Code Zulu Alpha: Nerd in the Apocalypse!

As I took the first bite, I was going into it and expecting a burst of complex flavors but as it turned out, lettuce is just fucking lettuce. Sure, I could taste the freshness of it and was amazed at its size and color but we just had a heavy breakfast, this should've been the first one we had when we woke up.

It's just that some of the cadets started to have a fear of this one hell of a butler so the kiss-assing started as they threw him praises and even—I kid you not, moaned in pleasure from the first bite. And yes, it was #2 who did it.

But Sebastian didn't look the least bit amused by those reactions.

"That's… interesting… Didn't think I'd get that reaction from a leaf…"

"..."

"..."

"..."

Silence. Complete and total fuking silence while Kaley and I were trying so hard to contain our laughter.

In any case, Sebastian just shook his head and pointed at the jars of the homemade ranch that we brought.

"Please… Try it with the ranch…"

And yeah, right as we all took a bite from the "leaf" dipped in their ranch, everyone's faces just lit up from the creamy-herby goodness but a few dumbasses tried to double-dip out of reflex. However, Tatiana was one of those people and she instantly locked horns with Quinn who had a tight grip on her wrists with the leafy vegetable and our "inner circle" jar.

"What— Quinn! The fuck—"

"Double-dipping?! Really?! Just eat that one first and just dip the other!"

"Why'd you care about something like that?! I've put worse things in my mouth—"

"THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN?!"

"Not worse, but— I can eat this leaf after a quick drizzle of water but you need more than that for your ass—"

"BAHAHAHAHA! GOD FUCKING DAMMIT, TATIANA! STOP SPEAKING THE TRUTH FOR ONCE!"

Hearing that, Quinn didn't know whether to continue resisting or just let it go because her face was so red from laughing, and everyone else was also dying-laughing from the sudden face-off between the two. Even Sebastian was laughing so hard, he forgot to cover his mouth and some of the girls in our group, especially Alexa, found it incredibly charming.

But yeah, since the newlyweds came with us, I couldn't help but notice Elsa staring at either my katana or my wakizashi on Kaley's hips.

I did promise her my jian back at home—but it'll take a bit of time—so I let her hold my wakizashi for a bit because Kaley didn't mind and because she was lugging around one of the cadet's M70s because going all "tacticool" with her Reaper didn't match the farmgirl aesthetic. Though some of the cadets still brought their war belts or even their primary with them while most of us simply opted for our bladed weapons or a sidearm in a concealed holster.

Then Ruben raised his hands:

"Uncle Sebastian—"

Sebastian momentarily released a deathly aura, "Uncle?"

"A-Ah… I-I'm sorry…"

"Sebastian's fine, don't worry about it. Are you trying to ask a question perchance?"

"Y-Yeah?"

"Go ahead, then."

"Right! What's in the other greenhouses? Can we also check them?"

"We'll visit all of them, don't worry. It's part of the tour. We'll go as soon as everyone's finished eating…"

"We're done!"

"Done here, too!"

"Tatiana! Don't eat all of the ranch! We're on station one! We got a lot more places to go!"

"Hmm? We have plenty, correct?"

"W-Wait, this is my jar!"

"This is mine too!"

"No, that is OUR jar."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~!!!"

For a moment there, I was expecting the theme song but the next greenhouse we went in was a place for cultivating different kinds of mushrooms.

Some of them were growing from the fruiting bags we have at home though some were growing naturally on a large piece of wood. However, this place also had those kinds of "mushrooms" that occupied a quarter of this greenhouse separated by metal fencing with a door that needed more than keys.

And #2 had to shoot his shot, "Sebastian?"

"Yes?"

"C-Can we… y'know? Have a bit—"

"Absolutely not!"

"Oh…"

"On the way back, maybe…"

"Oh!"

"We've barely started the tour, we wouldn't wanna see you chasing pink elephants or the witch of the mountains, no?"

"Right~ Right— Wait, witch of the— does she really exist?"

"Ah… There were a lot of them before—mostly quacks and whatnot, but there's a handful of them who were rumored to actually possess the dark arts."

"Oh, fuck…"

"Then again, rumors are just rumors but the ones I've met were actually healers who had a deep knowledge of herbalism. The poultices they made worked really well when I got injured in the mountains once. I was already familiar with what the Rivas Family grew but wild herbs in the mountains used to look the same to me."

Alexa interjected, "So, they taught you?"

He let out a smile, "For a price, of course…"

"A-And that is?"

Sebastian said with a straight face, "My firstborn…"

"Ah…"

Then it turned back to a bright smile, "I was only fibbing, don't worry about it! In any case, we have a few mushrooms here that could be eaten raw like these white mushrooms or those portabellos, would you like me to cut some for all of you—"

"YES, PLEASE!"

"The fuck do you mean by some?! Give me that whole log!"

"I'm afraid the log is not edible except for the bark but it's something I also don't recommend… Some of them are grown on coffee grounds but—"

"HAH! Fuckin' dumbass got ya, huh?"

In any case, I was beginning to appreciate these mushrooms compared to the lettuce earlier, not just because of the dip, but because the fatty food aftertaste in my mouth had already disappeared. I'm sure it could've gone either way but we eventually found ourselves in the last two greenhouses that had a variety of fruits, vegetables, or herbal stuff.

'I guess Sal like lettuce and mushrooms for some reason…'

With that said, in a span of an hour, we tasted varieties of kale, broccoli, carrots, figs, lemons, onions, tomatoes, peppers, cucumbers, and lettuce, but we were still in the mushroom greenhouse when we ran out of their homemade ranch.

Fortunately, Nancy came running with a jar of the stuff—along with other blends—just as we sampled a bit of the produce. She was definitely out of breath from running this short distance, once again proving Quinn's statement of the girl lacking stamina. However, everyone fucking lost it when Quinn ended up carrying Nancy on her shoulders like a little child because it would be better for her to come with us than collapse on the way back.

Tatiana started teasing the giantess, "Actually suits you, surprising."

Nancy chuckled from above, "Yeah, though I doubt she'd be a traditional mom—"

"BUST ON MY CHOPS ONE MORE TIME, NANCY AND I'LL FUCKING THROW YOU LIKE A SHOTPUT!"

"W-What did I say?!"

"Excuse me, but I'll be a great fucking mom! Look at my fucking tits! They're gonna grow bigger too, if I start having one—"

Tatiana chuckled, "You'd really have one? Like for real?"

"I don't mind either way but how about you? I'm sure Elsa and Mauro there's been trying even before they got married, she'll probably pop one out soon enough—"

"Hey! Don't say it like that! You can't just squeeze— Well~ Technically, I would… yea…"

"Pfft…" then Tatiana shook her head, "I couldn't even imagine… I'll be one of those cool aunts though? Probably like Sal but taller…"

Edith cut in, "You think Aunt Sally's cool?"

Tatiana couldn't believe what she heard from Edith, "Are you kidding? Your Aunt's cool as fuck. I imagine her leading a biker gang if she wasn't in this…" she stopped as she glanced at Edith and Elsa, "Why are you two looking at me like that? Wait… Don't tell me—"

The two answered at the same time, "W-When she was little—no, younger… when she was younger… she did…"

"..."

"..."

"..."

Everyone was just completely silent from shock but Sebastian broke the silence.

"Ah, I do remember that— The madam was truly young, back then—"

"Hold up—"

"IT'S THE DARK ARTS! THE DARK ARTS!"

"Hmm?"

"SEBASTIAN KNOWS THE DARK ARTS! HE'S IMMORTAL!"

"I would certainly assure all of you that I'm not—"

"THE HOW FUCKING OLD ARE YOU?!"

"Excuse me, the right question to ask is how young am I! Not the other way—"

"THEN ANSWER THE QUESTION! HOW'D YOU KNOW THAT— WHY'D YOU SAY IT LIKE YOU WERE THERE WHEN SAL WAS STILL IN HER 20S?!"

"Ah…" then he broke eye contact, "After this area, we'd be entering the fields, hence the boots—"

"HE'S AVOIDING THE QUESTION! HE'S A DEMON! HE'S EVIIIIIIIL!"

"RUBEN! STOP YELLING SO MUCH! DID YA TAKE SOME OF THE FORBIDDEN MUSHROOMS?!"

Sebastian cut in, "That's probably the case…"

"STOP LYING AND COMING IN WHEN THE CONVERSATION'S TO YOUR ADVANTAGE!"

"Ah… If you'd look over there, a few miles out would be the—"

"STOP DODGING THE QUESTIONS!"