i'm not a bad man

Chapter 353

The most serious traffic jam I encountered in my life finally ended in the early morning. Although I did not cheer with those people, my mood was so good that I recorded this unprecedented traffic jam in my own way. I am not used to posting updates on Moments, so I posted one for the first time and shared some of my experiences.

Life is really unpredictable. If I had returned to the small town cleanly after sending Lu Xi to the airport, I would not have encountered this big traffic jam. If I had not encountered this big traffic jam, I might never meet Xiao Chen or Xiao Chen in my life. Chen, of course I will not confirm the itinerary to Tianjin, and I have my first girlfriend Zhao Yingrou in Tianjin. I really agree with that sentence. Although life is a misty forest, we will meet sooner or later, just like me and Zhao Yingrou. , before she contacted me, I almost forgot about her.

Unexpectedly, she really became successful, and one day, I would actually ask for something from her. Will such an incident become a turning point between the two of us?
Maybe, after all, she has transformed into a doctor who saves lives and heals the wounded. I have no reason to disrespect her as before. To be precise, I don't disrespect her. What I disrespect is that she always likes to reach out for things. In terms of character, I actually quite like her. At that age, who wouldn't like a smart, lively and cute girl?
Therefore, many times, I gave her many things willingly, but later I began to resent her unbridled demands. Even if my family was not short of money, I would never have spent money to buy her dad a gift when I was in high school. car, and recalling it carefully, the disgust started from that time. I felt that she didn't really like me, but just played with me as a kid.

……

Seeing that the car was open, Xiao Chen opened the car door and jumped out of the car. I also quickly opened the car window and handed him the thermal box with wontons in it. After Xiao Chen got the thermal box, he did not look back. He was trotting along behind my car without saying a word.

The cold wind was howling, and I shouted to him at the top of my lungs: "Go back quickly and have a good sleep."

"It's okay, Brother Chao...I'll see you off."

"The cars are all open, no one gives it away like this..."

Xiao Chen still followed my car carrying the thermos box.

The speed of the car in front was getting faster and faster, and I could only shout at the top of my voice: "...Don't put so much pressure on yourself in the future, you know?...The body is the capital of the revolution. I will wait until the child's illness is cured in the future." , you can go to the county town and work behind me and Mr. Chang, and I will find you a stable job."

I don’t know which of my words touched his tears. Anyway, his eyes were filled with tears, and I gradually left him behind. The moment he was about to completely disappear from my sight, I I looked back at him and saw that he was still running...

I suddenly understood that what he was chasing was not me, but the hope of living.

I think it's worth it. It's just a house. There will always be a chance to make money back.

……

An hour later, I finally returned to the county town. Although I had only been away for a day and a half, I felt a sense of dislocation, as if I was in another world. The flavor of the New Year in the small town was getting stronger and stronger. I saw many people selling couplets on the street. Along with the vendors selling various New Year goods, the flow of people is obviously much larger than usual, especially the passenger vehicles, which are crowded with people, comparable to the subway during BJ rush hour; I think this has become a major feature of the small town during the New Year. .

Just when I was wondering whether to go to the scenic spot or go back to my residence first, Zuo Xiaowei suddenly called me. I parked the car on the side of the road and answered the phone.

I felt that the grudge between me and Zuo Xiaowei had been cleared, so I no longer had any special emotions, so I said to her as before: "Is something wrong, Xiaowei?"

Zuo Xiaowei on the other end of the phone, after a period of silence, said to me: "I saw Yu Lifa's WeChat Moments. I thought he wanted to sell the house, so I called and asked, saying that you wanted to sell... that house. It was your father's reward, why did you sell it? Besides, you haven't moved in yet, have you?"

"It's a long story."

"Didn't you say you would stay in the small town? Why did you sell it?"

Zuo Xiaowei seemed very confused and persistent, so I patiently said to her: "I have never had a particularly strong desire for a house..."

I didn't want to, and just said this, and was interrupted by Zuo Xiaowei: "But I heard that this is the house you asked Uncle Chang to ask for. We have known each other for so long, and I have never seen you ask for it from anyone. Don't you think it's very contradictory if you say that now?" I felt so blocked that I lit a cigarette, took a deep breath, and then replied in a deep voice: " The reason why I want that house is because I think of my relationship with Luan Yu. All the regrets between us were caused by a house..."

"But it is an indisputable fact that she abandoned you. You are not even willing to talk about her with your friends, so how could you be touched by your regrets?"

"Do you believe that two people who have been together day and night can have telepathy?"

Zuo Xiaowei was stunned for a moment and replied: "Maybe others will, but I haven't experienced it."

"I felt it, I really felt it... I dreamed of her twice in a row. The first time was when I recalled everything we had experienced, and the second time was when she said goodbye to me in the dream. She wanted me to take care of myself. Life……"

Speaking of this, my voice was already trembling. These days, I have been using various ways to divert my attention. It seems that it is not so painful, but when I deliberately think about it, the pain in my heart... It hasn't decreased much, I still think of Luan Yu, our experiences and regrets, and then fall into a state of illusion, willing to believe that she is not dead.

After taking a deep breath, I finally spoke to Zuo Xiaowei on the other end of the phone and said: "Luan Yu has passed away... That time in the small town was not a misdiagnosis. She didn't want to delay my career here, so she kept asking me Lu Xi hid it from me...she suffered from the most dangerous form of leukemia, and she became ill more than a month after returning to Qingdao..."

"what?!"

Zuo Xiaowei and I fell into silence together. I still shed tears because I suddenly thought of Luan Yu, so I raised my hand to wipe the corners of my eyes, and then took another deep drag on the cigarette.

When the cigarette was about to burn out, Zuo Xiaowei said to me: "So, you think that house has no meaning to you anymore..."

"It doesn't make any sense."

"But this is something that ordinary people have been pursuing for their entire lives. Even three generations of a family have overdrawn all their savings and need a loan to buy one. You give up too easily... Moreover, the small town is a tourist city. However, there are not many truly high-quality communities, so the houses in your community are the first choice for many foreign investors to buy vacation homes. I heard from friends in the housing management bureau that based on the current market conditions and the transaction volume of second-hand houses, that The price of houses in the community will continue to rise, so it’s really unwise for you to sell now!”

After a period of silence, I replied: "You are right...but, do you think I, Han Chao, will let myself live in the life of ordinary people, day after day, year after year?"

"You don't know how, but this has nothing to do with selling a house, right?"

"There is no inevitable relationship, but at a certain time, it is necessary for me to use this house to pay for my thoughts and feelings..." After saying that, after being silent for a while, I told Zuo Xiao about Xiao Chen. Wei listened and firmly expressed her determination to help him.

Since the meaning of the existence of this house lies in Luan Yu, and Luan Yu is dead, then using this house to help patients like her is the best result and continuation...

There are really too many shortcomings between Luan Yu and me, so Lu Xi proposed to use this method to make that memory as perfect as possible.

I deeply agree with this, so I ignore the original value of this house... And I, many times, am indeed a man who lives for my mood. What's more, I never feel that just a house is worth it. It is the ultimate goal of my life. Speaking of which, the reason why Zuo Xiaowei and I do not have real emotional resonance is because our values ​​often have principled deviations.

Until now, this bias still exists, so she doesn't understand my choice that much, and I don't want to explain it any more.

Just when I was about to end the call, Zuo Xiaowei unexpectedly said to me: "Since you insist on selling this house, you might as well sell it to me... I like this house very much. Yu Li has already taken me to see it."

(End of this chapter)