Author's Reincarnation in a Fantasy Setting

I fell to the ground on my knees, closed my eyes, and more tears flooded out. I opened them again and there was another wave of salty water rolling down my cheeks.

I held my neck, I was sort of having trouble breathing. My chest was heavy, so heavy, more than I could handle. Therefore…

"AAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

I let out a scream, a loud scream. I took a breath, more tears rushed down. Then again.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

I screamed again. I took another breath, more tears flooded out, and I screamed yet again. More and more, louder and louder, I screamed as hard as I could until my throat started aching.

All of it came crashing down and hit me hard where I hadn't expected it.

My mom was dead, gone completely. She had disappeared from the world, she didn't exist anymore. No matter how much I wanted to meet her and apologize I couldn't do that. I was not allowed to. She was gone.

And it was because of me. She killed herself because of the divorce, and that happened because of me. Technically, I was the one who killed her. I was the murderer of my mother.

I did it because I was feeling good by seeing people in despair, I was blinded by that pleasure so much that I didn't notice what I was doing. I knew I was like this naturally, someone had already told me that.

But I should've kept myself in control. I shouldn't have let my urges and desires take control of me. I shouldn't have let my sadistic side take control of my life.

"It was all my fault…" I mumbled as I looked up into the rain. At the same time, lighting flashed in the sky.

My mom was gone. I hadn't realized her importance and how much she meant to me because I was blinded by my own desires. But now that she was not here and in a place I could never reach, I knew the weight of my mistake.

That was the day when I started hating this sadistic side of mine more than anything I've done in my entire life. I hated it with everything I had, I hated it more than the students who became a victim of it.

But there was nothing I could do now. There was no way of bringing the dead back to life. However, there was one thing I could do, and it was to bury this side of mine that caused this disaster.

I decided that I would take control over this side, not the other way around. That is what I was supposed to do anyway. I had just strayed from the path that was shown to me by someone, and it had cost me a great deal. I wasn't going to let that happen anymore.

Two months later my dad married that lady from his office, and they decided not to take me in— I wasn't going to stay with them anyway.

I bought the apartment room where I lived with my mom, and I did this so that I could never forget what had happened when I lost control, and so I can prevent it from happening again.

It was around this time that I picked up novel writing as a hobby. Controlling my sadistic urges was easier said than done, and there were some times when I'd almost given up.

Therefore I chose this way and relieved myself through my writing— by torturing the fictional characters I'd created. This wasn't anything much and didn't give me any dopamine rush, but was enough to keep me in control.

I stopped going to school too because I felt no need to do so anymore. Or rather I should say I didn't want to go there again. The most I did to make up for that was to study at home— I was used to doing that anyway.

Things went on like this and soon I turned sixteen, and then it happened. On a cold winter night, I fell down the stairs and died, then I found out that I'd reincarnated inside the novel of the author I hated.

And this was a rather ruthless setting. I was reincarnated as a side character and I had to use the knowledge of the future I had along with the help of my sadistic nature.

Yeah, in the world keeping myself in control was difficult, but my sadistic nature was also important if I had to survive here. I had to lean on its help. Though this time I would be the one in control.

This was a new chance. I was born into a good family and had loving parents. I thought that I would do things differently this time and that I wouldn't let it end the same way it did in my past life.

Although I failed yet again. My parents died again right in front of my eyes, and I wasn't able to do anything. Here I was, frozen to a stature with my own magic.

'How pathetic.'

I had been trying to seal away the memories of my past parents, but I ended up remembering them again.

'Truly pathetic I am.'

I had given up all hope. If my parents were dead along with my sister, then there was no reason to continue living in this world.

It was a matter of time. As soon as I would decide to let go of my consciousness the ice would freeze me completely and I would fall into a deep sleep never to wake up again.

And I was just going to do that. Slowly, I started to release the hold of the consciousness I was clenching onto for so long.

However, just at that time when I was about to completely lose myself in the darkness, I saw a ray of life. And I wasn't saying that in a metaphorical way, I literally saw a ray of light.

For some reason, the sheet of ice on my face melted. Things came into view, and soon all the ice that was covering my body melted and evaporated into mist.

I was able to feel things again, and I sensed someone's palm on my face.

As soon as my vision came back, I saw that there was a person standing in front of me.

There as I sat on my knees looking up, I saw that there was a girl standing before me.

She had light, sky-blue colored hair and golden eyes along with a snow-like fair skin tone. She was dressed in pure black clothes, and the texture of those was sort of weird; as if they were made out of shadows.

When she saw me look at her, completely dumbfounded, a slight smile appeared on her face.

"Finally awake, huh? Must've been pretty depressing in there," she said

I didn't know her. I had never seen this girl before. But still, for some reason, I felt as if I knew her. And not just knew her, it was like I was aware of who she was.

"Who… are y-you?" I asked, though my voice was rather broken and trembling.

"Oh yeah, there we go with the classic question," she sighed and took a step back. Then looked back at me.

"Listen, this might seem weird and not make sense but… I am you," she said.

She was right, it didn't make any sense.