Dead on Mars

Translator: CKtalon  Editor: CKtalon

Mai Dong sat in the Commander’s seat with seatbelt buckled. She adjusted the seat as she slowly leaned back into a brace position.

“How does it feel?” Tomcat asked.

Mai Dong cast her gaze at the empty ceiling which was originally filed with control panels and indicators, but they had all been removed by Mai Dong. All kinds of stark holes were left behind, as well as remnant glue stains and messy wires that hadn’t been cleared away.

Her next job was to use a large plastic sheet to cover up these holes.

The girl took a deep breath. “It’s very dark… very quiet.”

The Eagle had all its power disconnected. There weren’t any lights, and the only light source was the two LED lamps on both sides of the EVA suit’s helmet.

The protection screens outside the window were all extended, making the lander a sealed, cramped metal box. A typical person would feel uneasy just being kept cooped up in there, but this sealed metal case was what ensured Mai Dong’s safety. In an intense impact, the harder the case was, the better.

The life support system had already stopped working, so there wasn’t the humming from the fans or ventilator. Mai Dong wore a noise-canceling earpiece, but the sound of her brushing hair still reached into her ears.

She surveyed the area and saw tiny dust particles floating amidst the beam of light produced by the LED.

“The Commander’s seat is a bit bigger than ours.” Mai Dong patted the armrests. “This is my first time sitting in the Commander’s seat.”

“Beneath your chair is a red handle,” Tomcat said. “Can you reach it?”

Mai Dong turned her head and reached her hand out. “Handle? Oh, I feel it… There’s more than one. They are on both sides. There’s a safety mechanism on them.”

“That’s right.” Tomcat nodded. “Try holding it.”

Mai Dong held the handle in hand.

“Will it be hard to exert strength?”

“Hmm… it’s okay. However, this posture makes it a little strenuous.” Mai Dong sat in her seat and tightened her grip in an attempt to exert force.

“This is the emergency evacuation switch. It’s purely mechanical, so you will need at least thirty Newtons of force,” Tomcat explained. “On the left is the docking mechanism’s emergency evacuation switch, and on the right is the switch to the escape hatch.”

“The left is the docking mechanism’s switch.”

“Yes, the left is the docking mechanism.”

“The right is the escape hatch.”

“Yes. The right is the escape hatch,” Tomcat said. “The escape hatch is on the wall behind you. These two switches will be used in this order. During the descent, you need to pull the left handle to allow the Eagle lander to be released from the crashing Orion. Once you land safely, you pull the right switch to blast open the escape hatch to leave the lander.”

“Left then right.” Mai Dong repeated.

“Left then right.”

“But how do I know when to pull the handle?” Mai Dong asked. The Eagle was in a completely sealed state during the landing process, preventing her from seeing anything outside. In other words, Mai Dong had no idea if it was the moment for her to release the docking mechanism. Yet, any delays or premature releases would result in trouble.

“There’s no need to worry about this. Leave it to us,” Tang Yue said. “We will maintain contact with Orion II’s computer. It will inform you when it’s time to release… Miss Mai Dong, during the entire descent, you are only responsible for what I’ve told you. Leave the rest to me and Tang Yue. Everything will be fine.”

“I got it.” Mai Dong nodded.

“Is the seat belt okay?” Tomcat asked. “The landing will be very violent. The seat belt needs to secure you firmly to the seat.”

“How… how violent will it be?”

“It will smash straight into the ground before bouncing up, and then smash to the ground and bounce up again,” Tomcat said. “This will continue until all the kinetic energy is depleted. Miss Mai Dong, you have to make sure that the safety belt doesn’t choke you and avoids colliding into anything. Make sure to protect your EVA suit. Make sure that there’s no damage to it. It’s your only life support system.”

“But the EVA suit can only remain operational for eight hours.”

Mai Dong unbuckled the seat belt as her body left the seat.

“Yes.” Tomcat fell silent for a few seconds. “Tang Yue and I will find you within eight hours. I guarantee you on Tang Yue’s life and wealth that we will find you within eight hours, Miss Mai Dong.”

Mai Dong burst out into laughter.

“Why are you using Tang Yue’s life and wealth as a pledge?”

“Because I have zero wealth.” Tomcat shrugged.

“But Tang Yue doesn’t have any either,” Mai Dong said.

“As the last human on Mars, he has the right to declare sovereignty over all of Mars. He can even declare sovereignty over the whole Solar System,” Tomcat said indifferently. “Tang Yue has nothing, but he also has everything. He is the supreme king in a kingdom with zero population. In other words, he’s the last human.”

“What kind of king am I? My subjects are fifteen tomatoes and fifteen carrots, as well as a few buckets of fermenting fertilizer. Have you seen any king whose daily job is to stir feces?”

A particular idiot’s voice sounded in Mai Dong’s earpiece.

“Then take good care of those tomatoes and carrots. Once they gain sentience, they can help you stir the feces,” Tomcat said.

“Tomcat, are you dumb?” Tang Yue’s voice sounded. “If the tomatoes and carrots can gain sentience, turning into demon spirits, they will definitely be ladies with long beautiful legs with supple skin. How can I get them to stir sh*t? Hehehehe…”

Mai Dong silently cut off the connection.

…

After watering the plants, Tang Yue completed the editing of “Contemporary Art Development,” and pulled the observation data from the space station’s survey telescope.

He inspected Comet Tomcat-Tang-Mai I’s situation daily. This massive celestial body with a diameter of 30 kilometers would be the most serious collision in the Solar System in the century. Tomcat predicted that it would release the equivalent of 5.2 trillion atomic bombs upon impact. It would simultaneously destroy everything within a thousand-kilometer radius, and the resulting shockwave would rip apart half of Mars’s crust.

Mars had not suffered such a violent collision in more than three billion years. The Solar System’s Late Heavy Bombardment had occurred about 4 billion years ago.

“Has the impact spot of the comet been calculated?” Tang Yue flipped through the pictures. The survey telescope had continuously taken these deep-field images. At this distance, the comet’s tail was beginning to glow, albeit not too obviously. It was like a thin, blurry fog.

“Half of the workstation’s resources are calculating that. Otherwise, why do you think it keeps hanging?” Tomcat answered. “Currently, the comet is 1.7 AU away, making it too far. All we can do is confirm that it will hit the target, but as to where it will hit it, it’s an unknown.”

“I hope it doesn’t smash right into our heads.”

“It’s unlikely we are unlucky,” Tomcat said. “You might not be able to hit a target fifty meters away given a gun, much less from 200 million kilometers away…”

“Stop! Stop raising death flags! Please, shut your mouth. It’s like your mouth was blessed to bring to reality whatever you say.”

“As long as the comet lands more than 2500 kilometers away from Kunlun Station, I have the confidence that Kunlun Station will survive,” Tomcat said.

“What about the disaster that follows?”

“It will rely on luck.” Tomcat spun the pen in its paw. “I’ve told you before that it’s three parts intelligence, seven parts hard work, and the remaining ninety parts are up to luck. If you’re lucky, you can live for a while. Shorter if you aren’t that lucky. There are so many ways to die which are up to you to choose. Death from being slammed, smashed, frozen, or dying of hunger, dehydration, or even dying from not p*ssing. Which is your poison?”

“I wish to die of old age.”

“Tang Yue, you have grown up. You must learn to distinguish between reality and dreams.”

“I wish to gorge myself to death.”

“Head out and eat dirt. As long as you have enough, you will gorge yourself to death. However, constipation is a terrible feeling.”

“Then I’d rather be angered to death. Tomcat, please do the honors.”

Tomcat deliberated for a moment.

“Tang Yue, you bachelor dog.”