Don't Concern Yourself With That Book

Chapter 331

Translator: yun

I couldn’t say anything in response. I had been rendered speechless.

What did he just say? I was married? To Hernan?

‘That makes no sense!’

I was left dazed and flustered. Something I would have never imagined was now happening right before my eyes. If this was a scheme to forcefully separate my soul from my body, I would say that it was a great success.

I took several deep breaths and tried to slowly calm myself down.

As he stared at me, colour seeped out of Hernan’s cheeks once again. But there was not a speck of concern in his blue eyes.

Let’s think this over again. The diary said that she would bring me into a normal timeline. But what did she mean by a normal timeline?

In order to prevent my mind from breaking down even further, it should be a timeline that was not too jarring and one I must leave which was why it cannot bring me too much happiness.

So, though I was also quite shocked from this timeline, it was not something from which I would struggle to leave.

I lifted my head.

‘It’s also something I never thought would happen…’

Before I realised it, the hand that had rested on my forehead disappeared.

“I uh….”

“Hm?”

“Y-You’re making me self-conscious…”

What did he mean? I tilted my head. Embarrassed, Hernan tapped on his reddening eyes.

“I-If you continue looking at me like that, I wouldn’t know where else to look…”

“Ah.”

Lost in my thoughts, I had been unknowingly staring at him the whole time.

“Are you not hungry yet?”

Speaking, his ears were still red. Perhaps it was because of his white hair and pale skin but the tip of his ears looked especially red.

“No, not right now, uhm, I don’t really feel like eating.”

He then gently shook his head.

“Still, you shouldn’t skip your meals.”

Feeling awkward, he turned his gaze away before getting up to bring my meal. I hastily got up on my knees to grab him by the hem of his clothes.

“Uhm, this might sound strange but could I ask you something?”

Eating was not what I should be doing right now. With my mind filled with thoughts about Castor, I couldn’t possibly be hungry right now.

“Of course.”

There was a world in which Dane, Fleon and Ray had all forgotten me. So, what kind of world was this?

“How about doing so after you get something to eat?”

Holding my hand, Hernan headed for the dining room. After his hands left me alone for a while, they soon returned filled with food.

Afterward, some attendants also arrived, carrying numerous dishes that gave off a delicious aroma, before placing them down in front of the long couch.

“Let’s eat. It’s getting cold.”

Hernan’s gaze from across the table was burdensome. Eventually, I sighed before picking up the meat closest to me. But as soon as I took a bite, my eyes widened.

“It’s delicious.”

“Is it?”

Hernan raised the corners of his lips brightly like a puppy happily wagging its tail.

“I made it myself.”

I nearly spat my food out at his reply before hurriedly raising my head.

“… You made this?”

“How could I not be involved with the food you’re eating when they’re going to end up in your mouth?”

In the meantime, Hernan tilted his head with a smile.

“And didn’t you say that you’ve wanted to try the dishes I made?”

“I did?”

“Yes. About three years ago.”

If he still remembered words I mentioned in passing from three years ago, he was still the Hernan I knew. The only difference was that now he was openly showing his joy with his reddening cheeks.

“Ah! Come to think of it, didn’t you say you had something to ask?”

“Mhm.”

“What is it?”

If I called for the diary right now, I would have been able to leave. Just as I did when I was in the tent with Dane earlier.

“What if… I have forgotten all my memories with you?”

But the reason why I wasn’t leaving right away was…

“Huh?”

Alright, it was because I was glad to see Hernan.

“Uhm, hmm. That caught me a little off guard.”

He had sacrificed himself at his own expense and in the end, he drew his last breath in my absence after exhausting his life for me. Moreover, he didn’t look like he was sad nor in pain now.

“Uhm…”

Hernan pressed his lips together as though he really was flustered. He continued stuttering.

“Nevermind. Forget it.”

I shook my head.

I thought this was enough. I might be meeting someone I was very happy to see but this timeline was merely a fantasy. It was time to leave.

I tried to call for the diary but Hernan acted faster. He strode towards me and grabbed my hand before kissing my fingertips.

“Did you enjoy your meal?”

He must have known the meal had long ended whilst he watched as I barely touched any of the dishes. He must have poured his heart into making the food but there was no sign of disappointment in the dishes I couldn’t touch.

“It was really delicious.”

He smiled as he nodded.

“I think I can answer that question someplace else.”

Upon saying so, he brought me somewhere. With my hand in his, we walked down a long hallway and when I noticed the pillars along the walls, I realised that I wasn’t in the Imperial Palace. They looked less refined compared to the ones in the palace. They were designed in a style I was not familiar with.

Finally, Hernan stopped. Seeing what was in front of me, my lips parted without me realising.

A huge cityscape was laid out beneath my feet. White houses, huddling carts and people the size of ants scurrying about.

“You looked a little stuffy.”

Hernan whispered from my side.

“You’ve always liked looking down at Brutum.”

Brutum. That was the name of the city of the Templar of Beasts. It was also the name of the place that had been destroyed a long time ago.

“My father often comes here as well as he too is proud of this view.”

“… Your father? The duke? He’s still alive?”

“Huh? Yes. He has been punished for his horrible wrongdoings but he is still alive. He has already asked mother for her forgiveness too. I’m not sure if mother would accept his apology but it doesn’t feel too bad, watching the city together with you.”

It seemed like it wasn’t just Hernan that was different.

The city I only knew through ruins looked beautiful and lively. There was a glimpse of the wasteland over the horizon. And the sky was of an azure blue as though it had been freshly painted.

“About your question.”

Hernan hummed.

“I don’t think I would care if you forget me, Your Majesty.”

His voice sounded calm and refreshing.

“Of course, I would be sad, it’d be hard and very painful but… it’d be alright. Since I had been chosen by you once before.”

There was no way I wouldn’t know the meaning behind the choice he mentioned. Because it was the reason why we were in the City of Beasts.

“It’s fine if you abandon me.”

And perhaps Hernan had misunderstood my question. He might have thought that I was planning on abandoning him and meeting another man.

“I won’t utter such unseemly speculations with my own tongue.”

His words were gentle. But I could sense anger in the purple haze that rose in his blue eyes.

“Even if you abandon me, I’ll follow you till the end. You never know, you might still need me someday?”

He looked like the beast I had seen before in my world. As he tilted his head even further, white hair cascaded gently strand by strand.

“Because I belong to you.”

As his lips stretched into a smile, they slowly descended upon my fingertips.

“And now, you’re with me.”

The lips that brushed against my hand lifted.

“I am now…”

He furrowed his brows slightly.

Because whatever he was about to say had been blocked by my hand.

“I do want to hear what you’re about to say but.”

I smiled. Bitterness flooded in.

‘This was not it.’

The Hernan I knew was a man who couldn’t even hold my hand without asking for permission. The distance I had with him now proved the relationship we had.

“I think you’ve misunderstood. That’s not what I meant.”

“… I misunderstood?”

“Yes. I really was just asking what would happen if my memories were erased.”

“Ah.”

Instantly. Hernan’s face flared up. He seemed to have quickly realised that he had been answering based on pure speculation. He let go of my hands before holding his face.

“I.. uh.. Uhm, I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s alright.”

He had been a man who couldn’t honestly express his emotions. Didn’t he always suppress himself because he feared I would dislike him?

A Hernan that was free, with a heart that could be as happy as he wanted to be, one who was in bliss.

Only then did I understand what the diary meant. She was right, if the man in front of me was Amor, I wouldn’t have left.

A space where all my pain and misery were absent and only happy people existed. The happier the world was, the harder it was for me to leave. I didn’t want to leave.

There was no way to part from him without pain. So, it would hurt so much to say goodbye to you again.

To say goodbye after seeing him again, I guessed that it would hurt. So, this was what it would be like if my loved ones were still alive.

I took a step away from the man who could never exist in my world.

“Your Majesty?”

“Goodbye.”

I liked him and I could admit that. But I didn’t think I could stay here forever.

“Diary.”

I uttered as I stared at the sky. Purple burst out of my chest accompanied by a torrent of wind. In our final moments, I thought I saw him approach me but I had already closed my eyes.

When I opened my eyes again, I was met with darkness.

“You know.”

I said as I stared at the diary right in front of me.

“What is this space for?”

Slowly, I recalled what Castor said.

“Castor said that he wanted to ruin me. It’s like he wanted to drop me into the depths of hell where I cannot bring myself to do anything. To turn me into someone like Rusbella or himself.”

[…..]

“But, diary. I have something to ask. I think I’m.. already ruined, right?”

The diary who widened her eyes soon met my gaze.

“What do you think?”

[No, you’re not.]

The diary shook her head firmly.

“Really?”

[Yes, really.]

Perhaps she could sense the doubt in my face as the diary turned her head away curtly.

[Whether you believe me or not, it’s up to you. But I have no need to lie.]

“Alright. That’s a relief.”

I smiled slightly. It was funny to think I would be believing the diary wholeheartedly at this point but her gaze remained unwavering.

[Get it together. This place is just making you think you are. It’s because time doesn’t pass here which is why you keep thinking about it.]

I still had mixed feelings about her response but I did believe that it was the truth.

“Hm. You said that this was a distorted space of time, right?”

[Yes.]

“If all the timelines are here… Is… my past amongst them”

[I would guess so.]

The diary raised her head. She looked like she wanted to say something.

[No. I just suddenly thought about it.]

Instead of looking back at the diary, I stared off into the dark space. Castor did say that anything was possible here.

“You said that this was where time had all tangled up. Then, doesn’t that mean my timeline is here too? Isn’t it possible for me to enter that timeline and change what happened?”

He said that he had built this place to ruin me. Surely the timelines I had been through would eat my mind away.

If I was to see anymore than this… I might have actually gone mad. I admitted to myself calmly.

But perhaps the space he created for me could pave a new way forward for me?

“Tell me, diary.”

I said as I stared at the top of her head.

“Can I change the past?”

T/N:

HI sorry for the sudden hiatus but I’m going to try to do double updates until we’re finally done with dcyb!!!