Catalog of the Lost - a searing epic

Yoni can't remember how long he hadn't looked in the mirror, probably in his youth, the moment he found that his appearance was much older than his actual age, he began to deliberately avoid everything that reflected his appearance, although his body was still strong, but the face that he didn't know who he inherited made him feel physically disgusted, and as for the reason for the disgust, he still does not know.

Before the age of fourteen, Leda was basically repeating the life of Yuni before the age of fourteen, she had a strong personality, full of swearing, and was not interested in learning knowledge at all, but when she heard the news that someone was fighting, she would definitely rush over, even if the crowd of the fight had subsided, she still had to go up and find someone to kick twice, so that she naturally did not fall behind in the fight, and the premature development of the female body made all the teenagers of the same age in the fortress afraid to communicate with her, and over time, she was isolated by her peers because of her personality, even as the daughter of the leader Yuni。

At the age of fourteen, when Lenda realizes that no one around her wants to approach her, the curse-like number that haunts both father and daughter, Lieda does what Yuni did at her age.

Instead of rushing into the crowd of people fighting each other, Leda chose to watch them from afar, wait until the strife ceased, and then leave silently, she began to stop in the corners that no one approached, thinking about the advanced questions that did not belong to her age, and gradually she began to think that fighting was a stupid thing.

When Leda realized this, she began to sneak out of the fortress regularly, sneaking into the mountains and forests near the fortress, climbing the highest mountain, climbing the tallest tree, sitting on the branches, and looking into the distance without saying a word.

This period of time Yuni and Leda were no different, the only difference was that during this period Yuni became acquainted with Sheral Instein, broadened his horizons and knowledge through communication with him, and in the time that followed without Sheral's company, he filled all his spare time and enjoyed it.

However, it was not long before Yoni witnessed the massacre of Korsobia, and he witnessed the cruelty of the world for the first time, realizing that the only way to survive was to fight what he considered stupid, and then Anz Filin led an army against the barbarians, and in the precarious situation, the leader Yurkoro fell ill and died.

In order to survive, Yoni had to give up research as a source of his happiness.

At that time, Yoni was already able to think calmly, observe everyone with a cold gaze, and he regarded all the barbarians as a group of inconspicuous waste, and after defeating every contender for the position of leader with overwhelming strength, he started a long battle as the leader of the barbarians.

After the battle, Yoni tries to regain his former source of happiness, but when he sees his research hut covered in cobwebs, he realizes that he will never be able to regain the feeling he had felt again.

In the same year, Yoni married the daughter of an ordinary farmer and gave birth to a daughter the following year, named Lieda, although the surname could be replaced by Yoni by this time, Yoni insisted on using the surname Yurkoro.

Lenda's birth did not bring anything to Yuni, as if everything about him was doomed after witnessing the massacre of Korsobia, the truth he comprehended in blood became his thoughts, and countless deaths made him stubbornly deny life before thinking about the meaning of life, so after Lenda's birth, Yuni's first thought was to blame himself.

It can be said that Yoni never knew the weight of the word responsibility, whether it was the responsibility of being a leader or the responsibility of a father, he was the leader who became a father in order to survive, and he became a father, just emulating the actions of his parents.

Slowly, as Lenda grew up, escape turned into a one-sided cold violence by his father against his daughter, escaping from ignoring and perfunctory harm to his daughter's childhood, and coming up with countless high-sounding reasons to comfort himself, so as to seek a trace of spiritual comfort and understanding.

The

first time the father and daughter had an open exchange was during the period when Lieda slipped out of the fortress, and the advice of the elders could not shake Lenda, and in desperation, they had no choice but to find Yuni to persuade her.

It didn't take long for Yuni to look for Ledda, as if some kind of bond between father and daughter told him where Leda was, and there Yuni saw the tree again, which was apparently a few feet taller and more leafy than it had been in the intervening period between the age of fourteen and the arrival of Sheral Instein.

Instead of climbing the branch, Yoni shouted under the tree, "Go back, Leda!"

Leda showed no signs of moving, and said, "It's still early, Yuni, come up and sit with me a little longer." "

"I didn't agree to let you call me by my name. Despite saying this, Yuni's mood relaxed.

"Don't you call Grandpa's name every day?".

"That's me, I'm because..."

"Then I have the same reason as you, if you don't want to forgive grandpa, then I won't forgive you because of grandpa, and when you forgive grandpa, I will call you dad. "

The corners of Yoni's mouth unconsciously raised, and his hands and feet touched the tree, and before he could climb, he shouted upwards, "This threat is not enough!".

"That's a lot better than no method, and there's one anyway, so let's try it first. "

"Smart, let's call it like that first, I don't care anyway. "

"You're like this again", Lieda lowered her head in disappointment, and when she came back to her senses, Yuni was already sitting next to her, her eyes were fixed in the distance, Lieda felt warmth for a moment, a smile appeared on her face, and then continued, "Now, Yuni, have you ever cared about anything in your life? You don't care about your mother, you don't care about me, you don't care about everyone in the city, what do you care about? Or is it just you, that's so pitiful." "

"Little fart boy, the hair below is here to talk to me before it grows, I just know that there is no food, you, your mother, everyone in your mouth will starve to death, I have done my best to prevent you from starving to death, and it is just a matter of not getting your gratitude, and it is too much to be threatened by you. "

"What do you do your best, your words, you can do anything, mom is afraid of you, I'm not afraid, who called us father and daughter?".

"Okay, it's nice to be recognized as an all-powerful person by your own daughter", as if affected by the atmosphere, Yoni said uncontrollably, "Wait until the day you die, you will know that your father is just a waste who can't do anything." "

Eda suddenly felt that something was wrong, turned to Yuni, and pleaded, "Dad, don't say that, I said it wrong, take back what you just said, okay?"

"I'm just stating the facts, but don't you think about it, isn't Yurkoro's death the same thing? If I could have gone to find Sherral decisively, instead of watching him die in front of him, he would have survived, and your grandmother, I shouldn't have let her go to the blacksmith to help, or I wouldn't have been burned through her stomach by the hot iron." "

Yuni's words became more and more self-reproachful, and Leda also felt sad, and she comforted her with softer words, "It's not your fault, Dad, don't blame yourself. "

Yuni seemed to have a feeling of breaking the jar, and replied with a shake of his head: "I'm not blaming myself, as you said, I only care about myself, if you don't mention it, I won't think of Yurkoro, and I won't think of your grandmother because of it." "

Realizing that the mistake she had made was irreparable, Leda thought back to a story they had both heard, a bedtime story that Ledda's grandmother, Yoni's mother, had heard countless times as children.

"Once upon a time, in a hidden mountain at the edge of the world..."

"You don't have to tell me this old fairy tale like your grandmother, it's useless. "

In the face of Yuni's boredom, Leda did not stop, and continued: "A long, long time ago, in a hidden mountain at the edge of the world, the blonde Liberodis was born in a pool of turquoise water, and from the moment he opened his eyes, he was destined to fall in love with this world and everything in it, so in order to protect everything he loved, he drew a sword that only a hero can draw. ..."

"When you are in a desperate situation and in despair, Liberodius will dispel the gloom and bring you the dawn of a new life, even if it is the eternal night that you can't see your fingers, but still bring you a thousand rays of light. "

Yoni's mouth slowly read the beginning of the story, and the memories flashed in front of his eyes one by one, staring at everything he had experienced, and he did not have any nostalgia.

"We didn't seem to like this story when we were children, but when we become adults, it's not too much to have this story in our heads a thousand times", after the pictures were played, everything around him became blank, Yuni sighed deeply, and stretched out his hand to Lieda, who was standing beside him and had been watching him, "Let's go, I'll tell you this story slowly, in grandma's voice." "

Leda took a step back behind her, shook her head, and said, "Don't lie to yourself anymore, Dad, you know, I wasn't there, I died a year ago, and when the Imperials attacked the fortress, my mother and I secretly escaped, and then the giants followed. "

"I know, and I didn't want to run away from it, so now the two of us will sit down and talk impatiently in the time we can't see," and suddenly, as if thinking of something, Yuni turned to Leda and asked, "Am I not dead again?"

Leda nodded.

Yuni sighed angrily, feeling very disappointed that he did not die, and sat down directly, and complained sullenly: "Since this is not the heaven in the mouth of those clergy, and you are not the angel who came to pick me up, then why are you here?".

"Because I love you, Daddy, it's quite numb, isn't it", Lieda slowly knelt down in front of Yuni, her gentle expression was like her grandmother, and then like a mother's persuasion, she said to Yuni, "You know everything, that's why it's hard to accept, why you don't want to love, the past has become a curse that binds you, reason is the only thing you can fight against, but in the process of confrontation, you are very painful, and you want to end it completely through death countless times." "

"It's useless to talk about it now, I have to live again, but it's good, you should be sure when you see you here, you are..."

Leda shook her head and replied with a wry smile: "I'm not, Dad, you never regarded me as an important person from beginning to end, you have been running away from me, even denying my existence, including now, you see me only because you have an inseparable obsession with yourself, you want to die like the hero Liberodius, but you have never loved anyone, so you have used me to fulfill your desire to die in glory." "

"Sure enough, I'm really a hopeless scumbag", after a short silence, Yuni clenched his fists, tears flowed out of the corners of his eyes uncontrollably, he blocked his eyes with his fists, not to stop the tears, but to not be seen by Leda The eyes full of self-blame, "Hate me, Leda, hate me for bringing you into this world, it doesn't matter if you curse me not to die well, after all, you live like a bird in a cage in this life." "

"I said it a long time ago", Leda slowly moved her hands closer to Yuni's face, swept away his eye-blocking fists, and finally fixed them on the sides of Yuni's cheeks, "Dad, one day in the future, you will fall in love with me in your memories again, and the mental torture will definitely make you more painful, so even if you only live for yourself, I will definitely forgive you, because I love you and only hope that you can live happily." "

"Leda... Lenda", Yuni called his daughter's name, but the whole time, he never raised his head to meet his daughter's face, he buried his head in the crook of his daughter's arm, hugged her, cried, begged for her forgiveness, "Forgive me, I am so miserable, it's not that I don't want to love you, but when I think that I have never brought any happiness to your life, I can't forgive myself, I know that you will experience endless pain, but I still bring you into this world, but... I've done my best just to keep you alive, ahhh Leda... Leda... Leda!".

The figure of his daughter suddenly disappeared in Yuni's arms, and he shouted Lieda's name around like crazy, but only Lenda's voice answered him.

"It's okay, Dad, it's okay. "

"Leda ——!".

Yoni screamed, opened his eyes, the muddy water flowing from the ground poured into his mouth, his vision was black and red, followed by excruciating pain in his body, and he tried to calm himself down as he observed his surroundings.

Yuni tried to move, but his limbs seemed to be pinched, and then he realized that he seemed to have something heavy on him, and turned his head to see a familiar guy firmly pressed against him.

"Emer?".