Don't Concern Yourself With That Book

Chapter 40

Translator: wuttisyun

It was obvious that his existence along with his mother’s were an annoyance to the cruel Crown Prince. It did not look like his feelings for them were made on a whim either. What happened next would lead to undesirable effects on the young Amor. (1)

Yusnan thought that he made the best possible decision he could make. Hence, it was the mother and son’s tragic fate for those who stood in front of them were not easily fooled by the insignificant power that a mere candidate held.

“Mother!”

The small body collapsed upon the woman’s.

“Amor…”

The 4th Queen mumbled sadly. With incredibly shaky hands, she touched his eyelids.

“Live well…”

“M-mother!”

“Please… Freely with love (Amor) towards the north (Norte)… Live… My child…” (2)

Her will was short yet the silence she left behind was long.

Tears flowed continuously on the boy’s pale white cheeks.

‘Mother, please open your eyes.’

Amor kept calling out for his mother.

‘Mother!’ He called out and yet the woman did not open her eyes no matter how desperately he clung onto her hands. His mother’s eyes were closed. She was stabbed by the swords of those cruel and cold people standing in front of them.

The person who killed his mother spoke in a nonchalant tone.

“You are not allowed to take a step outside the Teret Palace from here on out.”

Yusnan grabbed onto Amor who was about to collapse and lifted him forcibly.

He thought ‘He can’t break down here.’

How would he obtain his treasure? How was he going to ruin himself? (3) Yusnan tilted his head. The strangest person here was Castor. Normally, he would have immediately gone for the mother’s neck.

However, sometimes, since he knew how the Emperor thought and knew what he wanted, Castor would go against the Emperor’s will. The only reason why Yusnan still lived till today was all due to the whims of Castor which may change at any given time.

“Please choose.”

A small pouch was thrown in front of Amor. He looked at it as if he was a beggar however his instincts warned him of danger.

“It’s a curse.”

The plants whispered.

“Even you won’t be able to survive it.”

“Eat it and live. Or you can choose not to eat it and die.”

Who cared when his mother… His mother was cold. Amor replied with tears.

In his vision that was slowly turning dark, there was a red that remained strangely vivid. The red blood. His mother was dead. He did not have the chance to scream when his heart had been pierced by such intense emotions.

“P-please call a cleric for my mother.”

Drip drip.

Amor tried to stop the bleeding. But the blood which had yet to harden continued to flow onto the ground. Ah, why was this happening?

‘No. She’s not dead. No!’

Amor gazed upon his mother who was now immobile before slowly raising his head and looking at Yusnan. His gaze then shifted and fell on the bloodied sword. Why? Why? Why? He was too young to know of death. Nonetheless, he could roughly understand what it meant when someone was no longer breathing and hence no longer alive.

The next moment, black shoes entered his vision and his face whipped around from the floor.

His neck was twisted and even through his shaky eyes, he could see the snow white hair. Then, something was forced inside his mouth. As he coughed and choked, what looked to be black seeds entered his throat and he could feel heat blooming from within and warming him up.

“Why didn’t you just eat it right away?”

Amor struggled in distress and screamed with tears in his eyes. When he finally raised his head, he could see the motionless corpses and the white-haired templar smiling in satisfaction. All whilst the boy with black hair stood in the background.

Feeling his gaze, Castor turned his head and faced Amor.

“Amor.”

He raised the ends of his lips and smiled with joy.

“My brother.”

His smile was clear yet felt distant and even then, Amor could not feel the growing resentment within him. He did not even question the boy’s name when he was too busy crying.

“Do you want to live?”

Amor nodded in tears.

A fishy smell stuck to his nose and the thickness of the smell in the air seemed to melt into the darkness making everything feel heavier. Yet such a background seemed to fit the boy well. As if he was about to sink underwater, Amor took in a deep breath.

“How was your beautiful palace?”

Words that he would never forget were being engraved on his mind.

“I’ll give it to you.”

On one sunny day, his world came crashing down.

Blood of many spluttered like a fountain and scattered all around like flower petals as his happiness shattered. One day, as his mind drifted during the moment in which his mother died, Amor thought of some meaningless words.

‘… I’m glad that you got to leave without much pain.’

Then, Amor grew up.

He began to use his powers more actively though against his will.

‘Is it poison again today?’

He became the Emperor’s tool and helped the Central Palace concoct poisons with the intent of killing people. He was also used to eavesdrop on secrets through the plants before repeating them like a parrot. (4)

The boy’s world began to be overwhelmed by obedience, subservience and submission. Amor was no longer the Amor of the past.

The boy that used to always smile. Now, he was only focused on living day by day. He was satisfied if he could live for one more. To him, reaching out for another day so desperately was meaningless.

As if they were witnessing him die, the plants could not stop weeping. However, the boy whose soul had been crushed did not cry together with them.

He executed what he was ordered to do robotically but he did not know who he was killing, He did not want to know.

In the world where the greed of the powerful knew no bounds, the pure soul of the young boy slowly faded but no one in the world paid any heed. All the people who cared and loved him had already died.

But not everyday was painful. Sometimes, the world could be very beautiful. When the flowers were blooming, when the wind was blowing or when he visited the garden he would often visit when he was younger. Such things would bring back memories.

“You are not allowed to take a step outside the Teret Palace from here on out.”

But such things only brought him fleeting nostalgia. Endless pain and resentment at nothing will then grow within him.

“You’ll live here forever. Till the day you die.”

They imprisoned the boy in the palace and surrounded him with deceit and hypocrisy, making him immobile.

Amor coughed uncontrollably before choking.

Although he was frequently ill as a child, the extent to which he was sick could not come close to how he was now. He could barely even walk. He liked being in the garden when there was dew but he could not do anything by himself other than getting up from the bed. It was all because of the poison that the Emperor fed him.

“My lord, if you leave the window open like that, you’ll catch a cold.”

Amor who was barely holding onto the windowsill turned his head to glare at the maid. He did not even realise her presence.

There was a staff change in his palace after an assassination attempt two months ago, Was she one of the newly assigned staff? (5)

“Have you had dinner?”

She was someone particularly persistent and would not stop talking to him. Amor sweeped his hair back anxiously before leaving back.

“I don’t need it.”

“…..”

“What, do you need anything?”

There was wind blowing gently which caused his sky blue hair to sway like fine silk threads. Amor stared at the maid who would not leave after saying her piece before pressing down on his temple.

How annoying.

He was experiencing strong headaches these days, as if something was amiss with the antidotes he had been receiving.

… Maybe, death was not too far away after all.

Dying was simple.

‘Then, brother would not have to bring me an antidote everyday.’

Reeling from his thoughts, he walked towards his bed. He walked unsteadily before leaning forward precariously and stumbling. His body, which he thought would hurt from hitting the floor, remained unhurt. Instead, he was surrounded by something more comfortable.

Amor looked up at the maid who was supporting him.

“Are you alright?”

Her face was well above his. For the first time, he was confused with his own age. He was about… 14. The maid looked to be in her mid-20s. He mumbled before pushing the maid away.

“Get out.”

From then on, the maid who would keep visiting him relentlessly, made him wonder whether or not she was actually working in the palace with much annoyance.

‘My lord, have you had breakfast?’

‘Have you had lunch?’

‘The curry for this evening’s meal was freshly made!’

‘It’s very sunny today!’

‘The Freisa flowers are blooming!’

‘You should drink chamomile tea when it’s raining.’

She was a very talkative, troublesome and annoying woman.

But something about her left him with a faint feeling. Something he felt from a long way back. Back when he had the occasional storytelling and the smell of wild flowers on his sleeve.

Then, about a month later.

Amor knew. The maid’s voice sounded as if she was singing.

‘She sounds like mother.’

The maid had very fine brown hair that was soft to the touch. Her eyes were the colour of fresh bark. She was also unexpectedly clumsy so there were always scars on her hands and her back.

Before he knew it, Amor was able to distinguish her amongst the many maids who he had. Lucy. He mumbled her name. He wondered why he could feel warmth blooming within him.

He tried making her call his name once. However, that did not really work out.

“There’s no use for your name? Why not?”

“There’s no one left to use it.”

“No, why wouldn’t there be?”

One random sunny afternoon, the woman who tied up her hair laughed.

“There’s one right here though?”

Lucy answered pleasantly with words as beautiful as the landscape she was in front of.

“I’ll call your name one day. You have such a pleasant name.”

Rain clouds arrived at the land which had experienced a drought for so long and then rain fell in the world that only had desolate deserts. As if he needed to quench his thirst, Amor embraced her.

The woman who reminded him of his late mother. She became his new family. Because of that, he would get dreams of his past though it was quite seldom. They were happy dreams involving his mother. When his memories of the present continue to increase in number, maybe they could be as happy as the ones he had of his past. He wanted to cherish his present.

Little Amor had no one left he could trust. They died as soon as his powers appeared.

His mother, the nanny who raised him and the knights who had been protecting him since birth. Listing them out one by one broke his heart.

At that time, the precious rain that fell on his world would arrive. Whenever he took walks with Lucy, he would recall his memories with his mother.

In his dreams, all the people he cherished would disappear one by one before the maid would be left comforting the crying yet kind boy. The boy had trusted her.

–When he thought that his trust in her would be eternal.

“… You said you couldn’t remember them.”

Amor’s growing saplings were uprooted and trampled on in the darkness. Lucy grabbed his wrist and tried to pull him forward as she stepped back.

“You, the person you killed was my father. A good and well-known judiciary!”

“L-let go of me. Lucy!”

His body could only collapse helplessly and even in his strengthless vision, he could see her face looking over him. Her face had distorted, making her look like a demon. The woman stood over him with a knife. Something continued to drip on his face.

“Your poison killed my father, my mother and my younger brother…”

If anyone asked him how many people he had killed, he would not know. He would not even know whom he killed. Who, how many, where and how they died had nothing to do with him.

He only did what he was told to do and if he did not, he could risk his life.

He did not want to die. What was wrong with what he did? He wanted to live. All he wanted to do was live. Until when… What did he want to do when the day came when he would be free?

“Let’s go on a picnic!”

Tears welled up in his eyes as he recalled the memory. His memories were shattering and the shards had sharpened to become blades and stabbed his heart. He had loved every moment. He had lost love to someone and had finally regained it but once again, his love was lost.

T/N:

C41 and C42 will be out tomorrow or the day after because my pc is being a bitch 😉 i need a new one

(1): If it wasn’t made clear enough, Yusnan killed Amor’s mother.

(2): Realised it was Norte and not Note. Sorry for the mixup.

(3): I literally have no clue what Yusnan was trying to say here.

(4): Realised that I would sometimes not capitalise Central Palace. That’s a mistake! I’m capitalising them from here on out.

(5): Heya kiddos, I decided to change servants to staff. Made me feel weird writing people out to be servants.