Qingfeng Xu Xu

Worried that Xu Mulin would follow, Xu Qingjiu took off her shoes and lay on the bed without any hesitation as soon as she entered the room. She turned her back to Xu Mulin's bed and began to fall asleep. It took a long time for Xu Mulin to come in. He neither spoke to expose Xu Qingjiu's fake sleep, nor helped Xu Qingjiu tuck in the quilt as usual. He just stood quietly behind Xu Qingjiu for a moment, turned off the lights and lay down. On the bed, she neither faced Xu Qingjiu nor turned her back to Xu Qingjiu as usual. She just lay flat on the bed, looking at the roof and thinking.

Xu Qingjiu wanted to be recognized, needed, and indispensable. , I don’t want to be just a child who needs to be protected and taken care of forever, I don’t want to be a useless burden. Family members will never be abandoned, but burdens will definitely be disliked. These thoughts will always be amplified by Xu Qingjiu's sensitivity after some small incidents, making Xu Qingjiu feel that these ten years of happy time may always disappear in an instant. Also because Xu Qingjiu was suffering from fear deep in his heart, these thoughts were continuously amplified. But the scene when Xu Mulin was eager to explain just now always appeared in Xu Qingjiu's mind.

The sadness and grievance in Xu Mulin's expression was no less than that of Xu Qingjiu. Thinking of this, Xu Qingjiu couldn't help but feel guilty in his heart, and began to reflect on his over sensitivity and excessive words.

Xu Qingjiu felt that she was too nervous to grasp the beauty in front of her hand, but found that she was clenching too tightly, and what she was holding in her hand was slowly overflowing. But Xu Qingjiu did not dare to relax, as long as she could still hold on a little , then we must try our best.

Xu Qingjiu discovered many years later that he had seen the opposite of this. It was not that the things he was trying to hold on to were moving away, but that there were always new things - including care, fulfillment, tolerance, and all kinds of love. The beautiful things are desperately trying to get into Xu Qingjiu's hands. (But one day, Xu Qingjiu suddenly let go of his hand, letting those loves float there alone, with nowhere to rely on. There was no one to rely on, but they never left Xu Qingjiu's side. As long as Xu Qingjiu stretched out his hand, that love would They would come from all directions.

Xu Qingjiu almost didn't sleep all night. Seeing that it was already dim outside the window, he reluctantly stopped his thoughts and fell asleep. When he opened his eyes again, Xu Mulin was no longer in the room, and Xu Qingjiu directly used the basin to I wiped my face with the cold water in the bath. When I went out, I saw a faint light in the kitchen not far away. Xu Qingjiu walked towards the kitchen with some hesitation. After thinking about it last night, I only convinced myself how to work hard to restrain myself. She was worried about gains and losses, but she didn't think of a way to ease the awkward conflict with Xu Mulin.

No matter how slow she walked, she had to get there.

When Xu Qingjiu walked to the door of the kitchen, she saw Xu Mulin sitting at the table. In front of him, the expression on his face was exactly the same as Xu Qingjiu's current dilemma.

Xu Mulin had been very immersed in thoughts on how to resolve the misunderstanding between the two, but suddenly felt that the light and shadow in front of him were blocked by something. He looked up and saw Xu Qingjiu standing at the door. At that time, he was also stunned, and then stood up immediately, his expression was a little flustered.

"Qingjiu, you’re up."Xu Mulin tried his best to stay calm, but his hands unconsciously grabbed his clothes and rubbed them,"I've made breakfast. We can set off after breakfast. What do you think of Qingjiu?"

Xu Qingjiu spent almost a sleepless night thinking about the questions in his heart, and Xu Mulin did the same. Because he didn't know when he started to have different feelings for Xu Qingjiu, so what should he deal with in his role as a senior brother? Xu Mulin couldn't tell which of Xu Qingjiu's actions were excessive, wishful thinking, and self-righteousness, but he was worried that if he cut off all close contact or care too decisively, Xu Mulin would be disappointed. Qingjiu felt strangely alienated

"okay."Facing Xu Mulin's awkwardness and caution, Xu Qingjiu felt more and more guilty. She tried to apologize many times, but every time she looked up, she saw Xu Mulin avoiding his eyes. The two of them just finished the most silent meal in many years. A meal.

When faced with a dispute, one person blamed the problem on his over-sensitivity, while the other felt that he had deviated from his behavior due to unexplainable emotions. In short, both felt that it was their own fault, but they could not think of a complete solution. Letting the problem exist, so what if he just apologized.

When Xu Enze woke up, he looked around and saw that the two apprentices had already left. When it was time to eat, he reluctantly walked into the kitchen, although he still felt that there was no need at all. Although he had an appetite, Xu Enze had to compromise due to the abdominal pain caused by drinking too much wine on an empty stomach. As soon as he opened the lid of the pot, it was obvious that the firewood on the stove had just been extinguished not long ago, and the meals neatly placed on the steamer were all It's still steaming. Xu Mulin has always been thoughtful and careful in his work, and Xu Enze naturally knows that. But in Xu Enze's eyes, the thoughtfulness at this time is so inappropriate. The steam in the pot is steaming, covering half of Xu Enze's body. Hidden, but unfortunately the fog will eventually dissipate.

There was a piece of paper on the table. Xu Enze took a closer look. The corner of the paper was pressed by a money bag sewn from coarse cloth. On the corner of the money bag, there were the words"Mu Lin" , Xu Enze picked up the paper, and there were two people's handwriting on the paper:

Master, these days, you just have to make some food by yourself. If you can't do it, go down the mountain to eat. I left some money for you. Drink less. , drinking is harmful to the body, and playing chess can also calm down and relieve worries. We will come back as soon as possible after finishing our work, so Master does not have to worry. Master will inevitably be sad, but you can use wine to drown your sorrows. If Master changes his mind, he can come to see us, and he can also come to us on the road. Take some time to relax. If you really don’t want to go out, just wait for us to come back at home. I know Master will definitely miss us and we will come back as soon as possible.

Both of their expressions were no different from usual, but Xu Enze’s face was inexplicably gloomy. The paper was clenched into the palm of his hand, and Xu Enze's clenched hand trembled slightly.

Xu Mulin and Xu Qingjiu set out from Meizhou at sunrise. At this moment, it was sinking to the west, and the two of them crossed the river. They didn't speak during the whole journey, even taking a break. They were also silent when they came down to eat.

Xu Qingjiu rode in front. When he first set off, he was still a little unfamiliar with the horse's temperament. After more than ten miles, he was already leading the way.

"Qingjiu, let’s take a break, okay?"Xu Mulin raised his whip and caught up with Xu Qingjiu.

Xu Qingjiu turned around and looked at Xu Mulin without answering. He just nodded, pulled the reins and stopped.

"We have been on the road all day today. Let's drink some water and rest for a while before walking. The map indicates that we will reach Jiangning Mansion more than fifty miles further. We should be able to reach Jiangning Mansion before dark."Xu Mulin led the horse and followed Xu Qingjiu, but Xu Qingjiu walked to the riverside and found a tree to tie the horse.

Xu Mulin looked at Xu Qingjiu's back, but he shrank in his heart. This shrinkage originated from the alienation between the two without warning, and was amplified by the embarrassment of not knowing what words and deeds were appropriate. Xu Mulin became more and more cautious.

Time seemed to have passed for a long time, and the horse had drunk enough. After getting out of the water, Xu Qingjiu stood aside blankly. The knot of the horse's rope was not tied tightly. The horse had already dragged the loose rope away and was now gnawing grass everywhere. The wind was blowing harder and harder by the river. Xu Qingjiu's eyes became redder and redder. Xu Mulin took back the two horses and called to Xu Qingjiu who was standing by the river. However, the sound was blown away by the river wind. Xu Qingjiu stood still and did not move. Riding the horse, he walked to Xu Qingjiu's side, wanting to greet Xu Qingjiu to continue on his way. As he approached, he saw Xu Qingjiu's red eyes, and Xu Mulin's heart ached. Xu Qingjiu watched Xu Mulin

's careful probing along the way. , Xu Mulin's confused expression when he was anxious to explain always appeared in his mind, and he thought of his strong words and aggressiveness. The ridiculous and unreasonable sensitivity was no longer in his heart, and only the anger towards himself was left. Xu Qingjiu himself couldn't help it Forgive yourself, but you don’t want Xu Mulin to always be accommodating to yourself.

"...Qingjiu..."

Xu Qingjiu didn't dare to look directly into Xu Mulin's eyes. Even though he didn't look, he could still see the concern and guilt in Xu Mulin's eyes. But why? Why am I enjoying all this, but complaining about it all, so that the person I care about most in the world has to take care of my feelings tremblingly. Xu Qingjiu kept complaining about herself in her heart. She wished she could go back to the previous day and beat herself up.

"I'm sorry, Qingjiu, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have despised your ideas and always thought that I could make decisions for you."

Hearing this, the moment Xu Qingjiu looked up, the tears that had been accumulated for a long time suddenly burst out.

"If I do or say anything wrong again, please tell me. I promise I will never do it again from now on...."

"Senior brother..."Seeing Xu Mulin's panicked look, Xu Qingjiu cursed in his heart: Xu Qingjiu, you are so hateful."Senior brother, you can't say that. You did nothing wrong at all." Xu Qingjiu didn't dare to escape anymore,"I'm sorry, it's my fault. I have been dreaming about my father recently, but I don't even remember what he looks like. I still have nightmares about my childhood, I feel relieved when I wake up and see you, but I am always afraid. I am afraid that everything now is just a dream of mine. I am afraid that I will not be able to maintain this relationship with you forever. I always want to do well, so I am always worried. If I don't do it well, as long as I see a slight change in your expression, I will feel that I have messed up everything. I am afraid that I will become a burden. I am afraid that one day I will be alone again. I want my senior brother, I want my master, and I want to be like this forever. , is it possible..."Xu Qingjiu was already trying his best to suppress his crying, but the more he suppressed it, the more violent it became. In the end, the choking voice had drowned out Xu Qingjiu's confiding voice, making it indistinguishable.

Xu Mulin really wanted to hold the crying Xu Qingjiu in his arms and comfort him, but his reason was still entangled, and he didn't know whether it was okay to do so. Xu Mulin's sleeves were soaked, but Xu Qingjiu's tears were still flowing

"I'm sorry, senior brother, I'm sorry, Qingjiu was wrong."Xu Qingjiu held Xu Mulin's wrist, slid her face over Xu Mulin's hand, and landed on Xu Mulin's shoulder. Xu Qingjiu buried her head in Xu Mulin's neck and shoulders, sobbing uncontrollably and saying something else. , but I really can’t hear clearly

"It's okay, it's okay, no, how could it be a dream? Senior brother is really by Qingjiu's side. Qingjiu didn't mess up anything. Qingjiu helped his senior brother with a lot of work. The senior brother couldn't live without Qingjiu, so how could he be such a burden? The senior brother also wanted to be with Qingjiu forever, so he couldn't bear to leave Qingjiu alone. Qingjiu's father's spirit in heaven must have known about your nightmare, so he came to help Qingjiu defeat those bad guys. It's not that Qingjiu can't remember. You were only five years old at that time, so you can't remember clearly. We'll ask Master for help. Then we'll draw a portrait of Qingjiu's father. Then Qingjiu can see him every day, okay? good?"Xu Mulin shed tears silently, feeling more and more sorry for Xu Qingjiu in his heart. He kept caressing Xu Qingjiu's back with his hands, and his tone was still so firm and gentle,"It was my senior brother who was negligent in the past and didn't know Qingjiu. There has always been such a heavy burden in my heart. Now that Qingjiu has spoken out, senior brother must remember that from now on, Qingjiu will never let Qingjiu feel that way again. Is Qingjiu willing to believe his senior brother?"

Xu Qingjiu tried hard to calm down for a long time. When he raised his head, there were still tears hanging on his eyelashes, and one or two fell down his cheeks from time to time. Xu Mulin felt more and more distressed when he saw it. Xu Mulin had not seen Xu Qingjiu like this for at least ten years. He looked like he was crying. At that time, Xu Qingjiu always woke up in the middle of the night and started crying. Xu Mulin was taciturn and didn't know how to comfort him. He only kept wiping Xu Qingjiu's tears, feeling worried and anxious in his heart.

"Would you please stop crying? Senior brother is here."Xu Mulin raised his hand to wipe away the tears hanging on Xu Qingjiu's cheeks. The accumulated emotions in Xu Qingjiu's heart had been relieved, but it seemed that after crying bitterly, all the energy was consumed. Xu Qingjiu tried his best. He calmed down, but felt that his body was beginning to feel tired. After a long time, he finally held back his tears and nodded to Xu Mulin, but he was still choking uncontrollably.

"Brother..."

"Um."

Xu Qingjiu saw a large patch of dampness on Xu Mulin's shoulder, and his eyes averted, with a bit of embarrassment on his face.

Xu Mulin followed Xu Qingjiu's line of sight, and smiled softly:"Qingjiu is a man, a real man, even if he bleeds. It doesn't matter, there's no harm in shedding some tears."

Xu Qingjiu was amused by Xu Mulin's words,"But in the drawing books, it was written, 'A man who bleeds but does not shed tears'’"

"Is that so?"Xu Mulin pretended to think for a moment and then continued:"But senior brother doesn't agree, what do Qingjiu think?"

Xu Qingjiu raised his hand to wipe his cheeks and said firmly:"A man is a true man, he will neither bleed nor shed tears."

Xu Mulin was amused by Xu Qingjiu's words, but he couldn't help but feel distressed when he looked at Xu Qingjiu's expression. His smile was a little forced, but when he thought about whether Xu Qingjiu might misunderstand him again, he smiled gently and said:" So much better. Seeing that dusk had come, and he would have to spend the night in the wilderness if he didn't go on the road, Xu Mulin had no choice but to say:"Qingjiu, let's go on our way first. It's getting dark, and we need to find a place to stay.""

"Well, let's go then, brother."

The two got on the horse. Xu Mulin pulled the horse rope and drove the horse to Xu Qingjiu's side. He said softly:"The sky is dark, so we can't move in a hurry...."Halfway through, Xu Mulin suddenly realized something and stopped talking.

"What's wrong, brother?"Xu Qingjiu asked with an inquiring look.

"Have I started nagging again?"Xu Mulin said with an embarrassed smile.

Xu Qingjiu didn't want to respond to Xu Mulin's question too seriously, but just joked:"Senior brother, did you just find yourself nagging today? But I'm used to it, and I feel strange if I don't listen to my senior brother's nagging."

After hearing what Xu Qingjiu said, Xu Mulin was stunned for a moment, and then laughed out loud. Xu Mulin said with a smile:"In this case, I will nag you every day to see if you will be annoyed."

"Even though the senior brother was nagging, Qingjiu was all ears."With that said, Xu Qingjiu tucked his horse under his belly and drove away.

Xu Mulin followed closely behind and continued what he had just finished saying,"It is not safe to rush at night, so Qingjiu should go slower."

The horse's hooves ran towards the distance in the afterglow, but after all, before they could get very far, the sky was still dark. Fortunately, the moon was full today, and the sky was dark for a while. When the moonlight shone down, the two teenagers started walking again. We continued walking in the light.

When we arrived at Jiangning Mansion, there were no pedestrians on the street, and the vendors who set up stalls had packed up and were getting ready to go home. However, many shops were still open. Occasionally, I passed by one or two streets, and there were many vendors selling their stalls. The stall was attracting people passing by. The two of them walked to a stall selling noodle soup. The boss greeted him enthusiastically:"You two gentlemen, would you like to try our noodle soup? You two have traveled a lot, so let's have some." The heat warms the body."

Xu Mulin turned around and looked at Xu Qingjiu next to him, and asked softly:"Does Qingjiu want to eat this?"