i'm not a bad man

Chapter 136 I’m a bastard
In the long years of traveling through 296 cities, I have faced that figure countless times, when she was drying clothes, when she was cooking in front of a simple boiler, and when I was holding her from behind...

This back figure has been deeply engraved in my mind for a long time. I will not admit it wrong. Although her back looks thin, it is very straight. This is a habit left behind when she often worked as a part-time model outside in college. , she rarely walks in stride, so when you look at her walking posture from behind, you will feel that she is elegant and decent.

And the man in a suit and leather shoes was, of course, Lu Ming. Watching them walking to the hotel together, my brain instantly lost its ability to think, leaving only feeling helpless and sentimental.

Probably no man in this world wants to see a woman who once fell in love with him fall into the arms of another man, even if the feeling of love is no longer there.

……

"Han Chao."

I looked at Lu Xi in confusion. She had already unbuckled her seat belt.

"It's time to get out of the car."

Even though I already knew that this was the hotel's open-air parking lot, I still subconsciously looked up... It was at this moment that I felt a strong feeling of rejection in my heart. I didn't want to face Lu Ming and Luan Yu, let alone be there. This is the time to expose this awkward relationship.

My ex-girlfriend turned out to be the soon-to-be sister-in-law of the woman I like!This is not the point. The point is Luan Yu. In order to catch Lu Ming and cater to this relationship, she went so far as to have her hymen repaired. Even if I didn’t want to pierce it, in this dinner party with only the four of us, I Is it really possible to not lose your composure?As for Luan Yu, can she also be calm and composed?

Maybe Luan Yu can do it for this hard-earned happiness, but I can't force myself to be an actor no matter what.Maybe I will remain silent, maybe I will burst out suddenly, and I will become extremely uncontrollable.

With this understanding, things become less complicated. If I want to destroy Luan Yu, this is the best opportunity; if I feel guilty in my heart, then I should leave silently.

For Luan Yu...

At first, I was unwilling to give in, so I kept waiting for news about her in Qingdao; later, when I learned that she was getting married, I was filled with anger. If it had been that time, I would never have been merciful, and I would have exposed it fiercely. Her lies made her live in shame and humiliation; later, I gradually understood her, but only understanding, and this understanding can only allow me to keep the same when our interests conflict. I will still resolutely defend my interests.

What really made a qualitative change in my thinking was the afternoon that just passed. When I was getting along with Lu Xi, I saw my eagerness to give. Because of Lu Xi, I had a desire for money that I had never had before. I desperately want to give her the best set of cosmetics to make up for the failure of the talent show. I am also ambitious to buy a super car, so that I can relive what I got today on the "Jiaozhou Bay Bridge" at any time. That kind of pleasure, and all of this is because of Lu Xi, because of the love that wants to be displayed wantonly.

Looking back on my love affair with Luan Yu: I don’t want to marry her, have children with her, or have a home with her in a certain city; I even have no intention of stopping to celebrate her birthday, but I But it took away her purity, her first time. Although we confirmed the relationship between boyfriend and girlfriend, it was still an irresponsible behavior in essence. The worst degree even exceeded everything I did to Zuo Xiaowei. , at least, I have never given Zuo Xiaowei hope, but I have given her hope, but I have also given her countless times of despair. It is this kind of despair that makes her realistic and extreme, so she has what she has in front of her. this situation.

This is my guilt towards Luan Yu, and it is also my review and criticism of myself after my experiences have become richer.

……

Seeing that I was still motionless and Lu Xi next to me had a strange look on her face, I tried my best to appear normal and smiled and asked: "I suddenly remembered something. Didn't it mean that your brother and your sister-in-law are going to get married?" Is it there? Why has there been no movement?"

"We were planning to get married this month, but my sister-in-law's father relapsed and they have been busy with this matter recently, so it was delayed."

"What disease does your sister-in-law and her father have? Is it serious?"

Lu Xi's expression became solemn. After pondering for a while, she replied: "It's quite serious. It's a blood disease. I heard that I need a bone marrow transplant." I fell into a trance again, and in this trance, I performed a Imagine: If the person around Luan Yu is still me, what can I do for her at this moment?Maybe, I will give her enough companionship, but I will not be able to give her the best medical resources, so this is probably the reason why Ren Ran earnestly advised me not to go back to the small town with Zuo Xiaowei. This is the biggest risk in life. If you don’t have connections and money, your life will become insecure and without dignity, and that kind of powerlessness is enough to defeat anyone who is trapped in the quagmire of poverty...

The cruel reality is in front of me. I only feel that I have been taught a deep lesson. Unless I really see through life and death, I can live alone until my death. I don't have to be responsible for others, and I don't need others to be responsible for me.

This state requires at least cutting off the seven emotions and six desires. I can't do it, absolutely can't do it.

Looking at the tall buildings standing in front of me, I suddenly felt a chill in my heart, and then fell into deep fear.

It's not Luan Yu who's wrong, it's me!
……

I put my hand on the car door handle. The moment I opened the car door, I made a decision in my heart. I said to Lu Xi, "I can't go to dinner with you."

Lu Xi looked surprised, but I couldn't think of any reasonable reason, so I just stared at Lu Xi...

Her face fascinates me so much, and when she calls me "Brother Chao", it makes my heart flutter.

At this moment, my heart suddenly became much older; I had decided to fulfill Luan Yu, which meant that Lu Xi and I would never have any emotional possibility in this life. We could not even be friends because she and Lu Ming We are brothers and sisters, but if I get too close to her, Luan Yu will never be able to live in peace, because paper cannot cover fire, and I am the flame. Only if I extinguish myself completely can I protect Luan Yu. Worry-free, even the hope of keeping her father alive.

……

I let go of my hand on the door handle, lit a cigarette in the car very rudely, then curled my lips and smiled, and said to Lu Xi in a cold voice: "Are you a little too self-respecting? When you brought me out as a shield, did you ever think about whether I was willing to do this?... Just because you are a star and I am a passerby, do I have to cooperate with you unconditionally? And I have to thank you for giving me Such an opportunity for me?... Do you really think of me as a hero? You don’t want to ask me, what kind of person am I, Han Chao, I am a bastard, a scumbag, no woman in this world can control me, Neither can you... So, that's it for now, I don't want to play anymore..."

Lu Xi looked at me seriously, and after a while he asked, "Why didn't you tell me before?"

"I said it before, it's boring. Why can you play with me but I can't play with you?"

"Are you too moody?"

I shook my head and replied: "Yes, I am a moody person."

After saying that, I focused my attention on the wooden ornament I gave her on the center console of the car. It was a deer, which she and I once regarded as a symbol of "a deer for peace."

I took advantage of her unpreparedness and suddenly fucked her in my hand, and then she fell hard out of the car window. The deer's head hit the ground, and its two antlers were immediately broken into several pieces and scattered under the wheels of another car.

I became even more irritable, opened the car door, stepped up and stamped on it again, this time, even four legs were broken.

I didn't give Lu Xi a chance, let alone myself. After leaving a mess on the ground, I walked away, walking in the night, in the blurred world, but my heart was broken more than that deer...

(End of this chapter)