Classless Ascension

As soon as Josh keyed in his special login information, he found himself in the sky. All he could see was endless soothing blue and a heavenly light shining on his being.Â

Then, appeared a short cinematic, yes in the sky. A beautiful woman and a handsome man were thanking the participants for joining, the sponsors for investing, and the spectators for attending this wonderful event.Â

It was such an awesome cinematic that Josh kept looking for the skip button. There was none. Yep, bad design. Josh would have rated this message B, for Boring AF.

The cute girl saying she'd even give a hug to the winners, why should Josh care? Same for the host inviting them to get a beer with him afterward. They were some kind of celebrities it seemed, but whatever. That's when came a system message.Â

[Begin special tournament avatar customization now or postpone and head to the party waiting room?]Â

"Party waiting room it shall be."Â

Instantly the clear scene changed as it rippled. This new one was ass, quite literately. It still rippled, and it still looked heavenly. In front of Josh's face was an S-Ranked thick booty. On the side, Dale was laughing as he made it rain.Â

"Hey, Josh! You're finally here! Alright, hurry up and modify your avatar. Then we can start combat."Â

Josh couldn't help but look in awe at the surrounding scenery. There was cool rhythmic music, lights all over that shone on a stage, some fog giving it all an ethereal air, the chrome poles, and finally, the girls and dudes (?!) seductively dancing.Â

"What's with the mixed strip club?" Josh raised an eyebrow.Â

"That? It's apparently one of the sponsors for the tournament. See the ad there. Yes, right in the background: Try the life of an S-Ranker. Plot twist, there is a very small chance it's your life, and they find themselves in a sewer."

"That would honestly be hilarious. Then they would get killed by the killer robot for trespassing." Josh added.Â

"Nice joke, haha. Wait, do you really have one?! Aren't these things military-grade and not sold to the general public?!" He showed disbelief.Â

"I honestly have no clue. I just asked for a killer-robot-like cleaner from my designer and he brought me one. It almost diced Kasha so I guess it's pretty good for defense." Josh shrugged.Â

"Wow! This is just ridiculous. Anyway, that's our party name. Great, isn't it?" Dale was smiling so much all his teeth were showing.Â

He pressed something, and suddenly, this showed up above both of their heads: <Your Daughter Calls Me Daddy Too>. Josh wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry. But he knew he definitely needed to hide his original appearance now.Â

Fun fact, this avatar editor allowed lots of freedom. So much freedom that the whole skin and clothes colors could be changed, plus the face randomized. That is how a zebra-looking stranger soon appeared in Josh's place. It was time for some fun.Â

"What the fuck is that?" Dale jumped when he saw it.Â

"I came here to show off my stripes and to kill bitches, and I'm already done with the first one," Josh uttered in the deepest voice he could muster.Â

"This is really messed up, even for me. What kind of psycho would do such a thing?!" But Dale was clearly in the process of modifying his too.

He soon took on the appearance of a tiger proudly displaying the flashiest orange in existence.Â

"Now, we show proper party cohesion. The stripes shall rule the world!" Dale theatrically exclaimed!

"Actually, it seems popular with the chicks too." Josh pointed at the AI stripper that was praising how handsome they both were. Well, perhaps that was mainly because Dale was still making it rain even now.Â

"Alright, so what's our battle strategy?" He seriously asked.Â

"Our battle strategy is that we have no battle strategy. You adapt, and you kill. Simple and easy. You got that?" Josh showed confidence.Â

"Remembering won't be hard. I'll do my best too. Hopefully, it will be enough."Â

"I sure hope so. Otherwise, I'll have no choice but to sell your organs to afford a custom VR capsule." Josh shrugged.Â

"As if! I'll start smoking and doing hard drugs right about now. This way, my organs will be 100% unsalvageable!"Â

"That sounds like a big commitment. Anyway, time to queue up. How do we do that?" Josh was looking around.Â

"Ready up!" As Dale said that, a big-ass green checkmark ✔️ appeared above his head.Â

"Ready up!" Josh copied him.Â

"You gotta shout louder, I think."Â

"READY UP!" Josh complied, then saw his colleague's teasing smile.Â

"Nice, but seriously you just need to raise your hand in the air slightly."

"'¦.."Â

That's when they were teleported on top of a circular platform. At the edge, there was a deep abyss that would for sure cause one's demise. The radius was about 50 meters, plenty to fight.Â

"Now we just wait for the enemies to show up, I guess," Dale commented.Â

There were many spectator seats in the distance. There were shouts of excitement and even fans hoisting signs in the air and waving them agitatedly.Â

The best one had to be an old dad-looking guy holding a sign that said: "Go <Your Daughter Calls Me Daddy Too>!" There was a young woman next to him that looked like his daughter too.Â

"What's up with the spectator stands? Can't people just spectate from anywhere?" This was a virtual event. Surely the camera would be more flexible.Â

"Oh, don't misunderstand. They are all bots. All that cheering is fake. It's just to add to the ambiance. Ah, but I did hear that real spectators will be able to send real-time voice messages."Â

"That sounds like it will get out of hand real fast. Then again, we aren't helping either." Josh chuckled as he gestured at both of them.Â

"No, no. We are entertaining people. They should give us a medal for sure. Should I start an online petition to add an 'audience's choice' category? I'm sure we would win." Dale proposed.Â

"HUB, HUB on the wall, who's the coolest of them all. I don't know about you, but our team is wild, yo!"Â

"You. Did. Not. Wild wow. I'm posting this online." Dale began seemingly typing on a fake copy of his UW.

"So we still have access to the Net even here? Won't there be any issues?Â

"I guess not. Hey, there are even bets going on. Who knew!"

"Oh, nice! Where is it? I'll bet 100k on us." Josh instantly became interested.Â

"Wow! Relax, I meant small private bets, not public ones. 100k credits? Do you want to drown them in credits?"

"No, but I wouldn't mind if it happened to me."Â

That's when a flash of light brought another team to the other side of the arena. The two new contestants looked mean and kept glaring at them both. Well, their bodies were entirely red, and they looked like devils.Â

Josh couldn't help but chuckle. It seems they weren't the only ones that had fun with the avatar customization. Their team name was <Your Worst Nightmare>.Â

But as Josh saw them, he couldn't help but be surprised. They were either genius actors or complete beginners. Their plan was extremely obvious. Their gaze changed slightly whenever it reached Josh.Â

He was going to be their first target. Why? Probably because they could see his nonchalance and they had confused it with a lack of vigilance.Â

No matter how fast or strong they were, it was wasted if they couldn't hide their intent. Josh would easily be able to use their own strength against them. They wouldn't even count as a warm-up. Ah, plus everyone's power was capped here.Â

"Our worst nightmare, is it? I'll take the guy on the left and you take the guy on the right. What do you think?" Dale showed a great fighting spirit.Â

"They seem weak. You take care of them both." Josh hadn't bothered lowering his volume.Â

The opponents could hear him looking down on them. They were now clearly incensed. It's at that moment that they decided they really would crush this dumb Zebra-looking guy no matter what.Â

"Both? That's a bit'¦." Dale showed hesitation.Â

"If you can't even do that, I may as well fight 1 v 2 from now on." Josh gave him an ultimatum.Â

"Alright, alright. But don't be too surprised if I lose." Dale sighed.Â

[Welcome everyone to this phenomenal-looking match! Are you ready for an amazing show?!]Â

*Fake hype of the fake crowd*Â

*Fake cheers*Â

-Hunterz77: "Show that cocky Zebra who's boss! Finish him!"Â

"It seems you are already popular, Josh." Dale chuckled. Their first real message was a hater.Â

[3'¦2'¦1'¦.Start!]Â

The enemies sent malevolent gazes at Josh as they charged toward him. But soon, Dale stood in their way to intercept them. He showed clear nervousness, but he remained firm nonetheless.Â

As the first one came close to him, Dale sent a strike to test the waters. He would then adapt to the man's next move and'¦.

[Contestant eliminated!]Â

"Why didn't he block or dodge?!" Dale looked in utter shock at the enemy disappearing in a flash of light. Then, he stared at the weapon in his hand.Â

"You killed my partner! Take this!" The other guy roared in a fury before slashing madly at him.Â

Dale couldn't help but be taken back. Once more, he showed extreme confusion. That much was a given. There was such a clash between these guys' confidence and actual skills.

A few well-placed counters later, Dale was plunging his weapon into the opponent's head making him disappear too.Â

"Wow. That was surprising. How weak!" Dale exclaimed before looking at Josh, pondering how he had known.

Josh felt that Dale's skills were actually pretty good. Honestly, he hadn't expected such an improvement. It had been way faster than him back then. How strong was the monk then?Â

[An incredible victory for team <Your Daughter Calls Me Daddy Too>. Amazing!]Â

* Fake cheers*Â

* Few real cheers*Â

- BallsDeep69: "Nice Victory. I came up with a theme song for your team ♪♪*Sound playing*♪♪: Oh, oh, oh, Fuck Yeah, Daddy. Keep Going, Daddy. Oh fuck. Destroy my little p'”"

It had abruptly stopped. Guess this user had just been banned. Would he be able to come back with a VPN or something? Who knew. That is when another guy took it upon himself to celebrate his fellow comrade's sacrifice.Â

- TheMusicGuy: "Here is a hymn to a fallen soldier'¦Thrash metal and bass-boosted version." ♪♪*Questionable PG13 music began playing*♪♪

"Pffft, this is crazy. This is our life now. See? We are representing the people. We are giving them hope! We are'¦" Dale was getting heated.Â

"Yes, yes, whatever. So do we just keep fighting or?"

"We have the option to take a break, but it's really not needed, right?"Â

"Yep, let's just queue the next fight. If it's buffoons again, you take care of them."

Before long appeared another team. What the Hell was this? Their team name was: <Your Worstest Nightmare>... They, too, tried looking dangerous. They tried because they failed horribly.Â

"Wow, just wow. This is getting out of hand." Josh simply sprawled on the ground, looking comfortable. Of course, that provoked various reactions.Â

"Are you admitting defeat already? Hahahaha!" The enemies guffawed without realizing what this really meant...