Code Zulu Alpha: Nerd in the Apocalypse!

I was about to reach for the lights but Kaley stopped me. She was holding my arm tight and she just wanted me to be right next to her. I tried to talk to her but she was just crying nonstop. Having nothing else to do, I just hugged her tight as she cried in my arms. I didn't even know the reason why she was crying but seeing her like this left me confused and broken.

I always wanted to see her different expressions from pulling out a bad joke in a bad time or from making her something delicious, but, this was not one of the looks I wanted to see her in. Tears started to well in my eyes because she was crying with a painful expression and I didn't know what triggered that.

"Hey… Kaley… I'm here, okay?"

Kaley's face was buried in my chest and I could feel her tears falling on my skin as she was tightly hugging me. She was still not responding so I waited for her until she was able to talk to me. Good communication was always the best go-to but there were times when silence was the answer.

"Did something happen when she talked to her mom? No… well… maybe… Our relationship with each other really got a bit open with other people though we never do it without each other's presence. Hmm, is that even the reason why she started crying? Well, I think it started when she asked me whether it's fine with me just being with her. It could be that or there's another reason I don't know yet." I thought to myself.

I grabbed the edge of the blanket we were covered in and I tried to wipe the side of her face where I could reach. Even so, tears were still continuing to fall from her eyes but she was more silent compared to earlier.

Time continued to pass until she asked me to listen to her as we sat upright, face to face.

"I just had a little talk with mom earlier… as always, she managed to figure out that our little circle grew with Cynthia..."

"Hmm, I figured that she would know eventually but I don't think that would... you know… warrant this... right? Did she say anything else?"

"No… just the usual reminders but… I would sometimes get to thinking about us… no- I- I would sometimes get to thinking about… what you think of me..."

Kaley looked at me before looking down on the pillows above our laps.

"What? What do you mean? You already know what my feelings for you are, right?"

"..."

"Kaley?"

"It's just… just… sometimes I… sometimes I think that I just drag you along with me… even when I'm the one who used to yell at others to stay away from you… it's a little hypocritical… there's also an instance that I think that I'm… I'm… not good enough… you know… for you… I've just been thinking about it… a lot..."

"Kaley, to be completely honest, I'm a little confused about what you're saying. Sure, sometimes I would get surprised especially the first time we did it with them but I didn't say no at that time and those other times, right? I couldn't speak for every person but I fantasized about it happening to me at least once. Like we said to your mom before, we're all consenting adults and it's not like as most open relationships even are. The thing I'm confused about is you thinking that you're not good enough for me. If I must tell you, I still couldn't believe you're with me. That never changes."

Kaley seemed like she was still not telling me things clouding over her head. Marisha informed me of this before and I was starting to scratch on the surface. However, Kaley was starting to be unresponsive as she started to look down and bite on her lip.

"Also, I've already put two and two together." I tried to get her attention.

Kaley looked at me with a questioning gaze.

"I know that you heard me and your mom talking when they arrived here. That time when you escaped and hid in the bathroom? It took me a while but I figured it out! You know what I said and I meant every word of it. If you're still having doubts about me, the only thing I could do right now is to write a 10-page essay explaining everything inside my head. It could be more pages since there's more going inside my head than what I'm saying right now. You have no idea what's still inside that hasn't come out."

Kaley smiled faintly and a tear fell on the side of her cheek. She wiped it with her hands and then she smiled brightly. We just looked at each other for a moment before she took a long deep breath.

"I'm sorry… I never really had something like… like this… like you..." Kaley responded to me but her expression turned different once again.

I looked at her, confused once more.

"I've been in a few relationships you know… after I thought that you didn't like me… However, being a bit… for a lack of a better sounding word… partially h-h-hypersexual... it didn't help build a strong relationship with whomever I was with. It's a different set of experiences but with the same hurtful outcome. Some would like it and assume I'm like a... you know… and some would get off-putted by it. The look and even the words they would give or say to me because of how I am would really hurt me… a lot…"

Tears started to well up in her eyes once more but she closed her eyes for a moment to breathe. She held my hand before she opened her eyes. Our eyes never left each other and I suddenly felt stupid in thinking that she never had monsters of her own. I caught a little glimpse of it before but I never saw the whole thing until now. It was different for everyone but the issue was that they exist even for people that look like they don't.

Kaley continued to speak while I continued to listen.

"I would even get told or forced to do some things that are too much for me because they're assuming that I'm down for anything and they would get fucking mad when I say no. Sometimes I would just get confused or would mix up what I want because of my past experiences with people. If I started a new one, I'm afraid of what they may say or think about me so I would sometimes act that we like the same thing..."

I was silent not because I didn't bother to say anything but because there was nothing to say and silence was the right answer this time again. The grip Kaley had on my hand got tighter as tears escaped from her eyes once more. However, when she saw me just looking at her, she had the wrong idea and got flustered.

"Sky- um… with you I- I… I didn't… I-" I cut her off.

I just faintly smiled and said, "Even if you did or didn't, I understand. I'm sorry for thinking that I'm the only one that has problems. Also, I'm sorry for not noticing what you have for me. If you think about it, if I noticed your signs before, you wouldn't experience that."

Kaley got up to my face and exploded, "You don't know that and it's not your fault! Why would you even put the blame on yourself especially the 'you' from before?! It's stupid! It's not our fault, it's theirs! For the record, I never pretended when I was with you! I COULDN'T AND I WOULD NEVER!!! I LOVE YOU, YOU DOOFUS!!!"

"I LOVE YOU TOO, MISS PARTIALLY HYPERS-"

"AHHHHHHH~!!! DON'T CALL ME THAT!!!"

"AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! WHY?! YOU ALREADY SAID IT YOURSELF!!!"

"HNGH~ Please don't call me that when Tatiana, Rin, and Cynthia are here, especially Tatiana. She might call me that every time we're all here… it's true but it's still embarrassing for me… I have control of it after having talks with mom but it gets hard when I'm really stressed, had a drink, or..." Kaley was red in the face as she trailed, looking at me.

"Or what?" I obliviously asked.

Kaley didn't answer me verbally but the kiss she gave me after shaking her head in amusement was enough of an answer. We had to do something we did earlier even if we already spent hours doing it. However, doing it after having a serious talk felt something vastly different. The emotions we were feeling were intense and it was the most amazing night we had, by far.

Tears fell on Kaley's face once again but it was a different emotion that triggered it. We never let go of each other when we decided to rest for the night.

"Goodnight, you doofus."

"Heh, goodnight miss par- Ow! Kaley!"