Guide on How to Fail at Online Dating

Jing Huan, “…”

So it has started again?

He looked at the lonely and helpless little fairy fox sitting in the sea and sighed. “Okay Gege, then I’ll afk for a bit?”

Xiang Huaizhi, “Un.”

When the other people in the room heard their conversation, they felt a bit complicated.

Lu Hang chewed those two sentences in his mouth. “Old Xiang, you’re flirting with the little lady?”

Xiang Huaizhi didn’t even turn his head. “Don’t always look at me with that slag man gaze of yours.”

Lu Hang, “…”

Jing Huan tried all of the keys and even contacted the customer service personnel, but after confirming that he couldn’t spectate Yearning For’s battles, he resigned himself to his fate and minimised the game.

He logged into his WeChat on his computer and clicked on his dormitory’s group chat.

Xiao Jing ya: How’s the vanguarding going?

Gao Zixiang: Don’t mention it anymore. This game is getting more and more sickening, what kind of damn instance is this? They’re just focusing on increasing the difficulty of new instances ba? I prepped for such a long time, but they made me go to jail as soon as we entered the instance? [picture]

Jing Huan clicked on the picture, Gao Zixiang’s in game character was sitting in the sea in a daze.

He laughed. Looks like he wasn’t the only unlucky one today.

Lu Wenhao: Enough ba, you’re still unhappy even though you can just clear the instance while lying down? If you want to experience the game so much, come play my character ah.

Gao Zixiang: Scram you god damn Fairy Fox Cave.

Jing Huan felt attacked.

Xiao Jing ya: You’re really inhumane, it’s already 2019 yet you’re still discriminating against sects. You deserve to be in jail.

Lu Wenhao: 9494! (homonym for jiu shi jiu shi, i.e. exactly exactly!)

Gao Zixiang: ???

Gao Zixiang: Be reasonable, who doesn’t discriminate against Fairy Fox Caves in this game?

Yearning For didn’t.

As soon as that thought surfaced in Jing Huan’s mind, he immediately smacked it down.

These two were obviously in the same room, yet they could still start quarrelling in their group chat, they really were something.

Jing Huan drove a wedge between them and added fuel to the fire before he closed the group chat and left, concealing himself without hoping for any fame or gains for his contributions.

He clicked on a streaming service and played the most popular recent movie, but found it boring after watching for a few minutes and closed it.

No one spoke in the YY for a long time. He opened it up to take a look; no wonder, only him and Yearning For remained in the room. Everyone else had gone to other rooms to play.

There was a “Karaoke Hall” at the top of the YY. No one could do a new instance within two hours after failing the first instance. Players who failed in their vanguarding felt bored, so they were all standing there, and that small room had more than 70 people crowded in it.

Jing Huan glanced through it twice before closing it. He certainly wouldn’t be playing this character for long, so he wouldn’t go and make friends with anyone, lest he felt reluctant to part with them when he sells this character in the future.

He was truly bored, so he opened up NCH’s official forum to see if there were any strategy guides put up by players who had gotten the first clear.

However, let alone seeing a strategy guide, after reading through the whole page, it was only filled with posts scolding the producers.

Jing Huan was about to close the web page when he saw a prominent red headline of the top post from the corner of his eye.

【7th Nine Chivalrous Heroes’ Singing Contest is coming up~ Please clic.k here for more information. NEW~】

The post was uploaded two minutes ago, and there were already more than a hundred people who had commented on it. It was obvious how high the traffic for this forum was.

This event had been around since Jing Huan was still playing his old character. Because it had good rewards and was given a lot of attention, it was a very bustling annual event.

Jing Huan clicked on the post and saw how to join the competition. The competition system was no different from last year’s: everyone could sign up, and the other players could listen through the event interface in the game and cast votes.

He glanced through the contents before jumping straight to the reward section.

【First place: 30,000 yuan, server-wide limited edition mount “Purple Phoenix” x1, the chance to perform《Nine Chivalrous Heroes》 ‘s new theme song.

Second place: 20,000 yuan, server-wide limited edition mount “Purple Phoenix” x1.

Third place: 10,000 yuan, server-wide limited edition mount “Purple Phoenix” x1.

Participation award: Participants whose recordings pass the review process will obtain the newest limited edition clothing “Bubble Carp” x1.】

Jing Huan finally understood why this post was so popular.

When an item was scarce, it becomes precious. Just adding a “limited edition” to any item could easily pique the interest of consumers.

It was the same in game as well. Limited edition clothes, mounts, and pets were all very popular. And this time, the official site was using it as a “Participation award”, so they clearly just wanted players to participate and fervently sign up.

Jing Huan looked at the event interface and suddenly felt a headache brewing — the account he bought had been that expensive because it had all of the limited edition clothing that NCH had ever released since it was launched.

That also meant that he had to obtain all the limited edition clothing that NCH releases from now on as well, otherwise the value of his account would drop.

However… joining a singing contest or whatever wasn’t part of his plans at all. Even when he was playing his old character, he had never participated in such entertainment-like activities.

“Are you there?” Yearning For’s voice travelled over from his earphones and snapped Jing Huan out of his daze.

Jing Huan raised his hand and closed the web page. “I’m here Gege… what is it?”

“Get ready to leave.”

Jing Huan was stunned. He immediately opened up his game interface and just so happened to see a few announcements from the system pop up.

【Instance Announcement: Congratulations Player Yearning For for clearing the 9th hurdle and completing this instance’s quest!】

… he had only been dawdling about for less than half an hour, and Yearning For had already finished killing everything?

Jing Huan was still submerged in the sea. He tried clicking with his mouse, but he still couldn’t move.

He was about to ask around when he saw a black robed man holding a sabre enveloped in an eerie light walk into the scene step by step towards him.

【Yearning For has invited you to join his party. Yes, No.】

Jing Huan clicked on ‘yes’. The little fairy fox leapt up and jumped behind Yearning For.

【System: Congratulations to Idle Pavilion guild’s Yearning For, Long Road Ahead, Love is For You to Eat, Don’t Ask When I’ll Return for crossing through 9 hurdles in succession and rescuing Xiao Tianjing from the Clam Spirit Princess! They have obtained the first clear for Illusion server’s “Clam Spirit Disturbance”!】

The system news had just popped up for a few seconds before a ton of people jumped into their YY room; they were all there to spectate.

Lu Hang had only been bothering to listen to other people sing just now and hadn’t seen how Xiang Huaizhi cleared the hurdles at all. “What the fuck? You finished killing everything in 20 minutes? And it’s the first clear too… Xiangxiang you’re amazing!!”

Jing Huan snapped out of his daze and followed along, “Gege’s amazing!’

“How did you clear it?” Qiufeng was shocked as well. “Doesn’t the 8th hurdle have a BOSS with dual resistance? How did you clear that?”

A BOSS with dual resistance: both physical and magical attacks would cause a lot less damage to the BOSS, and once it was sealed, it would run away within three rounds.

Xiang Huaizhi said, “It wasn’t that resistant, it could be hit.”

Qiufeng was speechless for a moment.

His party had already been wiped out, and they were wiped out at the 8th hurdle. The number 2 physical DPS in their party had entered that hurdle, and he cried about only managing to hack away 300 HP from the BOSS per strike.

“Quick, quick.” Lu Hang urged, “Click on the NPC to get the rewards.”

There was a 100% chance of getting high value rewards from first clears, but how many would drop and who it would drop on was uncertain.

Jing Huan wasn’t interested in the rewards at all. He was about to brew some coffee to raise his spirits when he saw several rows of system prompts pop up on his screen–

【You have obtained 7718372 experience points.】

【You have obtained 433 copper.】

【You have obtained “Amethyst” x1】

Jing Huan was stunned, and before he could react, his party was automatically sent back to the main city gate by the system because the instance had ended.

It was quite for several seconds in the room before Love is For You to Eat shouted, “XIAO JING! AAAHHHH! BONUS!!”

“Fuck, an amethyst…” Lu Hang’s eyes reddened. “Xiao Jingjing, you’re too awesome.”

Amethyst, a high-level material for strengthening equipment. It had a 100% chance of improving attributes and was something rarely seen in the marketplace.

Jing Huan was stunned as well. He opened up his inventory, and after confirming it again and again, he murmured, “Gege… I got a high-level material.”

“Un, I saw it.” Xiang Huaizhi said.

“What the fuck… your luck is too heaven-defying.” Lu Hang said, “Looks like the steamed buns you got from killing the Yao King and the garbage item you got yesterday were all just paving the way for your good fortune today.”

Xiang Huaizhi disbanded the party and was about to go restock his potions for the 20-man instance.

【Xiao Tianjing has given you Amethyst x1】

[Private Message] Xiao Tianjing: Today I will also be giving my love and luck to Gege! \\^0^//

Xiang Huaizhi wanted to throw it back when he realised that the other party had activated their function of refusing to accept items.

[Private Message] Yearning For: ?

[Private Message] Yearning For: Don’t just give your luck away to other people so easily.

[Private Message] Xiao Tianjing: No ma.

[Private Message] Xiao Tianjing: Gege embed it on your divine artifact, it can increase lots of attributes! My equipment is all trash, so there’s no use for me to hold onto it.

[Private Message] Xiao Tianjing: Don’t give me money ‘kay, I won’t want it.

[Private Message] Xiao Tianjing: But… if Gege really doesn’t feel right just taking it, you can give me something else [shy]

[Private Message] Yearning For: What do you want?

[Private Message] Xiao Tianjing: A married couple title with Gege. [shy][blushes][taps fingers together]

[Private Message] Yearning For: Choose something else, or take your crystal back.

[Private Message] Xiao Tianjing: QAQ uwahh–

[Private Message] Xiao Tianjing: Then I’ll keep the rights to it for now, and I’ll request it from you again next time when I come up with something. Is that okay Gege T.T

[Private Message] Yearning For: Un.

In the YY, Lu Hang was still urging, “Xiao Jingjing, give us our bonuses quick, let me soak in a bit of your luck before I go for the 20-man instance later!”

Jing Huan, “Okay, give me a moment, I’ll go get money from the bank…”

“Yi?” Don’t Ask When I’ll Return was stunned. “Why did God Xiang suddenly throw me money?”

Love is For You to Eat: “God Xiang gave me money too…”

Xiang Huaizhi, “Bonus.”

Lu Hang, “You got it wrong ba, Xiao Jingjing was the one who got the high-level material.”

“I’m helping her give it out.” Xiang Huaizhi looked at the time. “Okay, go get your potions. Gather at the entrance of the guild at 2:50.”

The room fell silent in an instant.

Compared to the five-man instance, the new 20-man instance was much easier. It was the simplest instance model — kill mobs the whole way through before killing the BOSS, and there were no obstructions at all.

There were enough DPSes in the party, and it was strangely easy for them to get the first clear as well. The rewards for their first clear landed in Chunxiao’s hands — it was a high-level material too, but it was far less valuable than an amethyst.

After they finished doing the instances, the people in the party were thoroughly spent. They decided not to do anymore instances after a round of discussions.

Jing Huan packed a few containers of mala soup and went to visit his dormitory.

Gao Zixiang’s guild didn’t get the first clear, and he looked upset. “We were only two seconds slower than them, two seconds!!”

“Focus on your food, don’t think about it anymore.” Jing Huan broke his chopsticks apart and looked at Lu Wenhao, who was in front of his computer. “Hao’er?”

The one who was usually the most greedy for food didn’t even look back. “Coming, let me finish watching this video first.”

Jing Huan asked, “What is he watching?”

“What else can it be? Yearning For’s first clear video bei.” Gao Zixiang said.

Jing Huan paused. “… what’s so fun to watch about that? It’s just an ordinary instance.”

“It’s an ordinary instance, but it’s not ordinary for one person to clear five hurdles on their own. It’s just ‘cause you didn’t see how he hacked at the dual resistance BOSS. Two words,” Gao Zixiang looked up, “O-P.”

Jing Huan couldn’t help but glance at Lu Wenhao’s computer screen.

In the video, Yearning For’s character had just ended a battle. He walked all the way to the bottom of the sea and stopped next to a little fairy fox.

Lu Wenhao closed the video and sat next to them. “Fuck, Yearning For’s too cool. He should be the no.1 physical DPS server-wide ba?”

Gao Zixiang, “He was no.1 long ago.”

“Especially after he killed the BOSS, when he went to retrieve that female player in their party with a sabre in hand…” Lu Wenhao shook his head as he uttered tsks. “Honestly, if I was that girl, I would’ve definitely wanted to marry him at that moment. Do you guys understand what wanting to offer yourself up in marriage is?”

Gao Zixiang, “I don’t.”

“It’s cause you’re not sentimental enough. Your girlfriend’s a pitiful one for following you for so many years without even receiving a single stalk of a rose before.” Lu Wenhao turned his head, “Right, Huanhuan?”

Jing Huan swallowed a fish tofu without changing the expression on his face. He nodded and said, “Un, if I were that female player, I would use the amethyst as a ring and propose to him on the spot.”

—

Juurensha: …Huanhuan your luck got a little better!

—

Announcement from Zryuu!

Hi everyone! This might be a bit sudden, but I’ve actually been considering this for quite awhile now.

I’m quitting translating. There are a few reasons contributing to this reason, but long story short, I just don’t find translating worth it anymore

I won’t be gone immediately cause I’m still sitting on my stockpiles (I’ve actually been sitting on my stockpiles for abt 1-2 months now lmao…), but once they run out, that’ll be it.

Thank you to everyone who has been supportive, I honestly wouldn’t have continued for this long without you guys. But, and idk how many times this has been reiterated, translating is very tough and time-consuming without getting much in return. Readers might spend just 1 minute, 2 minutes or 5 minutes reading through one chapter, but translating, editing, proofreading, formatting and uploading that one chapter takes hours. And hobbyist translators do this mostly FOC, which is amazing in and of itself. Yet they may sometimes receive flak not just from readers, but also other translators as well. I have not personally been involved in such cases, but I’ve seen enough to know that I don’t want to make my life even more difficult by suffering from any of this. It’s like giving out free lemonade at your own cost and having people come up to you saying that you’re not giving out enough or that your lemonade isn’t good enough.

I’ve said a lot, but I guess the main takeaway I want people to get from this is to cherish fan translators more. They’re probably the main reason for the surge in the BL community growth in the past 1-2 years, and they’re doing all this of their own volition and at the expense of their own precious time.

On the bright side, Juu has offered to continue translating GHFOD in my stead!