Evil always comes from courage

Time is like sand, and it has passed for a long time. I tried to ask him several times what happened on that ship, but I could never ask him.

Under such circumstances, I remembered something about my father.

I remembered that my father did not love me. He always had a cold face and never smiled at me. He is always busy with his business, writing or other work. He never takes me to banquets or work events. Sometimes I feel that he treats me as a shame.

I remember one time, as always, I hid in the cupboard and secretly watched him, watching him writing furiously under the flickering candlelight. I just missed my father so much, until he found out, he almost became furious and tore up all the manuscripts. A smash, calling me disgusting, as if I were a thief spying on others.

I was still too young at the time, but I still don’t understand why. Even now, I just feel that it must be my fault. I shouldn’t disturb his work, shouldn’t cause him trouble, I shouldn’t His work should be quietly spied upon.

My father, Vincent Faust, was so amiable to everyone, and he smiled so tenderly at his cousins’ children, but I could only hide in the distance and look at his tall back. Listening to the servants praising my father and talking about his great achievements, how much I am in awe of him!

Gradually, as I grew up, I imitated his example and wrote fast, but I was not as talented as him. When I thought I had written a story that would make my father proud, he became furious after reading it. Those poor and dirty manuscripts were thrown into the fireplace.

I cried nonsense and said that I hated him. The servants comforted me for a long time, but I still couldn't stop crying. After that, through the big window, I saw my father getting into the carriage carrying a black suitcase. , left home.

Not long after, my mother also fell ill. She was very ill. I wanted to visit her, but the servants said that I would be infected. Until finally, her father came back to pick her up, leaving only a housekeeper named Mander Felix to take care of Vincent Manor.

I thought it must all be my fault. Over the years, I have deeply blamed myself for this. It was my unreasonable behavior that drove away my father and occupied his manor. I was a person who brought shame to the Vincent family.

To this day, I still cannot extricate myself from the sadness. I just want to repair the broken bridge between me and my father. I keep trying, but I know that this is not enough. As a member of the Vincent family, all this is not enough.

Everything is my fault. If I had not shamelessly disturbed my father, I would not have been so complacent and produced such despicable works to tarnish the honor of the Vincent family. I would not have cried nonsense and rolled around without any aristocratic image. I would not have If he were forced away, his mother would not get sick, and they would not leave Vincent Manor.

If I hadn't made any mistakes, maybe one day he would gently caress my head and smile at me.

I didn't have the courage to ask, because I said to myself again and again, please forgive yourself, this is not your fault, but it does not comfort my heart. Such excuses can only temporarily relieve my guilt.

Every night I spent alone looking at the orange fire, self-blame and darkness would come over again and break my heart into pieces.

Because I understand that in the bottom of my heart, I will not let myself go. I know very well that all this is my fault.