I will not die!

As the last person left, the funeral was finally over. Just like the funerals of strangers I had attended, I just followed the rules and did what I was supposed to do throughout the whole process, without any transgression or abnormality. It was very ordinary, as if the person who died had nothing to do with me..

My father and I returned to our original home. We have been busy with the funeral for the past two days. We only exchanged a few words in between. Because the company only gave us so many holidays, I had already booked my return ticket when I came. Right now, this is my last night at home.

My father simply cooked a few dishes, then sat at right angles to me at the dining table and ate without saying a word, picking up vegetables, chewing, picking up rice, chewing, picking up vegetables...

I repeated this set of actions mechanically, Like an assembly line worker.

The father poured a glass of wine and took a sip. As if he had finally made up his mind, he finally spoke.

"Guangyuan, you also know that your father and I have no ability and can't make much money, so I can only put my hope in you. I hope you will become talented, capable and make a lot of money. However, it doesn’t matter if you don’t make a lot of money. It’s actually not bad if you can live a healthy life.

"You have to eat enough every day. You have been thin since you were a child and don’t like eating. This is not good for your health. Don’t be cold. Look at what you are wearing now. You only wear this little. If you are cold, you will catch a cold easily. If you catch a cold, you will catch a cold. Diseases come with it. Most diseases start from a cold."

"If you see someone you like, just go for it. What are you afraid of? You are not ugly, and you don’t lack anything. If you talk to people more, maybe you can become one? If you both like them, treat them well. If you really don't like them, don't force them. You will always find someone you like, and there's no rush."

"The key is not to break the law……"

As a farmer who has been busy making a living all his life, my father certainly couldn’t say anything thought-provoking. The so-called life experience, in summary, was nothing more than clichés that I had already heard, which were dismissed by the arrogance in my heart. Later, he was burned to death by contempt again.

When he finally finished speaking, I replied in time

"Um."I said in a voice as small as a mosquito.

My father heard it, nodded, and said nothing more. He picked up the bottle and wanted to pour the wine, but suddenly paused and looked at me, but in the end, he I still just poured some into my own cup.

I drank cartoned milk when I was eating. When my father raised the cup, I picked up the milk at the same time. I drank the contents in one gulp and then continued on. He lowered his head and ate quietly. My father was still drinking his bitter wine, bit by bit. He drank a small glass of wine for about half a minute and still didn't finish it.

Of course I knew that he worked very hard. , I also know that his efforts have benefited others, that he has been coughing since a certain period, that his limbs are getting thinner and thinner, that his hair is getting less and less, his teeth are getting yellower, and his skin is getting darker. My hair is getting wrinkled, my eyes are getting blurry, my back is getting crooked, and my words are getting less and less...

I know all this, but what can I do?

Companion?

I can't do it at all.

I've always been alone. I don’t know how to accompany someone at all

……

Lonely?

We have been close friends for a long time and cannot be separated at all.

No, it’s me who doesn’t want to separate

……

When the last drop of wine in the glass was completely consumed, a tear slipped quietly from the corner of my father's eyes into the bottom of the glass.

He wiped his nose and added a little more to the cup

……

After my mother's funeral, I returned to my ordinary daily life and devoted myself wholeheartedly to my work, day after day, year after year, tirelessly and without boredom.

Guangyuan, please excuse me for this.

Guangyuan, did you read that message?

Guangyuan, where is the data I asked you for before.

Guangyuan? Light is far away. Guangyuan! Light is far away. Guangyuan? Guangyuan, would you like some coffee?

It's so noisy.

Guangyuan, help me do this.

Guangyuan, I received the next message.

Guangyuan, let’s go have dinner together?

Guangyuan, want to watch a movie?

Guangyuan, how was the last report?

Guangyuan? Light is far away. Guangyuan! Light is far away. Guangyuan? Guangyuan, can you fish...

Guangyuan. Guangyuan? Guangyuan! Guangyuan? Light is far away. Guangyuan, there is a concert, we can’t go together... It’s so noisy...

Guangyuan, how is the mission accomplished? Can you do a little bit for me? I have something urgent this week, just a little bit.

Guangyuan, do you eat this every day?

Guangyuan, I don’t have much energy today.

Guangyuan, do you want to go singing K together tonight?

Guangyuan, God damn it, there is a BUG again, oh, even if it is a big problem, it needs to be fixed quickly, why don’t other games not have it!

Guangyuan, my God, why are the dark circles under your eyes so heavy? How long have you not slept?

Guangyuan, thank you!

Guangyuan, do me a favor and treat you to dinner next time.

Guangyuan, I’m going to trouble you again.

Guangyuan, are you okay?

Guangyuan? Light is far away. Guangyuan! Light is far away. Guangyuan? Guangyuan, skewers or hot pot, vote quickly...

Haha, Guangyuan, do you plan to live alone for the rest of your life?

Isn't it?

Noisy, dead!

……

Really annoying.

A troublesome bunch. A bunch of things that get in my way. A group of things that suppress me. A bunch of things that limit me. A bunch of things to teach me. A bunch of things that yelled at me. A bunch of things that demean me. A bunch of things that criticize me. A bunch of things that look down on me. A bunch of things that look down on me. A bunch of things that despise me. A bunch of things that look down on me. A bunch of things that hate me. A bunch of things that hate me. A group of things that deny me everything.

Don't bother me! Don't get in my way! Don't suppress me! Don't limit me! Don't teach me a lesson! Don't scold me! Don't belittle me! Don't criticize me! Don't despise me! Don't look down on me! Don't look down on me! Don't underestimate me! Don't hate me! Don't hate me! Don't deny me! very noisy. very noisy. very noisy. very noisy. very noisy. very noisy. So noisy...

Guangyuan. Guangyuan! Guangyuan? Light is far away. Guangyuan! Guangyuan? Guangyuan... don't call my name again!

Don't call my name again!

Don't call my name!

Shut up - who do you think you are? Who do you think you are?

Why do you call me by my name? What qualifications do you have to call me by my name!

Please... just say goodbye to me.

That's good, that's enough……

……

I sat up suddenly from the bed. The constant voices in my head made me extremely irritable. I looked at the time and saw that it was already six o'clock in the morning. It seemed that today would be difficult again.

I turned on the computer and wanted to find something to do to kill time before going to work, but I looked around and couldn't find what I wanted to do. In the end, I just stared at the computer screen in a daze. As I watched, my eyes couldn't help but stop at the game engine. It has been more than a year since my mother passed away. Although I have already written the plan for the third game, I have never started to make it. I want to tell you the reason. , probably feeling tired.

In the final analysis, I don't like playing games that much. I prefer playing games to playing games. No, I don't actually like playing games that much. I used to like playing games, but it was just a good way to pass the time.

What I really like is nothing.

I just hate being bored.

So why did I play games so hard before? have no idea.

There is no need to know.

Time flies by, year after year, I repeat my eternal daily routine. How long have these days passed? And when will it end? Maybe it will be over when the world ends. Before that, I just have to wait quietly.

The company's operations have not always been static. There was even internal strife for a period, and many people resigned voluntarily or were forced to leave because of this. The whole company was panicked, but none of these things affected me. Anyway, even if I leave my job, I will just change my job. Even if I can’t find a job in the game industry, I can still do rubbish work with high repetitiveness or low technical content. Anyway, the legal minimum wage is enough for me to survive, and I am currently doing nothing but living. There's nothing else to do.

What if you can’t even find a junk job? What if even staying alive becomes a problem?

I didn't think about it anymore because I already knew the answer.

If I were gone that day, my father would have met the conditions for loneliness allowance, and his life in the future would not be too difficult.

Now, I just need to keep waiting, waiting for everything to pass eventually

……

Ding dong— my elevator is waiting. Just as the elevator door was about to close after I entered, a figure suddenly ran over. Seeing that he could not catch up, I hurriedly pressed the door-open button. The elevator door opened again, and by coincidence, the person who came was my boss.

Seeing that he was his employee, he cordially thanked me.

"No."I said.

After he entered the elevator, we leaned against the wall one on the left and the other on the right.When the elevator door closed, he suddenly said again:"Hey, Lao Guang, your team has been quite busy recently." After all, he has worked in this company for more than ten years, although he is still at the grassroots level, and because the company has a small number of people, There are many, so it’s not unusual to be remembered by the boss.

"fine"

"Oh... By the way, Lao Guang, are you married? I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned it."

"No"

"How old are you this year? not married yet?"

I thought for a moment and replied:"42.

He said in surprise:"Oh, you are quite old. I thought you were only in your thirties.""

I began to regret why I pressed the elevator button for him before, but fortunately, the elevator had arrived at this moment, and I walked away as if running away. Just when I thought it was over, he Stopped me

"Wait, Lao Guang, let’s talk again"

"I have something else to do……"

"Why are you anxious? The big thing that is happening to you right now is what you should be anxious about, okay? The boss suddenly thought of something and asked in a low voice:"Don't you like women?""

I shook my head hastily,"No."

"Ah, do you want to be a bachelor for the rest of your life?"

"It's just, simple, I haven't found anything I like."

"I see, even if you haven't encountered it, you wouldn't dare to chase it if you did. I understand, even introverts like you are like this, but this kind of problem cannot be introverted. Although you are in your forties now, luckily it is not obvious in appearance. If you don't do something, you will really be a bachelor for the rest of your life.! Aren't you afraid that you will die? Aren't you afraid that if you die that day, no one will collect your body?"

Facing the boss's sincere question, I was speechless.

Because I am really not afraid.

Seeing that I had nothing to say, the boss put on a very loyal attitude and said:"You are also an old employee of our company. You have gone through all the ups and downs of the company, and your contribution is indispensable for the company to be what it is today. So, let me see if I can help with your matter. I hurriedly tried to dissuade him,"

Don't bother."……"

"No need to say these polite words, I know you are embarrassed to say what you are thinking, but old man, this kind of thing is really not something to be taken lightly. This is a major event related to the rest of your life!"

After that, the boss asked me to go do my own thing first, and he was going back to the office.

Looking at his leaving figure, I couldn't help but think about the meaning behind his words just now. He was really concerned about my marriage. Or do you have other plans? Forget it, even if he wants to help me, he is not that easy to help. Even if the age issue is put aside, who would like me as a person.