Doomsday Wonderland

Translator: Pluto  Editor: Vermillion

“Honestly speaking, right now, I can better understand why a person might want to hunt down consular officers.”

After Ji Shanqing said that, he exhaled deeply and placed the last item he could find from Carrot Lo’s trousers, on the dining table. Now, items covered half the area on the dining table for six.

A few candles had completely melted so the table was only dimly lit by the remaining ones, stunted candles. The paraphernalia on the table reflected the soft glow from the warm candlelight.

Lin Sanjiu did not join them. From the beginning, she simply sat in silence behind her two companions and watched as they took out item after item from the man’s trousers. Initially, she tried to keep her face straight but, at that moment, she could not hide her astonishment.

“I’ve heard consular officers were rich, but I didn’t think he’d be this loaded…”

Ji Shanqing and Qing Jiuliu sat down at the dining table. An orange glow lit their faces but everything else was clouded by darkness, including the corpse that was not far from them.

At that moment, there were eleven items on the table.

Eleven items might not sound like much. If a consular officer could get an item for every visa they issued, they would probably have a few dozen items in each world—even if the situation at Meat Elysium was unique.

Considering this, consular officers would probably amass so many items that it would be difficult for them to remember their names and uses. The norm for most consular officers was to get rid of all Special Items they deemed useless once they returned to the Twelve Worlds Centrum.

A “mere peasant” like Lin Sanjiu had no idea that being a permanent resident of any of the Twelve Worlds was expensive and that it was a recurring cost.

Logically speaking, it was absolutely possible for consular officers to live in the Twelve Worlds their entire life but they would usually travel to other worlds outside the centrum. They did this to increase the types of visas they could issue and to get more resources. As there were too many consular officers in the Twelve Worlds, they could barely get a good price for a visa, especially the most common type.

In other words, the items on the dining table were Carrot Lo’s best selection.

The item on the far left was a lacquered green birdcage which was half the height of a man. To be fair, it wasn’t technically “one” item because the wooden birdcage adorned with elaborate carvings was filled with miscellaneous supplies. Despite the exalted status of consular officers, Carrot Lo would still have to eat and dress himself. Apparently, he had stuffed all the daily necessities he needed into the birdcage and treated it as a luggage case.

“Why aren’t you moving? Why are you just staring blankly?” Qing Jiuliu gestured at Lin Sanjiu with his chin. Meanwhile, he absorbed another mouthful of wine from a bottle. He closed his eyes while he enjoyed his alcohol, “We’re waiting for the descriptions from your card.”

Lin Sanjiu shot a glance at him. Before she could say anything, Qing Jiuliu interrupted her.

“Alright, alright. We know that we’ve corrupted you this time. Goddamn, it’s terrible but convert that into your card. Quick!”

Lin Sanjiu swallowed the words she wanted to say and sighed defeatedly. The very issue she had been struggling with for hours was pretty much settled with a few words from Qing Jiuliu. Lin Sanjiu found it a little melodramatic if she continued rejecting them and dragging things out.

Lin Sanjiu hesitated before she finally touched the birdcage silently. A card appeared on the table.

[Canary’s Revenge]

That fucking bastard is finally dead!

On the day of the apocalypse, a kept woman <sup1</sup cheered rapturously in her mind. Her beauty and youth had slipped away during the time she was imprisoned in a twisted relationship built on money. She could no longer have a normal relationship and due to that she hated everything. She abhorred the man who did everything he could to stop her from being independent. She despised the man’s wife. She detested their children. She was tortured by her past, afraid of her future and mocked her own love… When the apocalypse arrived, it destroyed everything. But, her various anxieties, spite, and malice had coalesced into a large birdcage.

Target specifications: male and female with ages above 36 and below 70. Children younger than 10. Lovers of any age.

Activation method: Bring out the birdcage in front of the target and open the door.

Effect: Any person who fits the specifications will walk into this birdcage in a daze the moment they see it. The target would curl himself or herself up and stay trapped in the cage. A target can only be locked for a maximum of ten days, after all, no one would want to be a kept lover for their entire life. After ten days, the target would be freed regardless.

Note: With the exception of killing the target, it is up to the user to discover the other functionalities of this birdcage. The effect of this item can be enhanced with other Special Items.

PS: When you use this item, please take note if the target doesn’t have any Special Items or abilities that can counteract the birdcage’s effect.

“This…” Ji Shanqing blinked his eyes almost in disbelief. “If we are fighting against an unbeatable opponent, this is definitely a lifesaving item!”

“Thankfully, we don’t meet the requirements,” Qing Jiuliu clicked his tongue, sighingly.

Perhaps, few people actually targeted consular officers, and even fewer of these meet the specifications of the birdcage. Consequently, Carrot Lo didn’t seem to use the item much. The birdcage was filled with clothes, food supply, water, medicine, and other useful supplies that they could definitely use.

“Look at this second item,” Ji Shanqing urged excitedly as he pushed a toothbrush to Lin Sanjiu.

However, it was just a normal toothbrush.

“He’s crazy,” Qing Jiuliu grumbled as he tossed the toothbrush aside. “Why didn’t he put this in the birdcage!”

“Maybe, it’s full?” Ji Shanqing took the third item. “This must be a Special Item.”

“If it wasn’t a Special Item, no one in the right mind would bring a plastic, palm-size alphabetic letter around,” Lin Sanjiu thought to herself as she raised the red letter “e”. She couldn’t figure out what it was even after much contemplation. Curious, she converted it into a card.

The moment they read the words on the card, they stood up simultaneously. They nearly knocked over their chairs.

[eBay]

That’s right. Your eyes aren’t deceiving you. It is the same eBay you’re thinking about.

How could a simple apocalypse affect the great capitalist pursuit? Even if humankind becomes extinct, eBay existence remain strong. It reincarnated into multiple red plastic letters which are distributed throughout the worlds. Any posthuman who holds a letter is an automatic user of eBay and can make various transactions through their plastic letter.

Instructions: When a letter is first activated, an identification number would be generated. Even if the user changes, the ID number would not change. All users will use their ID to complete their business transactions.

When a user holds the letter in his/her palm, the information generated by the letter would enter the user’s brain via bioelectricity and an e-commerce interface would appear in the user’s mind (let’s just leave the exact technological explanation ambiguous). A user can sell items, browse and search for information about other users’ products and purchase requirements.

How can a buyer get the item he/she buys? It’s an unsolvable mystery.

Using some unknown criteria, the “forget-it-you’ll-never-get-it” items listed on eBay are all grayed out. Naturally, these items cannot be purchased by the buyer.

For the tradable items, users have two options. The first option is “Local World Transaction”. This option can only be used when both users are in the same world. The second option is “Pay a delivery fee to eBay”. After the delivery fee is paid, your item would appear out of the air with a “pop” or out of nowhere. Don’t ask me how it is delivered. This is our trade secret. This also applies to any sale of items.

The card did not provide much detail, so all of them read the whole description very quickly. However, the three heads staring at the card did not move. No one spoke even after some time. When all of them finally reacted to that information, Lin Sanjiu grabbed the red plastic “e” tightly. While her two other companions looked at her eagerly and curiously, she closed her eyes.

After some time, she finally opened her eyes and exhaled.

“What’s it like?” Qing Jiuliu peered over anxiously. “What did you see? Why aren’t you talking?”

At that moment, Lin Sanjiu’s expression was like a little kid who had entered a candy factory for the first time. She opened her mouth as if she wanted to say something. However, after hesitating for a few seconds, she ultimately pushed the plastic letter to them, “You should see for yourselves.”

Her two companions exchanged glances.

After Ji Shanqing defeated Qing Jiuliu in one round of rock-paper-scissors, he grabbed the plastic letter in his palm. The Special Item obviously didn’t have a race requirement. Once Ji Shanqing closed his eyes, a bright screen-like interface appeared out of the darkness. Other than the huge “eBay” on the screen, a revolving banner caught his attention.

“No. of eBay letters: 10927”

“Current users: 149”

In simple terms, there were more than 10000 letters scattered throughout the apocalyptic worlds. However, only 149 users have found and started using them. “That’s too little,” Ji Shanqing groused inwardly before he looked away. As his focus moved, the screen scrolled down as if it could respond automatically. The rows of words on the next page appeared before him.

“Total Trading items: 203 items”

“Current user’s tradable items: 37 items”

The 37 items were listed after those words.

The grand prize watched as item after item scrolled past him. They were all sort of unimaginable items. For the first time in his 1.5 years of life, he discovered his hobby— online shopping.

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