Dead on Mars

Translator: CKtalon  Editor: CKtalon

The next morning.

After having breakfast, completing his physical training, and moving the solar panels, Tang Yue continued stirring shit in the garage.

“I say… As one of the only two remaining humans in the Universe, I should be one of the most illustrious figures in human history, right? Isn’t it said that when Heaven is about to confer a great office on a man, it first exercises his mind with suffering and his sinews and bones with toil?” Tang Yue stirred the shit mixture with great force before stopping.

“That’s right.” Tomcat sat with its back facing him. It too was handling the shit.

“Then, what’s my great office?” Tang Yue asked.

“Stir shit,” Tomcat replied.

Tang Yue felt helpless. As one of the two remaining humans in the Universe, he could be considered one of the most special people in human history. The significance was probably second only to non-hominin ape, Lucy, from Africa. This was like being the Chosen One. As such an important figure, shouldn’t the expected development be the heavens burdening him with the important mission of saving the world?

The previous Chosen One 1 had pulled out a race that faced extinction from a quagmire, and developed them into one of the greatest nations in human history.

Therefore, Tang Yue believed that he had to rise up to contribute something of equal proportions. He couldn’t lose out to his forefathers.

But what was the meaning of stirring shit day after day?

“Stirring shit isn’t an important mission? Stirring shit is also an important mission,” Tomcat said leisurely. “No matter how heroic a figure is, they will have to survive. Think about those stories with knights killing princes, ah I mean… demon kings, so they could marry the princess and lead a happy life together. Although the story usually ends there, life doesn’t end. There will come a day when they get fed up with their mundane lives. Even the most inviolable vows would waver, and the sharpest swords would rust. Even a beautiful princess would become a grizzled, wrinkled old granny as she sits with her neighbors to gossip and play mahjong.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Life is an important mission. Knights aren’t defeated by the demon kings, but they are defeated by life. Snow White didn’t lose to the Queen, but she will lose to time.” Tomcat waved the shit-stirring rod in its paw. “Everyone’s life is a journey towards distant dreams, as they streak out a beautiful trajectory, only to land themselves in a pit of shit.

“It’s important for life to dream, but the true face of life is stirring shit,” Tomcat continued. “That’s because most people in this world spend their entire lives stirring shit.”

“Are you implying that the final destination of my life is to be Shi Chuanxiang 1 ?”

“Is there something bad about being Shi Chuanxiang?” Tomcat patted him on the shoulder. “He was honored as a national model worker by the country!”

“Then I’ll try to get the Mars model worker. Don’t fight against me for it.”

“No way. All this shit is yours.”

Tang Yue sighed. Based on the principle of translation invariance, be it on Mars or on Earth, Tang Yue was still the same Tang Yue. The work he needed to do wouldn’t change. Life was forever filled with trivialities, and there was no one in the world who could live every day with great aplomb. If there was anyone, it would be Batman.

When Heaven is about to confer a great office on a man, it first exercises his mind with suffering, and his sinews and bones with toil; it exposes his body to hunger, and subjects him to extreme poverty; then, it makes him stir shit.

Finally, Tang Yue stuffed the third container of feces in a corner of the garage. These containers were previously used to store food, and now, they were used to store the deeply processed residual product of food.

They planned on planting ten tomato plants in the first batch as an experiment. It was unknown if the soil and fertilizer would be of any use. If the seeds successfully sprouted, Tang Yue would then plant the rest of the seeds.

“How much shit do we have left?” Tomcat asked.

Tang Yue did a count. “We have already used half.”

Tomcat glanced at the fertilizer in the corner. “At present, this compost can only plant a batch of tomatoes at best. The remaining shit should be capable of planting another batch, but we won’t be able to plant all the seeds that Mai Dong left behind… There isn’t enough shit.”

Tang Yue and Tomcat stood in the garage blankly. Never had they expect themselves to be stumped by a bucket of shit.

“Say, can you get better as a shit-making machine?” Tomcat asked. “Are you unable to shit?”

“I shit however much I eat!” Tang Yue fumed. “I eat only a tiny amount a day, so how can I shit that much?”

“Special situations call for special treatment,” Tomcat said. “In hardship, an able man is always busy. You should eat as little as possible, but shit as much as you can.”

Tang Yue was dumbfounded. The cat was speaking weirder by the day. “F*ck! You want my digestive system to fight the conservation of mass?”

…

“While waiting for the fertilizer to ferment and be ready, we can begin pretreatment on the seeds,” Mai Dong instructed. “The seeds we brought over are mature seeds that were selected. However, they have been in a hibernative state during our transportation of them. Therefore, we need to do some pretreatment to break them out of hibernation.”

Tomcat and Tang Yue took out the vegetable seeds and poured out the tomato seeds in the bottle. They carefully selected ten seeds and numbered them from one to ten.

Tang Yue called them the Mars Vegetable Advance Party.

In fact, Tang Yue wasn’t the first person to plant vegetables on Mars. In the past dozen or so Mars missions, there had been several similar experiments. The scientific team had planted chili, eggplant, orchid, and even pine trees. However, they had never thought of relying on these experimental plants for survival. They brought back all the samples after the mission was over.

The man and cat were very careful. To them, these ten hibernating tiny life forms were kin from Earth. They were life-giving and were also carbon-based lifeforms just like them. Tomcat also believed itself a carbon-based lifeform as it claimed that it was made from polymers that had carbon in them; therefore, making it look especially familial.

As one of the few creatures on Mars that hailed from Earth, who cared if it was an animal or plant. They were all fellow Earthlings.

It truly was a tearing event to see a fellow Earthling.

“Mai Dong, what do you do with the tomatoes after they bear fruit?” Tang Yue suddenly recalled something. “Tomatoes can’t be stored for long, right?”

The storage of tomatoes was also a problem. They were fruits that easily rotted and, under normal circumstances, they couldn’t be stored for too long. Tang Yue had zero experience in handling food, but he wished to be able to store the tomatoes as long as he could. It was impossible for him to farm tomatoes for extended periods of time since water was limited.

“Me?” Mai Dong thought for a moment. “I first chill them at low temperatures before pickling them.”

“Pickling them? How?”

Mai Dong nodded. “First let them undergo high-temperature sterilization, then add sugar and seal them. The pickled product can be stored for more than a year, and it will be delicious.”

Tang Yue turned to look at Tomcat.

“Do we have sugar here?”

“Yes, but it’s not sweet,” Tomcat replied. “Do you want it?”

“Sugar that’s not sweet?” Tang Yue was taken aback. “What kind of sugar?”

“Deoxy sugar.”