Guide on How to Fail at Online Dating

Lu Hang laughed so hard his bed was shaking.

"Fuck, this Xiao Jingjing is truly something. I give it up to her, I really give it up to her… If Qiufeng is a good guy she doesn't deserve, then what does she mean by wooing you?" Lu Hang was stirring up trouble on purpose. "Xiangxiang, do you feel like you've been dissed?"

After he spoke, he looked up as he wanted to see Xiang Huaizhi's reaction.

Only to see that Xiang Huaizhi wasn't annoyed in the slightest. His eyelashes dipped, and one corner of his mouth lifted slightly. "A little."

On the other side, Qiufeng was stunned first before he laughed out loud.

Originally, he had just wanted to play a joke on Xiao Tianjing, but his interest was really piqued now.

[Party] Qiufeng: I can play any character you choose, add me as a friend, and you won't lose.

Jing Huan, "…"

Fuck, he just met his match!

[Party] Xiao Tianjing: A good friend to you is all I can be, my heart is elsewhere so don't chase me.

After sending this sentence out, Jing Huan moved his fingers and added Qiufeng as a friend.

"These two really have a way of talking." Seeing as how they suddenly fell silent, Lu Hang asked, "Why aren't they talking anymore? Don't tell me they're PM-ing each other after adding each other as friends?"

Qiufeng had indeed sent Jing Huan an expression through PM, but Jing Huan didn't reply to him. He wasn't talking because he had gone off to reply to his class' group chat.

His friend icon lit up. He thought that it was Qiufeng as he casually clicked on it.

[Friend] Yearning For: I'll add you to the guild group?

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: Are you in it?

[Friend] Yearning For: I am.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: ^^ Then I want in!

His WeChat vibrated, and a new group chat popped up.

【Xiang has invited Xiao Jing ya to a group chat.】

There were 169 people in the group chat. Jing Huan changed the notes for the group before switching back; the screen was already crammed with messages, and they were all messages welcoming him and Yearning For.

Yearning For didn't say anything. Jing Huan pondered for a bit before deciding that he should say hello.

Xiao Tianjing: Hello everyone [extends claws]~

Peachy Fate: Hallo

Qiufeng: @Xiao Tianjing why didn't you reply to my PM [aggrieved]

Jing Huan thought, what other reason could it be? Of course it's 'cause I don't wanna reply to you.

It was tiring enough for him to act like a woman every day, how could he have the spare energy to deal with a suitor?

I'm a catfisher, I have no feelings.

With that in mind, he held his phone as he wondered about how to gently get this guy to leave him alone.

Everyone in the group chat was puzzled for a while — hasn't Xiao Tianjing confessed to Yearning For in public? Why are their officer's words so flirtatious?

Only Don't Ask when I'll Return didn't think much of it and specifically popped up to tease.

Don't Ask when I'll Return: Officer, you're not being proper ha.

Qiufeng: How am I being improper? [knocks head]

Don't Ask when I'll Return: Xiao Tianjing entered the guild with God Xiang yo. [cute]

Peachy Fate: &#k2026; Ah Re, you’re really not afraid of death.

Qiufeng: Haha, it’s okay. Although there’s nothing between me and Xiao Jingjing yet, I’d still like to clarify that Xiao Jingjing’s single.

Don't Ask when I'll Return: [thumbs up]

Wait For the Wind: Qiufeng NB.

There were gradually more and more people popping up in the group chat. Jing Huan thought that it really wasn’t strange for this bro to have been cheated of that much money.

After he finished reading the messages in the group, he closed the dialog box since he wanted to pretend as if he hadn't seen any of it. Yet, who could have known that right after he minimised the window, the sound of a WeChat notification would ring out beside his ear.

Yearning For: @Xiao Tianjing

Yearning For suddenly popped up, and the people who were just engaged in a lively discussion immediately shut up.

Jing Huan was stunned, then quickly typed.

Xiao Tianjing: I'm here Gege~

Xiao Tianjing: [kitty rubs hands] What's wrong Gege?

Yearning For: Come heal me.

Xiao Tianjing: Coming, coming!! [Xiao Mai drinks coke]

Lu Hang had been keeping a careful eye on the group chat, and he laughed when he saw this. "Wait no, Xiangxiang, you have at least 70% HP left, and the instance is about to end, why did you ask her to come over and heal you?"

Xiang Huaizhi's expression remained unchanged. "Want to clear this faster and finish the dailies ASAP. What, I can't?"

In order to make it faster for players to clear instances quickly, every sect had its corresponding bonuses for killing mobs. The sect that Xiang Huaizhi was in had a bonus that meant that the more HP they had, the higher the damage they would deal to mobs in quests.

Lu Hang watched Xiao Tianjing hop around as she healed Xiang Huaizhi and nodded. "All right, whatever you say goes."

After clearing the instance, Lu Hang disbanded the party on the spot. Jing Huan was about to fly away when a message popped up on his interface.

【Yearning For has invited you to join his party. Yes, No.】

Jing Huan immediately jumped into his team. "What is it Gege?"

Yearning For didn't speak and just brought his party straight to the storage NPC.

【Yearning For has given you Spring Gem x1.】

Jing Huan took a look — it was a level 8 gem that could be embedded in rings.

[Party] Yearning For: Just found it in my storage.

The price of this level 8 gem was close to a four-figure sum. Jing Huan said, "Thank you Gege, how much is it? I'll pay you."

[Party] Yearning For: No need, it's useless for me to hold onto.

"That won't do. You already gave me a ring, it doesn't make sense for you to pay for the gem too." Jing Huan refused.

He wasn't being polite. His goal wasn't just these measly few thousands of dollars. If he accepted it now, it would make it seem like he was coveting his money.

Yet Xiang Huaizhi didn't think much of it. He had seen someone selling this gem when he was strolling through the streets today, and it was a few dozen gold cheaper than its market rate, so he bought it without even blinking.

[Party] Yearning For: If you don't want it, throw it to Long Road Ahead.

"That won't do, I definitely won't give other people what Gege tossed to me!" Jing Huan paused. "But Gege, why do you keep giving me stuff?"

Without waiting for Yearning For's answer, Jing Huan made up the reason himself. "… don't tell me you like me?!"

"Which is why you want to spend money on me?"

"And even gave me a ring?"

Jing Huan only realised it then. "… omg, is that why you gave me a ring?!"

Xiang Huaizhi, "…?"

Jing Huan, "Hold on! Gege! You don't need to say anything, I agree! I agree to your courtship! Let's go to Yuelao to get married right now! I'll pay for the wedding! I'll pay for the sedan! I'll host the wedding banquet! All you need to do is ride the horse in front of my sedan!"

Listening to her growing more and more absurd, Xiang Huaizhi couldn't hold himself back from turning on his mic to interrupt her fantasies. "I'll sell it to you for 300 gold, and you can pay me the money whenever."

"…oh." When Jing Huan threw the money out, he whispered, "You really won't consider it, Gege? If that really won't do, we can get married first and fall in love later instead."

Right after he spoke, Jing Huan heard a brief chuckle.

Yearning For was laughing, and it sounded both low and deep.

"I won't." He said, "I won't get married in game, and I don't like… getting married first and falling in love later."

Jing Huan was stunned and only asked after a while had passed, "You've never gotten married before?"

"No."

Jing Huan thought that that was right too.

Slag men all love flirting with others, and they wouldn't take responsibility after they were done either. They weren't even willing to invite girls to sit in a sedan chair, they were really too much.

After they finished trading, Yearning For disbanded the party.

Jing Huan went to the blacksmith's shop to embed the gem onto his ring. He was about to do his dailies when his friend message lit up.

[Friend] Love is For You to Eat: Are you free to chat?

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: Yep, what's up?

[Friend] Love is For You to Eat: Nothing, just wanted to apologise to you on Xianxian's behalf.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: … there's no need for that~ she probably doesn't want other people to apologise for her either.

[Friend] Love is For You to Eat: …that's true. Sigh, she actually wasn't like this in the past, but ever since she got together with Yearning For, she's changed a little.

Jing Huan expressed his understanding. Before everything happened, he didn't believe that his Jie could become so vulnerable because of a man either.

He casually clicked on Love is For You to Eat's profile and realised that the "Guild" column below her profile picture was empty.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: Yi, why don't you have a guild anymore?

[Friend] Love is For You to Eat: Oh, it's nothing, I just quit the guild.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: [surprise] Why?? Wasn't your guild pretty amazing?

[Friend] Love is For You to Eat: Didn't want to stay anymore.

During this period, Ji Xiaonian had been constantly spreading rumours about her "betrayal" for standing on Xiao Tianjing's side, and even blamed her for Immortal Mengmeng going offline in a pique and then disappearing. She joined hands with several other people to talk sarcastically at her in the guild channel, mock her, and just not say anything pleasant. She didn't have a very good temper herself, so she quit the guild in a fit of fury.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: But the guild instances will be launched soon, aren't you gonna do them?

[Friend] Love is For You to Eat: I'll look for another one ba.

Jing Huan thought of something and typed.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: Give me a minute, don't join another guild first 'kay. I'll go ask our Officer! I just looked at the number of people in our guild, and Idle Pavilion still has several vacancies.

[Friend] Love is For You to Eat: Ah, there's no need for the trouble, it's okay for me to not do it either.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: It's not troublesome~ give me a minute [blows a kiss]

[Friend] Love is For You to Eat: …okay.

Of course, Jing Huan didn't go look for an Officer. He wasn't familiar with the people in Idle Pavilion, and he still held old grudges against them as well, so he naturally wouldn't deal with them if he didn't have to.

He went to look for the one he talked to a lot in the guild — Long Road Ahead.

[Friend] Long Road Ahead: Chichi? She quit her guild? Why? I remember that she was in the same guild as her sisters?

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: [shuts up] It's very complicated between girls, don't ask anymore. Can you add her?

[Friend] Long Road Ahead: Of course, and we can do the guild instances together too. She plays her healer quite well.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: [little rabbit nods] Then I'll ask her to apply to the guild!

[Friend] Long Road Ahead: Hold on 'kay, I'll go let Xiangxiang know first and get him to talk to Chunxiao. Idle Pavilion isn't a small guild. I've just joined for a day, so I definitely can't just casually pull anyone in.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: … but Gege has just joined the guild too 0.0

[Friend] Long Road Ahead: That's not the same. Even if your Gege wanted an Officer position, Chunxiao would probably be willing to give it to him.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: Gege's amazing [throws flowers]

Lu Hang chuckled and told Xiang Huaizhi, who was on the opposite bed, about this.

After getting a positive answer, he opened up his dialog box with Xiao Tianjing.

[Friend] Long Road Ahead: Done.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: …done so quickly?

[Friend] Long Road Ahead: Uh huh, there's nothing your Ge can't do in this server. It's a small thing to pull a friend into a guild.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: Lu Ge, can I ask you something 0.0

[Friend] Long Road Ahead: What is it?

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: Did you start playing NCH with Gege? How long have you guys been playing?

[Friend] Long Road Ahead: He came first, then I started half a year later than him ba. We've been playing for more than 8 years.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: Wah, that long? But why do I feel like… Gege doesn't have a lot of friends around him?

This was a suspicion that Jing Huan had always had. One glance at Yearning For, and you could tell that he was a veteran player, but during this period, aside from Long Road Ahead, he had never seen Yearning For hanging out with any other friend.

He only received a reply a moment later.

[Friend] Long Road Ahead: Um, how should I say this.

[Friend] Long Road Ahead: Actually your Ge used to have a lot of friends, and he even had a guild under him. But later on… a small incident occurred, and he hasn't liked making friends in the game ever since.

—

Juurensha: Ohhhhh we're getting some backstory for God of War gege. Also, Huanhuan's proposal and Xiang-ge's reply is my new favorite part. Hope you guys enjoyed the rhymes! We worked really hard on them.

Zryuu: ^ Juu worked really hard on them, all I did was translate it literally and be like "oh god this is supposed to rhyme…" HAHA