Everyone has an unforgettable moment in their life. A very intense, vivid scene that will never be overshadowed by other memories.
Li Kangbin also had such a moment
"Mom, I'm always sorry."It seems like he didn't do anything to Jiang Bin."
"and your brothers... gave up on what you wanted to do because of our family."Mom doesn't like that anymore."
He didn't know what to say when his mother choked up and conveyed her sincerity.
Because I knew instinctively that the lies of silence I’d been living up to this point would never work again.
I thought you hid it well, but you already know it all.
The moment I realized that I couldn't say the words"It doesn't matter" that I repeated dozens of times.
Only then did he realize that he was crying loudly.
My parents were in a sudden traffic accident, and my father was disabled in the lower half of his body.
Although this is a heavy burden for a primary school student who is only 13 years old, Li Kangbin accepted what happened to him without complaint.
If you want to help your family a little more, you can only work hard yourself.
In order to earn medical expenses and living expenses, when his mother started working in a restaurant, he took care of his younger siblings who were only 2 and 3 years old, and took care of everything at home.
Then quickly made plans for the future
"I will take care of my younger brothers for the next three years and start working as soon as I enter high school.……"
It’s not sad to know that all your daily life from now on will be catering to your family. It’s just that I knew the meaning of the word sense of responsibility a little earlier than others. That's all.
Now to say that he actually had the dream he wanted to have, he knew too much.
The gap between dreams and reality is huge.
And in order to gain something, one must give up something.
Of course he chose his family, but he automatically gave up on his dream. No regrets about that choice.
The mother who worked hard in the restaurant felt even more like this when she realized that the only person she could rely on was herself.
For more than a year, his daily routine repeated itself.
After class, I go home to do housework such as cleaning or doing laundry, and walk alone to the kindergarten to pick up my younger brothers at night.
After eating the meal prepared by my mother for my brothers, I would wash the dishes and play with my brothers until they were tired, and would often fall asleep directly.
Although it is hard every day, it is still meaningful. I never thought about being tired. Because this is what you should do.
But in the monotonous and repetitive daily life, the feeling that a corner of my heart seems to be hollowed out can sometimes make me listless. Although life is busy, it always feels like there are things that cannot be filled.
The more busy he filled his daily life, the emptier it became.
There are also the daily iterations of continuing to live a busy life in order to fill the void.
Such a busy day.
That day, when he was cleaning up the messy room, he found a piece of paper under the bookshelf and picked it up with one hand.
‘……?’
【Future Hope Survey] Name: Lee Kang Bin
Hobbies: Listening to music
Special skills: Singing along with Rap lyrics
Future hopes: To become a handsome idol singer.
What you need to do to realize your dream: If you go to junior high school, you will become a trainee.
He laughed when he saw the paper filled with crooked fonts.
It's only been about a year since the accident, but when I think back to the past... sometimes it feels like it's really a long time ago.
Because the situation has changed a lot after a year.
He just stared at the paper and started turning the pages again when a memory suddenly came to his mind. Then I found a familiar notebook the size of a hand and read it from the first chapter.
Lyrics written densely in small letters.
He had a favorite song since he was a child, so he memorized the lyrics. I have many favorite songs in the hip-hop genre, so I also wrote a lot of favorite Rap lyrics.
Among the many careers in the music industry, why did I want to become an idol? It’s a bit doubtful now that I think about it, but I can probably guess the reason.
Because most of the idol singers I see are happy on stage.
Maybe he wanted to experience that feeling too.
At that moment, he seemed to understand the reason for the emptiness that could never be filled no matter what he did.
"Mom, I'm always sorry."It seems that I didn't do anything to Jiang Bin."
Li Kangbin recalled what his mother said to him with tears dozens of times, lying on the bed looking at the ceiling and thinking
"An outrageous story in reality.
To be honest, it would be a lie if he said he had not dreamed about it urgently, but he knew that it would be foolish to make reckless choices for his dreams.
"So Yu Bin and Jiang Han……"
"I decided to leave it to someone I knew from church."He works in a nursery and already knows the situation here, so he is happy to accept it."
"I don't like it."
He declined, and his mother earnestly persuaded him again.
"In fact, my mother also knows. You wanted to be a trainee, but after your father became like that... your mother seemed to be scared too."I need to send him to Seoul alone"
"It's okay, Mom."Send Yubin and Jiang Han to the nursery... I don't want to do it"
"Always say it’s okay. Never cheated once. Whenever this happens, my mother always... feels like Jiang Bin's life will only be interrupted."
He denied quickly and noncommittally, but his mother seemed to have made up her mind to continue.
"and your brothers... gave up on what you wanted to do because of our family."Mom doesn't like that anymore."
After hearing this, he took another breath and just stood quietly. Then with tears in my eyes I thought to myself
"Have I given up until now?"
The more he thought about it, the clearer the answer became. When he couldn't answer the question he asked, he felt for the first time that he should face his dream.
Because the trip to Seoul was successful because of his mother's euphemistic request, if he was auditioning If he is not selected, he will return home without hesitation.
Because I don’t want to waste time on a hopeless dream.
There is only one audition prepared for LnT.
Moreover, it will take less than a week before receiving the text message that he has passed the audition.
"……impossible."
To be honest, I didn't expect to pass the exam at all. Li Kangbin looked at the qualified text message and was stunned for a few seconds.
He actually passed the LnT exam. It was not another agency, but the company of the most popular group"Wanted".
He likes it so much that he even memorized the lyrics of Wanted's album. It's unreal to be a trainee of LnT. Another thought... is about his brothers.
Because he is going back to Seoul, the days of his brothers in the nursery It's settled.
But if I can pass the audition...I thought I would be a little happy. Not to mention happy feelings, just a sour pain in the corner of my heart
"No, cheer up."
But he immediately changed his mind.
Anyway, he was going to start working when he was 17 years old. Now he has been working as a trainee for about 3 years, and he can debut directly when he is about 17 years old. In other words, if he persists in it, what will happen? could be better
"If you make a debut, it will be helpful to your family. With this hope, he worked hard to alleviate his guilt towards his younger brothers.
LnT, who entered the company in this way.
All these situations were the first time for Lee Kang Bin, but if the strangest among them was the first time they met The trainees of LnT.
When I met them for the first time, for some reason everyone gave me a cold impression and found it difficult to get close to them.……
"Um...hello?"
Unexpectedly, they are all truly warm-hearted people.
Not only do they continue to care about him, who is the youngest in the company, but they also receive their attentive help in courses that are difficult to complete alone.
I realize that there are people I can rely on. , it is really a moment of blessing.
Because everyone is a cheerful and funny person, the training center is always full of positive energy.
We often get together to play football or football after the course, and they also make bets and joke about small things whenever they are free. daily life. There is really no boring time with them
"Ah, Jin Yuandao, you are playing chess again!"
"sorry!"
"Brother Keihe, if you lose this time, you didn’t forget to use honorifics to me, right?"
"Of course, this early morning brother."
Among the many memories we had together, I still remember when we prepared for the end-of-month evaluation stage together.
"Jiang Bin, are you gathering all the stage rap positions at the end of this year to prepare for the stage together?"
"How about this rhyme?"
Han Xinyu asked himself with a naughty smile on his face, and Li Kangbin confirmed the lyrics.
-I've exploded.
You fell down, plop.
Not knowing how to react, he hesitated, and it was Nam Bo-rin who stood back unknowingly and took away the lyrics sheet again.
Li Kangbin, if you keep accepting this, Han Xinyu’s rap skills will not improve.
While Nam Bo-rin spoke in a firm tone, Han Xin-woo had a pout on his face. Li Kangbin looked at them and smiled slightly, then listened to their conversation.
Although they were all high school students about three or four years older than him, their personalities were too simple compared to their age, and sometimes they really felt like friends.
Although they did not open their hearts to each other, they still approached him first and loved him as if they were their own brothers. I didn't expect that I would be so open.
I'm still not used to the feeling of having a new family.
Life as a first-time trainee was difficult, but on the other hand it was also very happy. My original dream was to stand on the stage, but as I continued to work hard, I became more convinced that this was what I had to do.
Although he had always made a clear distinction between dreams and reality, he was so happy that for a moment, all his daily life seemed like a dream. The excitement of waiting for the debut and the daily life with good people are very enjoyable.
But that doesn't take away the guilt for my family.
But I can hide these feelings deep in my heart because I am sure that I will debut with the person I like.
So he survived.
But because of this, at that moment when confidence collapsed.
Sorry, Jiang Bin, it seems I can’t let you debut this time.
I had this idea that he couldn't do it anymore.
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