is actually very good. It's indomitable and brave, suitable for me." Lu Hang said with a desperate smile.

*

On Thursday, Xiang Huaizhi went to the counselor's office after class, planning to register for the event and at the same time ask a bit about the exams at the end of the month.

As a result, he just so happened to meet Jing Huan who came out of the office.

This was their first meeting after their marriage. Xiang Huaizhi lowered his eyes and studied the expression on Jing Huan's face.

With a smile and a light in his eyes, he actually looked pretty happy.

As soon as Jing Huan looked up, he met Xiang Huaizhi's gaze. His smile grew wider. "Ge, why are you here?"

"Signing up for the sports festival." Xiang Huaizhi asked, "What about you?"

"Coincidentally, so was I." Jing Huan put his cellphone in his pocket. "I wanted to take part in the 100 meter race, but in the middle of the race, my mom and them are coming to the school to see me, so I could only change the event to the 1500m."

Although Jing Huan ran around on the court every day, it wasn't the same as running the 1500m, where he would have to race against other people. He was upset when he thought about it, and his mood dipped much lower.

Xiang Huaizhi classified his mood as low.

"Your parents are coming?" Xiang Huaizhi emotionlessly asked, "Why?"

Jing Huan was stunned.

This… actually had to be explained?

Wasn't it normal for parents to visit their children at school?

Jing Huan blinked. "I don't know. Maybe it's one of their whims?"

Xiang Huaizhi frowned a bit, his eyes unhappy.

He still remembered that Jing Huan's parents had divorced early on and created their own family and had their own kids. They had a bad relationship with Jing Huan.

Why were they suddenly coming to see him at school?

And… Why did Jing Huan agree to see them?

Xiang Huaizhi frowned and thought for a bit, then came up with a preliminary conclusion.

After saying goodbye to Xiang Huaizhi, Jing Huan made a rare trip to the dorms.

The people from the neighboring dorm were also there, a bunch of old guys playing cards around the table.

Jing Huan sat beside Gao Zixiang, looked at his card, and laughed, "You're still playing with that? Just give up and admit defeat at the table…"

Before he had finished speaking, he heard his cellphone ring softly.

Jing Huan unconcernedly took it out and glanced at it.

[Xiang has transferred 5000 yuan to you. ]

?

???

With a clanging noise, the cellphone fell to the ground, and Jing Huan's hands were still frozen in the position of holding the phone, his whole face falling apart.

Gao Zixiang was frightened by this action. "What are you doing?"

Jing Huan cried out, "Laozi also wants to goddamn know…"

Why ah?

What did I do ah!!

Why did this Ge give me money once again!!!

—

Juurensha: Hahaha first Huanhuan is like this animation is too tame, and then he's like omgggg this is too much…(Hope you never play Dragon Age Inquisition, Huanhuan, it's spicier than that!)

Divi: Your lies are going to bite you in the butt Huanhuan. XHZ is either 1) Making up some tale in his head or 2) When he sees you interact with your fam he's going to be like, "he was lying to me"

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