Don't Concern Yourself With That Book

Chapter 102

Translator: wuttisyun

HIs hair fluttered in the wind as he stared at me with his back bent.

“You always look like you’re about to cry but you never do.”

Would he know? All my tears had dried up and now I could no longer cry.

I had been wearing the mask of an idiot which was a sword sharper than any other and a poison stronger than anything else.

“There are people who get sadder when I cry.”

A vase broken into pieces after baking into an oven could not be put together again. Things that had changed could not be moulded to become exactly the same as they were before.

No matter what his story was, Castor would always be a murderer. Stagnant water only rots. If I only tried to catch the flying ashes, the same nightmare would only repeat itself.

“My nanny told me… sometimes crying would only make the other person sadder. That’s why I shouldn’t cry, especially if it makes the other person feel sorry.”

After blatantly pitying the idiot, Castor’s expression hardened.

His rounded eyes then returned.

If Ashley Rosé was a small extra who could not even be mentioned in the novel, then Castor was the splendidly brilliant premiere

His death was so tragic that readers who cursed him out to be a son of a bitch began to pity him.

But I was hoping he would not meet such a beautiful end.

In my world, he was no longer the beautiful main character. He was someone who brought me distress, someone who brought me the greatest devastation I could suffer in my world. I would rather see him plead as he clutched his stomach. I wanted him to despair.

In my previous 40 deaths, all I felt for him was fear and terror. Those memories were like a nightmare that I could never wake up from like white nights where the sun never set. What I thought were shackles were falling off of me one by one.

That was what was so interesting about experience. Even things that I once thought to be uncharted territory was now becoming nothing to me.

When I had yet to experience death, I had been so afraid. I tried my hardest to live because I was afraid. I did my very best because I was afraid I would regret it.

But now, rather than living, I was immune to death. My hatred for this man who had killed me had gone beyond my limits.

“This is all his fault, He’s the one who made me like this.”

That was back when all I thought about was Castor. Funnily enough, hatred and love were both different and the same. For both, I would need to close my eyes and wish upon my partner my desired outcome with a longing heart. Such intense emotions had the ability to set people ablaze.

My throat was so hot it was hurting me and the back of my neck was throbbing. The emotions I had been suppressing while thinking they should not surface were exploding within me.

“Brother, there are some people in this world who can’t cry even when they want to.”

I shook off the sand that had been forcibly covering my thoughts as my mind revealed itself to be clearer and sharper than ever.

‘Castor, why are you so cruel to me?’

As soon as I came to my senses, I hated that son of a bitch who could never understand me more than I ever did before.

I loathed him.

Why did he make me feel so helpless? The resentment I had been suppressing towards him was pouring out of me like hail. The emotions were getting too intense for me to handle and it was only growing as time went by.

I wanted him to suffer as much as, no, more than I ever did.

I wanted him.

To die.

By my hands.

At this point in time, my head became surprisingly cool. Only one thought occupied my mind.

I wanted to hang onto a possibility that could not be recorded yet.

‘What happens when the princess who wasn’t even in the original story begins to intervene with the plot?’

Pulling up the corners of my mouth, I smiled brightly like a puppy wagging its tail.

“There’s something I really want to tell you, brother. Can I come to see you soon after I dress up?”

“You mean, my palace?”

“Yes.”

Castor was free to go in and out of the western palaces but I needed his permission to enter his palace.

“Alright.”

He was giving me permission.

“I’m very curious as to what you have to say?”

I smiled brightly.

“Then I’ll be looking forward to seeing you next time.”

I was no longer going to stay put. Be it some god or Castor, I was not going to be trampled on helplessly in the mercy of some omnipotent being.

“I’m not going to let anyone come with me. I will be the only one visiting.”

As the Crown Prince, why was he living alone in that huge lonely palace? Why did people call him the human butcher and why did everybody blame him for their deaths? His room was emptier than Amor’s. I understood after gazing into those golden eyes of his as he tried to kill me dozens of times before.

Why did he feel so empty?

He felt empty like someone who had encountered despair dozens of times before, someone like me. I discovered similar feelings in this killer’s eyes. But, so what?

‘It doesn’t matter to me how pitiful you are!’

Did someone else have to shed blood for him to dry his tears? That was why I did not want to know. I could not show mercy to someone who had killed me.

I was not going to live on just to kill him.

He was only playing around with me because he found me interesting.

“You don’t need to wait.”

Did he really believe my act? He was not suspicious at all. It did not matter to me if he saw through my performance. I knew he would not point it out because he was already having fun with how I was acting.

“Alright.”

The day filled with fear passed like that.

My growing pains that were so intense and painful were finally over.

“You must welcome me with excitement.”

I was not going to be swayed.

After all, after dying and living like that, what else could I be afraid of?

I wanted to burst into laughter at the fact how my chest felt so happy and how a sense of relief wrapped around my body.

Castor.

Without him alone, my life could be saved.

***

There were many words that could be used to describe the sky. But the sky today made me think it was a perfect day to go on a picnic with a basket while wearing light clothes.

“Mistress, are these all the steps you practised?”

“Yeah!”

“Please, mistress. I wouldn’t even say that it was close to completion.”

As soon as the banquet was over, Rebecca began preparing me for the Founding Festival. And that was when she began focusing on the dance as well. I had been practising with Hannah acting as my patronus but she did not look too happy.

When I sneaked a glance at Hannah, I thought she looked like she was trying to say something but as soon as Rebecca spun her head around, she lowered her head, making me wonder what she wanted to say. It looked like she could not utter a word as she was intimidated by Rebecca’s presence.

“Can’t you just let me off the hook?”

“Do you want me to tell you honestly?”

“… If I say yes, you’re going to be really honest, aren’t you?”

“Yes.”

As her head tilted over one shoulder, Rebecca folded her arms above her blue dress with a sterner look today. I fiddled with the ends of my hair.

Rebecca’s honesty was harsh.

“I’ve been practising really hard…”

“… Mistress, I’m only asking this just in case. Have you been playing as your partner whenever you practise with your maids?”

“Yeah. Hannah!”

At those words, Hanna’s face turned pale. Ah, she was begging me not to say anything.

Rebecca let out a light sigh before scrunching her thin eyebrows. The deep wrinkles on her face reminded me of a mother tired of parenting as she wondered if the baby she gave birth to was hers or some cow’s. (1) And yet she still looked so beautiful.

“.., Don’t you think you need to reflect on yourself?”

Without saying a word, I looked up. Rebecca pressed her lips together as she pondered over what to say.

“… Ha. You don’t even understand the importance of ‘Primo Salvatio’, the first dance you will be performing during the Founding Festival.”

“No, I do! It’s a dance that honours Jupiter and the first Emperor, right?”

Rebecca shook her head firmly.

“No, you don’t mistress. As you already know, mistress, you will be the main character of the ritual that opens the first day of the Founding Festival. The dance you perform will mark the beginning of the festival. I’m talking about the dance everyone in the Empire is wishing for you to succeed in.”

“Uh.”

“In short, it’s up to you to make or break the festival. Do you understand?”

The dance I had to perform in the Founding Festival was not just any dance. It was a display of art at a place where all the people in the Empire would be gathered at. It was said that the Imperial family would mark the beginning with a form of dance or song to let commoners know of what they could never obtain and be the object of their envy.

“A long time ago, the Founding Festival was an occasion where the heirs to the throne would showcase their abilities. Because most of the Kaltanias Imperial members were generational templars.”

About 300 years ago, the emperor at that time, or the ‘Sun Emperor’ changed the tradition and made it so that the first daughter of the emperor would perform the opening. Unfortunately for me.

“You’re not a templar so you can only showcase your abilities through dancing.”

It seemed like originally the heirs to the throne had to showcase their abilities as templars. After that tradition had been replaced by the first daughter of the emperor, it had turned into an occasion where people would showcase flamboyant dances and songs rather than divine power. Even the people of the Empire who initially protested about the change in tradition changed their minds when the princess appeared in person and showed off her skills. Because of him, I was stuck here.

Of course, if I still had divine powers, I could showcase that as much as I want but sadly, I did not have that ability.

‘It’s something like the weddings the British monarchy has? Was this how Imperial Families work?’

Usually, arts like singing, dancing and musical instruments are looked down upon. But in the Empire that had enjoyed luxury and pleasure for the past 2000 years, it was highly appreciated here.

I guessed it was because they would look to singing, dancing and the arts for stimulation only after they were satisfied.

Since the Empire had abundant land and no foreign invasions, a culture of eating, drinking and fun seemed to have developed. And the result was me dancing in front of a crowd of hundreds of thousands or even several millions.

The Founding Festival was definitely the most magnificent festival in the Empire. It celebrated the relationship between the Empire and the gods. It was also a ceremony to honour the first Emperor and the gods that protected this land. It was also an event when diplomatic envoys from each country would line up to see us.

“This dance honours the Lord of Gods and the first Emperor.”

The patronus that Rebecca kept talking about was the person I would have to share the dance with and it had yet to be decided.

“That means the dance you’re practising is for a man’s. But what are you doing by practising with a maid who doesn’t even know how to dance? This dance is filled with steps where you’ll have to be carried!”

“Uhm… I might have been mistaken. But there’s no one I have to practise with. My brothers have been busy…”

“Why not?”

Rebecca’s head turned her head slowly and so did I.

“… So I only have Lord Ray?”

Lord Ray, who had been standing against the wall comfortably, raised his head.

“Yes. There’s a suitable partner there.”

“No way!”

I just shifted my gaze before looking at Rebecca.

“Yes. He’s not someone who’s particularly attractive.”

Lord Ray and I frowned at the same time. I did know know the reason behind Lord Ray’s dismay but my reason was clear.

I had to dance? With the knight?

We had known each other for a long time and I had never imagined myself dancing with that knight before.

“Hurry and grab on.”

But a determined Rebecca was powerful and before we knew it, we were already holding hands.

T/N:

Triple update because I initially wanted the 100th chapter to come out as a double update hehe! We are almost a third complete guys T.T

(1): I think this is because calves make a lot of noise when they’re just born so basically, rebecca’s just really done with ash’s shit HAHA