Guide on How to Fail at Online Dating

There was a problem with their positions, so when Jing Huan turned his head, all he could see was the other party's ears.

They were stuck so close together that he could even smell the faint scent of soap wafting from the other person's body.

"You're welcome." The one behind him said, "Can you get up?"

Jing Huan was stunned. He only dared to stand up when he was sure that the cockroach had run out of sight.

"I'm sorry ah." He turned around and finally saw the unlucky student that he had bumped into.

Single eyelids, high nose bridge, wearing a black T-shirt, and their eyes were level even though the other guy was standing one step lower than him.

Jing Huan stared at the guy's face for a few seconds before he thought of asking, "Well, um, I didn't hurt you ba?"

"No." Xiang Huaizhi glanced at him a few more times too.

This guy's eyelashes were strangely long.

"That's good then, I lost my footing just now." Jing Huan was too embarrassed to say that he had gotten frightened by a bug.

Xiang Huaizhi had seen everything, and he had even clearly seen how he had flung the pot away. He nodded. "Un, could you make way?"

Jing Huan was occupying one side of the stairwell while his pot occupied the other, and they were almost blocking the whole stairwell.

"Oh, okay." Jing Huan immediately made some space. In any case, he wasn't going to touch that pot again.

Xiang Huaizhi was about to go upstairs when someone grabbed his clothes.

"Classmate, wait." Jing Huan said, "I bumped into you pretty hard just now, if you feel uncomfortable anywhere, go look for me in dorm 312."

Xiang Huaizhi nodded. "Got it."

After watching his benefactor leave, Jing Huan stared at the pot on the floor. Just when he was worrying about what to do, he looked up, and his eyes met with the eyes of two people he was very familiar with.

Gao Zixiang and Lu Wenhao were standing on the balcony of the third floor, and they were looking at him through the window in the stairwell. He didn't know how long they had been watching, and as soon as they realized Jing Huan had discovered them, the two of them instinctively thought of hiding.

Jing Huan sneered. He raised his hand and pointed at Gao Zixiang first, then at Lu Wenhao.

-you, and you.

Then he put his fingers together and made a throat cutting gesture.

— must die.

Lu Wenhao, "…"

Gao Zixiang, "…"

Both of them put their heads against the guardrail and knocked their heads against it.

In the end, it was the housekeeping auntie who heard the noise and ran over to confiscate the pot. She even warned Jing Huan, saying that the school strictly prohibited students from cooking in the dormitory.

The ingredients had already been bought, and they would go bad if they didn't cook it tonight. Jing Huan stood in the stairwell and comforted himself for a long while before walking to the small shop outside the school gate.

He bought a pot and went back, and as soon as he opened the dormitory door, he saw that the raw meat and vegetables had been washed, cut up, and placed all over the simple dining table. Even the beer had been poured, and the cup that belonged to Jing Huan had a cherry placed along its edge as decoration.

"Dage, you're back." Gao Zixiang walked quickly to the door and posed like he was welcoming a guest. "Your humble little brothers have been waiting respectfully for you for a long time!"

Lu Wenhao stood next to the dining table. "Welcome Dage, please sit in the seat of honour!"

Jing Huan's anger had long dissipated on the road. "…idiots."

The three of them had agreed on WeChat: Jing Huan would buy the vegetables and beer, while the other two were responsible for washing the ingredients and dishes. They were the ones at fault this time. Gao Zixiang responded righteously, "Yes, yes, yes, we are idiots. Please sit, don't let your anger affect your health, Hao'er and I won't be able to compensate for that."

Jing Huan laughed from anger. "Fine, get up, sit in your seat."

The three of them sat down.

Recalling the scene just now, Lu Wenhao still felt some slight trepidation. "Fuck, this damn dormitory's steps are so high, if you had really fallen down and something had happened to you as a result, then I could only offer myself to you in marriage."

Jing Huan, "Don't. You can just pay me. I'm not interested in 36D."

"That's good then, Laozi doesn't want to let you rub them either." Lu Wenhao poured the base ingredients for the hot pot in. "But Xiang Huaizhi's pretty amazing ah. You bumped into him so hard, yet he could still be that stable, didn't they say that his leg was injured?"

Gao Zixiang, "That happened so long ago, he has probably recovered by now."

Jing Huan, “Xiang Huaizhi? Who’s that?”

"Your benefactor ah, the guy who was standing behind you." Gao Zixiang handed his chili to him. "You don't know him?"

Jing Huan pondered over it. “Is he from our department?”

“No, the neighbouring one. Our senior in his third year. He moved into our building this semester and stays in the dorm above us, 522.” Gao Zixiang said, “Oh right, you don’t often go to the basketball court at the west gate, so you’ve probably never seen him before. He’s fucking good at basketball.”

"Apparently he's a curve wrecker too, and the most important thing is…" Lu Wenhao drawled, "He's suuuper handsome, he's an influential figure in our school. I thought you'd know him."

"Sorry, I only know one influential figure in my school — me." The spicy soup in the pot was already boiling. Jing Huan had specifically bought a pot different from the last one and finally had a bit of an appetite. As he talked, he grabbed some tripe and put it in the pot.

"Braggart." Gao Zixiang mocked him but didn't refute him. "Then, influential figure, when exactly will you come back to play NCH with us?"

Jing Huan paused. "Why are you suddenly talking about this?"

"How is it sudden? We already said before that the three of us would play in the server-wide PK together, but it's been more than a year, and we still haven't done it!" Gao Zixiang recalled something, "Also, I heard that there'll be an extra amazing award for the server-wide PK this year."

Jing Huan, "Where did you hear that from?"

"My guild master knows a staff-member of the game."

That kind of news was most likely false. Jing Huan didn't mind it and uttered an "oh". "We'll talk about it next time ba, I've been busy recently."

Gao Zixiang nodded. "If I hadn't seen your schedule, I would have almost believed it."

"I'm really not free."

"Then say what you're busy with?"

Busy wooing a slag guy.

Jing Huan took a sip of beer. "In any case, I'm busy. Let's talk about it again once I'm done."

After having enough food and drink, Jing Huan repeatedly warned the other two to not lend the pot out again before leaving the dormitory.

He had just taken two steps when for some reason, he glanced at dorm 522 upstairs.

Only to see that on the clothes drying pole outside dorm 522, a colourful pair of underwear was being aired there. Jing Huan squinted his eyes to take a closer look before he clearly saw that there were Pikachus in all sorts of postures printed on that underwear.

…he couldn't tell ah, his benefactor may not have big eyes, but he's pretty flippant.

——

Jing Huan returned home, and he had just opened the game when his friend messages started flashing nonstop.

[Friend] Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent: Meimei, good news!

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: Ah?

[Friend] Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent: Idle Pavilion isn't hunting you down anymore!

Jing Huan was stunned. He surveyed his surroundings, and only then did he notice that the few familiar faces that would lie in wait for him the moment he went online weren't around today.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: Why ah.

[Friend] Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent: Uh…I'm not very sure about that either. The guild master made an announcement in the guild telling us to focus our efforts on collecting materials and not to waste anymore time on you.

Jing Huan's mouth twitched — who was wasting whose time?!

But this was good too. He had proper business to do right now and being hunted down was indeed very troublesome.

He went out of the city to do two dailies, and his journey went smoothly. He actually found it a bit strange.

[Friend] Long Road Ahead: You there?

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: I am, why?

[Friend] Long Road Ahead: Wanna do an instance? A 20-man instance, your sweetheart's here too oh.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: I wanna go!!!

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: [cheers] Where do we gather?

"Everyone's here," Lu Hang said, "Come ba, gather at Yuelao."

Xiang Huaizhi had just flown over to Yuelao when he saw Xiao Tianjing beside Yuelao.

He didn't say anything and requested to join the instance.

【Yearning For has entered the Second Young Master's Marriage instance.】

【Xiao Tianjing has entered the Second Young Master's Marriage instance.】

[Party] Long Road Ahead: Is everyone ready? If everyone's okay, I'll start the instance.

[Party] Love is For You to Eat: 1

[Party] Peachy Fate: …1

[Party] Chunxiao: .

[Party] Regardless of Lovesickness: …

[Party] Xiao Tianjing: … 0x0

Everyone else in the party couldn't help exclaiming in their hearts — what kind of fucking death train is this!!

… these people won't start fighting while doing the instance ba?!

[Party] Long Road Ahead: I'll say this first, if anyone gets any high-level materials, you have to give the other party members a share, and if we get any good item, we'll roll dice for it. If anyone has any objections, you can quit the party now.

This was a default rule for large-scale instances. Half a minute later, no one had spoken up, which meant that there were no objections, so Lu Hang started the instance.

The instance Second Young Master's Marriage could only be triggered with a "Mysterious Invitation Card". Getting a "Mysterious Invitation Card" was based solely on luck; there was an extremely slim chance of it dropping after one cleared an instance. Lu Hang got the invitation card that afternoon and immediately rushed to start the instance.

Although the instance wasn't difficult, the process was extremely tedious. He was worried that random passers-by wouldn't be reliable, so all the people he asked were those in his friend list.

The party chat channel was silent; no one spoke. The first round in the instance was an individual task for people to search for items, and all twenty of them finished it very quickly before moving onto the next round of tasks.

Right after entering the portal, Jing Huan's game interface changed dramatically, and he was yanked into a special scene — he arrived outside the residence of the Second Young Master.

【Guard at the door: Lord "Xiao Tianjing", you look very unfamiliar ah! What about this, since you claim to be the Master of Second Young Master, let me test you.】

Jing Huan had never done this instance because he found it too troublesome, so he just clicked on the option "Okay!" without any precautions.

【Guard at the door: May I ask what category of garbage wet tissues belong to?】

Jing Huan, "…"

Jing Huan, "?"

Isn't this damn game too up-to-date with current times?

It was silent in his headphones. Perhaps everyone was lazy or knew that there were people in the party at odds with Xiao Tianjing, so they didn't dare break this weird atmosphere. No one spoke in the voice channel of the instance party, and no one gave him a hint either.

Jing Huan glanced at the options and breathed a sigh of relief. Fortunately, the answer was very obvious.

He chose "Wet garbage" without any hesitation.

【Guard at the door: Guards! Chase this fake away!】

Jing Huan, "??"

[Party] Love is For You to Eat: Wet tissues are dry garbage…

[Party] Xiao Tianjing: …?

[Party] Xiao Tianjing: How do you know what I chose [shock]

[Party] Long Road Ahead: This is a random section, they will pick a player at random to do the challenge while the other players wait in place.

[Party] Xiao Tianjing: …

[Party] Xiao Tianjing: Which means?

[Party] Long Road Ahead: Yes, we're all watching you. But it's okay, there's no limit to the number of times you can answer the questions, jiayou oh [cheers]

[Party] Xiao Tianjing: …………okie! [smile]

【Guard at the door: May I ask how many items everyone found in the first section of the instance?】

Who would remember something like that? Jing Huan clicked on video replay straight away.

【Guard at the door: There is no replay! Guards! Chase this fake away!】

Jing Huan took a deep breath.

【Guard at the door: May I ask what the name of the young girl waiting bitterly for her lover's return at "Liuxi River" is?】

Jing Huan knew what Liuxi River was: it was a wild map in NCH, and there was indeed a young female NPC there.

What was she called again?

Just in case, Jing Huan specifically went to Baidu and saw the three words "Aunt Liu" at a glance. In order to not waste everyone's time, he quickly switched back to the game and clicked the option "Aunt Liu".

【Guard at the door: Guards! Chase this fake away!】

Jing Huan, "……?!"

[Party] Regardless of Lovesickness: How could you choose the answer Aunt Liu for this question?! Did you not see the words 'young girl'?? You're doing this on purpose ba? You want us to burn up our points? [doubtful]

What was going on? God damn Baidu lied to him?

Jing Huan went back to the web page.

【Netizen's answer: Firstly, we'll exclude the option "Aunt Liu" since the ages don't match after all.】

????

It's a problem that you can figure out at first glance when you go to the wild map, yet you had to fucking analyse it?!

[Party] Regardless of Lovesickness: I'd like to see how many questions you have to go through before getting one right.

If you're up for it, then you do it ah?!

Jing Huan angrily clicked on the guard at the door.

【Guard at the door: What's the next sentence after 'Flying waters descending straight three thousand feet'?】

…finally encountered one that he knew.

While Jing Huan recalled, he couldn't help muttering, "Flying waters descending straight three thousand feet…"

"Inferior to the emotions Wang Lun gave me." A familiar voice travelled over from his earphones, and it even had a tinge of a bantering tone to it.

Yes yes, that's it.

Jing Huan subconsciously made the corresponding selection for that sentence.

【Guard at the door: Guards! Chase this fake away!】

[Party] Love is For You to Eat: …

[Party] Chunxiao: …

[Party] Regardless of Lovesickness: …

[Party] Peachy Fate: …

Xiang Huaizhi chuckled very briefly. "…you really believed that?"

Jing Huan, "…"

And what category of garbage do you belong to?

—

Juurensha: Awww man, poor Huanhuan. Still, you met ML in real life, and he saved your life!