i'm not a bad man

Chapter 631 I saw a room full of car models

Early the next morning, I changed my route from Xuzhou to BJ. BJ was still the same BJ, bustling, crowded, and full of people like grains of sand. It was just a little hotter than the last time I came here, so the people, like grains of sand, They also dressed lightly. The men wore shorts and the women wore suspenders. They gathered at the bus stop and at the subway entrance. I mingled with these crowds and once again came to the community where Zuo Xiaowei and I had lived for a while. .

Zuo Xiaowei told me that she would always keep that house, but I am not sure whether she is waiting for me to change my mind, or because there are too many music equipments in it and it is too troublesome to move.

If you think about it carefully, there seems to be no difference between these two reasons.

I just stood at the door, and after a period of silence, I pressed the password in my memory; the door was opened by me, but I could hardly believe my eyes. The music equipment was no longer visible in the room. There are Lego car models that have been put together all over the wall, and some that have not yet been put together are scattered on the ground.

Putting together Lego car models is my hobby and fun, but during this time when we parted ways, Zuo Xiaowei took it to the extreme. No one knows how many models she used to make these finished models. Day and night.

Against the dazzling sunlight, I seemed to see Zuo Xiaowei busy with piecing together. It seemed that what she pieced together was no longer just building blocks, but a broken life, a broken dream, and a broken me.

I finally sat down in this pile of wood chips. It turned out that this was the most realistic appearance of the mistake after it was materialized.

She was speechless. For a woman who regards singing as her life, this would only be more uncomfortable than having her limbs mutilated. And all of this happened because of that choice.

It wasn't until I met No. 2 and had an in-depth chat about the small town that I suddenly woke up. No matter how hard I tried, I was only doing a very futile thing. Therefore, my failure was already doomed because of my opponent. , not a certain person, but a habit, a rule, an environment.

At this moment, when I think back to the first night when I returned to the small town with Zuo Xiaowei, it feels like a dream and a dizziness.

It wasn't until this moment that I took the document bag out of my tactical backpack and opened it. Each piece of evidence was enough to shock me, and it also made me realize what kind of person I was facing. opponent.As long as this evidence is made public, it will definitely set off an unprecedented storm in the small town. In order to make money, he has done too many crazy and dehumanizing things.

For me, this evidence is a kind of comfort. At least, I did not kill a good person by mistake.

……

Mixed in with these evidences was a letter written by Zuo Xiaowei to me. Before I opened it, my fingers were already trembling. I knew that any words that need to be communicated through letters touch the soul. Just like the last letter Luan Yu left me.

I opened the letter with difficulty, and then subconsciously looked against the light. I seemed to see Zuo Xiaowei sitting opposite me, and she wanted to talk to me about something that was on her mind.

"Han Chao... When do you think a person will take the initiative to review his life?... It must be because of despair, or because he can no longer find a reason to live... This feeling, my life Twice... I am a woman who has been sexually assaulted. At the most beautiful and pure age in my life... I have thought more than once that I must dedicate my most important things to the one I love most. Man, if he doesn't show up, I will keep it for him until college, until I go to work, until I become an old woman. What I want is that kind of innocence... For a woman Say, this is probably the greatest idealism... Unfortunately, the brilliance of idealism will eventually be overshadowed by the ugliness of reality... When that dirty day appeared unexpectedly in my life, I thought Die in the past... Although I didn't succeed in the end, that kind of haze has always enveloped my whole life... It wasn't until later that I sang in a nightclub, and I suddenly realized that the world had changed a long time ago, and the so-called purity is not that important, because in bars There are too many people who engage in male-female relations, and others don’t care at all... And we met in this environment, and you further verified it, because you are a person who knows how to engage in male-female relations, and you don’t care at all. Is this my first time... It's funny to say that I was saved because of a messy relationship between a man and a woman... But I didn't fall for it. Fortunately, even if it was a messy relationship... I also love you, even if you don't love me, I will force it on you... That's why you and I chose to go to a small town... It's hard to define, what is the relationship between the two of us? Who changed whose life, but it was indeed a wrong choice... BJ is the only chance between us to correct the mistakes... Unfortunately, you probably just wanted to use me, although you didn't do it in the end... ...It is precisely because you did not do this that I resolutely returned to the small town. I know Guan Yubo better than you... The only purpose is to hope that you will not be harmed by that order. That order was used by Guan Yubo's fathers. It has been managed for decades and passed on to Guan Yubo. It is impossible for you to change or break it on your own... For this reason, I have done many things against my will, including hurting Sister Lingran... Speaking of Guan Yu Bo, I can’t tell whether he is my nightmare or not. Apart from being possessive, he is really good to me. He has always been very good to me since he was a student and met all my needs unconditionally. I’m like It was a caged bird that was well protected by him... But in the end, I found out that he was the one who sexually assaulted me at that time, and he framed the blame on our teacher, and finally killed Teacher Zou, everything. , all because of his damn possessiveness... When I was writing this letter, I looked back at my life for the second time, and suddenly I felt that my life was really meaningless, but I still had a little faith... because in When we were doing BJ, you once said that you would take me to the beach in Pingtan to see the windmills built on the sea... So, where are you now? In a small town, in Qingdao, or in a place where you have never gone The 297th city you have visited? ...I miss you so much, want to die in your arms, and then completely forget about the love that is not worth looking forward to..."

A letter is not enough to summarize Zuo Xiaowei, and she did not try her best to explain her pain. However, I really saw her pain. This kind of pain can be equated to despair. A kind of despair without any light at all.

I finally put away the letter, closed my eyes, and said softly: "I'm in BJ, in the house we used to live in...I saw the house full of car models..."

(End of this chapter)