i'm not a bad man

Chapter 41 Beautiful Misunderstanding

Facing Luxi, I finally said what was in my heart. I was about to leave Qingdao, and I wasn’t sure whether I would come back. If I didn’t come back, our fate would probably end. So, today’s date It is particularly important. Of course I want to see her most beautiful side.

"Do you really want me to put on makeup and have dinner with you?"

I nodded sincerely, but Lu Xi smiled at this time and replied: "It's not because I live in this hotel that I don't put on makeup...Last time, you took me to the beach for dinner, and I felt You are a person who doesn't like to be restrained, and you also told me that you really don't like the dining rules of this restaurant. I didn't want to ask you to come to this restaurant, but I haven't been in Qingdao for a long time, and I don't know. Which restaurant has delicious food? I eat the food here every day and think it’s pretty good, so I decided to treat you here... I thought, if I am more casual, you can also be more casual, so I didn’t clean myself up... "

"You mean, you're not too lazy to put on makeup, just to make me feel better?"

"Otherwise? Just treat it as your own home, eat and chat casually."

I suddenly felt at ease and no longer worried about whether she was wearing makeup...

At this time, Lu Xi asked me again: "What do you want to eat?"

“I heard there’s crispy suckling pig here?”

"Yes, if you want to eat, I'll ask the waiter to add more food."

I know it's a bit wasteful for two people to eat this dish, but on this night when I was about to go home, I really wanted to try the same taste again... At that time, I was still happy, living a life without worries about food and clothing. There is also infinite longing for the future.I wanted to be an original singer and create many classic songs that would last forever. My family was still very wealthy at that time, so my parents didn’t have too many financial expectations on me, so they were very willing to support my dream. , and even gave me a lot of music-making equipment.

Speaking of happiness, I was really happy before my family went bankrupt.

……

After a while, the waiter brought the dishes over one after another. Crispy suckling pig was the last dish. I stared at this dish for a long time before moving my chopsticks... It was the taste of that time, crispy on the outside and tender on the inside, melting in the mouth. .

This familiar feeling soon made me fall into a state of trance. I thought of many scenes before my family went bankrupt, and I felt increasingly guilty.

During these years of wandering, my mind has become much more mature than it was then, so I have learned to think about some things from a different perspective; once, my parents gave me the most comfortable life in the world, but after their After going bankrupt, I, who was used to comfort and freedom, could not accept their oppression. I finally chose to leave the devastated home and pursue absolute freedom on my own, but I also left them with absolute pain.

Calm down and think about it, this is no different from when Luan Yu left me, except that she left for material wealth, and I left for spiritual wealth; not everything in this world is covered with spiritual wealth. , it can become reasonable and legal; for my parents, I did not fulfill the responsibilities that a son should fulfill.

Once upon a time, I could say that I was young and ignorant, but now that I am 26 years old, can I continue to be so willful?

Some pain can only be understood by yourself if you have experienced it yourself; therefore, this is why after meeting Luan Yu, I must go back and have a look. The pain Luan Yu gave me was the pain I left for my parents. , only the form is slightly different.

……

"Han Chao, what are you thinking about?"

It wasn't until Lu Xi talked to me that I came back to my senses, then smiled and said, "I was thinking, if you go back to Tianjin and never come back again, how long will it take you to forget me?"

"Why do you say this all of a sudden?"

"Because I really have to leave, don't you think separation is a very sad thing?"

"I don't think so. If you leave and we never see each other again, it means there is no fate. If there is fate, we will meet sooner or later."

"Maybe." I said this, but in my heart I thought of those people I met on the road, or even drank with, but never saw again; therefore, I felt a little more sad.

After a short silence, I spoke to Lu Xi again: "Although we have known each other for less than half a month, in my heart, you are already a very familiar person... If there is no chance to meet again in this life, I hope You can live a happy life... I don't know if it's my illusion, but I always feel that you are not a very happy person. There seems to be an irreparable regret deep in your heart... I will not explore your privacy, I just want to tell you that it doesn’t matter... As I grow up, one day I will painfully reconcile with the contradictions in my heart... What I have to do now is this one thing."

Lu Xi glanced at me and didn't choose to respond.

I was a little discouraged, and then fell into silence. I didn't know what was wrong with me, but I was always eager to express my inner emotions when facing her.

Just when I wanted to concentrate on eating something, Lu Xi suddenly asked me: "Listen to what you said, aren't you a very happy person?"

"It's not very happy. After seeing so many different kinds of people, I feel that people's hearts are very dirty..."

When I said this, I remembered the scene where Luan Yu came to see me. I never thought that such an incredible thing would happen to me. I really wanted to talk to others, but I was also ashamed. Open your mouth.

So, I swallowed back all the words I wanted to say, and turned to Lu Xi and said: "Don't talk about these unhappy things... By the way, there is something I want to confirm with you again. The previous set of vinyl records, Are you sure it's fake?"

"Of course I'm sure...Why are you asking about this suddenly?"

I forced a smile and replied, "You must be unwilling to do so... This set of records was given to me by my ex-girlfriend."

"When I saw you losing control of your emotions that day, I already guessed... Do you love your ex-girlfriend very much?"

"Of course I loved you before...but now...I don't agree with you."

“Don’t completely deny someone because of a set of records.”

I nodded, obeying Lu Xi, but I never wanted to talk about Luan Yu again. I started eating and drinking until I finished a whole plate of crispy suckling pig without saying a word.

……

After eating and drinking, Lu Xi took the initiative to pay the bill and then returned to his room.Although I was a little unsatisfied, I didn't take up too much of her time. I knew in my heart that our relationship could only develop to this extent at most, because our lives were in two opposite directions; therefore, it was very difficult. It's hard to find strong resonance on one thing.

When we lack emotional resonance, we cannot expand new topics except for those limited topics. Therefore, tonight, we did not talk too much, nor did we touch each other's deep emotions. .

……

When I walked out of the hotel door, I didn't leave immediately. I found a bench on the street and sat on it, smoking and killing the boredom of the night...

During the process, I kept looking up, looking at the billboards high up, looking at the neon lights mounted on the building, looking at the more distant starry sky, and I felt inexplicably empty and uneasy...

After four years, I see my parents again. How will they feel, and how will I feel?

Although I have tried very hard to make conjectures, it is impossible for me to get an exact answer to something that has not happened yet, so I feel even more uneasy and panicked...

I wanted to give myself another cigarette, but the moment I lowered my head, I found Lu Xi standing across the street. She was wearing makeup and a set of very exquisite clothes!
Is she here for me?
Or do you have any other appointments?
(End of this chapter)