Back Then, I Adored You

He looked just like how he had back when they had first met.

Although he had lost the love of his life and suffered from the endless pain, he was able to see that she had transformed into the person he had wanted her to be, and this was a positive thing. His happiness, though, was dulled by a piercing pain that had rooted in his chest. A dark, heavy look crept into Lu Bancheng’s eyes, and he stared at Xu Wennuan for a moment until Little Peanut’s giggles could be heard from the nearby playroom. Lu Bancheng gradually retracted his gaze and paced to the study, where he reached out his hand and knocked softly on the door.

……

Lu Bancheng did not disturb Gu Yusheng. After entering the study, he went straight to the balcony. Ten minutes later, he heard the sound of chairs being dragged against the floor in the room behind him. Subsequently, he heard the sound of footsteps slowly approaching him and then the balcony’s French doors pushed open.

Lu Bancheng knew that Gu Yusheng had entered the study. With a cigarette between his fingers, he stared straight ahead at the glistening pool in the backyard and the splendid lavender field and did not turn his head back.

After a few seconds, Lu Bancheng felt someone stand beside him. He raised his hand and brought the cigarette to his lips. Just when he was about to take a puff, he realized that the cigarette had finished burning. He barely took a small puff of breath to satisfy his craving before stubbing out the cigarette. Digging out another two cigarettes from the pack beside him, he passed one to Gu Yusheng.

“I quit.” Dressed in a white-collared shirt, Gu Yusheng stood before the balcony’s railings with both of his hands in his pockets. He watched Little Peanut running through the lavender field as Qin Zhi’ai followed behind her yelling out for her to be careful. A soft, gentle expression formed in his eyes.

A look of surprise crept into Lu Bancheng’s eyes, but he didn’t force Gu Yusheng to explain. Biting onto his cigarette, he lit it up and took a puff before asking, “When did you quit?”

“Over a year ago.” A few seconds after Gu Yusheng said this, he turned his gaze from his family toward Lu Bancheng. He stared at him in silence while Lu Bancheng furiously puffed on his cigarette. After a moment, he then asked, “What’s wrong? Is something troubling you?”

“No,” Lu Bancheng exhaled, chuckling as he replied.

Gu Yusheng knew that Lu Bancheng was reluctant to talk, so he didn’t push any further and changed the subject. “Will you leave again now that you’re back?”

“I’ll stay in Beijing for two months. Haven’t thought about my plans after that.”

“Oh.”

The two of them chatted on and off casually for some time. When the butler called for Qin Zhi’ai, Xu Wennuan, and Little Peanut to come eat their meal, Lu Bancheng stubbed out his cigarette with his fingers. Without blinking his eyes, he greedily watched Xu Wennuan as she held onto Little Peanut’s hand and walked toward the villa. He only shifted his eyes away after some time had passed.

If she hadn’t aborted our child, she probably would have given birth and the baby would be a few months old by now. And then a year from now, the child would probably start to totter and run about unstably like Little Peanut.

Lu Bancheng felt a stinging sensation in his eyes. Holding up his cell phone, he took one glance at the time and, before the butler could come upstairs to call for Gu Yusheng and him to have their meal, he said, “I have something going on later, so I’ll pass on eating. I’m going to take off.”

……

Before he got into his car, Lu Bancheng wanted to turn around to take one last look at Xu Wennuan through the bright, clean glass window, but after hesitating he thought better of it. He was afraid that he wouldn’t be able to leave if he saw her again.