Code Zulu Alpha: Nerd in the Apocalypse!

It was pure chaos when Seb discovered that the ex-wife and daughter of the bitch we were casually talking about merk'ing were present. He didn't know what to fucking do from the initial introduction but it was universal truth that no one fucking liked the guy and the world would be a better place without him.

Granted we could argue that the General valued him as such, it was only for his son, not how special Lopez was because of his blood.

But yeah, any other person would've left with our time crunch in consideration but we're already fucking here and I wouldn't leave with one of my fucking disciples and then some, so I picked up my radio and dialed the General who probably wanted to be left alone.

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"YOOO~ WASSUP??! IT'S YA BOI—"

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[WHATT— HAVEN'T I MADE MYSELF CLEAR?! WE'RE NOT ON SPEAKING TERMS RIGHT NOW AND YOU SHOULD GET ON WITH IT WHILE I STILL HAVE THE PATIENCE TO NOT FILE A FORMAL COMPLAINT WITH THE PRESIDENT!]

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"Wow~ That was a weird way to say you're happy that I solved several of your problems."

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[You fucking— WHAT DO YOU WANT?! I ALREADY HANDED THE RAYCOLT AND AN EXTRA JEEP—]

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"That's just a bonus because what I'm after are my disciples but I'm gonna need two more things before I leave you the fuck alone. Care to hear me out?"

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[Anything to shut you up… go ahead…]

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"First. I'll need Major Perez and some of his personal crew to come with us—"

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[W-Why?! I'm gonna need him—]

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"Listen you Tsundere General, your son solved your Lopez problem but there are definitely budding Lopezes in your midst if you don't take care of their sexual needs and frustrations. The reason I need Major Perez to come with me is for him to have a taste of what the "dark" side could offer and so that you'd have a proper connection with the gang—"

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[You're seriously making me cooperate with the cartel—]

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"You already are with the De Leon Family, why not go for the whole she-bang? Well, not the whole thing because some of them are fucking crazy but I'll introduce you to the good guys… relatively speaking… It's better to have a communication line with people where you could work on a deal and a mutual understanding rather than to always keep guessing on what they're gonna do next. Trust me, I've wanted to do the latter all my life but the former makes more fucking sense because we have a common enemy and you uptight motherfuckers need to loosen the belt for one."

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[Fine… I'll postpone my trip for a few days… But what's the second thing you want?]

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"Oh, you're actually listening? That's good, that's good…"

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[Don't drag this out, I don't have a lot of time—]

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"Then do you know that a lion throws his cub off a cliff to make them stronger?"

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[What? Is that even real—]

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"Trust, bro. Trust. But do you know where I'm getting at?"

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[Again, don't drag this out because I don't have a lot of time—]

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"Alright, I'm one disciple short and I don't do trial runs on my disciple-ship program—"

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[NOT A FUCKING CHANCE BECAUSE HE'S GROUNDED—]

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"Not a fucking chance you believe those words you just fucking spouted. You're sending the rest of his friends with me including his fucking lackey, what do you think's gonna happen between you and him? It's just gonna make a rift between you two and he'll fucking hate you for the rest of his life and the only thing to avoid that is to throw him off the fucking cliff and watch him fucking exceed your fucking expectations. Do you want a caged lion that's bound to rip your insides the moment he gets his chance? Keep grounding him for all I care!"

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[...]

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"..."

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[...]

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"Umm… General, I know we're playing the waiting game over here but we are in a little bit of a time crunch so I'm gonna need you to stop inner-monologuing and make a decision—"

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[YOU FUCKING KID, CAN'T YOU AT LEAST GIVE ME THAT?! AND I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD I'M GONNA FIND OUT IF THAT LION QUOTE IS FUCKING TRUE OR NOT!]

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"So… Is that a yes?"

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[FUCK YOU, YOU LITTLE SHIT! BUT YEAH! I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD I'M GONNA GO AFTER YOU IF SOMETHING EVER HAPPENS TO MY KID—]

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"Can't you stop threatening me? Or at least say something I never heard before?"

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[CAN'T I JUST THREATEN YOU AFTER ALL THAT?! WHAT THE FUCK?!]

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"Where's JP and Major Perez anyway—"

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[THAT'S WHY I'M THREATENING YOU, YOU FUCKING RASCAL! THE MOTHERFUCKERS ALREADY HAD A BAG PACKED AND MAKING THEIR WAY! WHY DO YOU THINK I'M SO FUCKING MAD?!]

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"Oof… He didn't kiss you goodbye, huh?"

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[NUH-UH! NO! YOU'RE WRONG! HE HUGGED ME AND KISSED ME! NO GOODBYE BUT IT'S THE BEST THING THAT'S EVER HAPPENED TO ME, YOU SICK FUCK! THERE! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?! DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY IT OUT LOUD?! THANK YOU BUT FUCK YOU! I'M OUT!]

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"K."

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[AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!]

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As soon as we ended the call, everyone else around me just started dying-laughing while all of the cadets celebrated when they saw JP rushing out of the Academy's gates to meet with them. Seb even ran up to him so they'd do this collision thing where they'll jump and hit each other in the air but Lucas was in fucking tears because he didn't want to be away from his supreme leader.

But yeah, Major Perez did come alone—though gear as fucked—and he approached me after taking off his shades and loosening his uniform.

"You crazy fuck, that was the craziest shit I've seen all week!"

"Hah! Just this week?"

"You little shit, no one— I mean, NO ONE played the General like that but you're like this fucking eel that's lubed to fuck and everything! Where are we going anyway?"

"You'll see, you'll see. Hop on one of the vehicles and don't be afraid to ask for anything."

"Heh. Is that so? If you top what just happened a few minutes ago, I might consider having a transfer too—"

"Then fucking ready your forms and shit because I'll fucking poach you from the General too! I'll introduce you to the old man and his company and you'll never want to go back to this place."

"Hah! Slow your roll, alright? I may look like I'm easily swayed but I'm a tough motherfucker."

"We'll see… We'll see…"

With that said, it didn't take long before we took to the road and we didn't even need to be inspected at the several checkpoints around these parts because the Major rode with Jesus at the front and he was basically their RFID sticker for the gate thingy to rise up. They'd even offer an escort service of sorts for much safer passage but we'd just laugh it off and let them do their own thing.

In any case, it didn't take long before we reached the area where met Seb and his group for the first time, where we witnessed several severed heads rolling down the hill, and the one question left unanswered to me was what were they actually doing with it?

They weren't in a cult—to my knowledge—and I've probably spotted a few telltale signs of something going on and I'm sure as hell their neighbors wouldn't let that slide or else there would be a crusade of sorts to get the evil ones out of their holy land. But yeah, I didn't have a lot of time to observe both camps in detail but if they really wanted an easier way to keep tabs of their soldier's kill counts, a pair of ears a finger, or even a nose would've done the trick.

'Some of them were 'alive' too, I might add…'

But yeah, with the Major by my side for a few days or so, I'll probably make him spill all of the details regarding their weird collection process because he was basically the right-hand man of JP's Dad and he knows the ins and outs of the Academy's shenanigans. However, I might not even lift a finger because even if I was as silvery-tongued as the greatest bard who ever lived, the old man could probably just do it within a barrel or two of his homemade liquor.

There was just something that was telling that these two would be like best friends who never met in their life and they'll be drinking till morning while exchanging war stories.

'It's been a couple of weeks or so but I do miss the old man… Everyone else too… And my bed… My fucking bed… I can't fucking wait…'