Don't Concern Yourself With That Book

Chapter 338

Translator: yun

And why was I trying to understand him right now? I wondered why I was standing before this line of reason.

“So?”

I tried to remain calm but my voice trembled at the end of my question.

“I waited for you.”

Curling his eyes, he held out the sword he had been carrying around his waist. Castor must have noticed too.

“I have been barely holding on just to meet you.”

If I were to cross this line, there would be no turning back.

I didn’t want to be a monster like him. But now he was trying to turn me into a monster so that he himself wouldn’t. What sin did I commit? Why? Why was I forced to deal with this?

Ha.

Hahaha.

Should I just go mad then?

I should have killed him sooner. Yeah, I should have. No, didn’t a chance come to find me again? Alright, I shouldn’t. I should stop trying to kill him. I want to live comfortably. How much longer did I have to suffer?

“If I kill my nanny, I will definitely go insane after the regressions stop.”

“I have a favour to ask of you. Don’t go insane.”

To not fall into madness, he watched his nanny fall from the top of the tower countless times. His fingers wrapped around the sword handle tangled with mine. He placed the sword in my hand. Only then did I notice his expression.

He was clearly halfway becoming a madman but nevertheless, his shimmering golden eyes were as clear as the other half of the pale moon.

“I don’t know why I am going this far.”

No matter how far I tried to move away from him, Castor made up for the distance by coming closer.

“I might have been ensnared the moment I first saw you.”

“…..”

“So, would you kill me?”

Only then could I admit it. This man, whose smile was illuminated by the moonlight, even though they had the same eyes and hair, was different from Castor.

Nevertheless, I couldn’t give up from my hatred for him and I thought I wanted to kill him.

And I was disgusted by these emotions of mine.

[No. Ashley!]

Just then, an explosive amount of energy burst out of me like a bomb. The body suddenly felt like it was burning as a result of the sudden explosion. It was to the point I wanted to disappear into ashes from this searing pain, to the point I wanted to give everything up.

What was I trying to achieve by holding on any longer?

“What does this Empire mean to you?”

It was the country where the people I loved lived in. The land I wished they could be eternally happy in.

Still, everyone who tried to protect me was now either dead or gone. Was there any meaning for me to keep trying anymore?

Someone whispered to me in the dark.

‘Call for the people you love.’

But I couldn’t think of a reason why I should do that. No, I knew but I could not recall the reason as though a haze had taken over my mind. Was it because I didn’t want to think any more?

“What do you think of the Emperor?”

To me, it was a means for me to protect the people I loved… if I wasn’t mistaken.

In the end, I became the emperor but what did I protect and who did I save? Only more had died, leaving me nothing but tears after the war.

[Ashley! Ashley!]

Slowly opening my eyes, I found the space I was in changing once more.

There was no longer the man who wore a calm pitiful smile as he held his sword out to me and asked for death. Instead, I found a languidly smiling man holding the sword that had just been held out to me.

A gentle breeze blew through the windows and across the floor littered with corpses. I had been transported to the Crown Prince’s room.

“Welcome.”

Blood dripped from the tip of his sword. A stranger who had yet to die could be seen wriggling for life.

“Did you enjoy meeting the me from the past?”

“… Meeting?”

Could any of those meetings be coincidences? They must have been meetings he planned for from the start to finish.

“Yes. So, how was it? Had I been a villain since the beginning? A lunatic who couldn’t be saved from birth?”

Clang. Dropping the sword, Castor walked towards me before grabbing my wrist.

“A little while ago, the moment my nanny killed myself. Do you want me to tell you what happened after you disappeared from there?”

Holding my wrist, Castor brought my hand to his lips.

“After leaving the regressions, I died once more. And then, for the first time, I started from the moment I was born.”

His hands felt wet.

“I have no idea how many more times I regressed after that. But I found it strange.”

He tugged at my wrist before wrapping his other arm around my waist.

“Why did everything become clear the moment I saw you? The fact that you and I have the same fate.”

Before I knew it, his face took up my entire view.

“The fact that you would be the only one who could understand me one day too.”

I couldn’t breathe.

“Did you know? That from the very beginning, I had a great thirst for you.”

His drowsy eyes opened slowly as his eyelashes fluttered.

“Do you want to kill me?”

“… Yes.”

His lips slowly parted.

“I would prefer it if you were dead.”

“Then, kill me.”

He whispered into my ear.

“It was in this timeline when I killed the most people, it was in this room where many had died.”

His low voice was soaked in madness that I had never encountered during my first and second meetings with him in this space.

“I have killed a lot of people.”

“I know.”

Because the stench of blood was stinging my nose.

“At first, I had killed out of fear but then out of duty. At some point, I found myself killing people as easily as I breathed.”

“I know.”

From what I knew of the world I thought was a novel, he was a tyrant who was used to slaughter. And that character was not that different from his current nature.

“… But I can’t stop my hands.”

I could feel my divinity tingling at my fingertips but why couldn’t I whip it towards him? The tears that were flowing down my cheeks were now out of anger.

I twisted my hand out of his grip before slowly backing away.

Why was I still hesitating?

“Rosé.”

I was afraid he would be disappointed in me after sacrificing himself and falling into a deep slumber. I didn’t want blood to fall on these hands.

“I’ll take care of the barrier.”

I wanted to remain clean for the man who called for me from another world. The moment I killed someone, I would no longer be the same.

“Ha…”

A monster could never become man again .

“I must be destined to become nothing but insane.”

But if I didn’t kill him, this nightmare would never end. I could hear the huge castle collapsing. These last walls of this castle I built had become a bastion. But now as even those were falling apart, I stared ahead of me with an empty gaze.

“Stop. Let me leave this timeline, Castor.”

The air remained still. However, a crack soon appeared in the ceiling before everything shattered into what seemed like shards of broken glass.

And what was left was Castor standing in front of me.

As the space around us spun, we arrived in front of a huge palace. The still moment of time where the moon had paused in its travel across the sky, the present where I resided in.

“Why did you show me your past?”

Castor smiled slowly without a word.

“To give you the chance to change the past.”

Standing against the moon, Castor stopped in his steps before staring back at me.

“You could change the past, Ashley.”

His hook stirred my gut.

“And you could have saved so many people. But you gave up on that chance. Do you understand? It’s because you didn’t kill me.”

Was it? It must be. It was because I hadn’t killed Castor back then. Was that why the past went on as always? People dying as they did before…

With my cheek twitching, tears welled up in my eyes.

“You understand now, don’t you? Ashley. You’re the only one who can understand me.”

Castor clasped my cheek. I thought I felt a sense of deja vu.

“Rosé.”

That was Amor’s habit.

“I’m the only one who understands you.”

I tried to resist but I felt incredibly weak.

“I still want to kill you.”

I had been running for a long time. Shouldn’t I stop and rest now?

I had become a boulder now. A boulder that would never shatter no matter how much it was beaten or chipped.

Despite the strong waves I was struck with several times, I had endured the harsh winds. But no one knew. That I was already rotting from the inside. If my inside was empty, there was no point to anything even if I still had my hard shell. And this man understood. Just then, I wanted to end everything and stop feeling so comfortable.

“It’s too late now.”

“…..”

“For someone who couldn’t kill me, you cannot change anything.”

As though he had just read through me, Castor whispered ecstatically in his beautiful voice.

“What will change even if you kill me now? You wouldn’t be able to save anybody you want to.”

“…..”

“Now, this is your future.”

His large hand covered my eyes.

“Can you live alone”

Was this what it would be like if my whole world was doused in ink?

“Still, I, you…”

I spotted a white dot of light in the darkness. Before it expanded and became a beautiful galaxy.

“A… mor.”

His soft voice paused.

“… Do you think you can get rid of me and save Amor?”

Soon, he continued sing-songing.

“If you fight me, you’ll lose him again. It’d be the same even if you choose to run away. I’ll chase after you.”

He was right. Even if I were to run away from him, what did I have left?

Tears continued to flow endlessly. I didn’t think it was because I was sad. These were tears I had been holding back till now. My heart was now filled with tepid resignation while it was also nothing but empty space.

I was tired. I had tried.

“If you join me, I will release Amor after enough time has passed.”

“Really?”

“I will do him no harm. I swear.”

If I could see him again. I didn’t think anything else mattered as long as I could see him alright.

The hand blinding me fell and I was faced with eyes filled with golden energy. Castor was a madman. But there were no prayers for the madman in those eyes swirling with madness.

When I stared into the abyss, the abyss would stare back at me. People who fight monsters would warn others to be careful not to become monsters themselves during the fights. I might have been too late for a while now.

I didn’t try to stop Castor from slowly getting closer to me and just stood frozen. The moment our lips were just about to touch.

A faint beam of light burst out my chest. It was a light that had exploded from me countless times before but it looked significantly weaker than before.

As the light faded, I found a little girl standing between me and Castor.

[Don’t be fooled. Ashley.]

The diary cried between pants.

[They’re all lies.]