i'm not a bad man

Chapter 84 The First Night

Dragging the car with my luggage, I continued walking on the increasingly crowded streets. I didn’t have a clear destination yet. I just tried to find a place to live on Zhongshan Road. The reason why I chose this road was because It is very close to the seaside; before this, I had gone to see several houses with an agent, but I was not satisfied with them because most of them on Zhongshan Road are residential houses or old German-style villas left over from the last century. Of course, the villas They are very atmospheric and the houses are spacious and clean. However, for me, they all have a fatal flaw. They are too short. Even if they have balconies, they will be blocked by the buildings in front, so there is no way to see the sea. Yes, I tried to find the house in the front again, but I was disappointed, because the house in the front was already a commercial street and had no residential properties at all, while those residential houses and old villas huddled in the back seemed to be It is thicker, as if it is telling the sorrow of being occupied by foreign powers more than a century ago.

Qingdao deserves to be liked, because it is a prosperous city where modernity and history complement each other, but I was completely lost at night, so I went around the end of Zhongshan Road to the train station, and then from the train station to a place called "Xiaogang" pier.

I bought a bucket of instant noodles at a nearby convenience store. After making them, I sat on a bench on the pier and ate while enjoying the cool sea breeze. Lu Xi was right. When I found out that after selling the RV When my life is not so to my liking, I will miss the RV.

Where is it at this moment, and who is it accompanying?
……

After a while, I put the finished bucket of instant noodles at my feet, then lit a cigarette out of habit, and stared blankly at the yachts and cargo ships rising and falling on the sea, until my phone vibrated in my pocket. .

This is a call from Zuo Xiaowei. This is the first time she has called me since we were separated in Tianjin last time.

In fact, there was not a long gap, but I felt that we had not contacted each other for a long time. Probably because after she left Qingdao, Lu Xi, Qiao Jiao and others quickly entered my life, so it was invisible. During this time, I cared less about her. When you don't think about a person, time will produce a relative change, which led to such an illusion in my heart.

After getting through the phone, I asked her in a very relaxed tone as usual: "Why are you free to call me today?"

"I'm about to make my first album. I'm calling you just to confirm with you. Are you really willing to let me use the songs you wrote?"

“I have never regretted giving anything away.”

"Okay, the company has hired the best production team to turn me into an original singer, so those songs will become my original songs in the future."

"No problem, just keep working hard. I hope you can become the brightest new star in this industry."

After a short silence, Zuo Xiaowei asked me again: "What are you busy with recently?"

I joked and replied: "I am poor and have short ambitions, so I just goof around."

"Don't lie to me. If you were fooling around, wouldn't you go to the bar?...I heard from Saozhu that you and Sister Ren Ran haven't been to the bar for almost a month."

"I won't go to the bar, but that doesn't mean I'm going to start working hard. I'm just going to change my ways and continue to hang out."

Zuo Xiaowei smiled, and then said in a questioning tone: "If you like to hang out so much, why do you want to sell the RV?"

"People always have to come to terms with their past selves."

"Then you are so free and easy... Sometimes, I really want to ask you, is there someone, or something, in this world that you can't bear to let go of?"

I almost didn’t think about it before I blurted out, “Of course, my life is what I’m most reluctant to let go of. But everyone knows that no one can live forever, so learning to let go is the basic factor that determines whether a person can live a happy life.” Skill."

"I understand, so it is precisely because you think so that you appear so cold and heartless..." After a pause, Zuo Xiaowei lowered her voice and said to me: "You know, since I left Qingdao, You have never taken the initiative to contact me again, this is what you said to let go... If only I could be like you."

"What, aren't you happy in BJ?"

"I'm not happy or sad, I just feel very tired... Especially when it's dark, I walk to where I live alone. The lights are so bright, the street is so long, and there are so many people, but I feel like I'm being overwhelmed by the whole world. The feeling of isolation... In this city, except for taxi drivers, there is no one who is willing to stop and say a few words to you... Whenever this time, I will think, if Han Chao can give me a call. How wonderful, even if you don’t say anything, just ask, have you eaten? You will feel a sense of belonging in your heart. Do you know what a sense of belonging is? No matter how big the world is or how indifferent the people around you are, But you know in your heart that in an unknown corner, there is a person who cares about you silently. No matter how far away I am from this person, as long as he is here, I will not be forgotten... I am really too scared Forgotten, as if she was dead..." As she spoke, Zuo Xiaowei began to cry. I'm not sure if she was drunk, but I could feel it in her words. A kind of bitterness and helplessness drifting in BJ.

I didn't know how to make her happy, so after a while, I said: "Stop moaning and thinking more about your purpose of going to BJ... When you become a big star, a lot of people will care about you. , I love you, and when the time comes, you won’t be able to hide, and you will feel like you belong wherever you go.”

"When I become a big star, will this really happen?"

"Yes, of course I will...Have you forgotten the lively scene where the fans met the celebrities last time we were at Hisense Plaza?...I don't think it's an exaggeration to say that there were all the stars supporting the moon."

Of course the star I was talking about was Lu Xi, but Zuo Xiaowei and Lu Xi were not familiar with each other, so I didn’t go into details. But I believe that the scene at that time would definitely leave a deep impression on Zuo Xiaowei. Because I know she also has a star dream in her heart, otherwise why would she devote the best time of her life to the stage?

She is also a singer, a currently unknown singer.

"Han Chao, will you fall in love with me when I become a big star?"

This question caught me off guard, and I didn’t know if God deliberately wanted to leave a suspense between Zuo Xiaowei and me. My mobile phone was completely out of battery at this time and was turned off.

I stared at the black screen of my phone for a long time, wanting to charge it, but then suddenly remembered that I hadn’t found a place to live yet.

Loneliness sometimes comes so quietly, but Zuo Xiaowei and I are different. I will not complain about a city because of loneliness. I will only make myself more integrated, so I threw away the leftovers. After buying the instant noodle box, I went to a pet shop near the pier. After chatting with the boss about some pet-related topics, I borrowed a power bank from the boss and then charged up the phone that had completely run out of power. .

……

I am a person who sometimes lets go easily, but sometimes I am not willing to compromise easily. Therefore, instead of trying to find a permanent place to live this night, I chose to stay in a hotel. When the agency comes to work tomorrow, I want to change to Looking at Shibei District again, I just want a big balcony with a view of the sea.

……

This is an apartment hotel. After booking online, I didn't even have to meet the housekeeper. He sent me the code for the combination lock and I checked in.

After washing, I lay down on the bed made of a platform. Next to the platform was a panoramic floor-to-ceiling window, and outside the window was the sea. Although it was already late at night and the magnificent sea view could not be seen, the ships operating on the sea were The flashing lights create a different kind of scenery.

I put my watch, lighter, cigarettes, and mobile phone on the floor, then opened the beer I had prepared and started my first night away from the RV life.

Of course there will be a lot of pain in life, but there are also many ways to heal pain, so I always find various ways to please myself.

This night, I had beer, cigarettes, and a high-rise floor-to-ceiling window with a view of the sea while lying on the bed. To say that I was in pain would be a bit pretentious.

After drinking two cans of beer and eating half a box of chicken feet with pickled peppers, my phone vibrated again. I thought it was Zuo Xiaowei who was unwilling to give up and sent me another message. When I picked up the phone, I found out it was from Qiao Jiao.

There is no text, just a photo. At this moment, she is lying on the bed of my RV, legs crossed, holding a glass of red wine in her left hand, facing the car window, which is full of flashing lights. She looks so comfortable. no.

(End of this chapter)