i'm not a bad man

Chapter 371 The choice is trust

Because Ren Ran and I were still on the phone, we didn't immediately answer Qiao Jiao's call. Qiao Jiao found out that I was on the phone, so she didn't show too much persistence. She chose to hang up and ended the conversation. The space was given to me and Ren Ran again.

I finally said to Ren Ran: "Sister Ran, I think you are really a person who can see things clearly. In my subconscious, I always feel that I am not the most important or the most important person to her. It's appropriate, so sometimes, I feel... that I can be replaced at any time in her world... With this kind of emotion, I don't feel that the harm I have caused her is a kind of harm. Maybe she I won’t care too much.”

After a brief silence, Ren Ran replied: "I don't see things clearly. To be precise, I see you too clearly... After all, we have been together for so long... You... You are a good person in other aspects, but you lack enough trust in relationships, so you used to mess around in bars a lot... If you are still as irresponsible as before, others will not I have too much expectations for you... But you are the one who gets emotional first this time... Lu Xi, of course I'm not worried. I will most likely be disappointed after seeing you through. Don't suffer. Entanglement... I'm a little worried about you. I'm afraid that your giving up or being temporarily lost is just a subconscious attempt to find a sense of presence in Lu Xi. You hope to get her attention... because you have enough emotional experience. , so you know very well that the best way to get someone's attention is to hurt her. Because Lu Xi has a good impression of you, she will do this to you, so you have a second feeling... but this kind of feeling In the game, you are not the only one who makes the rules. Once Luxi has its own rules, I'm afraid you will regret it... Why is there such a possibility? Then we have to go back to the topic we talked about before. There is really no shortage of outstanding men around her. You may be replaced, but you are the first to be emotional and serious. When this day really comes between the two of you, you'd better be sober enough to ask. Ask yourself, can you bear it?”

I immediately retorted: "Sister Ran, how can this be an emotional game?"

"Okay, okay, this is not an emotional game... this is just a possibility... maybe, just as you said yourself, Qiao Jiao has unknowingly replaced Lu Xi's position in your heart, This is of course the best result... I always feel that you and Qiao Jiao are more complementary."

"You seem to have said everything, and yet you seem to have said nothing."

"Don't worry about it. Didn't I also change my story? I just raised a possibility. If you care too much, it will appear that you are a little guilty... Then let's talk about Qiao Jiao again. If you decide to have no reservations this time If you accept this relationship, then she will be your next girlfriend... Tell me, compared to your previous girlfriends, what is special about her?"

This time, I didn't rush to answer. I thought about it in my mind before I replied: "Actually, no matter who you are, they will have different strengths... But Qiao Jiao is the only one who said she would do it for me. The matter of giving birth to a child particularly touched my heart. Before, I had been avoiding and even disgusted with the matter of getting married and having children... But this time it was different. I actually started to look forward to it... I would imagine it. , what kind of child will she give me? If it is a daughter, as long as I can inherit her, she will be very cute and very individual... I have even thought about the details. Maybe we will go back to Qingdao to live in the future, and then in my final life I bought a house near Xiaogang Pier, which I like, and our family of three lived there. I am very familiar with Xiaogang Pier. There is a children's restaurant nearby that does a very good business. Qiao Jiao is not a person who likes to cook. It doesn't matter. Neither am I. As a person who loves to cook, we will book an annual package in this children's restaurant... Every day, when I go back from the company, Qiao Jiao will wait for me in this children's restaurant with her daughter. The seasons change, and I like autumn the most. In autumn, when the leaves are falling, they will sit by the window and wait for me. My daughter is holding her little toy, and Qiao Jiao is holding her daughter. The afterglow of the setting sun, passing over the tall buildings in the city, falls on their smiling faces in the wind... Then Sister, can you imagine what kind of warmth this will be?... I will be intoxicated, really!"

The person on the other end of the phone fell into silence, wondering if she was also imagining the scene I described; she was imagining it, so after a moment, she spoke to me: "It's a beautiful, warm scene... but , you can also try to replace Qiao Jiao in the picture with Lu Xi... You are giving birth to a very cute little boy, with eyebrows and eyes like yours, lively and expressive, and a face like Lu Xi, delicate and small... He is very active by nature, It will make Lu Xi impatient, but seeing you standing under the sunset, the children stopped making noises. They looked at you together and slowly smiled... Lu Xi tried to teach the children to call you daddy... You won't feel warm ?"

My heart skipped a beat, and after I came to my senses, I shook my head and said to Ren Ran, who couldn't see me at all: "It will be warm, but it's too far away, so far away that it makes me feel illusory... But Qiao Jiao gave me The feeling of being close at hand.”

"In the end, what you choose is actually that sense of trust." I didn't reply immediately to Ren Ran, but I seriously thought about the sense of trust she said in my heart. Why do I need this sense of trust so much? ?
When I asked this question, Zhao Yingrou suddenly appeared in my mind, and then I thought of how she felt when she left me when my house was ruined. This made me mentally not fully mature. At that time, I encountered a devastating double blow: In the seven years after we separated, I hardly mentioned Zhao Yingrou to others. Sometimes I would even pretend to be relaxed and say that she was not worth mentioning, but the pain was so painful. It's hard to forget.

I remember that after she broke up with me, I couldn’t eat and suffered from insomnia for a week. As a result, I became sensitive and suspicious. This sensitivity and suspicion eventually extended to my interpersonal relationships, and then I felt that everyone around me They are all targeting me. Although they did target me, looking at it now, I have the ability to resolve this kind of targeting, but I couldn't do it at the time. I will amplify all the malice and finally choose Dropped out of school.

If Zhao Yingrou had not said we were breaking up at that time and had given me some encouragement at the right time, I might not have dropped out of school. If I had graduated successfully, no matter what, I would have been a top student who graduated from a 985 college, and I would not have been unable to find a job. If you have a decent job, there will be no subsequent breakup and wandering.

Because of this lack of trust, my life has been changed; therefore, Ren Ran is right, maybe what I choose is a sense of trust, I really need it!
In my silence, Ren Ran added: "Although I never think that one person can like two people at the same time, it does not mean that this possibility will not appear in others... If you unknowingly, Qiao Jiao is in your She already has the same position in her heart as Lu Xi, plus there is a sense of trust in her that you care about, so your choice is not incomprehensible..."

I took a long breath and then replied to Ren Ran: "Sister Ran, if we divide our chat this time into two parts, in the first half, you really made me feel a lot more comfortable, but in the second half , you made me feel uncomfortable again... So, let’s chat again in the future, just half of it.”

Ren Ran smiled and replied: "Why don't we chat in a casual way? I just talked about whatever comes to my mind... Anyway, I still said the same thing, these two are good girls, but Lu Xi is a bit more special. After all, she is a star. If you have a relationship with her, you are destined to endure a lot... In fact, she is the same, and she will endure even more when she is with you."

……

After the call with Ren Ran ended, I felt that it was an invalid call, but after calming down, I still recognized Ren Ran’s ability to look at problems rationally. At least, she let me know why I made such a choice instead of I have been confused...

Based on this sobriety, I looked at the dark but clear sky outside the car window, and finally called Qiao Jiao back.

(End of this chapter)